Friday, February 26, 2010

Answering Bell by ilsuocantante

Answering Bell





Edward gave up his dream when his family needed him and Bella is finding hers after heartbreak. Neither may be ready to start a relationship, but can the undeniable attraction be ignored? Should it? AH-AU, slightly OOC.

So, I've had AB on my to-read list for a looooooong time. I just started reading it right as T got to the heartfail of the fic, and let's face it, I don't do work-in-progress angst. ::shakes head:: So I put it on the back burner, kept it in an open tab in firefox and went about my merry way while she ripped everyone's hearts out. wasn't THAT bad, but all I can say is that I'm glad I waited to read and didn't have to bite my nails in between updates!!

I love the premise of this fic - an older, more mature Bella and Edward living real lives. One of my absolute favorite parts of this fic was Jake. *gasp* IKR? No, not Jacob (he's still a rat bastard), but little Jake, Bella's 7 year old son. A complete spitfire and hilarious and sarcastic and - not gonna lie - reminds me a lot of what I think my little guy will be like in two years.

I also love the supporting characters she's created, with Rose being my favorite. She is the standard no-nonsense, ballsy Rose we know and love without all the bitchiness.

So besides the great characters, the humor in this fic also sold me - I lol'd many a times reading this and that doesn't happen very often in a fic. Besides the hilarity, the smut is...hawt. This Edward is a sensitive kinda guy, but he has a dirty fucking mouth and isn't afraid to use it. Rawr.

For those that didn't contribute to the Haiti compilation that MsKathy put together, you'll have to wait a few days to read the epi (it will post on FFn 3/1), but it was a perfect glimpse into their future and I really loved how everything was tied up.

I give this 4 out of 5 stethoscopes hanging over the naked chest of Edward... (whaaaaat?)

OK. Hold the front page. The thing that I like best about this fic - is NOT, I repeat NOT Edward. Nor is it Edward & Bella's relationship!


Now don't faint down there at the back. I life all the way over in blighty! So I can't come fan you gently until you come round and feed you grapes as you convalesce. So steady on there loves! Yes I know its a shock. As EVERY week, I blether on saying a version of my fave thing is Edward. But in Answering Bell, my very fave thing is Bella's relationship with another.

Yes really!

Now don't wing out dear fellow wussperv's, I am talking about Bella's relationship with Esme.

No! Not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter for a few mins!
Esme is Edward's mother. She is in severe emotional pain and distress, which has caused Edward a whole lot of problems. It has compromised his life choices and his day-to-day life. Bella & Esme strike up a mutual understanding and dependence. Which I think is sensitively & brilliantly conceived. & to me - it is the main strength of this story.

The other thing I love about this story is Bella's relationship with - wait for it ...................................... Jake! **GASP** Hold your horses Wusspervs (again) - I mean Bella's son Jake. He is THE cutest!!! Lovely and cute. The way ilsuocantante writes Bella's relationship with her son strikes me as very genuine and touching. Their bond tugs on my heart strings.

Ok. Wussperv alert. There is some HF near the end. But I actually think (perversely) that they were my favourite chapters - I really felt we got to the root of the characters and their relationship in that scene. I felt that I understood them better and their journey made more sense to me because of it. - that is why I think it was my favourite segment of the story (bar the Dr Cullen role-playing)... ;)

Ok - so lets talk fuck hot docs! :) HELL YEAH! I love fancy dress in the fandom. & there is a champion scene involving Dr Cullen & Naughty Nurse Swan. Rarrrr! Much fun & pleasure to read. Answering Bell is a nice mix of love and loss. As I mentioned above I particularly enjoyed some of the more supplementary interactions. I thought they were pivotal to the story and struck a chord with me somehow. Plus there is a great smattering of sexy times too! four shiny cold stethoscopes out of five from me...

I found this story from TLYDF and a ficdive that GinnyW did. I was hesitant at first because the angst factor was possible. Of course, like Bri, I choose to read it when she's in the middle of drama!

Edward in this is just ungh. A phenomenal son, a great man and just hurting beneath it all looking for someone to help him through it all. I agree hands down with Esme that the relationship between mother and son is just perfect throughout the story and it tugs on the heartstrings. The thing is too that it carries through to Bella and Jake. Wee Jake is just a hoot and sweet.

The big Jake character isn't my favorite but he's not supposed to be. He's really portrayed as a dick and one that is deserving of a whoopin' from Edward.

Their growth throughout the story is what really kept me reading and enjoying it. ILC does a great job with expressing their feelings - both tender moments and dramatic - and you're completely vested in the story by the end.

The smut. Unf. Christ, she doesn't waste any time with getting the UST going. It's a nice climb and holy hell does she ever deliver (a few times over!)

All in all AB is a great read. It's complete (as of 3/1 when the epi goes up) and honestly, I think E/B shippers will enjoy it a great deal.

4 out of 5 stethoscopes

I gotta say, first of all, that I'm not caught up with AB yet. Not due to any lack of motivation or desire to read, just simply a matter of time. Because really, AB is a great story full of humor, hotness, and heartfail. The holy trinity of ff. Am I right?

AB is the story of Bella and Edward, both recovering from some major pain and loss, both more mature, and both in need of some (sexual) healing. I don't want to spoil what happened to either to bring them to this point in life. Suffice it to say the pain is fresh and strong and real. Edward and Bella really do need each other to help heal and move forward.

One of my favorite characters is Jake. Not Jacob. Jake. He's Bella's little creep of a son. And he's simply adorable. You get such a great feel of how it is to raise a dirty boy (something I know NOTHING about). The way he views his mom, his coach, his life is so sweet, simple and beautiful. Comments like this make me want to hug the guts out of him.

"Why did you say he makes me happy?"

He thought for a moment as he munched on his apple slices and cheese. "Well, you're always smiling when he's here. And you laugh a lot, too. You used to be sad all the time, but now you don't cry anymore and you laugh."

He definitely crawls into your heart and nuzzles deep inside.

Jacob on the other a fucking bastard. And I, like Edward, want to bash his face in.

I also really grew to love both Rosalie and Emmett, especially in their interactions with Edward. Rosalie and Edward are friends. Emmett and Edward are bff, basically brothers (well, now technically brothers through marriage). At one point I was laughing so hard over their homo-erotica conversation, I had to take a step away to breathe properly. They way those two are able to use their sarcasm to help draw the emo out of Edward is a joy to read.

Esme too, is another character ilsuocantante has really developed into more than just a passerby. My heart hurts for her and the opposing feelings she has for her family. A desire to keep them close. A need for them to go out and experience the joy of life. Not to mention she is a fucking riot. She calls Edward a fairy and pretty sure I had a screenspray moment.

