Monday, May 2, 2011

Team Anything Goes: Non-Canon Pairings


Team Anything Goes wants to shine a spotlight on our favorite fics featuring Non-Canon pairings. That’s right, Ed/Bella lovers get out now or buckle up ‘cause things are about to get bumpy or really fucking sexy.

Not everyone sees the potential of non-Canon couples, especially because it has little to no basis in the books/movies themselves. However, sometimes all it takes is a look, a line or the need to see to hot characters get it on that can spark the love of a non-canon ship.

Open your mind, and legs while we take you through a gallery of delicious smutty fics featuring pairings that may make you go hmm, but are also guaranteed to make you go UNF!

Title: Come Clean
Author: shalu
Pairing: Emmett/Esme

Come Clean has all kinds of stuff going for it - a little bit of Mrs. Robinson, tons of UST, positive male role models for a teenage boy, and hot shower and rug sexy times. This pairing, Emmett/Esme, is uncommon to say the least, but I really love how Emmett’s easy going style and fun sense of humor can make anyone paired with him seem realistic. The brown curls that spill onto his forehead and his dimples don’t hurt either.

Esme is a single mom raising her teenage son, Jasper. When Jasper begins playing baseball, we meet Emmett, his baseball coach. Esme has all kinds of funny thoughts and is highly attracted to Emmett, but of course, she doesn’t act on them. That would be insane and ridiculous, because he’s at least ten years her junior.

There was a strange look of disappointment on Emmett's face when I let go of his arm, but I ignored it, and the feeling in my stomach. The man threw me a little off-kilter, and though I hadn't gotten used to it, I had learned to roll right past it. Before I'd turned completely, his smile was returning. The dimples, too. Killer dimples.

I took a deep breath and headed through the double doors into the kitchen. I heard Bella come in right behind me. I was hoping for a moment alone to solidify a mask of polite indifference, and maybe google "early menopause" and "hot flashes," but alas...

"Holy shit, woman," Bella hissed excitedly. "That man is a five-course meal with dessert tray and leftovers!"

"What?" I looked at her, slightly flustered. I stopped myself, noticing I was trying to put the platter of grillables in the freezer and the fruit tray in the oven. Shaking my head to clear it.
She snickered, leaning on her forearms on the counter. "You are totally into him, aren't you?"

"I don't know what you mean, Bella," I replied, staring her down.


"Stop." I held my hands up. "He is incredibly good-looking, too young for me, and probably unavailable anyway. Besides, I know he doesn't see me that way."

"Mm-hmm," she hummed, raising an eyebrow. "Sure. Whatever you say. I think he's into you. Probably refers to you as a MILF."

I snorted, throwing a glance outside. "Yeah, I'm a hot commodity, that's for sure."

"You are. I'd do ya."

My eyes went wide as I stared at her before busting out laughing, my eyes squinting closed. She joined me, snickering for a minute, before I finally came down, breathing in some composure. "Thank you, sweetie. I'd do you, too."

Riiiight... Now, cue Emmett’s entrance and his inner monologue. It is straight up perv-town and absolutely hysterical. As it progresses it just helps you love him so damn much it hurts in all the right ways. This is just a little glimpse into his mind. It’s cracking me up just rereading it!

"...I'd do you, too."

I knew they were kidding, but damn. Something about her talking that way got me hard. Shit, NOT NOW. I really would rather avoid embarrassing myself in front of this woman. She was friendly and politely flirty, and her kid was cool. Speaking of doing people, though, can I get on top of that list? Or just on top? Or she can be on top, that's totally fine. Actually, forget the list. I am the list.

SHUT UP. Fuck, I do not need the 24-7 perv channel running right now!

I am apparently incorrigible and lust-driven. Why did I come here today? I haven't cum yet.

Christ, my inner voice needs to get laid. No, YOU need to get laid.

Harshly scrubbing my hands over my face, I did a quick sensory scan of my body to make sure I wasn't sporting wood as I headed back toward the pool. Nope, though it was touchy there for a second. Touchy ... hmmm. I needed help. Huffing, I quickly turned around and went straight back to the kitchen. This time, I knocked on the glass before entering. Bella was still giggling. Girls might grow into women, but they're definitely still girls.

"'Scuse me, ladies," I said with a bright smile. "Esme, I don't suppose you have a beer?"
I immediately felt like a heel asking, but she immediately put me at ease. She always did.

