Friday, April 30, 2010

The Art of Worship by GreenPuma

Green Puma




“As a Cullen you were born with certain—endowments—that dispose you to success with women. But, there is a beauty in sex which, if you grew to appreciate it—an art which, if you commited to learning it—would bring you such pleasure as mortals never know"


The Art of Worship is a story that captures the thrill of a first relationship and the ongoing thrill of a good long-term marriage. Edward and Bella are still teens, experimenting with the first thrill of sexual exploration, while Carlisle and Esme share the grand passion of a good marriage. At the start of the story Carlisle takes Edward aside to school him in the "Cullen family wisdom" - great sex.

While the conversations between father and son are initially awkward, Carlisle imparts to Edward several important rules, the first of which is:

"The first, and most important, rule is that Cullen men don't fuck. Even when we are pounding away and pulling hair and tangled in the most depraved positions, we do not surrender to the monster. Cullen men surrender only to our devotion for the woman before us."
By the time he gets to rule #3 I guarantee every woman reading will be squirming in her seat. GreenPuma has given us Carlisle as sexy beast and caring father, trying to teach his son the art of "worshiping" his partner - physically, emotionally and mentally. Not to be outdone her Esme is a confident and vibrant woman, who seeks to share wisdom with Bella as well.

There are lemons galore in this fic, from the explorations and fumbling of Edward and Bella to the passionate knowledge of Carlisle and Esme. By the time you've hit chapter 3 you'll be wishing all men had fathers like Carlisle. The wisdom he imparts to Edward is sexy in itself, but even more passionate in practice.

To start, let me state that this review is coming from someone who was never given a "sex talk". In fact, I think my dad still likes to believe I am a virgin (been married 13 yrs and have 2 kids). I can only imagine the level of mortification a kid can feel going into such a talk, but I felt as I read this, that Carlisle was very tactful, and very...descriptive. I love the cut to the chase attitude dulled by a glass of scotch.

Part of me, while reading wondered if all of our sex lives would be better with such a candid conversation between parents. Not the "abstinence is the only way" or a simple lecture on birth control to keep yourself and your partner healthy and baby free, but a conversation about the act. To be taught that when you go into a sexual relationship with selflessness on the forefront, everybody wins. That it is important to care for your partner. That gentle gradual beginnings teach you not only the secrets of yours and the other person's pleasure, but is a trust building exercise as well.

Granted most of the sexy times are between Carlisle and Esme, which are smokin' hot. Sorry, Nina, they are. I like how she is balancing the story as we watch two seasoned lovers and the pleasure you experience when you know your partner like you know yourself to the two young lovers just starting to figure things out.

Also, the latest chapter...

"Dad, I think I'm in love."
His expression was still dreamy, and I could only chuckle.
"I thought we'd already established that."
"Not just with Bella, dad. I've been reading that book you gave me. I've been practicing what it says."
He didn't even find it in him to blush.
"And, I can't stop licking her pussy."

*falls out of chair*

4 out of 5

Art of Worship has been on my radar for a while - having been selected as a possible WP rec for quite some time (that's right, WP's, this is safe for you to read!). And while I did enjoy what GreenPuma did with this fic, I will admit to suspending my reality to be able to thoroughly enjoy it. In real life, I would be uncomfortable with the level of sexual discussion (and bluntness) that went on between father and son (and Esme and Bella, for that matter), but in the suspended reality of the fic, I was able to laugh and go with the flow, enjoying the fic for what it is - a lighthearted portrayal of sex ed from the good old 'rents.

I will say that (much to Nina's dismay, I'm sure) this is one of the very few fics that Carlisle is actually sexy to me. A major reason is because he knows his shit. I mean, he's giving pointers to an awkward and fumbling Edward, but besides that, we - ahem - get to see him put some of his moves to practice with the previous Cullen woman who got to benefit from The Art of Worship.

While Edward and Bella haven't actually hit a home run in this fic as of yet, we do get a lot of steamy pre-sex activities to enjoy. And, like Emmy said, some fics don't get this hot with chapters upon chapters of full-on smut.

This is a short, fun and hot read, and if you can suspend reality for a little bit while you dig into this, I know you'll enjoy it.

4 out of 5 rules

I don't think there is anything as sexy as the Cullen men. So when GreenPuma, messes with the dynamics a wee bit, and makes Carlisle even more debonair & Edward just a little bit more awkward and unsure? Well feck me dead. Its a lethal so fricking hot I might just pass out combination. Seriously. They have not reached the physical penetration stage of lemon in this story. BUT. What the story does have so far, is hotter than many stories achieve through long chapters and explicit lemons. As the conversations and scenes in this fic, as Edward tutored by his father learns how to please his lover.

"You are a Cullen, and were therefore born with certain natural—endowments—that predispose you to success with women. But, there is a beauty in sex which, if you could only grow to appreciate it—an art which, if you could only commit to learning it—will bring you and the women in your life such divine fulfillment as most mortals never know. It is the art of worship, Edward, and it has very little to do with sex."

His gaze was as intense and I could barely breathe, much less process my surprise at this cache of Cullen family wisdom. Carlisle was subtle most of the time, but when he wasn't he could be quite intimidating. It didn't help that he'd hit the nail on the head about my need for some, erm…guidance. The truth was, I'd been consumed with worry about pleasing Bella.

"So, I ask you again, son. Have you and Bella been intimate with one another?"

I shook my head in sheepish truth.

"But, you plan to be."

I nodded.

"Very good…" he smiled, polishing off the rest of his glass, "…then, there's still time."
See what the feck I mean? H.O.T. As in my breaths getting deeper & my blouse getting a bit uncomfortable as my knockers swell at the thought...
Carlisle in this is Hot. Edward in this is Hot. But they are hot in different ways. Carlisle is assured, determined and controlling yet caring. Edward in contrast is a bit awkward, very eager to learn and please and a little bit skeptical. Until he see's the fruit of his labour and his fathers words of wisdom really really reap him rewards..

And with wisdom such as this from his sexy father, how could he fail?

"I won't lie—this can be difficult when you are young, when you are tempted to be with women with whom you share little but lust, when your hormones threaten to possess your entire being and care for yourself without regard to your partner."

"I am completely devoted to Bella," I said with conviction.

One day, sooner than anyone thought, I was going to ask that girl to marry me. Carlisle nodded his approval.

"Then, you're ready for the second rule: always take care of her first. Bring her all the pleasure she can stand before you go seeking yours."
*gasp* See what I mean?

This fic is a breeze to read, at only 5 chapters so far, and only another few planned, and is tremendously enjoyable.

But there is more to this story than just yummy conversations about foreplay. We get to see(well read) the rewards of this father-son tutoring. But even more than this, this story is infused with love and warmth and tenderness. Of the relationship, lovers kind but also of the familial kind too. The main theme of this story is definitely the benefit of love and communication to make all aspects of intimacy better. I think that is something we should all be signed up to.

5 out of 5 from me!

One of the fun things about fan fic, or fiction in general, is that we can remake the world in the way we wish it worked. I know that there are many women who wish that men were taken aside at a certain age and taught how to have sex. Hell, if someone could just show them where the fucking clit is, and what it that could have saved me a lot of uncomfortable experiences in my early days.

Art of Worship begins with Carlisle talking to Edward about sex, and I have to be honest I was a little weirded-out, but as the scene continued I found myself smiling. We’ve all been through these types of awkward talks when we her teenagers and I could relate to Edward a lot in the scene. The story takes a distinct turn from an awkward teen comedy into something deeper, and richer, quite quickly.

We get to see a very sensual side of Carlisle and an adorably flustered side of Edward. Learning what a woman wants or better yet, needs is not an easy task, but the Cullen men take on the task with zeal and reverence. I really enjoyed the contrast in the sexual interactions between Bella and Edward versus Carlisle and Esme. This story is a wonderful escape and a very sexy on at that.

So sit back, grab a glass of scotch and learn about the Art of Worship. Who knows you might learn a thing or two. ;)

3 out of 5 rules

I was nervous about The Art of Worship; Carlisle giving Edward sex advice, you have to confess, has the potential to be very squicky. Thankfully, there is almost nothing squick-worthy in Art of Worship. At just over 14k, AoW is a quick read. It's also happy, makes you laugh out loud, and there are some very hot scenes/references. So, pretty much, this is the ideal MsK story. I haven't cried once!

