Naughty Nurse Kimpy - 11/16/2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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Making sure that sex--all forms of sex--is safe, consensual, and FUN.

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DISCLAIMER:
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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In honor of tomorrow’s opening of The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn, Part I, this week Nurse Kimpy is focusing on the hymen. Admittedly in past blog posts, she has gotten a little worked up over how much angst a tiny piece of skin can cause. However, hymen questions continue to be asked, which means they continue to cause angst. Let no question be unanswered, then.

Oh, and also? You can rest assured that reading Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy in no way makes you subject to becoming impregnated with a half-vampire spawn baby. JSYK.

Before we dive into the questions, let’s start with a brief definition of what, exactly, the hymen is. Naturally, we’re talking about human hymens, the kind that break. Vampire hymens that remain magically intact and encased in stony vamp skin have no place in this post.

Every woman is born with a slight rim of tissue at the opening of the vagina--this rim is otherwise known as the hymen. It has as many variations in form as do women in general; no one’s hymen looks exactly like someone else’s. There are thick hymens and thin hymens, there are rippled hymens and smooth hymens. There are some that nearly cover the entire vaginal opening, and some that are so flexible, they never tear. Please keep that in mind as you read on.

I'm not a virgin by any means, but I can still feel the ring of my hymen. It's never broken, it's just stretched over time, even though I've been with some well-endowed men. Is it possible that it's not going to actually break until I have a child? Does that happen to women a lot?

It sounds as though you have one of those uber-flexible hymens, the kind that stretch and stretch and never break. So yes, it is entirely possible that your hymen will be intact until you deliver a child. I think it is a safe assumption to make that a baby’s head will be enough to do the trick of breaking your very own Stretch Armstrong hymen. Trust.

Does this happen to women a lot? Uh, no. Just the lucky ones. *wink*

I'm in a right age but still a virgin, just want to know if it's really bad/hurt for the first time. Any tips to make it a little better so that its not that sore afterwards. Just heard that you cant walk, or it really hurts when you pee or something. Thank you so much and I really learned so much from your site, its very informative. Keep up the good work Nurse Kimpy.

There are many virgins in the fandom who are mightily afraid of losing their virginity, because they’re convinced it’s going to be hideously painful. Nurse Kimpy is here to soothe your fears away and give you some pointers on minimizing soreness.

There are two main reasons losing your virginity can be painful:

1. Anxiety

2. Lack of lubrication

Fear and anxiety, as we all know, can make a person very tense. In general, muscle tension and sex aren’t like white wine and chicken--they don’t pair well together. The more relaxed you can be, the better. Do what you need to do to in order to get yourself in a comfortable place. If that means massage, or a glass of wine, then by all means, indulge. Whatever it takes to get you relaxed is key.

For some women, they might find themselves less than physically ready when their partner is ready to drive it home. One of the best ways to minimize this kind of discomfort is to make sure that you use ample amounts of lubrication before your partner penetrates you. Nurse

Kimpy cannot stress enough that lube will make the event much easier in the long run, and will make you far more comfortable than not using it.

Nurse Kimpy has never used orajel on her lady bits, but she has heard that it is a useful tool in numbing the opening of the vagina. The good news is that orajel is formulated for oral use/mucus membranes, which is similar to vaginal tissue. Using orajel in addition to lots of lube might be just the thing you need.

One last thing--for those people who have told you that it’s painful to walk after losing your virginity, Naughty Nurse Kimpy wonders just what the heck they were doing when they lost their virginity. In general, tearing your hymen should have no impact on your ability to walk. As far as it being painful to pee afterwards, that’s due to the skin tear being sensitive to any sort of direct contact, liquid or solid. You can use some sort of ointment or lubrication to keep the skin moist, which will also help to minimize any discomfort you might have. Aquaphor is a great choice and won’t irritate your tender skin. If you intend to have sex again soon afterwards, however, and are using condoms or anything made of latex, you should be sure to use a water-based lubricant or ointment in lieu of Aquaphor, which is petroleum-based.

OK, so I'm an avid cyclist. I ride about 20-25 hours a week (not including my morning commute to school) and have since I was 15. I've even done rides of the nude variety. I'm still a virgin but some of my riding partners, who are guys, keep telling me that my hymen is no longer intact. They say that all the extensive riding and the pressure on my cooter broke it years ago. Is there any truth to this or are they just BSing me?

You are an avid cyclist, and Naughty Nurse Kimpy applauds your commitment. She’ll leave the nude-variety cycling to you, however.

*Naughty Nurse Kimpy shakes her head at those know-it-all boys* Okay, so it is entirely possible that your hymen could be broken by all the cycling you’ve done over the years, but it’s not like a guaranteed way to break your hymen. There are still plenty of women whose hymens are more durable than a bike seat. If you really want to know if they’re right, ask you gynecologist during your next exam. They’ll be able to assess it for you and tell you the ultimate truth. If it is broken, though, you’re still a virgin in Naughty Nurse Kimpy’s book. To her, losing one’s virginity is an issue of sexual penetration, not a breaking of tissue. As you are now aware, some women have hymens that never break, even when they’ve had sex. So the final tally in Nurse Kimpy’s book is that while your hymen may very well be long gone, your virginity is just as intact as ever.