"Oh, of course! Ya know, I was going to offer, but I got a little ... distracted." She spun and walked the short distance to the fridge, and though I could still hear Bella snickering—at what I'm not sure, but it didn't matter as my attention was glued to Esme's ass. I bit back a groan and felt the Captain raise to half mast. Stepping forward, I partially hid behind the counter. If Esme found me inappropriate in any manner, I was sure she'd yank Jasper off my team, and out of my training altogether. No parent trusts a pervert. Not that I was a pervert. Though, I kinda felt like a pervert at the moment.

Honestly, though? I just couldn't wait to see her whenever I had a workout planned for Jasper, or if it was time for team practice. I liked the kid and all, but it was her that I anticipated seeing at drop-off time. Or pick up. Then drop off again. Pick up again ... again ... more ... harder ... right there …

The bulk of this little bit of fluffy bliss takes place at Jasper’s pool birthday party. Esme and Emmett are flirting, subtly and then not so subtly, and what starts as a bad cake mishap turns into a hawt shower wank and even steamier shower sexy times.
Apparently he didn't hear me come in, because his quiet grunts and groans continued and sped. Only now, his declarations were easier to discern. "Esss ... mee ... God, yes ... Esme ..."

He wants me. ME! He's thinking about ME!

I narrowly avoided doing a dorky-ass happy dance as thoughts of anything but him flew out my ears. Untying my bikini straps, I shed the suit with record speed and crept to the shower door. It opened with a light snap, but still he didn't notice. His back was to the door, his forehead leaning against the tile. The swim shorts were slung over the towel bar on the outside, so I was treated to the complete naked rear view.

I made some sort of breathy grunt that I wasn't sure I'd ever heard from myself before, finally alerting him to my presence. He spun around, dick in hand, eyes wide. Talk about being caught with your hand in the cookie jar. He seemed frozen in mortification, but then he noticed my state of undress. Well, that seems inaccurate. I was butt-ass naked. Unfortunately he was confused by this, or so it seemed, as he simply knit his brows together, still unable to speak.

"I think I can help you with that," I purred. I PURRED. I don't know where this sex kitten shit is coming from, but GO, BABY, GO! His confusion changed to disbelief and—unless I was delusional—unrestrained lust. I closed the short distance between us, taking him out of his own hand and wrapping my fingers around him as I stepped under the spout, water trickling down over my skin.

And that my fellow TAG lovers is how it’s done. A sexy, sexually confident mom knows what she wants and even if she’s a bit nervous, she goes for it. Of course, Emmett ate that up (pun intended), and from there, the story takes on a life of its own as Emmett becomes a player (the good kind) in both Esme and Jasper’s lives. That’s what makes this little one-shot so amazing. There are no games or ridiculous tantrums. Esme is mature; she’s been around the block and knows the drill. She’s not just messing around, and it’s clear early on that neither is Emmett... unless you count with each other, which I most definitely do.

Finally, I really enjoyed watching the relationship between Emmett and Jasper progress. Emmett steps in as a strong, positive male role model for Jasper, who’s father is non-existent, and the conversations fathers and sons should be having are definitely had. It’s endearing and very heartwarming.

This is a fun, sexy little one shot. Give this pairing a try... you will definitely not be disappointed. Just ask Esme. ::wink wink::

Title: Better Than Nothing
Author: Touchstone67

Better Than Nothing is not for the faint of heart. This isn’t a sweet story of boy love. In fact, Love is four letter word for the jaded Jacob telling this complicate, angst-filled story of two young men with an intense sexual connection. Though, I would argue that in its own way it is a love story.

If you are a fan of Doucheward please note that Touchstone67 has created the douchiest Doucheward that I have ever read. He is egotistical, callous and a total slut. Edward is the “it guy” of Forks: rich, popular and gorgeous. Edward is also into fucking boys, even though he is “happily” dating the beautiful Bella Swan.

When the story begins he is infamous for fucking the La Push boys, yes, all of them. Jacob is just one of the beautiful, exotic, heteroflexable boys on the rez that Edward is fucking, or at least that’s what they think. As time goes on, Edward and Jacob’s relationship becomes more complicated for both of them.

