Naughty Nurse 12/1/2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

DISCLAIMER:
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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Apparently, Naughty Nurse Kimpy hit a homer last week when she discussed hormones and pheromones:

Okay, SEE! I've been telling my friends for yours that my husband smells AMAZING, and even more so at that particular time in my cycle, but they always tell me I'm crazy, that I'm making it up. Even he thinks I'm wacky when I tell him he smells fantastic after a workout HA! I'm so glad to be validated once and for all.

Yeah, Naughty Nurse Kimpy is still in love with her readers. JSYK.

Hi, Nurse Kimpy!
I turned 18 in July and became sexually active almost immediately afterwards. I've slept with 5 people, and several times with one of them. Unfortunately I've only used a condom one time. I know, I know, I'm a bad girl, but I feel like using a condom is not "normal." I asked one guy if we should use a condom and he said "huh?" and I said "I have a condom in my wallet," but he just put it in, and I thought "Whatever, I'm on birth control." But now I don't feel so "whatever." Some days I feel a bit uncomfortable and a bit itchy in the area down there, but usually it goes away after a few days. I'm a bit worried about STD's, but my fear of doctors and gynecologists keeps me from checking it out. I feel seriously squicked out at the thought of someone poking and staring at me down there. I'm also afraid of what they will find if I do go, but I'm pretty sure I don't have a serious STD, if I have one at all. So lately I've felt really bad about my sexual experiences and my sexuality, not just because of a possible STD, but because of the rape culture and slut shaming. I have some friends and they're not very positive about my sexuality, and it hurts me, tbh. So do you have some tips for a sexually active teenage wreck?

Um, wow. There’s a lot going on here, but let’s break things down a bit:

1. You’re absolutely correct, it’s not safe, nor is it smart, to have sex without using protection every time. Safe sex isn’t just about avoiding a pregnancy, it’s also about avoiding diseases that could harm and/or kill you. There’s nothing abnormal about using a condom. You need to change your thought process to encompass using condoms as long as you are having casual sex. Naughty Nurse Kimpy isn’t judging--you have the right to make your own choices about having sex--but she is tapping her tiny foot in annoyance over the idea that using protection isn’t “normal.” Unless you’re having sex with a monogamous partner and you’ve both been tested for, and are all clear of, any STIs, you’re engaging casual sex, and you need to protect yourself and your partner.

2. Women are at risk for STIs that do internal damage while leaving few clues that you even have one, even if you weren’t having potential symptoms like intermittent itchiness. Even something as common as chlamydia can cause Pelvic Imflammatory Disease (PID), which can lead to scarred fallopian tubes and raise your risk for tubal pregnancies in the future.

3. Naughty Nurse Kimpy is going to say this as gently as possible... if you’ve decided that you want to be master of your own sexual domain, that’s great, but you also need to accept responsibility for the choices you make. If you can choose to let someone stick their penis in you, then you need to be mature enough to let a doctor take a peek at your lady bits, too. Yes, the possibility that you might have something wrong is scary, but putting your head in the sand isn’t going to make it magically go away. The longer you wait, the more damage that could be done. Take a deep breath, gather your courage, and get thee to a gynecologist. Soon. There are tons of women gynecologists out there, and you could even opt to go somewhere like Planned Parenthood, where they deal with these sorts of things all the time. You won’t have to feel out of place or scared there. There also won’t be any judgments being made about your sexual activity--their main purpose is to help you be safe and avoid an unplanned pregnancy.


4. As for your friends, and their views/judgments about your sexual activity/behavior, I encourage you to stop listening to what they have to say about it. You’re the only person involved in choosing to have sex, not your friends. If they would decide to make different choices, that’s fine, but it doesn’t have a bearing on you. Because they’ve been negative nellies about your choices, I suggest that you simply quit sharing your experiences with them. It’s nobody’s business but your own, and your partner’s.

5. Naughty Nurse Kimpy does have a larger concern here, one that overrides anything else that you’ve mentioned--you claimed your right to have sex the minute you turned 18, but you believe using a condom isn’t normal, you’re afraid you might have an STI, you feel that seeing a gynecologist is “squicky,” and that your friends have dissed you for your sexual choices. All this adds up to the fact that while you’ve decided to claim your sexuality, you haven’t thought through the ramifications of the choices you’ve made. There’s more to having sex than just the act, and if you’re old enough and mature enough to be having sex, you need to take responsibility for being safe, too.

i love sex but then i get scared of getting pregnant... my periods are late by 2 days and im freaking out.. i was sick for a few days and soo im not sure of what to think of... how do i find out if iam pregnant coz i have no way of getting a pregnancy test... PLEASE HELP ME.....