Im still a virgin but my hymen broke ages ago. Sometimes when i use a toy, i notice that theres some blood on it and it kind of scares me. Is there something wrong? Im not on my period when i notice this so i know thats not the reason why...Help me please!

Oh my dear reader, please don’t be alarmed. True, it can be concerning when blood comes from your vagina when you’re not having your period, keep in mind that the vagina is an area of the body that is rich in blood vessels. One of the ways that your vagina gets itself ready for sex is for its tissue to become engorged. How does it get engorged? Dilated blood vessels.

So, you might ask, what do dilated blood vessels have to do with your vaginal/non-period bleeding? Naughty Nurse Kimpy’s best guess is that the toy you are using is of bigger girth than you are used to, it stretched the opening of your vagina a little further than it was used to, and you broke open some tiny blood vessels. No big deal. Vaginal skin heals readily and easily, and you’ll be back to yourself in no time. The only time you need to become concerned is if your bleeding becomes enough that you require a tampon or pad. If it does, please get to your doctor as soon as possible.

Dear Nurse Kimpy,

Firstly, thanks a bunch for having this column! It is incredibly informative!

Okay, so my question is in regards to sex. I have a very small vagina and tear every single time I have sex. I was even referred for, and have had vaginal surgery to increase my size.
Lately, it has been even more painful than normal and I've noticed that I have started to 'dry up' incredibly quickly.
It doesn't matter how turned on and ready I am, after about 15 minutes, there is no moisture left and I have to stop due to pain. I have tried a few lubricants but have found that, as I have sensitive skin, I tend to be allergic...

Any ideas or is there anything you could suggest please?

Hmm, this is a quandary, isn’t it? *Naughty Nurse Kimpy dives into her research*

First of all, NNK doesn’t know how old you are, so she isn’t sure if hormone levels might be playing a role in the dryness you’re experiencing. Estrogen is what typically drives vaginal lubrication and moisture, so it could be that your natural estrogen levels are low. Fortunately, your gynecologist can do a test that will let you know if your hormone levels are off.

Second, if you have sensitive skin, you want to avoid any lubricants that are either oil- or silicon-based. Water-based lube has just become your best friend. I’ve listed a few different suggestions here:

Yes lubricant

Liquid Goddess lubricant

Comfort Sensitive Skin lubricant

Finally, Naughty Nurse Kimpy suggests that when you’re at your gynecologist getting your hormone levels checked, talk to your doctor about the fact that you’re still having a lot of pain during intercourse. It could be that you need additional surgery to open the vagina more. Clearly, the goal is pleasurable--not painful--sex. They should be able to offer you some more suggstions on how to make sex comfortable.

after initially starting to masturbate I found that i could only get off from stimulating my clitoris. So I'm not a stranger to the big O, but I've read that you can get accustomed to clitoral orgasms to the point that you might have trouble orgasming any other way. So I decided to try to give penetration a shot, but I COULDN'T EVEN GET ONE FINGER IN! I tried doing research but I guess I didn't know where to start. how the hell can a penis fit in there if I can't even handle a finger?

Note to self: DO. NOT. PANIC. Okay, so your vagina today is tight. Very tight. Like, studio loft in NYC tight. Not to worry. Remember that your vagina is designed to be able to deliver 8 pound babies. It’s very flexible tissue and can handle a lot of stretching. Ultimately, your vagina will be able to stretch to accommodate your partner’s peen, have no fear. Truly.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy suspects that you have a microperforate hymen, meaning that it covers most of your vaginal opening. The good news is that you can talk to your gynecologist about this, and they can operate to enlarge the opening to your vagina. It’s a simple procedure that can usually be done in the doctor’s office. I recommend that you speak to your gynecologist about it during your next exam. They should know exactly what to do to take care of the problem.


Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

---

DISCLAIMER:
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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Even MORE advice for jilling off, from another wonderful reader! Please take note, ladies, that not everyone can have orgasms on command, and that's okay. You can still get where you need to go, if you work it right!

Nurse Kimpy, can I just start by saying how absolutely wonderful I think you are? What you're doing is awesome. I really wish something like this was around when I was an awkward and worried teen!
Now as someone who has had to work pretty hard for her orgasms, I have a bit of advice to impart which I hope you'll pass on.

What you said about holding off for a few days was spot-on. It took me a long time to realise that the longer you wait, the hornier you are when you eventually get down to business, and the easier it is. I would also advise to do whatever makes you horny - watch porn, read an erotic novel or smutty fanfiction, or fantasize like crazy - but DON'T masturbate. Do the same thing again for another day or two without masturbating. After a few days, you'll feel a LOT more frustrated and horny, and therefore sensitive than normal. I always go through this routine when I'm single or am not expecting any for a while.
Working out when you ovulate and waiting until then is also definitely worth trying.

