Naughty Nurse Kimpy - 11/16/2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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Making sure that sex--all forms of sex--is safe, consensual, and FUN.

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DISCLAIMER:
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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In honor of tomorrow’s opening of The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn, Part I, this week Nurse Kimpy is focusing on the hymen. Admittedly in past blog posts, she has gotten a little worked up over how much angst a tiny piece of skin can cause. However, hymen questions continue to be asked, which means they continue to cause angst. Let no question be unanswered, then.

Oh, and also? You can rest assured that reading Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy in no way makes you subject to becoming impregnated with a half-vampire spawn baby. JSYK.

Before we dive into the questions, let’s start with a brief definition of what, exactly, the hymen is. Naturally, we’re talking about human hymens, the kind that break. Vampire hymens that remain magically intact and encased in stony vamp skin have no place in this post.

Every woman is born with a slight rim of tissue at the opening of the vagina--this rim is otherwise known as the hymen. It has as many variations in form as do women in general; no one’s hymen looks exactly like someone else’s. There are thick hymens and thin hymens, there are rippled hymens and smooth hymens. There are some that nearly cover the entire vaginal opening, and some that are so flexible, they never tear. Please keep that in mind as you read on.

I'm not a virgin by any means, but I can still feel the ring of my hymen. It's never broken, it's just stretched over time, even though I've been with some well-endowed men. Is it possible that it's not going to actually break until I have a child? Does that happen to women a lot?

It sounds as though you have one of those uber-flexible hymens, the kind that stretch and stretch and never break. So yes, it is entirely possible that your hymen will be intact until you deliver a child. I think it is a safe assumption to make that a baby’s head will be enough to do the trick of breaking your very own Stretch Armstrong hymen. Trust.

Does this happen to women a lot? Uh, no. Just the lucky ones. *wink*

I'm in a right age but still a virgin, just want to know if it's really bad/hurt for the first time. Any tips to make it a little better so that its not that sore afterwards. Just heard that you cant walk, or it really hurts when you pee or something. Thank you so much and I really learned so much from your site, its very informative. Keep up the good work Nurse Kimpy.

There are many virgins in the fandom who are mightily afraid of losing their virginity, because they’re convinced it’s going to be hideously painful. Nurse Kimpy is here to soothe your fears away and give you some pointers on minimizing soreness.

There are two main reasons losing your virginity can be painful:

1. Anxiety

2. Lack of lubrication

Fear and anxiety, as we all know, can make a person very tense. In general, muscle tension and sex aren’t like white wine and chicken--they don’t pair well together. The more relaxed you can be, the better. Do what you need to do to in order to get yourself in a comfortable place. If that means massage, or a glass of wine, then by all means, indulge. Whatever it takes to get you relaxed is key.

For some women, they might find themselves less than physically ready when their partner is ready to drive it home. One of the best ways to minimize this kind of discomfort is to make sure that you use ample amounts of lubrication before your partner penetrates you. Nurse

Kimpy cannot stress enough that lube will make the event much easier in the long run, and will make you far more comfortable than not using it.

Nurse Kimpy has never used orajel on her lady bits, but she has heard that it is a useful tool in numbing the opening of the vagina. The good news is that orajel is formulated for oral use/mucus membranes, which is similar to vaginal tissue. Using orajel in addition to lots of lube might be just the thing you need.

One last thing--for those people who have told you that it’s painful to walk after losing your virginity, Naughty Nurse Kimpy wonders just what the heck they were doing when they lost their virginity. In general, tearing your hymen should have no impact on your ability to walk. As far as it being painful to pee afterwards, that’s due to the skin tear being sensitive to any sort of direct contact, liquid or solid. You can use some sort of ointment or lubrication to keep the skin moist, which will also help to minimize any discomfort you might have. Aquaphor is a great choice and won’t irritate your tender skin. If you intend to have sex again soon afterwards, however, and are using condoms or anything made of latex, you should be sure to use a water-based lubricant or ointment in lieu of Aquaphor, which is petroleum-based.

OK, so I'm an avid cyclist. I ride about 20-25 hours a week (not including my morning commute to school) and have since I was 15. I've even done rides of the nude variety. I'm still a virgin but some of my riding partners, who are guys, keep telling me that my hymen is no longer intact. They say that all the extensive riding and the pressure on my cooter broke it years ago. Is there any truth to this or are they just BSing me?