Naughty Nurse Kimpy totally understands the fear of getting pregnant when you don’t want to be, even when you’re using birth control responsibly. The first thing you need to do is to breathe and try to relax. Your brain has an amazing ability to screw with your cycles when you get stressed out--you can get your period early, or late, or not at all. So, the very best thing you can do is to decrease your level of stress, which should help your cycle get back into its regular groove.

Next, Naughty Nurse Kimpy recommends that you find a very reliable method of birth control, then use it religiously. There are so many different options at your disposal--the pill, the ring, the patch to name just a few. The bonus of using these methods is that you also know exactly when your period is due. This will do a great deal to lower your stress over an unplanned pregnancy.

Finally, there’s dealing with what you fear are symptoms of pregnancy. Early symptoms include very painful breasts, bloating, fatigue, and morning sickness. When you’re pregnant, the nausea you feel is often intermittent, meaning it happens at specific times, and not typically all day. Many women find that if they get over tired, or go to long between meals, the nausea comes on strong. You might also notice a change in the way things smell or taste. Aside from getting an actual pregnancy test, however, there is no sure way to know you’re pregnant aside from symptoms. There’s also the fact that if you miss your period several times in a row, it’s a pretty good indicator that you’re probably pregnant.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy recommends that you pay a visit to your gynecologist to talk about some highly reliable birth control methods that might be an option for you, and also maybe getting a dose of the Plan B pill, which can help you avoid a pregnancy if you have unprotected sex or experience a birth control failure (like a broken condom). It works for up to 72 hours after you have unprotected sex, so it’s a great option to have if you should ever need it.

i usually go around the house braless and then just cover up if i get uhm...nippy. lately, my breasts are getting nippy without my even realizing it 'til i glance down or something. i know you're deal about "normal," but my breasts weren't always this way and i'm wondering if there could be something wrong with them

You’re correct, Naughty Nurse Kimpy isn’t a fan of the word normal, but she has to admit that nipples that get nippy on their own are, indeed, reacting in a completely normal and expected way. Nipples are highly sensitive to both touch and temperature, which is why they get nippy when touched or they get cold. While it might not have always been like this for you, Nurse Kimpy suspects that the friction caused by your nipples rubbing against your shirt is causing them to react by getting all nippy. In other words, they’re doing their job. Unless they’re suddenly becoming chafed or causing you physical discomfort, you don’t have anything to worry about.

I can get an orgasm from people just grazing my clit or just rubbing my nipples, sometimes even from over my clothes, but when I try to masturbate no matter how much I try I just can’t get an orgasm, I get myself to the peak but nothing beyond that, and it leaves me frustrated ...... is that normal ?~

Oooh, the word normal appears twice in one ANNK blog post? *shudder* Is it normal to get your “O” face on when other people arouse you, but not when you use your own hand? It’s certainly not unheard of. Naughty Nurse Kimpy suspects that what’s happening here is that your body seems to like the element of surprise when it comes to getting aroused. In other words, you have no idea what a partner is going to do to arouse you, and that level of the unknown is what it takes to get you wound up. When you take matters into your own hand, that element of surprise is no longer there, and thus, the level of excitement isn’t as great.

Keep in mind that your brain is one of the most important parts of sexual arousal--it can totally help or hinder your progress towards a good “O.” Your self talk while masturbating could be what’s tripping you up; you get yourself nearly to the peak, and then your brain starts saying things like, “God, I can’t believe this is taking so long!” or “How can I come so easily when someone else touches me, but not when I touch myself?” Those types of messages can completely short circuit your progress toward orgasm.

The next time you give masturbation a try, use some props to get yourself wound up. Read a ton of racy erotica. Look at erotic pictures or porn. Don’t start to actually touch yourself until you’re already very aroused. If you want, buy a vibrator and see if that helps to move you along the path to orgasmic bliss. Do whatever you can to short circuit any negative messages your brain might be giving your body, and Nurse Kimpy thinks you might just get where you really want to go. *wink*

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Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER:
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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Hey NNKimpy, you do some great work in this column - greatly appreciated! I have a couple of suggestions regarding some recent questions.