The opening scenes with Edward and Carlisle are done so well and so believable. Edward secretly idolizes his dad, even though he knows it's not really cool. Their conversation is awkward, even while lubricated with scotch. I also confess, I totally love the idea of a parent treating their child as an intelligent, thinking person. At some point, most of us are going to have sex (I hope), and wouldn't it be much better to know certain tricks or secrets? How many of us would have had much different first experiences had we known just a few things?

I don't want to repeat all the rules; that would spoil half the fun of reading, I think, just trust me... they're awesome. Love this closing line to chapter 1, though:

"In the meantime, son…practice."

And he does. He really, really does. Chapter 2:

"Please, Bella…" he beseeched, his blue-green irises hypnotic as pendulums, "I want to know what drives you mad. Show me..."

One of the things I liked most is that the characters aren't lost to the smut. The characterizations stay accurate and true, with Carlisle getting bolder in his language use, but still embarrassing Edward (on purpose or accident), each chapter. As they progress and Edward learns to trust what Carlisle is telling him, his questions get bolder.

I also really enjoyed that in chapter 2, Carlisle points out something to Edward about Bella – I love the idea of an observant parent that isn't afraid to pass on the tidbit of info.

Love that Bella a) admits to Edward that she masturbates, and b) isn't terrified to do it in front of him. It's very clear that she wants to show him, wants to share with him, and I like that. There's no trepidation or hesitation or convincing.

I confess, I giggled at Edward in chapter 3:

By the time I remembered my own arousal, what to do turned out to be moot. I'd come in my fucking pants.

Totally realistic, I thought.

Who doesn't want a partner like Carlisle in chapter 4? I think that's just about all I have to say about that. It was nice to see EsmePOV as well, and her thoughts on Carlisle and The Rules.

We just got into some great parts of the story, and with only two more chapters left, I am eager to see where else the author takes us.

4 out of 5 rules.

My rec must be prefaced with the fact that I teach sex ed to middle schoolers and senior high students at my Unitarian church. I'm also a nurse, as most of you know. With that in mind, I have to be honest and say that my interest was quite piqued by the premise of The Art of Worship. I wasn't disappointed by what Green Puma delivered.

The most intriguing aspect of this story was that the Cullen men have historically passed on their sexual skills and talents to the next generation. 17 YO Edward is getting close to having sex with Bella soon, so Carlisle pulls him aside for a man-to-man talk about all this entails. Not birds and bees stuff, but specifics on how to please a woman.

Never mind the fact that having said conversations with one's parents would be 10 shades of embarrassing, because it would. But does that mean such conversations shouldn't happen? Being the mom of a soon-to-be 16 YO boy, we've had many discussions about the mechanics of how everything works, and I can appreciate that although they are not always easy conversations to have, they are essential in my book. There are so many of us who grew up unable to even talk about sex with our parents. Too many people experience shame and guilt over being sexual creatures. Having knowledge about the finer points of sex would have been so helpful along the way.

To be sure, the first time Edward and Carlisle sit down together, it is awkward and embarrassing, especially for Edward. When they finally get past the most awkward part of the conversation, Carlisle sums it up for Edward:

But, there is a beauty in sex which, if you could only grow to appreciate it—an art which, if you could only commit to learning it—will bring you and the women in your life such divine fulfillment as most mortals never know. It is the art of worship, Edward, and it has very little to do with sex.

Now, I ask you, dear fellow perv, what woman wouldn't want a lover who understood the art of worship? Doesn't everyone deserve to experience "divine fulfillment"? I believe they do, and it is that aspect of this fic that drew me in. When Edward is able to make Bella come for the first time, Carlisle explains how significant that is to Edward in such a matter of fact way:

Son, do you know how many husbands can't make their wives come? How many women have never even had an orgasm? How many rely on toys and masturbation for whatever crumbs they can get?

Yep. Everyone should have the chance to know how to make sex fulfilling.

After their first meeting, Carlisle counsels Edward to "practice" with Bella, which I found rather endearing. Oh, and rather hot. VERY hot. We get the chance to watch their experiences from both Bella's and Edward's POVs, and it is quite rewarding to know exactly how their practice affects both of them.

After each practice session, Carlisle and Edward debrief, and Edward gets some pointers on how to improve for the next time. These situations get gradually less awkward as time goes on, and Carlisle bursts with pride at how well Edward is adopting The Rules. In the last chapter, when Edward admits he's afraid to have Bella reciprocate when they have oral sex, Carlisle advises his son with a new rule:

If the woman to whom you are committed begs to give you a blow job, for the love of God, you are to take it...

And so goes another of The Rules, son: learn to give and take.

Yeah. What he said. Give and take, AKA The Art of Worship. Sigh.

4 out of 5 Rules

I'm a fan of Carlisle. *gasp, shock, what?* I know, you're stunned. Anyhoodle. GP sets the story off right with this little disclaimer (that I do happen to be fond of myself... snicker)

A/N: They don't call Carlisle "Hot Bitch" for nothin'…

Now, I'll preface this by saying there are probably 10 total fics that I'll read that have detailed lemons involving Hot Bitch and 'shewhomustnotbenamed', this is one of the 5 that I enjoyed and didn't want to claw my eyes out. More on that in a bit.

Eddie boy is nervous. He's a virgin and Carlisle - the original DILF - is his 'instructor' of sorts. Sure it has oogie potential but I just get right over that by focusing on Carlisle talking about boning.

Yes, I am a piggy.

So, all the Cullen men are 'gifted' and these endowments are not only passed along to each generation but they're given the talk to make sure that they continue to be the best possible lover to their partner. The rules of worship are discussed - at length - in Carlisle's study over Scotch and uncomfortable tension but whatever. Once again, I focus on Carlisle. Shock. I know. Get over it.

He basically in a nutsack tells Edward to ask her what she wants, to listen to her and to pay attention and he'll please her no matter what because they're in love. It may not be the most erotic language but Christ it's hot. From Bella after Carlisle's first lesson...

"I like it when you bite my shoulder…"

"…and when you run your fingers down my legs…"

"Fuck...and when you lick my ankles."


You want more??? Okay.

"Tell me, love," he murmured between kisses, "I want to know what you want."
The backs of his fingertips began grazing my cheeks.
"I want to hear your fantasies," he continued, dropping tiny kisses along my jaw.
I barely heard my own soft whimper.
"I want to know how you touch yourself when you think of me."He traced his nose down the side of my neck.
"I want to memorize the look on your face and the sound of your voice when you come."
I moaned as he kissed his way back up.
"Will you let me?" he whispered once he reached my ear.

Okay so while Eddie and Bella the blushing virgins have hit a homer yet. Carlisle and 'shewhomustnotbenamed' certainly have.

I licked—just licked—inside her warmth, but with a zeal and practiced finesse that left us both panting

4.5/5 Hot Bitches from me. ;)

I have no idea how one short little fic like this can be simultaneously so hot and so adorable at the same time. No clue. And yet, it exists! For the first chapter, I couldn't tell if I was more turned on or more embarrassed for Edward. And, seriously, why is it so damn sexy for guys to tell us exactly what it is they are going to do to us right before they do it? Please tell me I'm not alone in being a complete sucker for a little dirty talk. And bonus - both Edward and Carlisle do their fare share of ... describing.

I absolutely fell in love with the premise of this story; that as Cullen men, Carlisle and Edward have been gifted a legacy, a responsibility, and rules required to properly please their women. And the time has come for Carlisle to teach young Edward the "rules." At first, Edward's embarrassment is palpable. But when Edward starts seeing results in his ... relations with Bella, well, let's just say he loosens up a bit and actually seeks out Carlisle's sage advice.

We are also gifted with multiple perspectives that give us just enough insight to help the story move forward, as well has ... increase the reading pleasure. The transitions between the perspectives is seamless and works perfectly to enhance the ... experience of reading. From Bella, we're lucky enough to imagine what it is like to have Edward learning how to please us ...

"I want to hear your fantasies," he continued, dropping tiny kisses along my jaw.

I barely heard my own soft whimper.

"I want to know how you touch yourself when you think of me."