Bella coming into her own is great to read, especially after basically being repressed for her entire marriage. Edward is so very hot in his sweet yet dirty words. The smut is...oooh. From the time Bella straddles Edward on her couch to using Junior Mints as a means for minty fresh breath for morning sex...guh.

I'm looking forward to catching up...though based on Bri's heartfail comments I may need someone to hold for awhile. 4 out of 5 stethoscopes


The Wusspervs have really rubbed off on me, and this PackPerv is crying for mercy. While I think that Answering Bell has a lot to offer mainstream Edward/Bella shippers, it just wasn't for me. I will not be going into the spoilery reasons that I've tapped out, like a big fucking pussy. However, I will say that I love her Edward and YES wee Jake (Bella's son) was a surprisly delightful part of the story. Few authors can pull off writing in interesting and likable original character, muchless a child, but she did it.

So go read, while I try to find my big girls pants. le sigh

*Please note: My safe word is not Turpentine, cause I ain't a fucking bottom. If you recognize my safe word than I own you a licking. *wink*

I've been meaning to read "Answering Bell" for months, so it was great to have an excuse to finally get to it. It's been on my to-do list since ilsuocantante won the "Love Through Lemons" award for her one-shot "Never Think." Needless to say, AB was a fun little ride.

I'm a big fan of a strong Bella, and AB's version at the beginning of the story is on the verge of becoming self-aware. She married young and had a child shortly afterwards. She works hard to get her college degree, then her Masters, and ends up in a very different place than her husband, Jacob (surprise, surprise). To add insult to injury, Bella learns that Jacob was having an affair for over a year, while she was working on her degree. Thus, Stop #1 on the road to self-awareness for Bella is to get a divorce and move to Seattle with her boy, whom Emmy delightfully refers to as "wee Jake."

Stop #2 for RSAB ("Road to Self-Awareness Bella"), she befriends Jake's teacher, Alice, and finds a new group of friends as a result. Naturally, one of the friends happens to be Edward, who is nursing his own wounds in a world of hurt (we'll call him "Family Comes First" Edward, or FCFE). When our main characters meet, they are slightly damaged, highly vulnerable, and appear to be unprepared for a new romantic attachment. As is true with canon Edward and Bella, however, their chemistry is undeniable. As is also true in canon E+B, they both attempt to deny it. Suffice it to say, it doesn't work.

Stop #3 for RSAB is a drunken night with Alice, in which they meet up with the boys, sing karaoke, and Bella ends up drinking tequila shots out of Edward's mouth. While she is straddled on his lap. In the middle of the bar. NGL, it made me stop and think, "I wonder if I could do that..." Hehehehe. Both Edward and Bella decide that they want to be just friends after the encounter, at least on the surface. Underneath? They are both simmering with lust.


Oh, does it equal UST! These two want each other so badly, yet are determined to take things slowly. Painfully slow. Once these two finally decide to throw caution to the wind, the result is a dirty-talking Edward (UNG) and a more self-confident, sexy Bella determined to finally get what she wants sexually. I think their undeniable draw for one another, and their chemistry, is the most appealing part of AB.

I'm all for self-discovery, and the journey that Bella and Edward take, both separately and together, felt very genuine. I also appreciated the fact that Bella could be a single mom, devoted to her son, wee Jake, and still get what she wanted out of life. Although she had been through some very rough, humbling experiences, she could also rise to the occasion to become fully self-aware. For me, this is rather like an anthem for women in the fandom--don't be afraid to ask for what you want, to be intelligent, and to own your sexuality. In my opinion, that is one hell of a wonderful message to send.

Since I see stethoscopes every day, I decided to give "Answering Bell" 4 out of 5 Wee Jakes

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Kimpy wonders if you Got Wood?





Single father Carlisle moves into a new house and finds more than he bargained for in his new neighbor. Rated M for the usual adult content. Entry for Ninapolitan's DILF contest.

First of all, I have a confession to make, so bear with me. I don’t read many one-shots. Thus, when I was trying to come up with a good selection for this week’s One-Shot Wednesday rec, there was only one I wanted to feature: Wood.

Okay, make that two confessions: I also find that two men sexing it up is just…UNG…HOT. If guys can get off on the idea of two women kissing, I say it’s time for equal opportunities, right, ladies? Let me just tell you right off the bat, when Algie’s boys kiss in Wood, it is truly the best of the best.

For anyone who knows algonquinrt, her hatred of anyone with Carlisle besides Esme is legendary. In fact, her profile states,

Slash is okay in my book (since I'm not particularly fond of most Bella incarnations) but please, dear god, leave Carlisle and Esme out of it. I don't care if you are writing canon or not, those two should stay on their pedestals.

When she was coerced to write an Edward/Carlisle pairing for Ninapolitan’s DILFward contest, she made all kinds of noises about how wrong it was, how terrible, blah, blah, blah, but the result—Wood—is so incredibly hot and luscious, it remains my all-time favorite one-shot.

One of the reasons it is so good is that it portrays gay male relationships so accurately. It’s all about Mr. Right Now, and the new neighbor, Carlisle Cullen, is definitely Edward Masen’s Mr. Right Now: Fuckhot Daddy. That sums up Carlisle Cullen, wouldn’t you agree? As Edward himself puts it:

No games. No bullshit. Simply "hey, we're both queer and I think you're hot, so let's see what happens."

To top it off, you have Jasper perfectly cast as Sullen Emo Teen, complete with attitude and a professed dislike of eating “the flesh of dead animals.” One of my favorite Jasper lines:

Jesus, Dad, get a room. Quit eye-fucking the neighbor dude. He already admitted he was interested when he asked if you were seeing anyone back home. God, I hope I'm not this lame when I'm hitting on girls. I'll die a virgin if that's the case.

Edward works mainly from his home as a comic book artist. He and Bella are best friends, and he is the sperm donor for their daughter, Alice, who is six and staying with Edward for the weekend. After a fumbling flirtation over pizza, Carlisle arranges to have Edward over for dinner on Saturday night. In the interim, here is one small sample of the hotness level Fuckhot Daddy brings to the table:

I return to my drafting table to work, once she's been given a tomato sandwich on whole grain with the crust cut off because she is my princess, only to see that Carlisle is a huge fucking tease. He must know I'm watching him as I work, because it's like a soft core porno going on across the street. Jasper takes a break from mowing to bring his father a glass of water, and Daddy drinks half and pours the other half over his head. Naturally, this leaves me to wonder if it's considered safe to park a six-year-old in front of the television for 15 minutes while Daddy takes care of some business in the shower.