Touchstone67 has a gift for writing gay men that are still very much men. Jacob’s casual explanation of why the “straight” boys of La Push like to fuck each other (and Edward) some how makes a lot of sense. The gift also allows us to watch this destructive relationship (between Edward and Jacob) slowly transform into a twisted kind of friendship and then something else entirely. We feel Jacob’s pain and anger with Edward. Like Jacob we can’t resist Edward’s charisma even as he is being a horrible, offensive asshole.

Edward is a complicated enigma that on the surface, and even a couple layers down, seems to be a selfish, vindictive prick. While this is most definitely a prominent part of his personality, there is more to him than this jagged exterior. Through his interactions with Jacob, we begin to see glimpses of Edward under the armor. The angry, confused young man that is torn between the obligations of his daily life and his desires. This is very realistic portrayal of living as closeted gay man, not to mention very close to canon Edward.

The conflict between Jacob and Edward has a lot of echos to canon. While they share an intense sexual connection, it is born out of conflict. Their sexual encounters are rough, devoid of soft, sweet love making. They fuck, but in those raw, unguarded moments of sex they discover a kind of intimacy for which neither is prepared.

I will not candy coat this for you. Better Than Nothing is not a light read. If you’re looking for a sexy fun slash fic go elsewhere. However, if you want to read about two very angry and confused young men finding solace in sexual intimacy. If you can deal with people being cruel to each other, and still believe that they can care deeply for each other. If you understand that not all relationships are perfect, but sometimes imperfect relationships can save a broken person’s life, then this is the story for you.

Grab your box of tissues, and a bottle of vodka. You will need them. Take my hand, I’ll be there to hold you and tell you; “Yes, this is what I mean by the good kind of hurt.”

Title: A Thin Line
Author: TheHeartOfLife
Pairing: Edward/Rosalie

Rosalie and Edward do not get along. In fact, they can barely stand to be in the same room together without tearing each other down with cleverly placed insults and deeply disguised innuendo. So, when mid cab ride to meet her brother Jasper and best friend Alice for dinner, she finds out that Edward will be joining, she ALMOST turns around and spends the evening alone. We can thank the goddess of red-hot smut and witty banter that Rose is a sucker for a free meal, because it would have been a tragedy if we were to be without this story.

It is apparent that there are fireworks between Rosalie and Edward from the moment that they sit at the same table. They immediately begin with a round of insults, but a newly single Rosalie doesn’t seem to have her typical level of cruelty on tap, though Edward does his best to get her going.

Edward sets his menu down, tilting his head. His eyes crinkle a little at the corners as his mouth pulls up slightly. "You're off your game. The sour bitch thing isn't really working for you tonight."

"The insufferable dick thing isn't working for you, but then again, you've been doing that for the past thirty years. I guess you're just used to it now."

"You've only known me for two," he points out.

I smile thinly. "I doubt that part of your overall winning personality was a recent development."

With this level of aggression in greeting, it becomes apparent to the reader that it’s only a matter of time before someone is going to be pinned against a wall, panting for breath and begging for more. And I don’t just mean me.

TheHeartOfLife makes use of all of that canon aggression and surface distaste between Edward and Rosalie, but adds just a touch of humanity in the form of empathy and vulnerability, mixing up a magical cocktail of explosive Unresolved Sexual Tension.

A Thin Line made me laugh, made me swoon, and made my eyeballs melt with the hotness. Read it now, thank me later.

Title: Black and White
Author: audreyii-fic
Pairing: Jacob/Bella

Black and White by audreyii-fic is a BDSM fic unlike any other I’ve read in Twi-fic. When Sam steps down as Alpha, Jake refuses to take his rightful place as Alpha and also quits phasing. Bella watches as Jacob struggles to keep the wolf buried, and through a little experiment realizes Jake can resist the call of the wolf if he has another outlet for his need to dominate.

audreyii-fic tells the story by alternating flashbacks with current happenings. I really like how she’s broken up the story of what happened immediately after Jacob quit phasing with the most recent instance of his need to sate the wolf; it really increases the natural anticipation that leads up to a sex scene and takes the tension to another level.

When Jacob first quit phasing, Bella sees how Jacob struggles to keep the wolf at bay. She suggests perhaps he needs to phase occasionally. Jacob continues to resist the urge to phase, and the weeks go by. Things get worse, both for Jake on his own, and for them both as a couple. Finally Bella can’t take it anymore.