He traced his nose down the side of my neck.

"I want to memorize the look on your face and the sound of your voice when you come."

I moaned as he kissed his way back up.

"Will you let me?" he whispered once he reached my ear.
And with Edward, we get to hear all his dirty, delicious thoughts as he learns the ins and outs of Bella's body. As per Carlisle's suggestion, Edward asks Bella to show him how she likes to be touched, and viewing the scene through his eyes is amazingly erotic. And even though this is one of the most erotic stories I've read in a long time, it is also laced with humor and reality, as this little tidbit demonstrates ...

My eyes flew to her face in time to witness the magnificence of her release, all arching backs and helpless cries, all aftershocks and bonelessness, and a final indolent sigh.

By the time I remembered my own arousal, what to do turned out to be moot. I'd come in my fucking pants.
And the conversation between Edward and Carlisle that follows is simply adorable and hilarious.

There is also a delicious chapter that gives us a glimpse of how Carlisle applies the "rules" in his own relationship with his wife, Esme. Lucky bitch. But with the arrival of Esme's character, also provides us with another perspective that adds wonderfully to the story.

The chapters are short, but you're not left wanting. This is definitely a story you'll want to come back to time and time again. It's not complete, yet, and I eagerly await each and every update that is to follow. I'll admit that I wasn't quite sure what I was getting in to at first with this fic, but I should have known better than to doubt the ladies of the PPSS. This is not a fic you'll want to ignore.

5 out of 5.

Well then...

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Nina Gives In To Temptation

Giving In To Temptation




ONESHOT: A married Bella is away from her family on business. A beautiful bronze haired temptation approaches her in the hotel bar. Just drinks and nothing more? Yeah right.....AH,LEMONS,OOC

I'm so easy to pinpoint what I like to read. I totally have a 'type'. It's hilarious really, the guilty pleasure fics we all have.

Someone can dangle a adulterous type story in front of me and I'll read it.
Nina you're such a fucking whore! Now, now. Let me explain!
I like those stories that allude to adultery, i.e. fakerony one shots where they play dress up and shit. Fake names, outfits, totally OOC behavior, hotels and shit, rawr.
Anyhoodle, this story reminds me of that episode of Modern Family except without the almost nekkid on an escalator incident.
"Giving In To Temptation" by Jaxon22 is one of these stories that I'm nervous as fuck reading because I really don't know if they're married to each other OR really cheating. It's a fine line and one that she manages to conceal perfectly.
This made me nervous, but then because I'm a shit, I totally got over it thinking she's cheating on Jake (sorry Jeanne)

He moved around me and sat down with a long breath. I couldn't help but notice his eyes raking down my body from hair to foot and I couldn't help but notice that I liked it intensely.
He sipped his drink before holding his hand out to me.
"Edward Cullen," he said by way of introduction.
Christ even his name makes me think of bad things…gentlemanly, regal, powerful…
"Bella Black," I answered quickly, taking his hand. I bit the inside of my lip as a surge of the most intense heat shot up my arm like a bullet.
"Nice to meet you, Bella Black," he said with a sly smile.
He released my hand and then ran his fingers back through his hair. I watched the movement as surreptitiously as I could, noticing the silver band that sat on the third finger of his left hand as it caught the spotlights above us
Needless to say, some crazy ass hot flirting at the bar leads to them both questioning if they could really do this...
"What I'm…feeling…really isn't ok."
HELL YES it is, go for it.
"I love my wife," he said softly, looking at me with a determined expression that left no doubt with what he just said.
I couldn't respond because I didn't know what to say to him. I simply nodded and bit my bottom lip while thumbing my own wedding ring.
What did he want me to say, that I 'loved my husband?'
I do love my husband…I do…
"I have never ever done anything like this before," he continued, his voice low and deep. "This is completely new to me and I haven't a fucking clue what to do." He stepped again and I realised I had nowhere else to move. "But I do know that you are the most exquisite creature I have ever laid eyes on."
A small moan slipped from me. It seemed to echo into the night and float above us towards the stars.
Holy fuck…where did this man come from…? I could feel my feet being swept from under me…
"Edward," I repeated, clearly incapable of saying much else as he stopped so close to me that when I inhaled my chest touched his.
I looked up at him, trying to regain my breathing and stop the tumult of absolute chaos that was happening in my chest and stomach. I clenched my thighs together as the back of his index finger grazed my cheek gently from temple to chin.
"Yes, Bella?" he asked so quietly his lips barely moved.
"I've never done this either," I managed through a closing throat, "and I'm scared shitless."
He smiled slightly but the darkness of his eyes took the pleasure out of seeing it.
"I know," he said, letting his fingers travel to my neck and back up my face. "You can tell me to stop at any time, Bella, and as much as I won't want to, I will."
"I want…" I panted, my eyes fluttering closed as his hand travelled to the back of my neck.
"What do you want, Bella Black?" he asked, letting his nose skim my jaw line. "Jesus, you smell so fucking good," he said, panting in my ear. "I could smell you in the bar...strawberries and vanilla...I taste you."
"," I choked out, feeling my hand travel up his forearm that was holding the wall behind me, all the way up to his shoulder.
He brought his head back so that his nose was next to mine. "You want me?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow, his arrogance making him even sexier.
"Yes," I replied breathlessly.
"In that case," he said gently. "May I kiss you?"
My knees weakened at his words and I was suddenly glad that he had hold of me.
"Yes," I repeated with a small hiss, not even thinking twice about the word that seemingly leapt from my mouth.
Sweet Jesus, I'm not even giving you the good shit!

Do yourself a favor. Buy a wig, some booze and get a hotel room and follow this story to the letter!

Thank Jaxon in the morning...

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

It's "Mind Over Matter" for Team Wussperv

Team Wussperv this team is made up of myself, Nina aka Ninapolitan, Bethie aka EJ Santry & Emmy aka Pippapear. I'm sure you're wondering what the fuck is a wussperv right? A wussperv is someone that is...

A) Tragically canon
B) Loathes angst (in massive doses)
C) Loves smut

Mind Over Matter


Set in the 6 week 'blank period' at the end of Eclipse/beginning of Breaking Dawn, between the newborn battle, and the wedding. Bella and Edward expand and deepen their physical relationship in preparation for their impending marriage. AU, CITRUS!

When I first started reading Twific, many of the stories I came across dealt with the time between the newborn battle and the wedding. Everyone was still speculating to what was coming in BD. I thought I had read it all, but was so pleasantly surprised to have fresh perspective on that time brought to me by SubtlePen. She is the first person who has written Edward's hang-ups in such a way, that Bella, and the reader really feel the gravity of what he is trying to control. It is made light of by Bella in canon, and I agree that Edward traditionally just comes off as being prudish. We all get that he can hurt her and he craves her, but I think even SMeyer didn't word craft it enough to explain the direness of the situation. Chapter 3 alone when Bella comes into her room after a run with her new toy from Alice, and the smell of her sex everywhere. We see Edward almost claw the room in his desperation to cling to his humanity. He chants to himself. He cowers. He begs for her distance. He screams for knowledge.

"You smell like sex, Bella. It's all over you. Right now I'm fighting a horrendous urge to murder you and rape your carcass."

If that doesn't set some red lights off in your head, I don't know what will.

SubtlePen also pours her gift of detail into Bella and Edward easing their way towards their wedding night. Delicious petting. The start of exploration with finger tips and mouths. But some of my favorite parts are the gentle moves before the extended pauses allowing Edward to find his comfort.

"Her hands reached up to my chest, where my dead heart should be crashing though. She caressed my belly, tracing the outline of the muscles there. She leaned up to kiss my navel, her collarbone pressed against the hardness she had wanted to see. She wrapped her arms wrapped around my legs, and pressed her cheek into my hip. The crook of her neck was still pressed against me. I could feel the pulse at her throat, through my groin. I gasped."

There are enough delicious moments in this story to leave you steaming for hours. I suggest reading with a cold compress handy...or vibe...or peen...

4.5 out of 5 hot springs

I first read Mind Over Matter, after I had put subtlepen on alert for some of her great one-shot competition entries. The premise in the synopsis intrigued me, so I clicked on the linky and found myself quite engrossed in this story of Bella & Edward trying to prepare for their honeymoon & consummating their marriage.