You are an avid cyclist, and Naughty Nurse Kimpy applauds your commitment. She’ll leave the nude-variety cycling to you, however.

*Naughty Nurse Kimpy shakes her head at those know-it-all boys* Okay, so it is entirely possible that your hymen could be broken by all the cycling you’ve done over the years, but it’s not like a guaranteed way to break your hymen. There are still plenty of women whose hymens are more durable than a bike seat. If you really want to know if they’re right, ask you gynecologist during your next exam. They’ll be able to assess it for you and tell you the ultimate truth. If it is broken, though, you’re still a virgin in Naughty Nurse Kimpy’s book. To her, losing one’s virginity is an issue of sexual penetration, not a breaking of tissue. As you are now aware, some women have hymens that never break, even when they’ve had sex. So the final tally in Nurse Kimpy’s book is that while your hymen may very well be long gone, your virginity is just as intact as ever.

Im still a virgin but my hymen broke ages ago. Sometimes when i use a toy, i notice that theres some blood on it and it kind of scares me. Is there something wrong? Im not on my period when i notice this so i know thats not the reason why...Help me please!

Oh my dear reader, please don’t be alarmed. True, it can be concerning when blood comes from your vagina when you’re not having your period, keep in mind that the vagina is an area of the body that is rich in blood vessels. One of the ways that your vagina gets itself ready for sex is for its tissue to become engorged. How does it get engorged? Dilated blood vessels.

So, you might ask, what do dilated blood vessels have to do with your vaginal/non-period bleeding? Naughty Nurse Kimpy’s best guess is that the toy you are using is of bigger girth than you are used to, it stretched the opening of your vagina a little further than it was used to, and you broke open some tiny blood vessels. No big deal. Vaginal skin heals readily and easily, and you’ll be back to yourself in no time. The only time you need to become concerned is if your bleeding becomes enough that you require a tampon or pad. If it does, please get to your doctor as soon as possible.

Dear Nurse Kimpy,

Firstly, thanks a bunch for having this column! It is incredibly informative!

Okay, so my question is in regards to sex. I have a very small vagina and tear every single time I have sex. I was even referred for, and have had vaginal surgery to increase my size.
Lately, it has been even more painful than normal and I've noticed that I have started to 'dry up' incredibly quickly.
It doesn't matter how turned on and ready I am, after about 15 minutes, there is no moisture left and I have to stop due to pain. I have tried a few lubricants but have found that, as I have sensitive skin, I tend to be allergic...

Any ideas or is there anything you could suggest please?

Hmm, this is a quandary, isn’t it? *Naughty Nurse Kimpy dives into her research*

First of all, NNK doesn’t know how old you are, so she isn’t sure if hormone levels might be playing a role in the dryness you’re experiencing. Estrogen is what typically drives vaginal lubrication and moisture, so it could be that your natural estrogen levels are low. Fortunately, your gynecologist can do a test that will let you know if your hormone levels are off.

Second, if you have sensitive skin, you want to avoid any lubricants that are either oil- or silicon-based. Water-based lube has just become your best friend. I’ve listed a few different suggestions here:

Yes lubricant

Liquid Goddess lubricant

Comfort Sensitive Skin lubricant

Finally, Naughty Nurse Kimpy suggests that when you’re at your gynecologist getting your hormone levels checked, talk to your doctor about the fact that you’re still having a lot of pain during intercourse. It could be that you need additional surgery to open the vagina more. Clearly, the goal is pleasurable--not painful--sex. They should be able to offer you some more suggstions on how to make sex comfortable.

after initially starting to masturbate I found that i could only get off from stimulating my clitoris. So I'm not a stranger to the big O, but I've read that you can get accustomed to clitoral orgasms to the point that you might have trouble orgasming any other way. So I decided to try to give penetration a shot, but I COULDN'T EVEN GET ONE FINGER IN! I tried doing research but I guess I didn't know where to start. how the hell can a penis fit in there if I can't even handle a finger?