When Saturday finally arrives, precocious little Alice greets Carlisle at the door:

“Hi, I'm Alice,” she announces. “I'm glad Daddy finally has a boyfriend. Mommy says he's crabby when he's not getting any. I'm not sure what he's supposed to be getting, but she said he'd get some when he got a boyfriend.”

It turns out that a mishap with a furniture delivery means that Carlisle and Jasper will be dining Chez Masen on Saturday night. Carlisle spends the day flirting and teasing Edward into a frenzy. When they finally find themselves alone, the sexual tension is palpable:

Goddamnit, Edward, I've been wanting to get you alone since this morning.”
He's pressing me against the damn climbing wall and I can't fucking turn around to face him. Then again, I feel his cock against me and I can't honestly say that's a bad thing.

I choke out a laugh. “Yeah, kids are the ultimate cockblock, aren't they?”

“Fuck, Carlisle,” I grunt.

He tilts his head to look up at me.

“Not just yet, but maybe later,” he growls as he finally—finally—brings his lips to mine.

The kiss is positively feral, all tongues and lips and grunts…Either it's been way too long since the last time I got any, as Bella said, or there's something about this man I haven't experienced before.

His mouth is back at my neck as he frees me from the confines of my jeans. I hadn't bothered with underwear today, hoping something like this would happen.

“Edward?” His question is nothing more than my name as he strokes me, alternating the rhythm between fast-and-hard and slow-and-gentle until I want to scream.

“Please,” I pant. “Please... please...”

Like a huge tease, I’m going to leave it on that note. Suffice it to say, Edward does get what he’s begging for. Oh, does he get it.


The continuation of one-shot Wood was bought by Team Rich Wood for Support Stacie, and another author graciously agreed to write that continuation after Algie ran into real life issues. Email Algie through her account and she'll link you up to the author.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Get To know einfach_mich & kimpy0464

February's HP's are up this week. Let's delve into what makes einfach_mich & kimpy0464 tick.

Perv Profile

Name: Einfach Mich

Known Alias: Jeanne, Jeanne J Thompson, Insufferable h00r, Teaser h00r, Mistress of Team Evil, That bitch that owes me $20

Sex: Yes, Please

Bio: Thirty-something, mother and wife. Long time geek/fangirl, and obsessive over-thinker. Life-long aspiring writer, and one-time actress/theater tech.

Known Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Wars, BSG, Marvel, DC, Smallville, OZ, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, LOTR, Harry Potter, Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter, Pitch Black, A Song of Ice and Fire, Dr. Who, Torchwood, Coupling, Trueblood (tv show only), Twilight (Active)

Primary Influences: Neil Gaiman, Warren Ellis, William Gibson, Einstein, Stephen Hawkings, Shakespeare, Dorothy Parker, Hunter S. Thompson, Salvador Dali, John Waters, David Bowie, David Lynch

Influential Books: Watchman, The Return of the Dark Knight, Batman: The Killing Joke, Dune, The Outsiders, Pride and Prejudice, Titus Andronicus (plays count as books), The Sandman Series, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Watership Down, Transmetropolitan, Global Frequency, Naked Lunch,

Influential Movies: Bladerunner, Legend, Purple Rain, Quills, Kissed, Perfect Blue (anime), Akira (anime), Near Dark, Fight Club, Hairspray, True Romance, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Wild at Heart, The Thin Man series, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Somekind of Wonderful

Twilight Profile

Favorite Canon Ships: Edward/Bella (before the fight scene in Eclipse), Jacob/Bella (suspect becomes highly agitated when challenged on whether this pairing is canon)

Favorite Non-Canon Ships: Edward/Bella/Jacob, Edward/Jacob, Edward/Leah, Edward/James (though suspect believes this ships equates to narcissism since Jame is a literal manifestation of Edward's animal desires), James/Jasper (suspect likes the potential for violence and pretty), Aro/Carlisle (suspect believes that this is canon), Jane/Felix (suspect also believes that this ship is canon), Charlie/Carlisle (suspect was inspired to ship this after viewing the movie), Leah/Jasper, Leah/Felix (New), Reneesme/Nahuel

Current Stories: Confessions of a Difficult Woman, Fall in the Light Profile:

Live Journal:

Suspected Interview
Location: Interrogation Room 69
Date: Monday, February 22, 2010
Time: 05:52:00 PM

Note: Suspect would like it to be noted in the record that she is an unwilling participant in this interview.

Chele: Let’s cut to the chase here. We’ve got questions. You’ve got answers. So the readers don’t have to google it, WTF does Einfach Mich mean?

EM: It is german and it roughly translates into Simply Me or Easy Me. Either one fits me.

Chele: When did you become such a perv?

EM: I was born this way.

Chele: I see you have a Harem. Do you take satisfaction in bringing others along with you in your depravity?

EM: It's hard to take something when it's given up to me so sweetly and so often. In other words, yes. A lot.

Stenographer Note: Suspect smiles.

Chele: What is Team Evil, and where do we sign up?

EM: Team Evil is a group of twi-fans with a shared agenda. Team Evil is about breaking the rules, having fun and sex...a lot of yummy yummy sex. Some of the girls will say it has to do with liking my fic, but don't believe it.

Team Evil is about being yourself, and telling the rest of the world to fuck right off.

Stenographer Note: Suspect kicks boots up onto table, and winks at interrogator.

Chele: You’ve noted that you have written fanfic for years. What prompted you to start sharing your writings?

EM: The Twi-fandom fan fiction writer community, straight up. I have never seen such a supportive and interactive community of writers ever. Without the help of wonderful people that reach out to me on a daily basis, I would have never had the courage to break out of my shell and post my fic.

I think with all the drama and conflict, we often take this community (and it's positive influences) for granted. This is a heaven, a place of nurturing and friendship.

Chele: Why Twilight?

EM: All the loose ends, and unexplored characters. When you cut to the bone of the series it is about the characters, and these characters are fascinating. I write fic for the same reason (that I imagine) a lot of people do. I don't want to let go. I love Edward, Emmett, and Leah too much to close the book on them. I want more for them. More lives, and loves, and in some most cases better ones than they found in canon.

It's no secret that I'm a big Leah fangirl. Honestly, that girl needs all the friends she can get.

Chele: We know all about how you operate. Tell us something about you that might surprise us.

EM: Out of all the Winnie the Pooh characters I identify with Piglet the most.
Stenographer Note: Suspect shrugs.

Chele: You seem entirely unmotivated by reviews. What is that inspires you to write if not for the fandom acclaim?