She says, You want to take what's yours.
Yes. (The admission is through gritted teeth.)
Well, I'm yours. So take me.
He looks up at her. She meets his eyes without flinching.
Within seconds she is pressed against the wall and he is in her to the hilt, growling her name.

Jake sleeps well that night, for the first time in weeks. While Jake is in control of every aspect of the sex they have during these encounters, it is Bella who holds the power. She watches Jake, and knows when he’s going to need to be dominant. She lets Jake know when it’s time.

After awhile she doesn't need to push anymore, just gives the little signals. She wears stockings when it is going to be one of those nights, because he always stares when she wears them. She builds up a decent supply of lingerie. He starts bringing home different things to try, and finally he doesn't need reassurance anymore, he just does what he was born to do. He takes charge. He controls himself by controlling her. And after, the shaking goes away, he sleeps, he stops glaring at Paul whenever they happen to see one another. They have fun and make love the way it always is with them, sweet and sexy and playful, and it's good. He's happy. He goes back to being her Jacob.

And the sex? Oh, fuck yes, it is ever so hot. It’s sexy not just because Jake is dominating, but because it shows the depth and complete interconnectedness of their relationship.

He growls low in his throat as he pulls out, grabs her hips, and flips her over onto her stomach. Her wrists get crossed which keeps her from turning all the way, so he leans forward and tears the tape with sharp teeth, freeing her from her bindings, and he wraps a handful of long hair around his fist and pulls her up onto her knees. Then he is inside her again and slamming hard, listening to the wolf, taketaketake, taking what is his, what belongs to him. The hand not in her hair is holding her thigh and he feels both flesh and nylon under his palm.

She is crying out, meeting each thrust with a movement of her own, the whole world dark and still it's not enough, until finally he leans forward (his blazing chest pressing against her cool back) and says, Now. You can come now.

In this short o/s, audreyii-fic has given us a cool, sexy AU with Jacob and Bella’s love for one another at its heart.

Title: Rainy Day Rendezvous
Author: C-Me-Smile
Pairing: Jasper/Edward

You’ve probably been on a road trip at some point in time, right? Most likely you’ve gone with your best friend or maybe even your significant other.

And you hate them by the time you reach your destination don’t you? Maybe sooner?

Okay, maybe hate is a little to strong, but we’ve all been there -- when you set off for something fun with someone you love to be with, but being trapped in a car for hours on end, especially if something goes awry, can turn anyone’s mood sour. So Jasper/Edward isn’t my usual first pick for slash, I loved this one-shot because from the get go it really nailed that annoyance and irritability that comes along with the more enjoyable aspects of road tripping.

We begin with Jasper in the driver’s seat, completely unimpressed with Edward’s navigating skills:

"Why aren't you following the map? No wonder we're lost."

You can feel the way they’re both getting tense, despite the bits of humor they try to keep in their conversation. It’s not enough, though, and Mr. Broody McBrooderson (uhh, Edward, obvs) makes Jasper pull over. It’s rainy and not at all ideal for driving (Pacific Northwest FTW!), so he’s surprised when Edward’s mood suddenly changes.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Edward smiles, his eyes glittering brightly. "I love summer rain. It even smells good."

And here comes the part I really love! Things turn playful, and the soft summer rain sets a new tone for these stir crazy lover boys. Have I ever mentioned that fics with sexytimes in the rain make me soooooo happy??? Guh. The combination of C-Me-Smile’s lyrical, flowy phrasing with this summer shower is so damn hot that I find myself praying for rain and looking for someone to get in on with in the great outdoors.

The tree is firm, steady - perfect leverage - and Jasper loves it. With a soft growl, he lifts one of Edward's rain-slicked thighs, wrapping it tight around his waist, smiling as Edward, braced against the tree, slides his other leg around him. He holds that soft green gaze with his own feral, hot gaze and gently rocks his hips, nudging his moistened, aching cock against the tender entrance of his lover's body.

Uhh, yes please. It’s fun because these boys are in love. There’s no need to delve into their past or how they got together - they just are, and we get to watch them play. And don’t you know that things turn out all right?

"We're definitely not lost," Jasper breathes, tracing Edward's collarbone with his tongue. "This is exactly where we want to be."

I don’t think there will be too much more arguing or annoyance on the rest of their trip, do you?


Mrs. The King said...

That's my girl, shalu! Everything she writes is worth the reader's time. Thank you so much for showcasing her one shot!