I really like that both Edward & Bella really go on a journey in this story. They both grow up a lot over the duration of this story, and grow into their relationship with one another. Edward in particular as he tries to balance his desire, blood-lust & control.

This story is most deffo WussPerv approved. There is no meddling Tanya, or Jake getting too close for comfort... Its just Bella & Edward counting down the days to their wedding, experimenting and playing with one another, whilst given advice by the Cullen family as to how best reach their preferred state.

So the lemon quota? Its high! LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of practicing and experimentation! Wooo-hoooo! :) Oh! AND a delicious outtake featuring how they cope with the challenge of Bella's time of the month, which I thought SubtlePen handled beautifully and hottly!!

This following quote shows both the love and the lust this story has, as Bella and Edward work their way up to the good stuff.

"You will be the death of me, you know that?

"What ever do you mean, Mr. Undead?"

"I've had a near constant erection for 3 days." His tongue snaked over my neck and jaw.

"You should see a doctor for that. Maybe you need some 'alone time.'"

He kissed me hard, moaning into my mouth. "Maybe I need to f…" His voice, barely a whisper, trailed off.

My heart was suddenly pounding. I'd only heard him use that word once before, and he was angry when he said it. "Maybe you need what?"

"Maybe we both need some alone time."

"That's not what you were about to say. You were about to say you needed to fu…" His mouth crashed onto mine again before I could finish the word. When he stopped kissing me long enough to catch my breath, I asked him again. "What were you about to say, Edward?" He kissed me again, along my neck and collarbone.

"It was selfish, and vulgar." He continued to kiss me, slower, and softer.

"You want to fuck me. Don't you, Edward?"

"Please don't, Bella. I hate that language."

"It's just a word, Edward. A very small and descriptive word."

"What is it with you and words? It's a hideous word. Vulgar. Disrespectful."

"And what if I were to tell you that's what I wanted, Edward, to fuck? Would that be vulgar?"

"Yes. No. It's different – I mean, I want to make love, Bella, with you, not 'to' you. The other – that's just, well, it's not right."

"What about it isn't right?"

"It implies that my needs would come first, that you are just an object to be used. It reduces you to an 'orifice.' I will never think of you that way."

"You could look at it that way. But it could also imply a certain level of 'vigor.'" He looked at me like I was from Mars. I kissed him and whispered against his lips, "What if I wanted to fuck you, Edward?"

"What are you talking about?"

I kissed him again. "If we want to touch each other a certain way, Edward, who decides if it's right or wrong? Us, or a hundred year old dictionary?"

"Us, of course. I just - that word…"

"Can you even say the word?"

"I don't think I can."

"Say it."

"Bella, no."

"Say it. Say fuck."

"Fuck. There. Are you happy?"

I kissed him again, and licked his lips and sucked the tip of his tongue into my mouth. I grabbed his waist with both hands and ground my hips into his. "Yeah. Say it again, like you mean it." I moved in all the ways I'd wanted to in the hot spring.

"Ahhh, Bella. Fuck, I need you." His voice was weak, breathy.

"What were you going to say before, Edward? What do you need?" I sucked his neck, my hands traveling over his chest, pinching his nipples through his shirt.

"I – oh Bella -"

I unfastened his belt, tugging at the button on his pants. I slid my hand in and wrapped my fingers around him. He groaned at the contact. I barely had a chance to feel the length of him before he'd flipped us over and buried his hand in my pants. I grunted when his fingers moved into my heat.

He whispered into my ear, "I need to fuck you, right here, right now. I want to fuck you. Ask me to fuck you."

My eyes rolled back into my head. "Yeah."

"Is this what you want Bella? For me to fuck you with my hand?"

"Ungh." He had two of his fingers curled inside me, and his thumb was merciless. I was already coming, hard and fast, and I couldn't speak. I took my hand out of his pants and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling him against me as I came. I lay there, panting and speechless, for several minutes."

I love the little touch with the photograph albums too. All in all I just love this story!

4.5 photo albums out of 5 from me. xxx

I'll preface this by saying, I adore Subtlepen as a person but believe it or not, I never read Mind Over Matter until Emmy said, "You have to, you don't know what you're missing!" Well, of course, Emmy was right.


Since Emmy went the route of giving you hot excerpts to whet your whistle. I'll give you by bumbling idiot reviews.

I started out normal enough

I'm finally getting around to reading this. I needed something like this today too. Pippapear(Emmy) told me I had to stop being a procrastinating silly bird and read it. I, of course, always listen to my Emmy. :) xo

Then a little more... verklempt

JFC. I shouldn't be reading this at work.

Then I pretty much just drooled on the keyboard

unf <-this may be the only review from now on. Just saying ;)

To where I ended...

Dear Queen Snatch a lot,



That is all.



Oh and just because it's me...


In all sincerity, there are a ton of fics that tackle the lead up to the wedding, the testing of his boudaries, the limits yadda, yadda. There are only a handful that I remember specific parts and can pinpoint it to the originating fic.

This is one of them, it's one of SPs gifts. Great, steamy, dialogue laced with some of the most emotional scenes ever. This is true in all of her work but this one specifically is my favorite.

It seriously flew by when I was reading. So much so that I may have read it over again. I think I'm holding out hope that Liz will revisit these two someday... just thought I'd toss it out there. hehehehe

5/5 steamy photoalbums...

The three of us are exceptionally proud of our wussperv status and do our best to beg and plead with people to share with us their findings. So, if you've got a wussperv rec for us, send it to me at

Monday, April 26, 2010

LolaShoes and MasenVixen do "The Blessing and The Curse"

The Blessing and The Curse


The Black Arrow

Admittedly, M and Lo are late to this fic. At present, it is on chapter 19 (plus a prologue) and we can fairly safely say that the wait for chapter 20 is killing us. To bide our time and give the (very shoddy) appearance of being patient, we tweet our favorite lines to each other over and over and, basically, fangirl the hell out of The Black Arrow. We hope our efforts come across as more motivating and sweet than stalkerish and obsessed. We may or may not be successful.

So, to honor our devotion to this chapter, we are doing a lemonshot of the epic banging that occurs in Chapter 14 (for what it's worth, we will hunt you down and spank you in the not-fun way if you skip over ANYTHING leading up to Chapter 14). Between the two of us, we've probably read this chapter 700 times.

Lo: Christina (tby789) told me I had to read this and when I started it I hated Edward with the fiery heat of fourteen suns. She said trust her. I said I couldn't trust anyone who sends me as much porn and sex toy links as she does and who only drinks pink cocktails. She said to try a little harder to trust her. So I did and... yeah. Candycheeks was right. This story currently owns my flimsy and slightly dogeared soul.

M: I read this story because Lo tweeted about it obsessively. I specifically recall her saying she wanted to throw her iPhone across the room when it died mid-chapter. Any story that can inspire you to injure your Jesus phone, well, it's one I need to read. I should add that this story sucked me in immediately, which is a true rarity for me.


Ok, so, the Bella and Edward in this story have been lifelong . . . well, shit, there's no simple way to characterize their relationship. You *really* have to read the whole story. But suffice it to say, they share a deep connection which is at once beautiful, hideous, addictive and terrifying. This chapter picks up on the verge of the consummation of 26 years worth of the most simmering UST I've ever read.

Be forewarned, this Edward is nicknamed "Curseward" for a reason (read: he's not called "Blessward"). He's possessive. Jealous. Tyrannical in some spots. But he loves Bella in a way that no one else ever could. The central - believable - conflict here is whether you should choose to be with someone who is your soulmate but whose love swallows you whole.

Lo: M, I fear that this is going to be the longest lemonshot ever. We are essentially going to paste the entire chapter in here and then Chris Farley the hell out of it.

M: Well, we've pretty much already tweeted the whole chapter anyway soo...let's do it!

It starts off tense. The tension between these two is just killer:

She was swaying slightly, her knees either side of his thighs, her dress riding up in ways he wished he was in the mood to appreciate.

Lo: I love how controlled she makes him in this scene, it's such a contrast to him up to this point. He's so tightly coiled. It makes me a little bit crazy. Just a little.

