Naughty Nurse Kimpy - 11/16/2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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Making sure that sex--all forms of sex--is safe, consensual, and FUN.

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DISCLAIMER:
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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In honor of tomorrow’s opening of The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn, Part I, this week Nurse Kimpy is focusing on the hymen. Admittedly in past blog posts, she has gotten a little worked up over how much angst a tiny piece of skin can cause. However, hymen questions continue to be asked, which means they continue to cause angst. Let no question be unanswered, then.

Oh, and also? You can rest assured that reading Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy in no way makes you subject to becoming impregnated with a half-vampire spawn baby. JSYK.

Before we dive into the questions, let’s start with a brief definition of what, exactly, the hymen is. Naturally, we’re talking about human hymens, the kind that break. Vampire hymens that remain magically intact and encased in stony vamp skin have no place in this post.

Every woman is born with a slight rim of tissue at the opening of the vagina--this rim is otherwise known as the hymen. It has as many variations in form as do women in general; no one’s hymen looks exactly like someone else’s. There are thick hymens and thin hymens, there are rippled hymens and smooth hymens. There are some that nearly cover the entire vaginal opening, and some that are so flexible, they never tear. Please keep that in mind as you read on.

I'm not a virgin by any means, but I can still feel the ring of my hymen. It's never broken, it's just stretched over time, even though I've been with some well-endowed men. Is it possible that it's not going to actually break until I have a child? Does that happen to women a lot?

It sounds as though you have one of those uber-flexible hymens, the kind that stretch and stretch and never break. So yes, it is entirely possible that your hymen will be intact until you deliver a child. I think it is a safe assumption to make that a baby’s head will be enough to do the trick of breaking your very own Stretch Armstrong hymen. Trust.

Does this happen to women a lot? Uh, no. Just the lucky ones. *wink*

I'm in a right age but still a virgin, just want to know if it's really bad/hurt for the first time. Any tips to make it a little better so that its not that sore afterwards. Just heard that you cant walk, or it really hurts when you pee or something. Thank you so much and I really learned so much from your site, its very informative. Keep up the good work Nurse Kimpy.

There are many virgins in the fandom who are mightily afraid of losing their virginity, because they’re convinced it’s going to be hideously painful. Nurse Kimpy is here to soothe your fears away and give you some pointers on minimizing soreness.

There are two main reasons losing your virginity can be painful:

1. Anxiety

2. Lack of lubrication

Fear and anxiety, as we all know, can make a person very tense. In general, muscle tension and sex aren’t like white wine and chicken--they don’t pair well together. The more relaxed you can be, the better. Do what you need to do to in order to get yourself in a comfortable place. If that means massage, or a glass of wine, then by all means, indulge. Whatever it takes to get you relaxed is key.

For some women, they might find themselves less than physically ready when their partner is ready to drive it home. One of the best ways to minimize this kind of discomfort is to make sure that you use ample amounts of lubrication before your partner penetrates you. Nurse

Kimpy cannot stress enough that lube will make the event much easier in the long run, and will make you far more comfortable than not using it.

Nurse Kimpy has never used orajel on her lady bits, but she has heard that it is a useful tool in numbing the opening of the vagina. The good news is that orajel is formulated for oral use/mucus membranes, which is similar to vaginal tissue. Using orajel in addition to lots of lube might be just the thing you need.

One last thing--for those people who have told you that it’s painful to walk after losing your virginity, Naughty Nurse Kimpy wonders just what the heck they were doing when they lost their virginity. In general, tearing your hymen should have no impact on your ability to walk. As far as it being painful to pee afterwards, that’s due to the skin tear being sensitive to any sort of direct contact, liquid or solid. You can use some sort of ointment or lubrication to keep the skin moist, which will also help to minimize any discomfort you might have. Aquaphor is a great choice and won’t irritate your tender skin. If you intend to have sex again soon afterwards, however, and are using condoms or anything made of latex, you should be sure to use a water-based lubricant or ointment in lieu of Aquaphor, which is petroleum-based.

OK, so I'm an avid cyclist. I ride about 20-25 hours a week (not including my morning commute to school) and have since I was 15. I've even done rides of the nude variety. I'm still a virgin but some of my riding partners, who are guys, keep telling me that my hymen is no longer intact. They say that all the extensive riding and the pressure on my cooter broke it years ago. Is there any truth to this or are they just BSing me?

