Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER:

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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Can I first start off with a lovely comment: The pictures you use for some posts are just... HOT! (Like that one this past week with the head of the peen just entering the V. For a virgin, that seems so sexy!) Those pics seriously make me horny!

I'm an avid fanfic smut reader and porn watcher! A lot of the questions were about what sites to visit and what to watch. I enjoy all porn-- straight, gay, whatever. Xtube is my favorite, and I've tried a lot of sites. It offers a lot of amateur stuff that people upload on their own, and I find that kind of stuff sexy. So, maybe some readers may want to check it out!

My fellow Pervs Jeanne and Chele are all things wonderful when it comes to finding the perfect images for Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy. I owe it all to them. Thanks for the rec--I love it when my readers help each other out. ;)

Hi Naughty Nurse Kimpy. This email is in regards to your "Is it OK to watch porn and are there safe websites segment". I have two websites that so far I’ve not gotten any viruses from. 1) (pardon the harsh title) FUQ and 2) Pornhub
The first has a very large variety and you can see them all my clicking the select category at the top of the page and above that there's a "key word" search bar for those looking for specifics. Have fun ;)

Thanks for the recommendations. Ladies, go forth and conquer!

My husband is genetically inclined towards prostate cancer and we are in our mid-forties. He's tested normal so far. He loves it when I touch his anus during sex, so I've been considering trying out anal beads, since they are versatile and flexible. (After 17 years, mixing it up a bit keeps the love life fresh!) My question is this: is there any danger of hurting the prostate during gentle anal play?

This is an excellent question, and I'm very glad you asked it. I can appreciate that your husband is genetically predisposed to prostate cancer, and it's very responsible of you to be concerned about the ramifications of anal play and how it may/may not contribute to prostate cancer. First of all, he's doing the most important thing possible, and that is getting regularly screened for the disease. Give him a big old kiss of respect from Naughty Nurse Kimpy, please.

Let Naughty Nurse Kimpy be clear: anal play does not cause prostate cancer, nor will it cause prostate cancer to return. Thus, engaging in anal play, gentle or otherwise, won’t increase his risk of having prostate cancer.

You and your husband might be interested to learn that research has shown that one of the best ways to minimize his risk of prostate cancer is to USE HIS PROSTATE. That's right--men who ejaculate on a regular basis have a lower risk of prostate cancer than those who do not. In order to get the protective benefit, men should have 12 or more ejaculations a month. The research also showed that with every increase of 3 ejaculations or more per week, there was a 15% decrease in prostate cancer risk.

So there you have it--Naughty Nurse Kimpy is actually encouraging you to go for it and have fun with anal play/sex; tell your husband that you both have my blessing to sex it up, as much as possible. *giggle*

I just wanted to start by saying that somehow, even though I really like having sex, I have become truly afraid of getting pregnant. Therefore, these are my questions:
Can I get pregnant even if there is no penetration? (like, just heavy dryhumping?)
(Still on the lines of dryhumping...) Can I get pregnant if there is just a piece of underwear between my partner and I?
How about condoms? Are they 100% effective? Can I get pregnant even if they don't break during sex?
Is there a method that could allow me to avoid the risk of pregnancy completely?
Thank you!

Honestly, I don't think it's possible for me to love my readers more. You guys are just so open and honest, and you have no idea how much it means to me that you trust me enough with the tough questions!

Let me tell you, as fun as sex is, as much as most of us just love it to bits, there is one big problem with it--there is always a risk of pregnancy. For some people, that's great, but for those of us who wish to have the fun without consequences, it means we need to be vigilant and careful.

To answer your questions:

1. Can you get pregnant if there is no penetration? Technically speaking, no, but that doesn't mean you're totally off the hook, either. If we're talking rubbing against each other while your clothing is still on--as in jeans on jeans--you're safe.

If you're talking pussy saying hello kitty to Mr. Happy while naked, there is some risk involved in that. Specifically, if there is any genital contact--like the head of his penis near the opening of your vagina--even without penetration, then it is technically possible for sperm to enter the vagina (remember that pre-come contains sperm). Now, the pregnancy risk isn't enormous, but if you're dead set on not wanting to get pregnant, I encourage you not to do it. Period.

The final answer? Dryhump to your heart’s content--it’s a wonderful and safe thing. Gotta love the dryhump.