M: ::snort:: I have to admit that I love seeing crazy fangirl side of Lo, since I'm that way with her. But more to the point, UNF. Wait. What were we talking about?

She smoothed her hands over his, her fingertips tracing the tight cords of the tendons in his forearms as she lowered herself down slowly onto his lap; no longer trusting her knees to hold her.

Lo: TBA does such an amazing job with visuals. I am not exaggerating when I say that each of the 564 times I have read this chapter I find something new that adds to the scene. I will keep reading until I no longer find anything new (and then I will read it 10 more times).

M: The imagery is just incredible and, lucky for you, you simply cannot grasp it all in one read. This lemon is more like a lemon tree. It keeps giving and giving and giving.

"Admit it," she said, allowing her hair to fall forward as she put her face into his neck, one fraction of an inch away from skin contact, "You don't control this." She pulled back. "I control this."

He scowled at her.

"You're pushing your luck."

M: God I love this. Curseward has led her to believe that he holds such power over her. But here, she's realizing her power and giving him a taste of his own medicine. Finally vulnerable, he's having a hard time capitulating.

Lo: Yes, he is a stubborn crazy bastard.

M: Uh, right. That too.

"Let me rephrase. I'm not the kind of toy you can just throw away when you're bored." His eyes dropped to her mouth.

"I will be your favourite toy." He leaned forwards slightly, scenting her tangled hair. "I want to sleep in your bed, and be taken wherever you go."

His husky, teasing voice was doing sinful wet things to her underwear, and she steeled herself against the naughty innocence in his eyes as he whispered, "Or maybe I'd take you wherever I go."

Lo: And then kill me now because he adds:

"I'll take you on every surface imaginable."

M: So at first I'm thinking about a security blanket. Snuggling up in bed with Curseward sounds so delicious (preferably naked, although I *do* love me some skull & crossbones waffle-knit pjs). And then he takes the double entendre to another level entirely and, yeah ... no security blanket in that fantasy.

"There's no point denying this," she whispered shakily, relief and fear splicing through her. "I can see there's no choice."

"You need to choose now," he breathed as she lifted her eyes, her final decision reached. "It won't count unless you kiss me first."

Lo: So, this line directly follows something that happened in My Thirst and here this Edward combines vulnerable and defensive, angry and soft into something really complex and appealing. I like seeing his soft underbelly. Mmmm, happy trail.

M: Even in his desperate need for her he's still commanding. It's just unbelievably sexy.

The press of his erection against her inner thigh felt hard enough to bruise her flesh, and she welcomed the blunt pain; felt an answering echo in her own body.

M: Ok, his erection is hard enough to bruise her? I don't even need to comment on this do I?

Lo: *Homer drool*

The memory of his hot, wet phone sex threats made her pause, and she felt her cheeks dimpling in an evil smile as she released him, letting him sit tangled, his hands trapped at the small of his back.

He refused to struggle. He forced himself to submit.

M: Yet again, you must read from the beginning if you want to read the hot wet phone sex which could garner it's own Lemon-shot. But it's the significance of Bella's evil smile, and Edward's submission, in contrast to that nearly sinister phone-sex that makes this so significant.

Lo: Unf. The phone sex. THE PHONE SEX. And when you read it you'll be like "Psshh, YOU ASS!" and then when you get to chapter 19 and you realize you have to wait for more and so you go back and start all over again instead of writing your own fic or, you know, showering, you'll see so many things you didn't see before. Yes. This is me, fangirling my ass off.

"It might not be gentle."

Just a moment later he says,

"I'll go slow for as long as I can…." he muttered, his fist in her hair tugging to tilt her head, leaning in to bite a sharp and softened trail down the side of her neck, "It's not going to be easy. You're so sexy."

M: Okay, so. I cannot sanely choose a favorite line in this chapter. But this one is damn close. Because now you know it's going to happen. And he's going to try not to fuck her senseless. But he's going to fail. Ok screw it, this IS my favorite line.

Lo: Hot damn. I love this so hard. I love it because of how the lemon does unfold and how he really does react. I also love how honest he is with her now because she knows it all and there's no point pretending that he is in control. Guh. Honestly, I've read this part so many times it's embarrassing. <--Hardcore Chris Farley moment.
He was trembling, and the zing in her nerve endings was too much to bear; the light hair on his body tantalising her white skin. How she would survive him stroking the tiny sweet ache between her thighs, she did not know.

Lo: UNF. That is all. I cannot be articulate about this line.

M: Tiny. Sweet. Ache.

[Lo: We have probably tweeted this line to each other more times than we should admit and clearly are reduced to monosyllables and one-handed typing (winka winka) when we quote it again.]

"Like a little bomb," he commented, his voice thick with amusement as he pressed his open mouth over her thudding heart. "Let's make you explode."

M: GOD. This line. Kills me. And there's a deeper meaning here that you need to read the chapter to grasp. But he's just so arrogant and tender at the same time. Open mouth over her thudding heart? Her heart ticking like a bomb? I could write a page about this line.

Lo: It's been hinted in previous chapters that her perspective on their relationship may not be completely accurate but here is where he's really starting to show how vulnerable he makes himself to her. This line carries so much meaning - setting Bella off sexually is something he's always wanted to do and he knows his strength in that department. But setting Bella off emotionally is something that will change the dynamic between them forever and I like to think that's also what he's referring to here.

Suddenly, he was kissing again. Her skin felt so sensitive, she was sure she could feel the contours of his fingerprints against her, the lines on his palms. The hand that wasn't holding her wrists had drifted up slowly, drawing webs of sensation across her stomach and ribs, before he delved his fingers deep into the plush warmth between her breasts.

"Can I live here?" he asked softly, his mouth leaving her to press against her heart again, cupping her other breast, gently twisting and rubbing the tip with his fingers, his calloused skin creating the perfect friction. "Can this be my home?"

M: Is this the sweetest image ever? Hard, possessive Curseward resting his head between Bella's breasts and asking to *live* there?

Lo: Sigh. This line makes me all heartclenchy and wanting to hug-slap-hug Curseward. Also: "contours of his fingerprints". GAH WOMAN! It's the kind of line I wish I wrote. *shakes fist at TBA*

"You know everything now," he said softly as he dragged himself up to kiss her mouth again, craving the taste of her mouth each time he stopped.

Lo: Not gonna lie, I read the word "craving" about 7,000 times the first time I read this. Why is that one word in that context so hawt?

M: Le swoon. I love the attention paid to the kissing in this lemon (tree).

He swallowed, trying to clear his head, knowing in a sick moment of clarity that he would do anything, no matter how desperate or depraved, to keep her. He would crawl, or worse. The knowledge terrified and empowered him.

He didn't know what this said about him, but his cock grew impossibly harder.

Lo: I love his conscious desire for control contrasted with his unconscious need to just give in to her and to what's between them.

M: The idea of his cock getting harder at the thought of crawling for her? Yeah, I'm a useless pile of mush by this point. Sorry, Lo.

He retraced the red line tenderly with his lips, making her squirm.

"It's me, and only me." He continued raggedly, sliding an arm up behind her to unclip her bra with an impressive snapping motion. He'd obviously had a lot of practice, she thought worriedly as he slipped the straps from her and flung it at the bookcase.

Lo: I love the image here because I can totally see Curseward throwing her bra. I bet the man doesn't put anything down gently.

M: So much I love here. At the same time he's asking her to confirm that he's her one and only at the expense of one out-of-town fiance), she's picking up on how many women he's been with before her. I don't know how TBA does it, but she's constantly juxtaposing contradictory motives and reactions.

Lo: Why do you have to be so smart? I'm like "Ug. Bra throw. Sexy man." and you're like "I'd like to take a moment to analyze the juxtaposition of..." Smart hoor.

M: ::adjusts spectacles::

"It's happening so soon," she managed. She was utterly overwhelmed; she doubted her heart would withstand this.

"It's been twenty six years. How much more build up do you need?"

M: Lo didn't include the next line, but lucky for you I happen to have it memorized. First, imagine Edward kissing his way up her leg. Ready? "How many more miles?"

Lo: I like that he actually stops here and then begins kissing up her leg instead of continuing what he was doing. Throughout the story he starts to listen to her so much more (as in listen to what she wants and feels, rather than listen to her mind) and I found this part really sexy because of that.