EM: I am not going to lie, I REALLY appreciate reviews, and I wish I had more time to reply to them. It's taken me a long time to get comfortable and confidant enough to share my writing. I think that one of the things that makes this fandom unique is how active the readers are. I want to continue to support that.

Whenever I have free time, I'm conflicted about whether to use it to write or reply to reviews. I usually choose to write, because in the end, I believe that's what people would want more. I hope that I'm right.

As for what inspires me to write, the answer is always the stories. I've been dreaming up and telling stories all of my life. I remember when I was six I made up a story after I saw the Empire Strikes Back (about how I was Luke's sister, aka the “other” Skywalker).

I only started writing, really writing when I was nineteen. It has been a long hard road to get to the point where I am actually fairly satisfied and proud of my writing. Now, that I finally have a way to get these stories out of my head, and the final product doesn't make me cry with embarrassment, I'm in heaven.

Writing is my drug of choice. It makes me happy, consumes my mind and helps me express things that I otherwise struggle with communicating properly.

Writing is how I try to communicate meta* ideas about a story, canon, characters or fandom in general. My stories aren't just for entertainment. Most of the time I'm trying to say very specific things with these stories or I'm trying to sell you on an idea that you wouldn't normally go for.

Plus I get to write about people fucking, a lot.

Stenographer Note: *Metafiction: Fandom term that describes fictional writing that self-consciously and systematically draws attention to its status as an artifact in posing questions about the relationship between fiction and reality, usually, irony and self-reflection.

Chele: What is it about the fucking and the fighting?

EM: There are two experiences that bookend ALL of our lives. One is being born and the other is dying. Every human being (hell, every living creature) on this planet will experience both of these events, eventually.

Another person is not physically required to be present for both of these events to occur. However, when someone else is involved with either of these experiences it is intense, intimate and can be potentially horrifying or even transcending.

Fucking and Fighting are not exactly life and death, but they are both dances that draw us closer to them. They both can be beautiful and horrible. They can be seductive and repulsive. Both require passion (be it love or hate), and they create a unique connection between those involved.

Plus bruises are sexy, and girls are hot when they beat up dudes.

Stenographer Note: Suspect winks at the interrogator.

Chele: I suppose there’s no chance that you’re going to change your evil ways?

EM: Not a chance.

Stenographer Note: Suspect flips over table and begins to destroy interrogation room with chair. Officers are called in to forcibly remove the suspect from room.

Chele681 begrudgingly agreed to perform the interview because; “I'm only doing this to get in your pants... I need no credit.”

Team Evil is as cool as it sounds. Membership inquires are to be sent to Chele681 (via Twitter).

All About Kimpy0464

Any good story needs to start at the beginning, so gather round, my lovelies, for the engaging tales I will tell. Actually, I’m just kidding. But if you’re game to read, I’m game to give you the 411 on all things Kimpy.

To say that I’m thrilled to bits to be an Honorary Perv is an understatement. When I got the invitation, I felt like looking around the room and saying, “Who, me? No, really? You don’t mean someone else?” Apparently, they did mean me, so here I am.

In RL, I’m a nurse. I work in the Pediatric ICU, and I love, love, love it. I work three days a week and get a week off every three weeks, so I have plenty of time left for FFn (it’s about priorities, after all). I also have my Masters in Public Health, I have ¾ of my Masters in International Management, and recently turned down a spot in a doctoral program for nursing. Quite honestly, I’m enjoying being a nurse so much, I don’t want to give it up. Plus, it would require foregoing FFn, and I’m simply not willing to make such sacrifices at this time. LOL!

I’ve been married for nearly 23 years (I know, I know) and my hubs is a really good guy. He is my best friend and my soul mate and I feel darn lucky that I found him. If you want to read our story, check out my very first one-shot, “Like a Virgin,” and you’ll see what I mean. He’s funny as hell and still makes me laugh every day.

I have one son, who will be 16 this summer, which positively terrifies me—he will be driving in less than six months. I promise to warn all of you ahead of time once he passes his test. He is a lovely boy who has turned me into a far better person than I ever would have been on my own. He has been everything I needed and nothing I expected, which is perfect. While I love him to death, I also knew within about 5 minutes of having him that one was my hard limit. I’m way too anally retentive and intense to handle more than one kid at a time. So, I have the delight of having a child, and the ease of having only one. It’s the best of all possible worlds. Truly. He’ll be attending Comic Con with me this summer. We have a blast geeking out together.

Exactly how I got hooked on Twi is still a mystery to me. My best gay friend, with whom I share a passion for all things non-fiction, coerced me. He said, “We’re going to go see the movie together, so you have to read this.” To which I replied, “Absolutely not. I’ll see the movie, but I can’t read the book. It was on the NYTimes Bestseller list, for god’s sake! I can’t possibly read something like that! It’s about vampires! It’s a romance novel! I can’t do it, I just can’t.” Blah, blah, blah. He didn’t listen. He handed me the book, asking me to give it 15 minutes. I told him 5. I scrunched my nose for the first few minutes. I rolled my eyes a couple of times. I scoffed. But then, I got hooked. It drew me in, like crack cocaine, and I couldn’t stop. I read straight through for 24 hours, and the first chapter of New Moon was at the end of the book. It was a Friday night, 11:00 PM, so I went straight to Barnes and Noble and bought the entire series. I read it through a few (five or so) times, then started just re-reading my favorite passages before going to bed.

I needed more Edward and Bella, so I went to Stephenie Meyers’ website and found Midnight Sun, and that was the real turning point. WTF? An EPOV?! I thought I died and went to heaven, except for the fact that the BEST PARTS were missing, dammit. From there, I found a section of her website talking about FFn, and went to Twilighted. Oh my god, there were stories that filled in the fade-to-black moments?!! UNG. I hung out exclusively there for a few months, but then I discovered FFn, and that is where the true addiction began. At first, I could only read canon stories, because AU and AH just didn’t make any sense to me at all. Then, I happened upon “Frenemies,” and it was like crack all over again. I then flipped in the other direction, and pretty much read AH exclusively now.

At the end of the day, I consider myself to be simply a huge fangirl. Just ask any of the Pervs, I’ve fangirled all over their asses. They probably figured they could get rid of me by asking me to be an HP, but I’m a tad more tenacious than that (bwhahahaha!). They all deliver engaging stories with engaging smut—is there anything better than that?? Not in my book.