Note to self: DO. NOT. PANIC. Okay, so your vagina today is tight. Very tight. Like, studio loft in NYC tight. Not to worry. Remember that your vagina is designed to be able to deliver 8 pound babies. It’s very flexible tissue and can handle a lot of stretching. Ultimately, your vagina will be able to stretch to accommodate your partner’s peen, have no fear. Truly.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy suspects that you have a microperforate hymen, meaning that it covers most of your vaginal opening. The good news is that you can talk to your gynecologist about this, and they can operate to enlarge the opening to your vagina. It’s a simple procedure that can usually be done in the doctor’s office. I recommend that you speak to your gynecologist about it during your next exam. They should know exactly what to do to take care of the problem.


Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

The Naughty Nurse is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER:

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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You deserve some sort of public-service award for the way in which you consistently provide helpful factual information in your supportive and well-written columns. I don't have a question; I just wanted to share something with you that I saw today:


Oral Sex Raises Cancer Risk

(It's subtitled, but you can also click on the "English VO" tab for an English-only version. Even though it's a serious subject, the Soixante-Neuf Restaurant scene, where the guy orders a fish taco and the girl gets a sausage is pretty clever.)

Well, I guess I do have a question, especially given the abundance of oral sex in fanfic (and every single second of it unprotected): Is there something we should be doing to reduce our cancer risk?

Thanks!

Not so much a question, but a PSA I recommend you pass on.
Saw this from NPR Virus Passed During Oral Sex Tops Tobacco as Throat Cancer Cause and figured you might want to pass on the information that oral sex isn't safe sex without a condom & diseases can get passed that way.
Most FanFic portrays blowjobs as just something that slutty girls will do without regard for the danger of it (besides being seen as a slut) so it seems like a good idea to pass it along!

We had a long discussion about this new research at the Shack, trying to determine the best way to disseminate this information. We concluded that the Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy blog seemed like the logical choice. You two just provided us with the perfect segue, so thank you for that!

It brings tears of pure joy to Naughty Nurse Kimpy's eyes when readers are up to snuff on their sexually transmitted disease information. *sniff* Truly, kudos to both of you for not only paying attention to the news reports, but also for taking the time to leave them as points on my blog!

For those of you who haven't heard, my readers are correct--HPV, or Human Papillomavirus--is not only the most commonly transmitted STD, but also is the cause of nearly all types of cervical cancers. Recent research has shown that it is the cause of more oral and throat cancers than is tobacco. Yes, that's right--more than tobacco! There are over 40 different types of HPV, and they can infect male and female naughty bits, the throat, and the mouth. It is an insidious little virus, and most infected people aren't even aware that they have it. According to the Centers for Disease Control, "approximately 20 million Americans are currently infected with HPV. Another 6 million people become newly infected each year. HPV is so common that at least 50% of sexually active men and women get it at some point in their lives."

The good news is that there is a vaccine available. For women, there are two different vaccines--Cervarix and Gardasil--that provide protection against the most common types of HPV that cause cervical cancer; Gardasil also offers protection against most types of genital warts. Both vaccines are recommended for 11 and 12 year-old girls. For women ages 13-26 years of age, they should get vaccinated if they did not get any or all of the shots when they were younger. These vaccines can also be given to girls as young as 9 years of age. It is recommended that females get the same vaccine brand for all three doses, whenever possible. Gardasil has been approved to protect boys and men ages 9-26 against most genital warts.


No matter what you read in a fic, please remember that the only way to have truly safe sex--oral, vaginal, or anal--is to use protection. If you're giving a blowjob, that means with a condom on your partner's penis. If you're the one receiving pleasure, your entire vaginal area needs to be covered. Dental dams work great for that purpose, but if you don't have one handy, a condom slit along one side will work in a pinch, too. Most importantly, with HPV, you are at risk if you have direct contact the the skin surface or sexual fluids. The unfortunate news is that even if you use a condom, however, you still might not be protected 100%, because HPV can be present on the skin surface near the genitals, not just on the peen or vag themselves. Yes, the whole thing just bites, but if you are serious about being safe--and I beg you to be serious--you'll use your protection.
*Naughty Nurse Kimpy steps down from her soapbox*

Dear Kimpy,
I have a question about tampons and orgasms. I'm eighteen and I've never worn one a tampon. I've tried many times to get one in but it hurts. The last time I tried I managed it get it halfway in, but there was a sharp pain that lasted for several minutes afterward.
I've been to an OBGYN to see about an itch, but she didn't use the speculum. She just used a finger to check my hymen and OW. It hurt for a really long time. She said I had a really small opening.
Anyway, I really want to wear a tampon so I don't have to worry about my yoga classes. I was wondering about trying to get one in while masturbating...kinda the same idea as preparing for sex? (virgin, btw.)
Is it safe to orgasm with a tampon in? Any tips? I'm getting frustrated. Anyways, if I can't even get a tampon in, how will I ever have sex? OW. No thanks.
Help me please! I've had to cut off snorkeling vacations due to my period before. I want to wear tampons!