He was finally naked, and the sight of his body was beyond any gasping erotic nightmare she had jolted awake from over the years. His stomach muscles flexed as he heard her mental gasp as she caught sight of his cock. Beautiful, she thought. Big, she amended, and he snorted with laughter.

Lo: Of course he's hung - he's Edward. But I love being shown the moment that she looks at him. I can almost feel like I'm following her eyes down and that is fucking hot.

M: Is it possible that we haven't yet mentioned that Curseward can read Bella's mind? Well, only if he's touching her (how sexy is that by the way?) Anyway, here you see him hearing her thoughts at seeing his cock for the first time since at least puberty. Earlier on in the story Curseward promises the mindreading would lead to mindblowing sex ("I'll know what you want before you will"). And, yeah, he's right.

"I'm such a caveman." He said almost inaudibly in a sarcastic drawl. She whimpered, and he felt the tremor of fear run through her.

"Don't be afraid of it," he said, sliding a finger into her, twisting softly.

"Accept it. Don't you know I'd kill for you?"

M: This Edward's self-awareness and ownership of his dark side is, I have to admit, one of the things I find sexiest about him. Curseward, you can play in my cave any time.

Lo: This is one of those lines that makes me want to hit him. He has such a soft sweetness and then he covers it up with this mania over her and I am so anxious to see how it unfolds in the remaining chapters. There is something sexy about knowing that someone would do anything for you, but his honesty that he would kill for her, and the fact that there no doubt he would, is one of those things that make him seem like the bomb.

She freefell towards orgasm until he caught her, shaking his head. "Not yet." He warned.

She lay trembling, eyes unfocused, not noticing his wicked smile as he said, "Okay, now."

Lo: God he is such a bastard. I love him.

M: The on-command orgasm only works for me with certain kinds of Edwards. Like, for instance THIS ONE.


Lo: And that's all we're gonna quote. ::nods:: (psst: hey guys, that was still only foreplay! We didn't even quote Lo's favorite line!!) This was just a tease! Go now!

M: So, I know what you're thinking. "They've quoted all the *good* parts." You're wrong. This chapter -- hell, this whole story -- is full of lines and imagery that make you ache in the good way in all the right places. Run. Read. Repeat.

If you've never heard of Lo and M I feel for you. Srsly go read their stuff, you will NOT be disappointed.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Art School Confidential by farkle

Art School Confidential





Bella finds her artistic muse and total embarrassment in person of life model Edward. How can she get him to model for her when he thinks she is a sex-crazed flake? AU-AH, M for nudity, language, lemons. Canon pairings.


OMG- I am so excited to be reviewing Art School Confidential by farkle, one of my all-time favorite fanfics, which, it just so happens, I also beta. Although I use the term “beta” loosely- as I’m sure Irritable Grizzzly (who also betas this story) would agree, farkle is such a fantastic writer, my beta services are barely needed.

Art School Confidential is based loosely on farkle’s own art school experience. Bella is an art school student. Edward, due to a lost bet, is her class’ nude model. Mmmmm. Nude Edward. In the very first chapter. And many thereafter. Awesomeness. Turns out that Edward is also friends with Jasper and Emmett, who are in art school with Bella. Edward agrees to model one-on-one for Bella in exchange for a painting. They start off as friends with sexual tension, which of course, turns into friends with benefits.

And oh, the benefits. You have to read the story to truly enjoy them but talk about being all hot and bothered. My God! Each lemon leaves me panting and wanting a brooding nude model Edward of my very own. Imagine Bella, topless in her studio space at the art school, painting a nude Edward.

It was the work of a lover, not an artist. Even though we hadn't touched… since waking this morning, I felt that every brush stroke had been a caress, every glance had been like his hands on me.

But there’s so much more to this story than naked Edward. farkle has developed complex, multi-faceted characters, relationships, and situations. The way she writes makes you feel as if you are a part of the story. Her writing is smart, mature, and real. The story is entirely Bella’s point of view. Bella is cool, snarky, awkward, passionate, and has a habit of putting her foot in her mouth. Edward is smart, mysterious, and intriguing. I love that we never quite know what he’s thinking. And he wears a leather jacket and rides a motorcycle. And rolls his own cigarettes. It doesn’t get much better than this, folks.

And hard as it is to believe, the best is yet to come. So run, don’t walk, your horny butt to read farkle’s Art School Confidential. And while you’re at it, don’t forget to tell farkle how great she is :o)

Irritable Grizzzly

I have recc'd this story to anyone who will listen.

farkle has taken the time to develop her characters and make them come to life. She's given Edward and Bella, and even the supporting cast, so much dimension. Bella, who is so often relegated to "damsel in distress," here is an amazing woman. She has a life and a real career outside of Edward.

Edward is not your "Perfect Edward" but not "Douchebag Edward" either. Like all people, he's had events in his life that have shaped who he is and thus has a programmed way of dealing with things.

The slow build of Edward and Bella's relationship is awesome. Two people who are obviously drawn to each other, but due to so many misguided notions, completely deny their real feelings. So the angst is not based on what I like to call "manufactured drama" (or angst based on misunderstandings, etc.). If you pay close attention, you'll know what's coming and just like in a horror movie where you wanna yell "NO! Don't look in the closet!" you'll have the urge to scream at your monitor, "don't say it!" but they wouldn't be the character if they didn't, and thus you have some amazingly beautiful heartbreaking moments.

The lemons? They aren't "paint-by-numbers" or "let's stop the action so they can have sex again". Not only are they beautifully written, but also integral to the plot. You feel the lovemaking on an emotional level. To me, that's the sign of an author truly connected to her characters.

I could go on all day gushing about Nudeward and Paintella. I want her Bella to be my best friend and I wanna climb her Edward like a jungle gym. I also kinda have a girl-crush on the author. Shhhh...don't tell her.

Every once in a while a story comes along that tests our ability to accept unconventional ideals of what constitutes a happy relationship. When characters don't fit the mold. Where they don't desire the house and kids. This story is one of those. Both Bella and Edward are free spirits. Bella is an ambitious art student who is striving for greatness in her craft. Is almost married to it. Edward is a man who has lived in a small enclave and is looking for his great adventure.

Their paths cross when Edward comes in to model for one of Bella's art class. Though it is not traditional sexual desire for him that eventually causes Bella to pursue Edward. It is the inspiration that he pulls from her and into her brush. Bella has found her muse, and doesn't want to lose sight of the magic his is eliciting from her work. A deal for private modeling leads these two to realize that they are kindred spirits in their need to explore and be free. Edward physically, Bella creatively.

All the time together brings them together for a friends-with-benefits arrangement. Painting by day and entwined bodies at night. Bella realizes that she has come to love Edward. Not only as her friend, but as a lover. She is not looking to tie him down. She wants to love him as he is. Past experience has Edward confused and limited in his interpretation of what love means.

Will he realize there is more than one way to love? Will these lovers find their own definition of happiness? Only chapters will tell.

4 out of 5 Big & Pretties

So...Stephie put this on our "potential recs" list a while ago and one day a couple of months ago, I dove in and checked it out. And...I didn't come up again until I had finished it. I inhaled this sucker. I love this fic so much it's in my top ten right now. TOP TEN, PPL. So, I owe Stephie an epic bewbie grope for that.

From the beginning, farkle had me intrigued with the set-up in the fic. A naked Edward right off the bat? Yes, please, and thank you! I also love all of the characters - from a snarky and strong-willed Bella to a brooding, mysterious Edward, I was smitten from the get-go.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again - if there's one thing I love more than fucking in a fic, it's good, solid, well-written UST. And...this fic is overflowing with it. Seriously. It's coming out of its ears. And, honestly, how could it not be? Bella paints Edward....NAKED... Have I mentioned that already? bad.

Another huge plus for me in this is that it is strictly from Bella's perspective. While I absolutely adore hearing Edward's thoughts, I also love not knowing part of the story - it adds to the intrigue and interest in my book and makes me salivate all the more for any morsel of information she gives out. It also leaves several unanswered questions looming above us and I love trying to figure all that out.

Now...don't let me mislead you into thinking this fic doesn't have any smut with all the talk of plot and UST...because, well, it SO TOTALLY does.