Being an ICU nurse, it is pretty hard to squick me out. As long as the schmex happens between two consenting adults, anything people enjoy sexually is fine by me. I love slash, and I’m definitely not a wussperv. It takes a HELL of a lot to make me cry, so if your fic induces Kimpytears, that is a huge accomplishment. I’m also a huge fan of authenticity. As my dear friend and fellow Honorary Perv Einfach_Mich said recently, “I hate reading anal sex written by someone who's OBVIOUSLY never even bothered to research it past the basics. There's more to anal than lube.” Yeah, that sums it up right there.

I have written a few things, and it feels wrong to pimp myself, so you can find my stuff here. I started writing when I entered the “Age of Edward” contest, and just never stopped. I have one completed chapter fic, Desiderata, which is essentially an update of Pride and Prejudice (I’m a huge Jane Austen freak). I’m presently working on two other chapter fics at the moment. I have so much fun writing that it is ridiculous—the fact that there are people willing to read what I write just tickles me to death.

While my FFn obsession started as an offshoot of my Twilight obsession, it has become so much more than that. It is incredible that I’ve met so many wonderful people online. A whole new world opened up for me, and it is populated by women who are highly intelligent, wickedly funny, hugely supportive, and so much fun. My life has become infinitely richer over the past year, ever since I became involved in FFn. My online friendships are an enormous source of pleasure and comfort. I feel incredibly fortunate to know so many good people and to have found such a satisfying hobby.

While there is plenty of negative shit that goes on in FFn, there is also plenty of amazing things that happen, too. When you see some of the things that fans are capable of doing—raising incredible amounts of money for good causes—it makes my heart flutter. Sadly, meanness is present everywhere in life, so it’s no surprise when it hits FFn, too. Personally, I choose to behave in a way that earns respect, and strive to help everyone get along. There is enough unhappiness in the world without bringing it to the fandom.

It is so hard for me to narrow down the fics that I enjoy—it kills me to leave anyone out. Some of my favorite authors include, but are not limited to: Any of the PPSS girls, most especially MsKathy and manyafandom; tarasueme; lolashoes; adorablecullens; Mrs. TheKing; the artist formerly known as algonquinrt; einfach_mich; tby789; and angrybadgergirl. Stories that I keep rereading include, but are not limited to: The Port Angeles Players (this story deserves so much more love than it receives); The Trip Home; All I Ever Knew; Behind Enemy Lines (currently unavailable); A Life Extraordinary and Let Your Light Shine; The sub/The Dom; Wood; An Introduction to Swirl and Daisy; and Frenemies (no longer available).

Monday, February 22, 2010

MrsAC wants to Stay

There’s no doubt that I would read anything that crimsonmarie wrote. But before I got to know and love her, I found Stay. There’s something about Stayward and Stayella that I just can’t let go. I find myself rereading this fic often, especially chapter nineteen.

Edward is a Hollywood heartthrob who’s looking for a place to go to get a way from it all. Bella is a small town girl next door, who never knew anything was missing from her life, until she meets Edward. It takes some time for them to realize their feelings for each other, but once they do — hotness ensues. Crimsonmarie weaves a beautiful web with this story, bringing in all our favorite characters in ways we've never seen before, and giving them so much depth.

Chapter nineteen, is the epitome of everything I look for in a lemon. It’s raw, sexy, and just a little sweet.

The heat in this chapter starts from the first line, these two can’t even make it out of the club without a little pit-stop:
We were stepping onto the second floor landing when she turned, grabbed my shirt in her hands and slammed me back against the wall, her lips on mine before I had a chance to do much of anything else.

I breathed out a moan into her mouth before I wrapped my arms tightly around her and turned us, pressing her back into the wall and opening my mouth to hers. She whimpered, her hands still fisted in my shirt as she attempted to pull me closer to her.

"Ugh, that's disgusting," I heard some girl say from behind us, her heels clicking on the stairs as she passed by us.

"Get a room!" a man shouted, his muffled footsteps following the heeled ones up the stairs.

I backed away from Bella, looking over my shoulder and narrowing my eyes at the redhead and who I assumed was her boyfriend as they disappeared around the corner.

"Not such a bad idea, huh?" Bella breathed, one of her hands cupping the side of my neck as she rolled her hips against mine.

I briefly closed my eyes, biting down hard on my bottom lip to suppress the moan that was lingering in the back of my throat.

"No," I managed, grabbing her hand again and taking the lead as I started back down the stairs.
The dialogue between these two is always one of my favorite parts of each chapter. She writes it some well that I can hear them talking, and feel what they’re feeling:
"I need you," she moaned out, her hands trailing down my chest and latching onto the button of my jeans.

My heart jumped, all but leaping out of my chest at her words.

I'd heard other women say that they wanted me, but not a single one of them had ever said that they needed me.

I quite liked it. I liked it even more simply because it was Bella who said it.

"Let's go," I breathed, my chest heaving as I looked down to watch her hands easily slide the button through the hole, "upstairs."

So, what is it that makes this lemons stand out for me? Here it is, the reason I can’t get this lemon out of my head, the reason I read it over and over, and the reason I fell in love with crimsonmarie. Do they make it upstairs? Fuck.No.
"Tell me to stop if…" I started, swallowing hard.

"Say another word and I'll go home," she threatened, digging her fingernails into my shoulder blades.

I leaned down, my lips resting against hers and my eyes rolling back in my head as she thrust her hips up a little.

I slid into her quickly, a long, loud moan sounding from the both of us as I fought to stay still in an effort to let her adjust to me.

And it was not by any means easy to stay still. Being this close to her, being completely open and vulnerable with her only managed to heighten all of the feelings and emotions dancing with her had brought to the surface earlier.

"You are home," I grunted through my teeth, my heart in overdrive and my breathing coming in short gasps as I stared down into her eyes.

And she was. She was the epitome of what I'd learned to call home and being with her this way; being inside of her and being able to love her this way just solidified everything I'd ever felt for her.

"Yes," she whispered, slowly starting to move her hips up into mine.

I breathed out a small, almost relieved laugh and grabbed onto one of the posts of the railing to steady myself as I started to move with her.

"Oh, God," she moaned, throwing her head back and resting it on the step above her.

I kissed her throat, moaning into it as she started to move her hips faster against mine. She wrapped her legs around my waist, one of her hands moving to my outstretched arm and grabbing onto it tightly.

I widened my knees out on the step I was on, my free hand running up and down her thigh as I continued to meet her thrusts with my own.

I was close. Everything inside of me was ready, begging for the release I knew was on its way, responding to the way Bella's body was shaking and jerking underneath mine.

I felt her clench down around me and that was all it took; both of us crying out and moaning into each other as we reached our peaks.

I reached out with both of my hands, bracing myself on the edge of the stairs in an effort not to crush her as I finished and buried my face in her neck.

