Thursday, April 14, 2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy


Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!


The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

ANNK Note: In last week's post, I made a mistake. A reader was having trouble achieving orgasms with any sort of vaginal stimulation. In her question, she mentioned trying a rabbit vibrator. In my answer to her, I one of my ideas included a rabbit. Oh, bad Naughty Nurse Kimpy!! Sorry for the oversight. The rest of the information contained in my answer, specifically the suggestion of using an Eroscillator, still applies. I apologize for not being more thorough in my editing process. 

I received two helpful comments and suggestions from readers in the last week that I wanted to make sure to share with everyone:

One thing you should mention is to avoid jelly toys since they often contain harmful phthalates and are porous so really hard to disinfect. It was something I learned to late and wasted a lot of money because I went with pretty not knowing it was unsafe.

I'm surprised no one recommended the butterfly kiss for a virgin my god that thing is powerful at its highest setting and soft at its lowest perfect for a virgin. I love mine.

I was really hoping for more rabbit recommendations with out the animal stuff especially since the bunny ears do nothing for me, the butterfly wings rarely flutter and the elephant nose is usually to thin, etc, etc. Plus for a virgin a lot of them are so thick.

Love the column though and now I have some new toys to buy.

I have a tip for masturbation, something that I hear gets forgotten about- the rest of your body. Don't forget your other erogenous zones! Most women seem to go straight to the goody spot, and it gets the job done, but what about the build-up? To me, it's the same as foreplay with a partner. Touch your nipples, your stomach, your thighs- Anything that feels good. I guarantee that the end result will be that much better!

Now on to this week's questions:

I am one of those lucky, lucky gals that has a tendency to get post-coital bladder infections. (3 in in the first ten months of my first sexual activity.) And I was already doing everything the doc said to after the 1st one- pee before and after, shower right away, guzzle water. Some have been very painful, and it kinda kills the thrill. I had a pelvic/bladder exam and learned I am "normal," but just unlucky! The urologist gave me an antibiotic prescription (a pill) to pop post sex, and it has helped cut down on the frequency. But have still had 2 since I started the pills three years ago. The doc says just keep doing all that is listed above. Is there anything else I can do to try to further reduce the risk? Have had just one partner, ever, and we are both clean and tested. AND- do certain positions make it more likely for them to happen? I swear most have been after I was on top. (Was too shy to ask the doc about positions!!) Thanks for any advice.

I'm so glad you took the time to get everything checked out to get to the bottom of your Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) dilemma. You are doing everything right in order to prevent subsequent infections, so good for you. I'm just sorry it hasn't prevented the infections from reoccurring.

Positions shouldn't make a difference in preventing or causing more UTIs, JSYK.

In terms of preventing UTIs, I have one word for you, and it is very simple, but very important: CRANBERRIES. You see, Naughty Nurse Kimpy is one of those women who used to get UTIs ALL THE TIME. I came across some research that showed drinking cranberry juice on a daily basis could help reduce the frequency of UTIs. Since I've been doing that? I haven't had a UTI in years (at last glance, it's been 12 years now). If you aren't a huge fan of cranberry juice, there is something very exciting that I just learned about: cranberry capsules. That’s correct--you can swallow it down in a nice, easy, vitamin-like pill, too. I encourage you to try either cranberry juice or cranberry pills, and hopefully it will help you. Please let me know if it does, or doesn't; that way, we can do some more trouble-shooting for you. GOOD LUCK!

Ok, I don't know if you can help me with this issue or not, but here goes...

My best friend of six years told me she wants to have a girl-on-girl experience (a just-this-once kind of thing with another straight girl). We've always been fairly open with each other about sex (as in, we bought our vibrators together and compare favorite porn sites), so she's been talking about this with me a lot. We're in college, where experimentation's pretty common, so I'm mostly like, "yeah, you go girl!" But there is a part of me (a small part, please don't think I'm a horrible person!) that is just a teensy tiny bit squicked out. I know it's completely my problem, and I feel guilty that I even have to ask about this, because she has every right to do whatever she wants in the bedroom and I have no right to judge.

So what I'm looking for is, essentially, how can I get over my closed-mindedness and support her like a good BFF should? I don't want this to affect our relationship...

Thank you so much for your question, and for trusting me enough to feel safe in asking it. Please be assured that I'm not here to pass judgment on your thoughts or feelings, and that I will answer your question as thoughtfully as possible.

I think the most important aspect about your quandary is separating out the behavior from the person. You can like a person, but feel uncomfortable about how they act. For example, your best friend might be an amazing person, but she has a tendency to talk loudly during a movie when you see it in the theatre. This trait might be really embarrassing to you, but you still love your friend. Well, sexuality works the same way--you can like the friend, but feel uncomfortable about her sexual proclivities. What matters, in the end, is how you decide to act upon your discomfort, and how that might affect your friendship.

Perhaps it will help you a little more if we review the Kinsey Scale. For those readers who haven't heard of it before, The Kinsey Scale was developed and published by Alfred Kinsey in 1948. The Kinsey Scale rates sexual orientation on a 6 point scale. On one end, 0, people are exclusively heterosexual. On the other end, 6, individuals are exclusively homosexual. In between these two extremes, however, lies a great deal of variety. One of the most important things Kinsey was able to show society is that, for most individuals, sexuality isn't black and white--very few of us are classified as a 0 or a 6. For the first time, science illustrated that distinctions of normal versus abnormal regarding sexual behavior were essentially meaningless. It was groundbreaking stuff.
Bringing this back to your friend... in your question, you mentioned she wants to have a same sex experience with another girl who is straight, as a means of experimentation. Viewed on the Kinsey Scale, your friend could be a 1 or a 2. That's a long way from a 6. In the scheme of things, not really all that squicky, you know? So, telling your friend, "You go, girl!" would be the supportive and kind action of a good friend.