His hands were spreading my thighs, opening me like a book on the dark purple comforter. He was moving over me, working his way slowly up from my groin to my neck. He bit gently at my neck, breathed heavily behind my ear, and then kissed his way up to my lips, capturing me in a kiss that turned me completely to rubber.

While his lips and mine moved together, his hand was exploring my lower half. He didn't go straight for the goods, but neither did he seem to be avoiding touching me there.

Rather, it was as if he was connecting the dots of some strange and private treasure hunt, so that with each movement of his fingers and thumb, another switch was tripped, another connection made, until I was lit up like a fucking Christmas tree. From my waist to my ass, around to my inner thigh, fingertips moving from the tender join between hip and groin, and then up to my belly. It was like he was laying claim to every naked inch of me.

That was their FIRST encounter. You can tell a lot about the characters in well-written smut - if the author lets you - and I think the sexual situations in this fic speak volumes about who they really are with each other.

So, we've got good plot, good characters and good smut...what more could you ask for?

4.5 out of 5 nude models

Jesus fucking christ. Dear pervlings, this week I became obsessed. Obsessed with a fic I hadn't read before. A fic that my dear Button (Stephie, aka 4theluvofmary) had been raving about forever! I stupidly had put off reading it. Fearing I would be to angsted by it. I have to say, I read every chapter in fear of pending HF. It is pretty clear from the beginning that these two are destined for a bumpy ride (along with hot flipping riding of the sexy kind!). So wusspervs I will say - the last chapter hurt my heart. The next chapter will probably shatter it completely, but you still HAVE TO READ this fic - as its so flipping good it has consumed me.

I don't think it is just me that has been consumed by it btw! I don't think we have had so many discussion emails about a fic since The Submissive (& before we all hit twitter and discuss fics all the time with one another and our chums). There have been so many emails pinging back and forth regarding ASC, what's going to happen next, what is the hottest scene etc etc!

(Chapter 16 btw, jic you are wondering... ;) )
(though chapters 15 & 14 come close!)

This Edward? Holy fecking shite! He is gorgeous! Hot, stunning, sexy, broody, wild, tortured, intelligent, sexy, primal, rides a bike, has a HUGE cock.... Need I go on? And on and on and on... *sigh* he is divine. But actually Bella in this fic makes it. She is a truly likeable and enjoyable main character. Her pov's are so interesting to read. Her journey through this fic is important, as of course is Edward's. I don't want to reveal too much about their journey, as to read it & experience it is key to the pleasure and mind, heart and soul gripping that reading this fic does to you!

So I will tease you with this wee jem to tempt and tease you:

"You're beautiful, Bella. Let me see you."

Slowly I peeled off my t-shirt, and stood there in my plain black bra. Demurely, he put his hand on his thickening penis. I could see the lust in his clear green-glass eyes. Eyes that seemed to look into and through me. Somehow, with that look, my self-consciousness vanished. I raised my brush and painted, even as my groin ached."

See what I mean? Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Emmy is dead. Seriously Farkle has my heart at the moment. This story is beautifully written, BRILLIANT characterisation and characters and it has an emotional clarity and intensity that is barely seen in fics. Read this or seriously miss out. Don't be a fecking dipshit! READ IT!

5 Big & Pretties out of 5! (it will get brucey bonus points if I get a HEA!) <3

First off, this was probably the hardest review for me write...ever. I'm a huge believer in letting our readers discover the beauty and mystery of a story for themselves without us spilling the beans so to speak. That's a big part of reading for me, discovering the characters for myself, the twist and turns of the plot, the slow build towards finally being together. Why would we want to ruin it for you? That's no fun.

So, what do I do here? Because I could seriously go on and on and on about this story; the plot, the setting, the narrative, the depth of the characters, etc... It's quite a predicament. sigh. I[m gonna be vague, deal.

I guess I'll start with the characters. Farkle writes her characters with a depth that is rarely seen in fanficion. Even though we might not see it all, there is a reason behind their actions, mannerisms, behavior and personalities. These characters are fully realized. It's a testament to farkle's talent really. Edward and Bella both have pasts with hurt and pain and longing to simply be understood for who they are. They find it in each other, though they don't realize it at first and maybe still don't. sigh. It's not contrived or cliched misunderstandings that keep form seeing, it's themselves and their preconceived notions of each other.

Bella lives for her art. Not being an artist or creating is not even a possibility for her. She must be what she is, an artist. One day in class a nude model changes things for her. Through a series of events he becomes her model. She becomes obsessed with him, but not in a stalker type way. He is her muse, her artistic passion. She sees him as a fiery angel sent to inspire her art and her long dead sexual side.

Now Edward, Edward in a way is trying to escape the life that others want for him. Trying to find and define himself as a writer, a man, an individual. He thinks he knows what he needs to do, what his journey is. But this girl, this beautiful, crazy, enchanting, talented girl makes him question himself and the journey he thinks he needs to take.

Wow, that sounded really heavy. And yes the story is heavy, but the lightness of the characters personalities and their humor balance out the berevity. Creating a wonderful mix of light and deep and funny and passionate and simple loveliness. sigh. I really do love it.

These kids have a ton of adventures; Disneyland, Rocky Horror, a surprise trip to Vegas and there is a future trip to the Gay Pride Parade planned. hehe. Jasper in Assless Chaps, that's all I'm saying.

Now the smut. This is a very slow building story. It takes several chapters for these two to even admit that they like each other, let alone flirt or touch or anything. But it's so worth the wait. The build to it is natural and realistic and makes it kinda perfect. And when they do finally get down to the business of doing it, nothing is held back. They go full force and don't stop. Here's a little taste:

"I let him guide me back to my room and under the comforter. He crawled up my body like a wild animal. In the dim dawn light we touched almost lazily, but soon that laziness, fell away and we grappled with each other frantically.

His strong hands were everywhere, and with each touch on sensitive skin, I felt my control spiral away until I was nearly growling as his lips locked onto my nipple and his hands gripped me. My nails scratched his scalp and he made guttural noises in response to my own. We were feral creatures, beyond any words or affectionate gestures.

And that's just a snippet! Oh and Edward has a HUGE dick!

5 out of 5 Big & Pretties from moi!

One of the things that I remember learning in Art Studio 101, my freshman year in college, was that I am not an artist. I could draw, and even paint well enough, but my art I lacked what my teacher called an “artistic voice.” A painting or drawing isn’t a photograph. It is the artist showing you’re their vision, letting you into their mind. Art should resonate with people on emotional level.

This is accomplished masterfully by farkle. In Art School Confidential, we see an artist, Bella, on the verge of finding her artistic voice. This is part of the genius of her choice in writing this story only from Bella’s point of view. We see the world, and more importantly Edward through her eyes, and through her art.

I love this story on so many levels I hardly know where to start the list. Farkle does an amazing job of portraying the detailed process of painting and sketching, without slowing down the story or loosing the reader. In fact, you could learn quite a bit about painting from this story. I love how Bella’s work shows us so much about here she is emotionally through out the story, without actually saying it. Each painting and sketched is described so well that I have no problem seeing them in my mind, and those images never fail to move me in indescribable ways.

The relationship between Bella and Edward is different than most conventional romantic stories, but that is one of the things I love the most about this story. Love isn’t always straightforward, and the road to happiness isn’t always easy. This is especially so for these two. Bella and Edward meet each other at very transitional point in both their lives, this does not, however, diminish the strength of their attraction for each other. While Bella often doesn’t allow herself to see it, there is a strong pull between them that is undeniable.

This story will capture you from the beginning of the first chapter. It will charm you with it’s humor and cut open your chest with it’s unflinching portrayal of a an intense relationship. The sexual tension in this story is scorching, there were times that I would find myself blushing while reading parts that didn’t even involve sex. When the sex actually happens I couldn’t even been in the same room with other people while I read it.

Art School Confidential has quickly climbed to the top of my fav fan fic list. I promise you, if you give it a chance it will probably be at the top of your list too.

I give it 5 out of 5 bananas. ;)

I was hesitant to read this story; while I am crafty, I'm not artsy. Artsy people intimidate me. They all seem so smart, and so talented, and I wondered if I would really even be able to get into the story. I should also confess, though, I love art. I pretend to be a collector, and I especially love to support new artists. I have oil triptychs from Etsy, acrylics I've bought from people on the street in Seattle, framed giclée gallery pieces (and more!) all hanging around my house.

