Thursday, December 16, 2010

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

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The Naughty Nurse is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!



DISCLAIMER:

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.



Is it possible to be born without a G-spot? I've done everything possible to find mine, and no dice. I feel a little left out.

I can imagine that you do feel left out, so hopefully we can remedy this situation. My guess is that you just haven't been able to find exactly where it is, because sometimes it can be elusive. Hopefully, the information in this answer will help you remedy that situation.

The G-spot, or Grafenburg spot, is not an actual organ, or entity--it is actually an area of tissue that becomes highly sensitized when a woman is sexually aroused. If you tried to find your G-spot at this very moment, unless you were really turned on, you would most likely miss it. The other problem is that the tissue in the G-spot area doesn't always react in the same way every time. So much of its location depends upon the level of arousal in a woman.

That being said, the G-spot area is typically a patch of skin along the vaginal wall between the vagina and the bladder, directly behind your pubic bone. Depending upon the size of your lover's, or your, hand, it might be nearly impossible to reach. The more aroused/engorged you are, the easier it is to find. If you try to find it yourself, slide your finger along the top of your vagina, where you feel your pubic bone--your finger will be pointing up towards your clitoris. There are also great G-spot vibrators designed to reach the elusive area.

I recommend that you schedule yourself some alone time, and get really worked up--whatever it is that turns you on. When you're feeling like your body is nearing the O point, that's the time to go hunting for your G-spot. Get yourself a G-spot vibrator, and work it in the general area behind your pubic bone. Sometimes, you'll know that you hit it, because it feels like you need to pee. You won't pee, but you should hit the jackpot. Stimulate that area and your clit simultaneously, and you will likely experience a G-spot orgasm. You'll know it when you feel it--incredibly intense. If you don't succeed the first time, keep trying. Under the right circumstances, it will happen.

For more in depth assistance on this issue, I suggest going to the website:
http://www.the-clitoris.com/n_html/female_ejaculation_2.htm. It is a wonderful resource.


I am one of the few women that ejaculate or "squirt" when they come ... how can I stop this from happening ?
-and-
I am desperate (and apparently broken).

I'm a twenty-something year old virgin and so yeah, a couple times a month I masturbate. However, whenever I get close to coming I... squirt like Old Faithful.

At first, I couldn't figure out what was going on and wanted it to stop, but after reading tons of articles about how beautiful and sensual it is, I've kind of come to terms with the fact that it isn't going to go away unless I have some pretty intensive surgery (no matter how much I hate it).

The biggest nuisance about it (now that I've accepted I have to have 2-3 towels underneath me when I touch myself), is that for most women it seems like squirting is the most intense kind of orgasm they have. Whereas for me, I don't even think I'm orgasming (unless it really isn't as exciting as everyone makes it out to be). I kind of just squirt and then am done... I wait a minute, try again and again, but the same thing happens every time.

Since I'm a virgin, I don't really want to try any penetrating vaginal stimulation with toys (I'm perhaps one of a few women who actually want it to hurt the first time). I've tried the wonderful water jets in my bathtub, and found out that you can, in fact, squirt inside water and still manage not to orgasm.

So yeah, my question is am I doomed to a life of non-orgasming squirting? Will this change if/when I find myself a man? Will the squirting ever stop when I'm older? Will it stop if there's a penis inside me? I'd really love public sex to be an option one day...