All right, from all the information you've provided to me, it appears that you are one of the women who has a larger hymen, which was confirmed by your gynecologist when she said you have a really small vaginal opening. I empathize with you, because I'm sure your vaginal exam was painful. Likewise, there is no way you're going to get a tampon in there comfortably. I'm sure it is not only very frustrating, but also the source of discomfort.

Here's what I would do if I were in your shoes. I would go back to my gynecologist and explain the dilemma, emphasizing that it is difficult for you to enjoy certain activities (i.e., yoga and snorkeling) because you can't wear a tampon. I imagine that she will have some solutions or suggestions for you. It might even be possible for her to cut your hymen for you, under local anesthetic. It's worth a try to discuss your options with her, since she has a much bigger bag of tricks at her disposal than do I.

In general, the best way to make tampons easierx to get in is to use some lube to help it glide into place. Use lube on the end of the tampon, and apply it to your vaginal opening as well. If it causes you to much pain in your attempt, please stop. I don't want you to hurt yourself for the sake of getting that tampon into you!

And, for the record? It is completely safe and natural to orgasm with a tampon in place.

Do guys really prefer big breasts? I read the fics and I see most pics in the media like Brooklyn Deckler, and I feel inadequate. I'm the size of KStew, and yes, she still got Rob, but is that just an exception? Guys laugh at her 12 year old body on the internet and think Rob's either crazy or gay for not going for a Victoria's Secret model, since he can. They prefer to screw someone who has an ugly face, but has "pillowy boobs". Is this the norm?

Hello, first I wanted to thank you because you responded to my previous post and I am very much grateful. In the previous post there were pictures of various "nether lips" and it showed how different each were. I want to ask about breasts. Sometimes I am very insecure about them because I dunno, I guess they're not like the ones I see in pictures or portrayed in the media...

Please remind yourself that guy internet chatter is just as crude and crass as ours is. It's one thing for them to go on and on about it on the internet. In real life, it isn't so cut and dried. Yes, there are plenty of guys who are "tit men," and they seem to love fake boobs the size of cantaloupes. However, not all men are tit men; there are plenty who love a nice ass, or nice long legs (hello, RPattz and KStew). The person who falls in love with you is going to love you for who you are, not who they wish you could be. Your partner will love your breasts because they are yours, not because of their size alone.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret here: Small breasts work just the same way as big ones. They can breastfeed babies, they can get hard nipples, and they are soft and pillowy. Perhaps not as pillowy as a size D, but you get the idea. Let me turn the dilemma around and try to help you see it in a different light. What if the man you fell in love with had a smaller than average penis? Would you break up with him? Would you laugh at him? Would you refuse to touch it, or have sex with him? No, of course you wouldn't (at least, I hope you wouldn't!!). When it comes down to it? Sex still feels good, regardless of penis size. Boobs still feel good, whether they are a handful or a mouthful. When the small genitals belong to someone you love, the size becomes less important--you love it simply because it is one part of a person who you love. You take the whole package (literally), good and bad, large and small.

Remember that regardless of how you look, there is nothing--nothing--sexier than someone who is comfortable in their skin and confident in their body. Go out there and flaunt those A cups--pretend if you have to. Confidence in yourself makes others want to know you, to figure out what you have that is so amazing. Chant to yourself in your mirror every time you leave the house: "I am sexy just as I am." Pretty soon, you'll start to believe it. And why not? Who wrote the rule book that said small breasts are unimportant, or unattractive? Don't ever feel inadequate or unfeminine because you rock an A cup. Honestly--trust me that there are men who are just fine with you being on the small side. You're absolutely perfect just the way you are, because your small breasts are part of what makes you a unique and special person. To prove my point? Here is a website with all different types of breasts, large, small, unsymmetrical, but REAL: Breast Gallery

Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.