You are an avid cyclist, and Naughty Nurse Kimpy applauds your commitment. She’ll leave the nude-variety cycling to you, however.

*Naughty Nurse Kimpy shakes her head at those know-it-all boys* Okay, so it is entirely possible that your hymen could be broken by all the cycling you’ve done over the years, but it’s not like a guaranteed way to break your hymen. There are still plenty of women whose hymens are more durable than a bike seat. If you really want to know if they’re right, ask you gynecologist during your next exam. They’ll be able to assess it for you and tell you the ultimate truth. If it is broken, though, you’re still a virgin in Naughty Nurse Kimpy’s book. To her, losing one’s virginity is an issue of sexual penetration, not a breaking of tissue. As you are now aware, some women have hymens that never break, even when they’ve had sex. So the final tally in Nurse Kimpy’s book is that while your hymen may very well be long gone, your virginity is just as intact as ever.

Im still a virgin but my hymen broke ages ago. Sometimes when i use a toy, i notice that theres some blood on it and it kind of scares me. Is there something wrong? Im not on my period when i notice this so i know thats not the reason why...Help me please!

Oh my dear reader, please don’t be alarmed. True, it can be concerning when blood comes from your vagina when you’re not having your period, keep in mind that the vagina is an area of the body that is rich in blood vessels. One of the ways that your vagina gets itself ready for sex is for its tissue to become engorged. How does it get engorged? Dilated blood vessels.

So, you might ask, what do dilated blood vessels have to do with your vaginal/non-period bleeding? Naughty Nurse Kimpy’s best guess is that the toy you are using is of bigger girth than you are used to, it stretched the opening of your vagina a little further than it was used to, and you broke open some tiny blood vessels. No big deal. Vaginal skin heals readily and easily, and you’ll be back to yourself in no time. The only time you need to become concerned is if your bleeding becomes enough that you require a tampon or pad. If it does, please get to your doctor as soon as possible.

Dear Nurse Kimpy,

Firstly, thanks a bunch for having this column! It is incredibly informative!

Okay, so my question is in regards to sex. I have a very small vagina and tear every single time I have sex. I was even referred for, and have had vaginal surgery to increase my size.
Lately, it has been even more painful than normal and I've noticed that I have started to 'dry up' incredibly quickly.
It doesn't matter how turned on and ready I am, after about 15 minutes, there is no moisture left and I have to stop due to pain. I have tried a few lubricants but have found that, as I have sensitive skin, I tend to be allergic...

Any ideas or is there anything you could suggest please?

Hmm, this is a quandary, isn’t it? *Naughty Nurse Kimpy dives into her research*

First of all, NNK doesn’t know how old you are, so she isn’t sure if hormone levels might be playing a role in the dryness you’re experiencing. Estrogen is what typically drives vaginal lubrication and moisture, so it could be that your natural estrogen levels are low. Fortunately, your gynecologist can do a test that will let you know if your hormone levels are off.

Second, if you have sensitive skin, you want to avoid any lubricants that are either oil- or silicon-based. Water-based lube has just become your best friend. I’ve listed a few different suggestions here:

Yes lubricant

Liquid Goddess lubricant

Comfort Sensitive Skin lubricant

Finally, Naughty Nurse Kimpy suggests that when you’re at your gynecologist getting your hormone levels checked, talk to your doctor about the fact that you’re still having a lot of pain during intercourse. It could be that you need additional surgery to open the vagina more. Clearly, the goal is pleasurable--not painful--sex. They should be able to offer you some more suggstions on how to make sex comfortable.

after initially starting to masturbate I found that i could only get off from stimulating my clitoris. So I'm not a stranger to the big O, but I've read that you can get accustomed to clitoral orgasms to the point that you might have trouble orgasming any other way. So I decided to try to give penetration a shot, but I COULDN'T EVEN GET ONE FINGER IN! I tried doing research but I guess I didn't know where to start. how the hell can a penis fit in there if I can't even handle a finger?