I felt like I had turned into mush; every inch of me was completely spent and satiated, satisfied and happier than hell about being with her.


If Stay isn’t already on your read-it-and-loved-it list, you’re definitely missing out. Not only are the lemons indescribable, the characters are lovable and the story is unforgettable. Edward and Bella’s relationship is a thing of beauty, and their love for each other is obvious from beginning to end.

The story is complete, with the exception of a future outtake, and more than worth your time. Make sure you check it out, if you haven’t already, and leave crimsonmarie some love. You won’t be sorry.

Meg is one our favorite darlings from Comic Con who artfully managed to unite the Fandom through food with the "Love Bites" Cookbook that benefited ALSF during Fandom Gives Back

Friday, February 19, 2010

Geek Love by SassenachWench

Geek Love





Humor, romance, healing and rampant geekitude collide in this Edward & Bella love story. "A funny, quirky love story about two computer geeks whose playful friendship turns into something more." Chokin' the Rubber Chicken blog.

Bella Swan was always one step ahead of me. Hell, who was I kidding. She was like four fucking steps ahead of me, at all times. God she was a bitch.

And by "bitch" I mean "the most amazingly brilliant, funny, beautiful, wank-worthy woman, I will never, ever, ever have."

-Edward Cullen, “Geek Love” by Sassenach Wench

After reading dozens of fics, I’ll bet you think you know Geekward, but I’m here to tell you: you don’t. Don’t fret—it’s not your fault so many authors use the G-word to describe their Edwards, when they should really be using “-wards” that begin with “D” or “N”. So let’s review: a “Dork” is unaware or uncaring of his buffoonery and lack of cool; a “Nerd” is so intellectual or obsessed as to be socially awkward; a “Geek”, on the other hand, is a knowledgeable techie who holds fierce satisfaction in being great at her inglorious profession.

Enter SassenachWench’s Geekward and Geekerella. Her doobies are the real deal. When not programming or architecting information schema, they pass their time shooting one another with Vulcan Automatic Nerf blasters and fighting off Microbes of Unusual Size. Here’s the other thing about geeks, though—they can be a little shy in the real life romance department, which is the case with a painfully enamored Edward. “Geek Love” is a fic about how office besties Bella and Edward grow to become more than friends.

The towering strength of this fic is its unique characterizations, locked down by killer dialog and internal monologue so funny it made me snort like a little piglet. In addition to the great Edward/Bella rapport, the hilarious supporting cast not only includes Chief Grumpy, but also Pornsper, Sexme, and Drunklisle. And speaking of drunk, SassenachWench turned out a certain scene with the most brilliant drunk Bella ever. I may have gone back and read that scene one or two dozen times :)

So, I won’t spoil what happens, or how—just know there are many surprises (and lemons—this is PPSS, after all!), and even though SassenachWench brings the funny, it’s not PWP/fluff. There’s a real story behind the banter, and, just like any real couple, Edward and Bella must overcome some obstacles to be together.

So, go read it. Then review it. Then don’t let any Geekward contest category go untouched without giving some love to “Geek Love”. And if you are jonesing for more of SassenachWench’s writing after that (which you will be), go read “Just One Day” in all of its lemony goodness!

I should start out by saying that I'm not a computer geek. I have no idea how to code or how to do...err...whatever the fuck else computer geeks do. Because of that, I would say a good 50-60% of the humor in this fic went right over the top of my head. However, even with missing that much of it, I still laughed my ass off several times in this fic based on the non-computer geek humor that the author put in as well.

Geek Love is a fun, funny, lighthearted - for the most part - read that's easy to fly through in a day. The story does deal with a heavy issue, but it's done in a very light manner - it doesn't bring the story down with the retelling of the events, and they're really only specifically touched on in one chapter. The author did a great job of showing a conflict, but not allowing it to run the show.

The characterizations of both Edward and Bella in this fic are fun and quirky, but I have to say that my favorite character in the whole thing is Jasper. I wanna hang out with him for a day, watching porn and eating cereal. After you've read this, you can't tell me you won't want to, either!

The citrus in this is light - several limes sprinkled throughout, but only one solid lemon. The UST is great and the sexual situations the author does write about are well done and hawt.

This is a great (completed!), easy read if you're looking for something light and funny.

4 out of 5 pornos with Jasper

I am not a geek in the true sense. Although I could be classed as a bit of a nerd.. . :) But I got a fair bit of the geeky humour. But I know I missed a lot. But that does not matter. As Bri said - there is a lot to love irrespective of that.

On first glance you might think there are a lot of similarities with a previous round table recc of Just One of the Guys. But although both stories deal with geeky tendencies, and a relationship going very slowly due to past trauma - they are completely different. This is due to the strength of writing of both authors. Geeklove did not read like anything I had read before - which always pleases me! I love love love love love love love love the banter between work colleagues Bella & Edward. Love the laissez-faire attitude that Edward's brother Jasper has. I always enjoy a fic where Mike Newton is ridiculed too! :) A couple of great scenes in Geek Love for that!

My only complaint with GeekLove - & its a small one. Is that I would like more of Bella & Edward once Bella overcomes her final hurdle with their relationship. Don't get me wrong, I love the epilogue, I would have just like a pre-epilogue or post-epilogue. :) (Greedy bitch! - Who ME?!) ;)

The chemistry in GeekLove is fabulous. Its cut it with a knife type stuff. VERY pleasurable to read. As laced through it is their banter, laughs, shyness & burgeoning love for one another. I think one of my fave chapters is where nothing whatsoever happens, but Bella ends up crashing at Edward's. Neither of them have dared admit their thoughts towards the other yet. Thankfully eagle-eyed waste of space Jasper is on hand to give them a helpful shove in the right direction. I particularly liked the emotions that SassenachWench runs in these scenes. Humour, tenderness, obliviousness, fear and longing. Throw in some genuine tenderness and hope, and a bittersweet conclusion to their unplanned sleepover & I am hooked. Its a brilliantly done scene. But I do love most of them in this fic!
Four-and-a-wee-bitty jasper directed porno's out of 5 from me!

Geek Love, how I love you! Like the others I love me a Geekward and this one might just be my favorite. He's not the socially inept, cumming the second someone touches his joystick, wearing outdated clothing, pocket protector type geek. He's just awkward, especially when it comes to his crush, Bella. Bella is a geek in her own right as well. Which makes them just about perfect for each other, that's if they could ya know actually talk to each other about it. Which in the beginning they can't, but they get over it or around it and all is well...kinda. It's not uber geeky, and I think that the non-geek could or would get most of the jokes. If not, that's what google is for.