2. Can you get pregnant if you're both wearing your underwear? Nope. Sperm can’t swim through clothing.

3. Condoms are not a birth control method that is 100% effective. For every 100 people using condoms as their primary method of birth control, 14-15 people will get pregnant. If you use condoms lubricated with spermicides, it can increase the effectiveness rate to 95%, meaning 5 people in every 100 will become pregnant. They're still your best line of defense when you want to minimize the risk of getting a sexually transmitted infection, but as birth control only? Not your most effective choice. You *can* get pregnant by using condoms alone, even if they don’t break.

4. Is there a method that ensures you won't get pregnant? The only thing that is 100% effective, in all honesty, is abstinence. There are methods that are very close to perfect, but it does require a certain amount of vigilance on the user's part. If you take the pill, for example, and you take it every day, without fail, around the same time every day, it's about as effective as you can get--out of 100 pill users, 8 will get pregnant. You’ll see the same level of effectiveness if you use the ring, the patch, or injectable birth control methods.

The most effective forms of birth control, with only 1 out of 100 users becoming pregnant, are sterilization or IUDs. Clearly, these aren’t for everyone, but for some people, they’re perfect.

It's never a bad idea to have a back up plan ready should your chosen method of birth control fail. There is a pill available called Plan B that is a method of emergency contraception. It is intended to be used within five days of failure of your birth control method, like if a condom should break, to prevent a pregnancy. The sooner you take Plan B after unprotected sex/contraceptive failure, the more effective it is. You can get the Plan B pill from your doctor, your gynecologist, or through a family planning clinic.

Just wanted to thank you so much for all the great advice you give us with your article. It's a service to us all to have you answering these questions that we may be afraid to ask anyone else! I also have a question for you. My husband and I have been using condoms for years as a form of birth control. He doesn't have a ton of staying power, if you know what I mean, and lately I've been noticing that he seems to get soft and then hard again while we're having sex. My guess is that he's having an orgasm and is too embarrassed to let me know. How dangerous is it for him to get hard again and not change condoms? I really don't want to get pregnant, but I'm worried that's what's happening. Should I be concerned? Thanks again.

It's not unusual for a guy's level of hardness to wax and wane sometimes--we all experience differing levels of arousal during sex, depending on lots of different factors. As men age, their erections become less predictable, and this can become more of a pattern--it's still completely within the range of normal.

The problem for you, however, is that you are relying upon condoms as a method of birth control, and that doesn't pair very well with a hardening and softening penis. To ensure maximum effectiveness, a condom must fit well. When a penis softens, the condom can slip and become misplaced, which could create a situation where you're briefly exposed to sperm. You also state that you "really don't want to get pregnant." So when you ask, "Should I be concerned?" my answer is an adamant "YES." If a condom doesn't fit properly, it doesn't work effectively, and you risk exposure to becoming pregnant.

As difficult as it might be to have this conversation with your husband, if you truly do not want to get pregnant, you need to discuss it with him. I encourage you to talk about it in a very objective way, making the focus of your conversation condomfail instead of penisfail.

Chances are, he's already well aware of this issue, and his anxiety over level of hardness could be making things worse. Being as objective and non-blaming as possible should help you figure this out together. Good luck.

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Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

---

DISCLAIMER:

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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My boyfriend and I are virgins and we aren't nowhere near having sex yet but that doesn't mean I don't want to satisfy his needs. How do I dry-hump so he cums so hard? I'm clueless on sex!

I am so proud of you for asking this question, because you acknowledge that you want to wait to have sex, but that doesn't mean you don't want to be sexual. There are so many things that partners can do to sexually satisfy one a other without actually having penetrative vaginal sex (that's the medical term for "Dude, I just scored a homer!!"). I love that you are interested in satisfying his needs, and please know that it is COMPLETELY OKAY to be clueless on sex! It's something that everyone has to learn how to do, and we learn best through experimentation and practice. No matter what, every human being is a blank slate when it comes to sexual experience--please reassure yourself that it's okay to be clueless. That's what Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for!!

A few things about the dry hump:

1. If it isn't already designated as one of the Seven Wonders of the Natural World, someone screwed up, big time. The dry hump is one of the funnest things to do while still clothed, I assure you.

2. No worries about STDs or pregnancy with the dry hump!! SCOOOORE!

3. While clothes may stay on, you can experience some major orgasms. U-N-G.

My favorite dry hump story is one that Kevin Smith recounts in "An Evening With Kevin Smith." If you don't know who he is, he's the director/writer of "Clerks," "Chasing Amy," "Dogma," etc., and he is god of hilarity (He is also the one person on earth who swears more than I do, so I have to love him for his cursing skills alone). Anyhow, he tells the story of how he met his wife--she was a reporter, and she interviewed him for USAToday. One thing led to another, and they started to make out. The dry hump occurred, but Kevin was wearing jeans. Jeans mean ZIPPERS. Grinding on your man's crotch while he wears jeans with a zipper can lead to friction burns. When they finally got to having sex, Kevin nearly died, but not from ecstasy. Friction burn + acidic pussy juice / hard peen = BURNING AGONY. The moral of the story? Be very, very careful in using the dry hump when a zipper is present. NOT. FUN.