There are so many values that we humans tend to tie up in words. For example, why is the word lesbian so value-laden, when the word sweater is not? They're both just nouns, after all. I have a lot of gay friends. When we go out to a bar, they think nothing of a quick casual hook-up. That is something I probably wouldn't do myself. Does it change the nature of our friendship? Absolutely not. I love them for who they are, even if we're different in some ways. Being bi-curious doesn't change any of the reasons you became friends in the first place--she is fundamentally exactly the same person.

Try to think of it in terms of something simple. Pretend your friend decided to start eating Cap'n Crunch for breakfast instead of oatmeal. Do you condemn her for switching to a sugared cereal for breakfast? No. Why should making other choices in her life be any different? Unless her choices and decisions have a direct impact upon you, the matter is really a non-issue. I suggest that you go ahead with the "You go, girl" talk and put your discomfort in a file folder in your mind. I'm not saying you need to suddenly be okay with everything, but rather that you can accept your friend's curiosities while still having that place to store your discomfort in your brain; they aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. The difference is that you are owning your thoughts internally, while supporting your friend externally. This doesn't mean you suddenly have no integrity, either. Think of all the things you actively think about a friend, but never put into words: "Wow, her new hair color is not attractive," or "she really shouldn't wear that shirt." To me, it's all just a matter of what we choose to say to our friends, and what we choose to keep private--it's about how you decide to apply your internal filtering mechanism.

Sometimes, changing our views about a subject is a matter of re-conditioning our brains. Think of all the negative messages you may have heard over the years about gay people, especially when you were a child. That kind of conditioning can be difficult to overcome. One of our lovely Pervs at the Shack, Chele, brought this website to my attention: Live Laugh Love Lesbians; I think it might be just what you need to get you past the negative images you may have regarding girl-on-girl sex. This is a collection of beautiful, tasteful, thoughtful images of women, and I encourage you to take your time, peruse what’s there, and appreciate it for what it is. It’s not that you need to change your orientation, just learn to appreciate why your BFF might be bi-curious.

Dear Naughty Nurse, what sexual positions are fine to use during your third trimester of pregnancy? Or should my husband and I just stick to blowing each other?

I think that you and your husband should focus on having the kind of sex you want to in this last trimester. If you want to have vaginal sex, have vaginal sex. If you want to blow each other, go for it. The only caveat about having third trimester sex is finding a position that is comfortable for you. Here are some of the best positions that I've found:

1. The Spoon: Both of you on your sides, slipping the peen in from behind. Minimal discomfort on your hips and uterus.

2. The Bend-Me-Over-And-Give-It-To-Me: The weight of the fetus shifts upward in this position, away from the cervix, so there isn't as much pressure. Bend over a headboard, counter, bench, you name it, anything that works for both of you.

3. Doggie Style: A perennial favorite. Because a pregnant woman's pelvic ligaments have loosened considerably in preparation for labor and delivery, though, this position can be tricky for some of us. Just proceed with caution until you know that it's the right choice for you and your partner.

4. The Edge Of The Bed: Lying face up, scoot your bum to the edge of the bed and lift your knees. Your partner enters as he would if you were missionary style.

Some sites will advocate for the woman on top, straddling her partner. I would avoid that one, because it puts a lot of pressure on the cervix, which can be painful.

I think the very best advice I can give about pregnancy during sex is to simply try a position out to see if it can work for you. If not? Try something else. If vaginal sex isn't going to be comfortable, no matter what? Opt for mutual masturbation and/or oral sex. Orgasms while pregnant can be intense and amazing, so I encourage you not to forego it altogether unless your obstetrician tells you otherwise. For some women, sex/orgasms during pregnancy are a big no-no, because it could put them at risk for premature labor. So, get the okay from your doctor, and have fun experimenting!!


Rebecca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rebecca said...

I had a friend of a friend who often got UTIs following sex no matter what also. She began drinking cranberry juice everyday but this actually lead to other problems. Her doctor's suggestion was to drink cranberry juice every other day, mixing it up with apple or grape juice. Plus I'm sure it also helps the monotany of the same glass of juice every day.

kimpy0464 said...

Good to know, Rebecca. Thanks for your comment. For some people, they are just prone t get UTIs, no matter what they do. *sigh*

Anonymous said...

Another cause of a UTI could be a case of the "honeymooners" where you and your partner go without intercourse for so long and then when you do go at it, you mimic fanfic and basically give yourself an infection. This might be something you deal with if in the time you are feeling the pain of a UTI, you hold off on intercourse.

My OBGYN said the best thing to do if this is the case, is to keep your lady bits warmed up while you are away from your man with a toy so its less of a shock when penetration occurs.

If you don't want to use a toy for personal reasons, then my OBGYN suggested that the first time you and your man get together after a break, the intercourse should be short and sweet and well lubricated to prevent pain and rubbing from the 'foreign object.' Obviously later interactions can be longer and more ala fanfic style, but you want to ease your body into it, especially if its been awhile for your hooha.