The first one was about "non-infectious" *g* porn sites. I like yuvutu. It is pretty much all amateur, people uploading their own stuff, which I prefer over staged, traditional porn. No annoying fake story lines, or fake bodies, just ordinary pervs uploading for their own fun.
My other suggestion regards birth control options. I think you've mentioned it before, but I want to once again pimp the BEST option I've ever found - the Mirena IUD. No periods (no cramping, mood swings, period-migraines), and very little to worry about! Although it is marketed to women who have already have kids, those of us who haven't had kids can still get it. Apparently it is slightly more painful to have inserted if you haven't had kids, but since it only takes all of 5 minutes, it really isn't bad at all.
The Mirena is actually *more* effective than tubal ligation (no ovulation as well as "hostile uterine environment"), and one insertion is good for 5 years! The doc checks the string at my yearly appt., and apparently even when the hormone wears off after about 5 years, it can still work like an "ordinary" IUD, but periods will come back. To hell with that - I'll get the thing replaced - no periods rocks! The only real caveat is that an IUD isn't really appropriate for someone not in a monogamous relationship, since there is a slightly higher risk of disease transmission, with the string protruding slightly through the cervix. But for those primarily worried about pregnancy, the Mirena is a godsend. And, to make those who are really paranoid happy, condoms plus the IUD is even better.
Apparently some guys can feel the string (more like a little piece of plastic) protruding from the cervix when during sex (depending on how the uterus & cervix is set inside the woman), but the doctor can easily "trim" the string with no discomfort or difficulty, and fix that problem.
If the woman later decides she wants kids, it is easily and quickly removed, and there is very little time required before everything can start up again. For those of us who don't want kids.....godsend. And some prescription plans (in the US) even cover it as a "medication" since it has the hormone component!
So, yeah, just wanted to again highlight some of the major advantages to this method, since most people don't seem to know about them, or understand how they work.
Thanks again for all you do!

Naughty Nurse Kimpy agrees, IUDs can be a girl's best friend, but as you mentioned, they're not right for everyone. If people are interested in this birth control option, talk to your GP or gynecologist about it, and they'll help you determine whether or not this is the right choice for you. They can be awesome and amazing, and highly effective.

As always, thank you so much for sharing your information for other readers.

By now, all of you are aware of Naughty Nurse Kimpy's emphasis that everyone's bits are special and unique, not weird or abnormal. My lovely fellow Perv Jen, who constantly stokes my inner SexNerd, has brought to my attention a book that I simply have to pimp to my readers. It's called I'll Show You Mine. Using 120 pictures of 60 women, it celebrates the uniqueness of lady bits. My favorite part is that it illustrates, up close and personal, just how different the vulva can look. It seems like we're all being conditioned by the media to accept only certain types of images of female genitalia--breasts that have been augmented, vulva that have been subject to plastic surgery. How refreshing to see a book come along that does its best to trump those images and show something that is both real and beautiful. For anyone who worries that they don't look quite right, I encourage you to check it out, and understand first hand that the way you look is exactly the way you are supposed to look.

Can the labia minora get larger? I feel like my inner lips have gotten larger but I really can’t remember what they looked like before. I am very insecure about it and have looked into surgery but I am very scared, any advice?

I have read:
The operation to reduce the labia minora is simple. It can be done by a gynaecologist or a plastic surgeon. There are two ways of doing it.
• The surgeon may simply trim the edges of the labia, in which case you may be left with a scar running along the edges of the labia.
• The other method is to remove a fan-shaped portion of each lip, and then stitch the cut edges together. This reduces the size of the lip without much scarring, but problems with healing are more likely.

Oh, dear. The book I recommended above? It's for you, my sweet reader. Naughty Nurse Kimpy is never going to tell you to alter your genitals, except in rare instances where they've been subject to some kind of external trauma (like a mastectomy, for instance, or vulvar cancer). I understand that you might feel insecure about your vulva, and it is indeed possible that they've gotten larger. This is especially true for women who've gone through pregnancy and delivery. That being said, insecure or no, you *should* be scared about altering your vulva. It's both painful and unnecessary. I find it sadly ironic that so many women are up in arms over the concept of female genital mutilation, yet they'll willingly go under the knife to alter their own breasts or vulvas. If you take a step back and look at it objectively, the two issues are pretty similar. The only difference is that one group has a choice in the matter, and the other does not.
Having plastic surgery on your vagina is painful and requires a period of healing. It's most painful and swollen in the first 72 hours, but can take 2-6 weeks until you fully heal. Urination afterwards can be difficult and painful when the urine comes into contact with the surface of the labia. There could be scarring, and it's an expensive, elective procedure. There are also no guarantees--you could heal improperly from the surgery, so that one labia ends up longer than the other. Not only that, but it can also be uncomfortable to wear anything that's form fitting, and sex can be very painful as you recuperate.