I recommend the dry hump when wearing sweats, or pants sans zipper. To be honest, the dry hump is incredibly natural, and feels amazing. In Naughty Nurse Kimpy's humble opinion, the best dry hump position is you straddling your partner while they're sitting up, like on a couch, or in the back seat of a car--you catch my drift. Thin layers of clothes make it even more exciting, because you can feel his hard cock right there, and likewise, your hot, excited cooter is right there, too. As you straddle your partner, you have full access to kiss each other, your tits are in a perfect position to be played with or licked, and best of all? He can easily reach behind you to cup your ass and move you over his erection at a speed that he dictates.

If you're concerned about doing it right, ask him for feedback. Lean over and whisper into his ear how badly you want to please him, and ask him to tell you what he wants. Better yet, ask him to SHOW you what he wants. I'm pretty sure that once you guys give it a try, it's going to become your new favorite thing to do together. I did mention one of the Seven Wonders of the Natural World earlier, and I wasn't kidding. The dry hump is god.

Do I really need to buy special toy cleaner for my vibes? I'm the only user and in a monogamous relationship--are soap and water enough?

Great question! First of all, if you are the only user of your toy, you are only using it for vaginal penetration, and you clean it after every use, then using soap and water to clean it is just fine. Make sure that the toy is clean and completely dry before you store it, because you don't want to worry about mold or mildew. It's probably best if you don't leave it drying in your dish rack when the plumber comes to fix the sink. Then again, if the plumber happens to be hot... but I digress.

If you are using a vibrator for anal stimulation, however, that's where I start to get a little bit nervous about germs and bacteria. Let's face it--our intestinal tract is full of nasty bacteria that you would rather keep confined to your anus. If you do use a vibrator anally, I would use a special cleanser afterwards, to ensure that it zaps some of the nastier buggers that hang out in your rear entry.
Better yet, it's not a bad idea to designate some toys for anal play, some for vaginal play, and then decide that nary the twain shall meet. Trust me, you don't want to get an intestinal bacterial infection in your cooter simply because your toy wasn't cleaned properly. I also know people who slip a condom over their vibrator if they use it anally, to make clean up a lot easier and to minimize risk of infection.

It should be emphasized that even if you are in a monogamous relationship, you and your partner should never share a vibrator that you are both using anally. If you share the toy, you can also share the germs. The bottom line is that you should use common sense when playing with toys: Clean them; don't share them; don't mix and match between front and back door use, and all should be just fine.

Can you lose your virginity without bleeding?

Well, yes, it is possible, but not likely. If you happen to rip your hymen inadvertently, through using a tampon, a vibrator, or a bump on your bum while riding a bicycle, you could technically experience a tear with a minimal amount of blood loss. This is especially true if you have a smaller hymen than average. Most women experience some amount of bleeding when they have sex for the first time, but the amount lost varies from woman to woman.

I am a woman with long fingernails and I am concerned about injuring myself during masturbation. Is this a possibility?

Well, let's look at it this way--can you scratch yourself with your long nails? Can you leave huge red tracks in your partner's back after a steamy session in the sack? I feel pretty confident that your answer will be "yes." So, can you injure your girlie bits while masturbating? Yes, it is possible. Remember, that your vaginal tissue is somewhat thin, and can tear more easily than skin on your arm, for example. Because of this, you need to take extra care when you are using your finger on your clit, or to penetrate yourself. I suggest using ample amounts of lube to ensure that you aren't creating an extraordinary amount of friction on your bits. You could also think about using a vibrator, or a fingertip massager, to help keep your nails away from your more delicate skin. Because your entire genital area is fed by a network of veins, you tend to bleed more easily down there than you would on other parts of your body. If you take care down there, and minimize the ways in which your nails could deliver a painful cut, you should be able to masturbate without any problems. 
One last caveat I will throw in, however: Please, wash your hands well with soap and water before you get down to business. Our hands carry an enormous amount of bacteria underneath and on top of our fingernails, and you don't necessarily want to give yourself a urinary tract or vaginal infection from some nasties your nails brought to the party. This goes the same for anyone masturbating, but especially for women with longer nails.

Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.