Bella has a past. It's horrendous, but she's dealing and living as best as she can. Edward doesn't "fix" her, but helps her and those around her come to terms with what happened. The situation is handled delicately, but also with levity and snark that makes what happened easier to swallow for the reader. Also, not to make light of the circumstances but it leads to some hella good UST. Like, leave you throbbing and your monitor steamed up UST. Which is always a good thing.

These two are just cute together. Once they admit to digging on each other and the tale of Bella is related, everything is comfortable. They laugh and joke and touch and Bella punches and it's just freaking adorkable and real. They act like a real life couple would act and I'm glad those little moments are included.

The cast of side characters, Jasper & Charlie in particular are winning. Jasper is...Jasper? He likes porn and baking down and totally random stuff. Oh and embarrassing Edward, which is always a good thing. When we first meet him, he's watching porn at Edward's because Edward didn't have any cereal. Yeah, just go with it, trust me. Bella also happens to throw up on Edward around this time too. He also makes a fries indecent and falls for Alice in an instant at their sister Rosalie's wedding. What's not to love!

Now Charlie is the overbearing, yet endearing father of Bella. He would do anything to keep her safe. Even running background checks on Edward and all of his family and friends to make sure that Bella won't be hurt again. Edward and Charlie come to an understanding and things are good, if not tenuous between them.

4.5 out of 5 Cockburns, trifecta's, & Jasper Porn from moi.

I am a total sucker for Geekward, especially when he's paired with Geekella. Love, love, love them.

Geek Love encompasses so many of my favorite Edward & Bella traits. They're smart, they're funny, they have banter, and they have major chemistry. The first few chapters lay the groundwork of their friendship, and I totally giggled at moments like this:
“Sure Mike. I’ll print them out. Meet you in your office in a few.” As she turned to sit, intending to print her documentation, I cocked my six-shooter and totally fucking nailed her in the back of the head, the dart trying to bounce off her mass of brown hair, but getting caught in the curls. I fived myself internally at my fan-fucking-tastic aim, but again the woman stole my thunder by not even turning around. She had no reaction at all, other than slowly raising a single finger to me.

You can probably guess which one.
I mean, who doesn't love this Bella, and this Edward? We also learn about the Trifecta:

Two cups of steaming coffee—straight from the Fauxbucks insta-serve machine, a bowl of microwaved (now liquid) Hershey’s chocolate, and a plate of peanutbutter-filled cookie sandwiches.

Yes, please!

The UST is built up well, and made me giggle several times. You can really feel the relationship and friendship these two have, and so it doesn't feel rushed or unnatural when they do begin to date.

Also, what can I say about this Jasper? Probably Top 5 Jaspers for me. I love, love, love him. He says things like this:

“You know Edward, she’s really cool. I like her. You should marry her. And have babies with her. And then teach those babies how to not communicate like normal people. Make it a family tradition. Ya know?”
… and I laugh so hard, I'm gasping for breath. I want to marry this Jasper.

I squeed (out loud) when Bella agreed to go to the wedding with Edward. Chapter 11 had me dying with laughter again – Jasper is back. Even re-reading it, I had to set my head down and laugh.

I cried when Bella talked to Edward about her past. There really isn't too terribly much to say about that, except that it broke my heart into little pieces.

I loved Edward meeting Charlie, and I especially enjoyed their private conversation after Bella's breakdown moment. One thing I really loved about the way Sass handled Bella's past was this passage, from Charlie:
“What that fuckhead did took so much from her—from all of us. The more we sit around questioning ourselves—doubting ourselves or criticizing each other—the more power we’re giving what he did.”
When something like what happened to Bella happens, it happens to everyone around that person, too. I was relieved to read a story where finally, it wasn't just Bella on her own to deal with something horrible.

The last chapter made me cry really happy tears. I only wish there had been a little bit more. I felt like this story crested and then ended so quickly, I didn't get to enjoy very much of their happy time together, but I would much rather end on this note of wanting than having a story drag on and on.

4.5 out of 5 Trifectas (because hello? There's caffeine in thar!)

I'm the shittiest geek on the planet. Hope calls me a LitNerd, that is a title I can live up to but Geek? Nah. I love them and I LOVE reading Geekward stories BUT they have to be done in a certain way.

I can't stand the stereotypical Nerdward where he's practically incapable of human contact without jizzing his pants, though I would laugh at that. SW does a great characterization of a Geekward and one that even the ungeekiest of people could understand and relate too.

I loved that they're friends at work and essentially on equal footing, and that he's not the Banddork and her the hot cheerleader who saves him. That shit gets old. Here, they're adorable straight out of the gate with some very funny dialogue, some not-so-innocent office flirting and enough UST to melt the paint off the walls.

Bella's past upset me a great deal but SW handled it remarkably well considering the topic. His reaction to it as well was equally well done.

Jasper in fic by default is never my favorite, they're few and far between where not only can I tolerate him but I enjoy reading his parts. This one is easily in the top five for me. I won't rehash all the excellent quotes the ladies already provided but holy shit, they're funny. He's a real card but he's so genuinely good for Edward too.

I agree that the end seemed a bit rushed but it couldn't take away from the rest of this great story.


After seeing so many amazing tweets about Geek Love I decided I couldn't hold out any longer. Though I'm not as geekfabulous as I'd like, and not the most knowledgeable in all things geekarific, this story made me crack my shit up so hard. It's the mark of a great author who can take things not commonly known to everyone and twist the humor so that it can be enjoyed by all. For instance, quite possibly the funniest thing to me, so much so that I rode the LOLercoaster for several long minutes and told my husband about it:
She turned her monitor a little more in my direction, and maximized the email sitting in her “sent items” folder, before explaining. “I went to double check that I had attached the docs on the email I sent out, and realized that I had mis-typed—” She cut herself off, throwing both hands into her face again. “Gah!…that’s so horridly embarrassing! But seriously, ‘g’ and ‘t’ are really fucking close together on the keyboard.”

I read the email:

Attached are the workflow, spec overview,

and sitemap for job #i9083.



Bella Swan

UX/UI Designer

206.555.9283 (d)
206.555.2345 (c)

She’d signed her email “Retards” instead of “Regards.”
Not only that but I simply adore how Bella and Edward interact with each other from the get go. Silly, fun, a tad bit flirty, they are friends at work who you know just want to branch away from that and actually hang out beyond the workplace. And, as the reader knows from chapter one, Edward wants more. That chance arrives at a launch party which has mandatory attendance. Drunkella does not want to do the fucking. Therefore, using reverse psychology, she gives Mike the slip and unwittingly falls into the hands of our adorable Geekward. You think everything is going great as Bella slurs her flirty words at Edward in her pink STFU shirt. Only doesn't go so well. As you can probably guess that what happens when someone gets shit faced happens to Bella...all over the front of Edward's shirt.