Note to self: DO. NOT. PANIC. Okay, so your vagina today is tight. Very tight. Like, studio loft in NYC tight. Not to worry. Remember that your vagina is designed to be able to deliver 8 pound babies. It’s very flexible tissue and can handle a lot of stretching. Ultimately, your vagina will be able to stretch to accommodate your partner’s peen, have no fear. Truly.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy suspects that you have a microperforate hymen, meaning that it covers most of your vaginal opening. The good news is that you can talk to your gynecologist about this, and they can operate to enlarge the opening to your vagina. It’s a simple procedure that can usually be done in the doctor’s office. I recommend that you speak to your gynecologist about it during your next exam. They should know exactly what to do to take care of the problem.


Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

The Naughty Nurse is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER:
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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There were no follow up questions from last week, so we'll just dive right in with this week's goodie bag!! I genuinely appreciate the honest, intriguing questions you've been leaving for me. Remember, there is no such thing as a stupid question--if it is something you need to know, but can't ask anyone else, I'm happy to help you out.

I get why anal feels great for guys. What's in it for us ladies?

I'm really glad you asked this question. There are a lot of misconceptions regarding anal sex based on what people read in fanfiction, and I would love to help clear some of these up. I've often wondered, "why there are so many nerve endings in the anus?" I mean, why would that area need to be so sensitive just to eliminate waste? The key to your answer? It's right there. Lots and lots of nerve endings paired with thin, highly sensitive skin. In addition, an orgasm based on anal sex involves muscle groups in the vagina and the rectum, so you're actively using your entire pelvic region when you have an orgasm. Nerve endings, sensitive skin, and more muscle groups have the power to combine into one hell of an incredible orgasm. Trust me when I say that anal can be just as enjoyable for women. It can also be incredibly painful if done improperly, so it is important to have all the facts before you begin.

The key to anal sex, in my opinion, is all in preparation; this is true for girls and guys--anyone who is going to have receptive anal sex (that's public health lingo for "being F'd in the A"). The sphincter muscle, the one that keeps the anus closed tightly, is incredibly powerful and strong, much more so than normal muscle tissue. Because of that, you don't simply pop something through that barrier and then expect it to feel heavenly--I promise, it will hurt like hell if you go about it that way. Some people make the mistake of thinking it's all a matter of lube. While lube is essential to anal sex, it isn't the only factor. In fact, before you attempt to have anal sex for the first time with a partner, you should actually "train" yourself.

Purchase an anal plug, lube it up, and carefully, slowly, slip it into your rectum. Ease into it--when the sphincter muscle is pushed open involuntarily, that's where the pain of anal sex comes from. Breathe through the pain, and as it starts to recede a bit, slip the plug in a little further. Many plugs have a narrow tip, then flare out, like an Evergreen tree. The other end often looks like a knob, where it narrows, then widens. You use the end to guide the plug inside, then it acts as a mechanism to keep the plug from moving completely inside of you. Trust, the last thing you want is to take a trip to the ER to extricate an anal plug. While the end of the plug can vary widely, they all serve the purpose to stop any additional forward movement into your anus, and a way to get it back out when you're finished. Allow your body to adjust to the sensation of the plug; wear it for 20-30 minutes a day until the entire process begins to feel more comfortable. To get an idea of what a vaginal-anal orgasm is like, you can try masturbating while the plug is in you. Once it's become comfortable, you're ready to give the real thing a try.

Remember to use good hygiene regarding anal sex--wash your hands, or any body part/equipment that comes in touch with the anus--afterwards, before you touch anything else. Condoms are also nice, because they help to contain the mess. Yes, folks, anal sex can be messy, because, well, it's the anus. If you're really serious about having anal sex, but really nervous about the mess, you can always use an anal douche, which is available at most porn shops/sites. If you do use anal douche, just make sure that you use it only for the anus, never the vagina, and clean it thoroughly after every use.