The bottom line? Naughty Nurse Kimpy feels that your time and money will be more well spent if you focus on learning to love what you already have, because there's absolutely nothing wrong with the vulva as nature intended it to look. Period.

Is it normal for the folds of your vagina to hang below the lips?

Yep, it sure is. Please refer to an older post of ANNK to see the infamous pussy cube (a collection of images of real women's vaginas and how different they all appear from one another). Learn to love your cooter just as it is. It is both beautiful and real.

When reading delicious fanfiction lemons, authors always talk about how girls go crazy when their man touches their breasts, licks their nipples, etc. I have zero nipple sensation and never have had any. I literally cannot tell if my husband is kissing on my breasts or not. Is there anything I can do so I don't miss out on this important erogenous zone?

It's true that for most women, nipple play is incredibly erotic. However, no one body is exactly the same, and something that turns me on could be the opposite from someone else. We all go through a process of discovery when we're learning what gets us off. For you, nipples aren't going to be that thing. While you may feel like you're missing out, you shouldn't. There are many other areas of your body that are highly sensitive erogenous zones. You could schedule a research session with your lover to figure out what they all are. Once you know, you can focus your energy on those areas, and you won't need to worry so much about your nipples and breasts.

For those of you who are interested in breast augmentation surgery, please be aware that one of the side effects can be a loss of nipple sensation. If you don't want to lose that, I encourage you to rethink augmentation.

I have been reading fanfiction for quite a long time and it is sometimes mentioned in stories that a girl orgasms just from having her nipples played with. Personally I'm not so sensitive there, but I understand that there are no standards and many women (as well as men) can thoroughly enjoy nipple play. Is it really possible to enjoy it so much that you can orgasm because of it alone, though?

As I discussed in the previous question, nipples can be a huge erogenous zone for many women. Along the range of normal, you will find some women who don’t get much out of nipple play, and those who love it intensely. Keeping that in mind, it is entirely possible for a woman to have an orgasm from nipple play alone. In real life, does it happen as much as in fanfiction? Not a chance.

I have had an inverted nipple since I was around 15. I was wondering, are they normal? Do other women (or even men) have inverted nipples? Can women breastfeed with an inverted nipple? More importantly, can they be fixed? What do guys think of inverted nipples? Sorry, that's a load of questions, but I had to ask!

Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t like the word normal, but she’ll use it in this instance to reassure you that inverted nipples are indeed within the range of normal. Both women and men can experience inverted nipples.

Women with inverted nipples are able to breastfeed. For some women, their inverted nipples can either temporarily or permanently become protracted during pregnancy or as a result of breastfeeding. Sometimes, using a breast pump before breastfeeding can force the nipple to protract.

Can inverted nipples be fixed? Well, yes, but that begs the question why do they need to be fixed? Small quirks and differences between one woman’s body and another’s is what makes the world an interesting place. You wouldn’t be uniquely you if your nipple wasn’t inverted. Since it’s within the range of normal, why bother to fix it at all?

If your self confidence would improve by changing your inverted nipple to a protracted one, however, there are a number of different techniques that you could use, like breast shells, the Hoffman technique, nipple piercings, nipple clamps, or plastic surgery. Breast shells and the Hoffman technique are now being discouraged, because they can actually permanently interfere with the ability to breastfeed.
In order for nipple piercing or nipple clamps to work, a woman has to be able to at least temporarily protract her nipple. While it is protracted, the piercing is done or the nipple clamp is applied. Women can safely breastfeed with pierced nipples, but the nipple hardware needs to be removed first.

The most dramatic/invasive way to get rid of inverted nipples is to have plastic surgery. While the end result of the surgery may change the appearance of the breast, it will also permanently take away the woman’s ability to breastfeed from that nipple. If this is the option you choose, and you are interested in breastfeeding at some point, be aware that you will no longer be able to do so.
What do guys think of inverted nipples? Dude, they’re boobs. All boobs are good boobs, even if they possess an inverted nipple. If you run into a partner who can’t appreciate your breasts for what they are, and the way they are, then that person really isn’t for you, in the long run.

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Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.