So, two questions about squirting. Two questions about how to be normal. Before I even begin to cover the topic of squirting, I want to emphasize--and I can hardly do this strongly enough--neither one of you is broken, so you don't need fixing. While it isn't a phenomenon that all women experience, it doesn't mean you are weird, gross, or broken in any way. Your physical responses are something over which you have no control; it's almost like being embarrassed that one of your breasts is larger than the other. You simply are what you are, and that can never, ever be a bad thing. Please understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with either of you. Also, trust me when I say that somewhere out there is a guy who's going to be incredibly stoked to find out that he will know every single time whether or not you've come, because the evidence doesn't lie. *Nurse Kimpy steps down from her speaker's podium*

That being said, let's tackle the topic of squirting. In medical literature, squirting is referred to as "female ejaculation." Instead of being released from the vagina, the ejaculate comes from the urethra, or the opening to the bladder. I need to emphasize that, while it does originate from the urethra, female ejaculate is not urine. The video below goes through some specifics about female ejaculation, and I found it to be informative and helpful. I hope you feel the same way. Keep in mind that the video is NSFW, as is pretty much everything I write about.



You mention that you need several towels underneath you when you have an orgasm, and I have to tell you that the range of fluid released during a female ejaculation can be as little as a few drops, to as much as two cups. Two cups, or 16 ounces, is a lot of fluid to release, which explains why you likely need 2-3 towels beneath you. I also have to emphasize that while it is a lot of fluid, it is within the range of normal limits, so there is no concern that something is somehow wrong with the way you are wired.

I encourage you to start working on this issue by focusing on clitoral orgasms, since you're fairly certain you aren't having orgasms now. I appreciate that, as a virgin, you don't want to use a vibrator in your vagina, so as to keep your hymen intact. However, many women use vibrators on their clit alone to achieve an orgasm, and this is what I recommend for you. It is possible that you're simply wired to ejaculate easily, and those muscles could be relaxing and allowing the ejaculate to happen just before you have an orgasm, so you're missing the muscular cascade that women experience during orgasm, or the "The Big O."

Get yourself a vibrator, even something as easy as a small vibrator that you attach to your fingertip (it's very discrete, if that is a concern for you). Use a water-based, long lasting lubricant, and focus on stimulating your clit. (NOTE: Both fingertip vibrators and long-lasting lube can be found at most drugstores, like Target or Walgreens. They should be located in the same aisle as condoms and/or tampons). Keep going, stimulating your clit, even if it feels like you need to pee. If you start to ejaculate, as per your usual routine, continue to keep your vibrator on your clit--push through the ejaculation. My guess is that if you keep the stimulation up, you will eventually ejaculate and orgasm. Hopefully, this will allow you to get to the "O" face you desire.

Another thing you should consider is doing Kegel exercises, which tone up your pelvic muscles, and can help give you more control when you're having sex or orgasming. More about Kegels, and female ejaculation, can be found at this website: http://www.the-clitoris.com/n_html/female_virginity_2.htm#kegels

To answer your final questions:

1. Am I doomed to a life of non-orgasming squirting? I certainly hope not; between learning how to have clitoral orgasms, Kegels, and more about the female orgasmic response, my guess is that we can learn how to overcome this issue for you.

2. Will this change if/when I find myself a man? I honestly don't know the answer to that, but my guess is that anything you learn on your own about your orgasmic response will be enhanced if/when you have sex. I don't think you will suddenly stop squirting, but I do think you will be able to achieve more satisfying orgasms over time. So, orgasms might change/be enhanced, but squirting probably will not.

3. Will the squirting ever stop when I'm older? As you age, and enter menopause, your vaginal secretions and sexual responsiveness diminish gradually, so it is possible that your squirting reflex will diminish as well. There aren't really any data in the literature that cover this topic, so I'm not sure what the appropriate medical response to your question would be.

4. Will it stop if there's a penis inside of me? The simple fact that you have a penis inside of you doesn't provide a barrier against ejaculating, since the ejaculate is coming out of the urethra and the penis will be in your vagina. I'm not certain if having vaginal sex will mean that you ejaculate a smaller quantity of fluid; only time will tell.

5. Will public sex ever be an option for me? Again, that all depends upon you, your partner, the location, and how your sexual response changes, or not, over time. If squirting doesn't resolve for you, however, I encourage you to think creatively in order to have sex outside. Think about being in a pool, a natural body of water, or a whirlpool. An outdoor shower. Near the beach, where you can lay on towels and then quickly run into the water when you're finished. Don' deny yourself something you really want to experience simply because you tend to ejaculate. Figure out a way to make it work for you!