Before you actually engage in the act of anal sex, you should be sexually aroused. Make sure you do whatever it is you need to do to get good and turned on. Then, make sure that you use copious amounts of a water-based lube, both around the anus, and on your partner's penis or object that will eventually be inserted into your bum. As the penis/object pushes into you, make sure that: A) It is eased in slowly and carefully, and B) It doesn't hurt to either use a vibrator in your vagina, or have some direct clitoral stimulation at the same time. If the pain gets too intense, stop forward motion and try to relax, then recommence when you're more comfortable. There is often a "pop" feeling when the head of the penis, or the widest part of the object, makes it past the sphincter muscle. That is usually the moment of the most discomfort, and the best time to just stop movement again and adjust to the sensation. When your partner starts to move in and out, encourage them to do so slowly and gently, until you get used to it. Some people never make it past slow and gentle, while others prefer a more *ahem* intense in-out, in-out. Just make sure that whatever you do, however you do it, you are comfortable with what is taking place. When having anal sex, trust is a very important component of the equation.

The bottom line? Anal sex isn't for everyone, but it can be amazing and sensual. If you're interested, give it a try. Most people seem to either love it or hate it, but you never know until you give it a go. It can be a really wonderful way for you and your partner to connect and experience mutual pleasure.

I'm sure I'm the only one who'll ask this... but some tips on 'your first time' would be nice... I heard from people that it hurts the first time, I'm kinda getting scared of it! How can I make sure I have a good time too?

You know what? Having sex for the first time can be a little scary, because you have no idea of what to expect! While you might think you're the only one curious about the answer, you'd be wrong. Perhaps you are the only one brave enough to ask it, and I commend you for that. You've heard stories, but you have never experienced it yourself. There are also so many examples of losing your virginity in fanfiction, and these might lead you to have unrealistic expectations based upon those accounts.

The medical version of losing your virginity, which you've probably learned the mechanics of at some point in your education, is that your vagina is covered with a thin piece of skin called the hymen. When you have sex for the first time, this piece of skin tears or rips, which can be painful. Naturally, this tear will bleed, so you can expect, at the very least, some blood and perhaps some pain. By some blood, I mean not more than a smear, probably similar to the amount you might spot before your period begins in earnest--maybe 1/4-1/2 teaspoon. It isn't like you will experience a gush of blood similar to your heaviest period.

Research on the subject has shown that 25% of women experienced no pain the first time they had sex, 40% had moderate pain, and 33% felt severe pain (Weis, 1985). They also found that women who experienced more severe pain tended to be younger; held more conservative sexual values; and had a more negative view of their partner and having sex with that partner. Things that played a role in little or no pain were use of tampons; a woman stretching the skin on her own while masturbating (think vibrator penetration); or having the skin stretched by a sexual partner during manual stimulation.

So, getting back to the other part of your question--how can you make sure you have a good time, too? I think first, and foremost, you need to be mentally ready. While the moment may occur spontaneously, if you've determined beforehand that this is what you want to do, and who you want to do it with, that helps. Is it better to have sex with a committed partner rather than a one-night stand? Probably. I think the point here is that there isn't any coercion involved, and that it is a choice you made willingly. If it is something you're worried about, and you feel tense, you are probably more likely to feel some pain when you are first penetrated. Again, mindset seems to be pretty important when you have sex for the first time.

I would also say that the more sexually aroused you are prior to penetration, the better. Ample lubrication is going to make the process so much easier. Not only that, but when a woman is sexually aroused, the labia and the vagina swell, due to the increase in blood flow to that region (similar to what happens to a guy to make his penis erect). One side effect of this blood flow is vaginal lubrication, the other is that it prepares the vagina to be more readily penetrated by the penis. Thus, if your vagina is physiologically prepared for sex (in other words, wet and ready), it will be easier and less painful.

Aside from being mentally and physiologically prepared, the other things you can do--using tampons, or vaginal penetration with fingers/vibrators--can also do a lot to make you more prepared for the moment and hopefully make it less painful. Another thing that can help is to choose when you want to have sex for the first time. If it is planned, you have more time to get fully prepared, take things slowly, and feel more ready. Most importantly? RELAX. Breathe deeply. Odds are, if you are completely nervous about how much this is going to hurt, it is more likely to hurt. I'm not saying it's entirely in your head, but the more relaxed you can be, the more your body AND your mind will be ready, and you can enjoy the experience more.

The other thing that, as a nurse, I can't stress enough? Please, please use protection. 60% of all pregnancies in the United States are unintended, meaning that they are either mistimed (mistakes) or unwanted. That figure is correct--60%. Women worry they will seem slutty if they use birth control, or pack condoms in their purse. My point here is that you can either have an unintended pregnancy and/or contract a sexually transmitted disease, or you can be safe. It would make this Naughty Nurse incredibly sad if her readers worried more about the slut factor than about the unsafe factor. Being prepared isn't slutty; it's safe and it's smart.