If you're like me and have trouble even when you're with a guy, I advise to go through that same routine - watch porn and fantasize about naughty things, without masturbating. By the time he arrives, you'll be sufficiently worked up.

Another thing I find is that it's important to feel sexy. For me, that usually involves shaving my legs and getting a bikini wax - there's nothing sexier than smooth skin!

You guys get me all teary eyed and blushy, seriously. THANK YOU. *whispers* One of the reason Naughty Nurse Kimpy does what she does is that she, too, wishes there had been a resource like this when she was growing up.

One of my fellow Pervs, Jen, stokes my inner sexgeek with amazing stuff on the science of sex. For my readers who want more details on the specifics of the elusive female orgasm, I encourage you to check out these two great articles: Rutgers Lab Studies the Female Orgasm Through Brain Imaging and Clitoral Compass: Neuro-Sexual-Science and the Really Big Bang.


Naughty Nurse Kimpy has a retraction of sorts--well, an addendum, actually--made possible by the fine detail skills of TheLadyInGrey. She let me know that BONOBO MONKEYS are among the mammals that have sex for other reasons than procreation. Check it out: Evolution's First Blowjob. They actually use sex as a way to keep the peace and make sure everyone is happy. Don't argue, give blowjobs! *gigglesnort*

Ok, so if you say you're still a virgin until you have vaginal/penetrative sex. Then what if you are a lesbian? Does oral sex count or do dildos or fake things cause you to lose your virginity?

GOOD QUESTION. I want you to note that I used the words "vaginal" and "penetrative" sex, and I did that specifically because I didn't want to rule out lesbians. If you're a lesbian, you and your partner can definitely have penetrative sex, with any number of objects. And no, I wouldn't count oral sex as losing your virginity.

I need to emphasize here that this is just my own personal opinion on what virginity actually is--it isn't published anywhere that I'm aware of. As a result my work experience and education, I believe that you lose virginity the first time you have sex, and that "sex" can be loosely defined depending upon who your sexual partner is. Thus, I think that gay men can lose their virginity, lesbians can lose their virginity, and heterosexuals can lose their virginity; in other words, losing your virginity is an equal opportunity experience for everyone to enjoy! I define it by the sexual act, not by merely having your hymen broken. Because, as you all know, you can break your hymen via non-sexual acts, so it doesn't do much for me as an indicator of virginity. We also know that boys don’t have hymens, either, but they’re virgins until they have sex for the first time, right? *Naughty Nurse Kimpy rests her case*

is it considered normal to still have irregular periods for someone aged over 18?

Oh dear, there it is again. That word I don't like at all: NORMAL. Trust me, the range of normal in females who are experiencing menstrual cycles is wide, so the range of normal is equally just as wide. Most women experience some type of menstrual irregularity at least once in their lives. An average cycle is 28 days. Remember, an average is calculated using a whole range of numbers and dividing them by the total numbers in that set, so very few women are truly on a 28 day cycle; there are a lot of 21 day cycles, or 32 day cycles.

Most women have variations in their cycle, so one month, it could be 28 days between periods, and another it could be 25. If your variation is 8 days or less every cycle, you're considered to be regular. However, even for women who are regular, it is highly unusual to have variations of less than 4 days, month to month. Physicians define irregular cycles as those that vary between 8-20 days month to month. If you think about that, 20 days of variation means you've almost skipped an entire cycle. So, you're considered irregular, but not alarmingly so. Anything longer than 21 days of variation between periods is considered to be very irregular. Based upon these definitions, you can determine whether or not you are truly irregular.

If you're irregular, it can be frustrating, because it makes life difficult to plan. It can also make trying to become pregnant more challenging. If you're concerned about it, I highly suggest you consult with your gynecologist. They will be able to determine whether or not it is cause for concern. It could just be that your body's hormones fluctuate in a different pattern than it does for most women, but is still within the range of normal.

So, is it considered normal to still have irregular periods after age 18? It absolutely can be, yes. However, the only way to know for certain whether or not your particular irregularity is within the range of normal, or whether it is something else, is to consult with a physician. Good luck to you.

On the subject of foreplay, which area of the outer female sex is the most sensitive?

 

Hmm. This answer is a challenge, because sexual arousal is a very personal and subjective thing, and very few women respond exactly the same way to that question. I mean, think about it--no one cooter looks exactly the same as another, as you can see from the infamous Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy Pussy Cube photo. Some women have very long vulva lips, which could make them more sensitive. Some women wax their entire vulva, both inner and outer lips, which can lead to the area being more sensitized to touch. Perhaps I'm going out on a limb, here, but for most women? Any type of stimulation in that area feels good, and the clitoris is generally the most sensitive part of female external genitalia. The best thing you can do for your lover is to be a gentle tour guide of your lady bits, so that they become a local expert on the subject. You’ll be very glad you did. Trust.

Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.