So, to summarize... squirting isn't something to be embarrassed about. There are some guys whose eyes will bug out of their sockets in delight when your secret is revealed. Because of that, educate yourself on the whole issue of squirting and its potential benefits, so you can feel special about your unique ability. Work on doing your Kegels, and refining your orgasmic response. Finally, maybe you need to work on orgasming with more frequency, which might minimize or lessen the amount (in volume) of your ejaculate. You are not broken, you are gifted Please remember that.

I have a question that has been nagging me for a while. I'm still a virgin so I can't answer this and I've tried googling but found nothing that could help me... However, in Fic the guy is almost always half-way in before he reaches the hymen... and he always feels a barrier... now if I were the sort of writer who wanted to write a realistic first time would that be true? Because according to the poor info I could gather the hymen is a fold of mucous membrane that surrounds or partially covers the external vaginal opening.(Wikipedia) so shouldn't it be broken the moment the penis is in? If there even is a Hymen still (I practice biking so I'm guessing mine could be long gone)

The hymen is a small expanse of skin that partially covers the entrance to the vagina. By "entrance," I mean "outside," so it is, in essence, the very first thing a penis will encounter before it enters the vagina. It's the door the peen knocks on that very first time, when you invite it in for a nice little spell. As such, you are absolutely correct--it is broken the moment the penis enters the vagina. Clearly, the fic that you've been reading is wildly inaccurate if a guy's penis is half way inside before it reaches the hymen, because that's physically impossible.


The hymen causes all kinds of issues for people for being such a tiny piece of skin! For some women, especially those who have small hymens, it is easy to tear it by simply using tampons, your fingers, or a vibrator. For others, the hymen can almost completely cover the opening of the vagina. These variations are likely what contributes to some women's physical discomfort with losing their virginity, versus others who barely feel it. Bottom line? In the argument which came first, the hymen or the vagina, we can always, always answer:
The hymen. End of story.


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6 comments:

Anonymous said...

This was AWESOME. I'm a squirter myself. More at the 2-cups end of the spectrum. I've found guys that absolutely LOVE it. It's messy, yes, but it's not abnormal.

Kimpy0464 said...

THANK YOU. I'm so glad I did the topic justice! And, as a squirter who is both at peace with it AND knowing that guys love it, I appreciate your weighing in on the matter, so other women know it is nothing to be ashamed of. Messy, but not abnormal, too right. Thanks again for your comments!

dreaminofforks said...

Glad to see this topic addressed! I am also a squirter, or rather a gusher. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with it, but every guy I've squirted with has loved it too--including hubs. FWIW, we have an awesome waterproof blanket from Liberator that has really made things easier on us. I used to dread coming b/c then I'd have a big mess to clean up! Now I just throw the "mankie blankie" in the wash. :)

kimpy0464 said...

Once again, thank you squirters for coming (!) out of the woodwork! Your waterproof blankie idea is total win, and thank you for bringing it up. I'm sure your fellow squirters will be most appreciative. I'm also so glad you were able to come to terms with your ability--but seriously, the guys *do* love it.

julesames said...

I'm a squirter too. My boyfriend uses his fingers to make me squirt. I LOVE that i am, and my boyfriend does too. If I come lots (squirt lots) he always feels really good about himself. He knows exactly when I'm coming and if he keeps going, he knows he can prolong it.

I find that I don't squirt my juices out if we're having sex, or if I'm using a vibrator while lying down. However, I do squirt if I'm standing up using my vibrator.

kimpy0464 said...

I love it that all you squirters are coming forward in support of... squirting! It is so helpful for my readers who are feeling "broken" to know that you can live life fully and happily and still be a squirter. I *knew* there were lots of guys out there who are appreciative of your skills. Thank you so much for sharing!