Is there such a thing as too much masturbating? I don't mean to the point where work and family fall to the side; just to the point where that's what you do when you've got some quiet free time... Every time. For hours. I've always considered myself pretty sexually healthy, but now I'm starting to wonder.

I absolutely love your question, thank you for having the courage to ask it. I think that, by and large, all things in moderation are fine. You mention that important things, like career and family, aren't falling to the side. You consider yourself to be sexually healthy. When you have alone time, you choose to have sexytimes, sometimes for hours. As long as it isn't disrupting your life or causing friction burns on your lady bits, go for it! Masturbation is part of a healthy sexual experience. As with any activity, the warning flag to look out for is whether or not you are doing it to the exclusion of other activities. Are you frequently choosing not to socialize in lieu of some private sexytimes? Are other things not getting done because of your activities? Is it causing you to get less sleep, to eat less? If it starts to interfere with your activities of daily living, you can start to be concerned. If it is merely a fun way to pass the time when you have time to yourself? Again, enjoy yourself. Masturbation is a great way to relieve stress and achieve relaxation, and that is never a bad thing.

Another thing I want to mention is that people often think masturbation is merely for personal sexual gratification alone. While this is often true, there is a misconception that it isn't part of a sexually healthy relationship. Once you have a partner in your life, masturbation has to stop. Honestly, nothing could be further from the truth. It remains a part of a sexual menu throughout a person's life. Married people masturbate. Older people masturbate. Some partners masturbate in front of each other. You needn't feel obligated to give it up simply because you're in a relationship. I suggest you discuss it with your partner, so that you are both aware this is something you're interested in. Some partners might feel hurt that their significant other would masturbate in lieu of having sex with them. Just understand that it's normal, it's common, and it's perfectly healthy, as long as you aren't relying solely upon masturbation, there is no reason why it cannot be part of your sexual routine, together or separately.

When you're a virgin and you masturbate is that orgasm the same as when you're actually having sex?

Very interesting question! Not everyone is aware that there are actually two types of female orgasms: Vaginal and clitoral. Clitoral orgasms occur via direct stimulation of the clitoris, like using your finger, your partner's finger, a vibrator, etc. Vaginal orgasms occur via penetration, without stimulation to the clitoris. While these are definitely both orgasms per se, they feel somewhat different. Clitoral orgasms tend to be more intense, and are usually easier to achieve. Vaginal orgasms occur deeper in the pelvis, and because of that, they feel different. Regardless of whether you are a virgin or not, you can experience either clitoral or vaginal orgasms. Your vaginal orgasm could come from using a vibrator, for example, rather than a penis. That being said, if you are a virgin, you are physically capable of experiencing either type of orgasm and these orgasms feel different from one another.

Another thing to keep in mind is that regardless of whether you are a virgin or someone who is sexually experienced, orgasms can vary in intensity every time you have one. Your overall level of stimulation, the length of time between orgasms, the amount of time it takes to achieve the orgasm, can all play a role in how an orgasm feels. Your orgasms as an adolescent and young adult are more intense than orgasms you have later in life, after menopause, due to the amount of hormones in your bloodstream. Orgasms also vary in intensity throughout your monthly cycle, because the level of progesterone versus estrogen secreted plays a role in that. Likewise, orgasms while you are pregnant differ from those when you are not.

Now, many women will tell you that having an orgasm while a penis is in their vagina can be more intense than an orgasm obtained via masturbating. That can be for a lot of different reasons, including the extra stimulation that comes from the partner; the intensity that emotions can add to or heighten sexual response; and/or having multiple senses engaged in sexual activity (like kissing while being penetrated while stimulating the clitoris). It is important to recognize, however, that no matter what happens in the fanfiction world, there are plenty of women who cannot achieve an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. This is perfectly normal, and there is no reason to assume that something is wrong with you if you are one of those women. The most important thing to remember is that all orgasms, no matter what their origin, are pleasurable, whether you are a virgin masturbating to achieve orgasm, or a woman who orgasms while her partner penetrates her.

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