The story only gets better as we are introduced to Jasper. Watching porn. At Edward's. And obviously Bella is down to watch. Natch. As Jasper educates Bella in all things porn, Edward is left simultaneously turned on and disgusted. One of my favorite parts during that scene:

"Where did you get that? Did you order pay-per-view?"

"Naw man, they don't show this stuff on pay-per-view! It's a DVD. Speaking of which, where the hell is your porn? I looked everywhere. I had to go buy this!" He looked genuinely injured.

"I get it online, like everyone else. You bought it? Why?"

"Desperate times call for desperate measures, bro."


"Jasper, why are you watching porn in my living room?"

"Because you didn't have any cereal."


"I came for cereal. You didn't have any. I was bored, so I got some porn."

What is obvious to Jasper, that is to say the definite like-bordering-love from both Edward and Bella, is something that comes slowly for our favorite couple. Bella has suffered some rather atrocious things in her past and isn't so forthcoming with her feelings. I'm down playing some of this right now because I don't want to say too much. Yes there is angst, but it's not total heart fail. What happened to Bella was horrible but something that these two work through in order to have a healthy relationship.

It also provides amazing UST.

And leads to great convos between Edward and Charlie. I love this Charlie. While still retaining the canon "my preferred form of communication is grunts and mmms," he's rather frank with Edward. And is a bit of a potty mouth. IDK that makes me happy. But cursing Charlie is great. Cursing, protective, does his homework, can actually see through the tint in Edward's car, Charlie is the best.

I can honestly say that I love this fic. I do agree with the other ladies that I wish there had been more moments between Bella and Edward after they overcome the one hurdle present from Bella's past. Still, without a doubt I would reread this story again and again.

4-5 Flying Fucks

Jeanne- I swear, I think that the only reason the girls invited me to be an honorary perv, was so they could revive the long dead Wusperv in my dead blackened shell of a soul. Honestly, I think its fucking working. God damn it!

Geek Love has a very simple title, and what could be mistaken for as a simple premise, maybe one that you think you’ve seen before. Geeky Edward is pals with pretty, spunky (so much cooler than canon) Bella. However, if you think that this story is like every other quirky Geekmance (yes, I just made up the word, humor me) you’ve read, gentle reader you are DEAD WRONG.

The first thing that struck me about this story was the fast pace of the story. It’s not 24 or anything, though you might think it is at the start. The first line of the story throws you head fist into this world and it never lets you stop to think, though you often have to stop to catch your breath after laughing your ass off.

SassenachWench has created a living breathing world that has obviously been going on before we arrived, but Edward’s narrative quickly get’s us caught up on the set of his world and (most important) acquaints us with lingo of this world.

Talk about lingo. This story is Geek Speak heavy. If you are not familiar with a lot of rather nerdy things, you might feel lost in the first few paragraphs, but do not dismay my little Geek newb you don’t have to get all the references to understand the heart of this story, which is the sweet relationship between Edward and Bella. These two have an adorkable chemistry that overrides all their little social and romantic misfires, and my dear baby jebus do they have a lot of misfires.

One of the things that I love about this story is the awkwardness that smacks of realism to me. There were many times where I related to both Edward and Bella as they stumbled through this Geekmance (yes, I used it again, you should too). They are hilarious, funny and self-proclaimed social retards.

Edward is often clueless when it comes to Bella, but what he lacks basic human observation skills (as most boys often do) he more than makes up for it with good old fashion earnestness. You will find yourself squirming in your seat in sympathetic discomfort as you see him stumble his way through the story. I may or may not have baby talked to him (out loud) during some more adorkable moments. *facepalm*

Then there’s Bella…oh how I love thee, let me count the ways. Honestly, I can’t count them, because I would spoil the whole freakin’ story for you. I will say this much, this Bella is REAL. She has a brain, personality and um…I think I kinda have a crush on her. *blushes HARD*

Yeah, so read the damn story already. I need to go kill a couple hundred baby bunnies to try to get back some Team Evil cred after this fiasco.

4 out of 5 twatwaffles

I don't think it will come as a surprise to anyone who knows me that a story with the word "geek" in the title gets me all gaga. While I'm just a geek wannabe compared to say, Hopey, MsKathy, or Jeanne, I caught most of the classic geek references that SessenachWench makes. I will readily admit to owning stuffed microbes, a nunzilla, a Buddy Christ (complete with the 'thumbs up'), Jesus pencil toppers and a Christ action figure, a Clocky alarm clock that I bought my spawn for Christmas (What? It was on his gift list!), and more cartoon character action figures than I care to count. In the first chapter alone, the author uses many of the items listed above, AND references "The Princess Bride." How win is that? Thus, to say I enjoyed "Geek Love" is an understatement.

I recently went off the grid for an entire day--left Twitter and Gmail closed *gasp*--and decided to just sit and read. "Geek Love" was the story I spent the day with, and it was a fun, funny, lovely little ride. The main characters include Geekward, an IT guy, Geekella, a "User Experience" pro who works with Edward, and a really horny, funny Jasper, who is Edward's brother.

Naturally, Geekward pines for Bella, convinced his love is unrequited. And, naturally, Mike "Project Lead and King Asshat" Newton has his designs on Bella. When he feeds her drinks at a company function, Edward "What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy" Cullen rescues a very drunk Bella and saves the day. How is he rewarded for his deeds? He gets paid in...puke. Drunk Bella's puke. Edward gives Bella a piggyback ride to his apartment, only to find a hilariously horny Jasper there, viewing some porn:

"My brother lay on the couch watching porn on my TV. He turned at my exclamation, jumping up with a grin, fly wide open. I took a moment to be grateful his pants were actually still on. He, however, seemed completely unfazed by my interruption. Typical Jasper."

Jasper sizes up immediately that these two are in love with each other but cannot admit it, and schemes to get them together.

Most of the heat level in this story is of the UST variety. These two want each other so badly, but there is always something or someone in the way of allowing them to express it. They move painstakingly slowly towards wearing the big "O" face together, but it is lovely and awkward UST. In fact, my only critique of the sexual tension is that the huge build up throughout the story leaves the big old lemon a tad underwhelming.

Suffice it to say, Edward and Bella are totally earnest and endearing, Jasper is charming as hell, and the whole story is a ball of fun. I highly recommend the story.

4.5 out of 5 Microbes of Unusual Size