Having said that, Farkle shakes things up, and I was in love by the end of chapter 1. You don't have to know a damn thing about art or art school to fall in love with this story.

Hands down, some of the best things farkle does in Art School Confidential are her characterization and the slow build of the relationship between Edward and Bella. There are a lot of things she does right, though, and I feel confident saying this is one of the best-written, smartest, and engrossing stories I've read in a very long time.

Bella and Edward spend time getting to know each other, and their friendship is not instantaneous or Earth-shattering, blinding lust from the very beginning. Don't get me wrong – Bella lusts for Edward, but she's very stuck in this mindset that she has no time/energy/inclination for love. She's had men, as she says in chapter 6:

Lust was no stranger to me and I wasn't beyond satisfying that lust, by myself or with someone else. There were a few guys I had dated or slept with. Sometimes even both. I shied away from anything serious.

Chapter 5 reveals:

I'd never fallen for anyone. Even the guys I had gotten into bed with had never really been more than fuck buddies.

I really liked this setup, because I think Bella falls for him without ever consciously realizing it, something so new for this fandom. Usually she's head over heels and ready to spawn 2.5 seconds after meeting him.

Also, one of the great things about this story is that the author isn't simply writing to hear herself type, as is often the case. There are no unnecessary details or chapters here, everything feels really needed. Everything adds to the story.

Another thing I really love about Art School Confidential is that it's very smartly written, but I never feel like the author is shoving her smartness down my throat. Sometimes, a story is so fucking pretentious,and while I get the clear feeling the author is extremely intelligent, she's not trying to impress me with it – it's simply a facet of her writing. And God, do I love smart writing.

The first kiss was so worth the wait, even though it was brief and mostly friendly. It was perfect. It fit these two, and the timing was right.

The lemons were the same: perfect, well-timed, and just … perfect. I don't even want to write a ton about them, because I can never do them justice. Just read them.

These crazy kids go to Vegas and have fun, which was delightful to read. The smutty times AND the non-smutty times were fun.

NGL, the most recent chapter is pure heartfail, but if you're like me, read it, get a good cry in, and wait anxiously for the next update. I trust farkle. I trust farkle. I trust farkle.

5 out of 5 Big & Pretty Nude Models

I'm going to make my feelings for Art School Confidential known, as loud and proud as Jasper wearing assless chaps in the gay pride parade, in the very first sentence of my rec: I fucking love this story. As my fellow Pervs know, I don't often fall in love with a story so hard, but ASC is one of the rare ones that captured my attention so fully, I just sat back and soaked it all in. It's beautifully, cleanly written, with deep, complex characters. You can imagine knowing these people--they're very real, and make very human mistakes as they attempt to figure out life.

Art School Confidential features Bella as a painter/art student, and Edward as a beautiful, incredibly well-endowed (naturally!) nude model. It turns out that Edward, Jasper, and Emmett have a history of making bets with each other, which is the reason Edward becomes a nude model at Bella's art school--he lost a bet. As the story unfolds, Edward starts modeling privately for Bella, and he becomes her muse of sorts. Her artwork improves substantially once she starts painting him.

They become good friends, and slowly slip into a sexual relationship, one they categorize as friends with benefits. *kimpy shakes her head at Bella's naievete* Bella, Bella, Bella--the cardinal rule is that, if you start having sex with Edward, you're going to fall in love with him. Just saying. You know, so you've been properly warned and all... It's like the conversation in When Harry Met Sally:

... men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way... Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

ASC can be categorized as a lovely, slow burn. It's UST, but it is such a gradual, building UST that you don't realize how desperate it has become until you reach the day that Edward kidnaps Bella, she plays hooky, and they go to Disneyland. (An aside here, for Farkle: I love Disneyland. It is complete and utter win. The Matterhorn? LOVE it. However, from now on, whenever I am at Disneyland riding the Matterhorn, it will forever remind me of your Edward and Bella).

There is a moment when Bella climbs into the Matterhorn coaster, and Edward puts his arms around her, pulling her in close. I didn't realize how bad the UST had become, until I read this passage:

Edward slid his hands around my waist and pulled me tightly against his body. From shoulder to knee I was joined to him. It was like on the motorcycle, but in reverse, and his wide shoulders curled around me. I could feel the sharp bones of his pelvis against mine and the lump of his firm package pressing into my ass. A tremor of lust ran through me. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the steel hand rails of the bobsled.

NGL, I caught myself clenching my thighs together while I read, nearly dying that they actually had such close physical contact. That's what I mean about slow burn--it isn't until some action takes place that you realize it has been just as intense as Edward's gaze when he looks at Bella. It's clear as daylight these two are in love with each other. Well, at least it is clear to anyone except Edward and Bella.

When the lemons finally arrive, it's like they're raining down from the heavens. Farkle does an incredible job writing lemons that are fresh and well-written. Her phrasing is divine. Despite the fact that the lemons are uber hot, they are also unique and different. In a sea made of lemonade, it is hard to differentiate oneself, but Farkle manages to do so with aplomb.

Another thing I loved about this story was that I got to gain access to a world about which I truly know very little. It was fascinating the way Farkle described so many different processes involved in creating art, like making a canvas. I loved how she described the difference between nude and naked. Nudes are simply another form to recreate via the artist's medium. Naked is what you feel when you have no clothing on. The way in which Edward makes Bella feel naked is beautifully characterized. To read a story that is interesting, hot, and enjoyable is one thing, but to be able to completely dive into a whole new world via a fic? That's like the whipped cream topping on a yummy dessert. Doesn't get any better than that!

The only semi negative thing I will admit to regarding this story is that I'm completely hanging after the last chapter, because it did not end happily. Now I'm going to be all sturm und drang until the next chappie arrives. Please Farkle, for the love of all that's holy, update soon!!

5 out of 5 Big and Pretty nude models

I wasn't sure about reading this story. I can't even really say why other than it scared me with the potential for heart fail. Hell, any story with the categories romance/angst means I'm going to be rocking fetal with beer in hand.

But yet everything about it, made me want to read it, even with the warnings that it wasn't WP safe. Seriously though, for as much as I fought tooth and nail to not read it I caved. It was honestly one of the best decisions of self-inflicted torture ever.

Obviously, I'm just busting balls for jokes but if I may be serious for a second, this story has literally taken over my brain in ways that I'm even embarrassed to admit. Farkle has written some of the strongest characterizations I've read in fic or otherwise. You feel everything, you imagine everything and it's staggering.

Immediately, though knowing literally jack shit about the art world, I was hooked. Not just because of a nekkid Eddie model but because of how vividly she writes the experiences and the classes. It's amazing how in depth she takes it all. Bella is just wonderful, truly one of my all time favorite characterizations of her. She's sharp and witty, determined and passionate, everything that draws dear Eddie boy in.

They're interactions are heavy on the UST and it's damn near stifling and when they finally do come together it does not disappoint. They insist on being friends but honestly, even in that first lemon you can tell it's not just friendly. The tenderness is just so beautifully written I feel like reading it again.

Okay, I'm back. :) Now, to be fair, I haven't read the last chapter per the WP warnings, but I really want to. It's been a fucking long ass time since I wanted to read something that wasn't WP sanctioned! sigh.

Farkle, if you read this, you've hit a nerve for me with this story and I thank you for sharing it.

5/5 Big & Pretty Nude Models

I’m having a hard time articulating my love of this story. I think I’ve typed, erased, retyped, erased again, typed some more, etc too many times to count. I feel like anything I have to say can’t accurately depict my love for this story (sorry, I’m going into fangirl overload). So…

I rarely find the time to just go diving for fics anymore. However, one day while randomly searching through updates, I happened upon Art School Confidential. I immediately fell in love with Bella. She is the perfect combination of snark, talent, insecurity, humor and sex appeal. She is so enthralled in doing what she loves, painting, that you get a feel of what it is like to be at an art school. I love art, in all its forms, but have little to no real talent. I find myself vicariously living through this Bella, as she pours out emotions on canvas through brush strokes and other mediums.

OMG I’m fawning and I can’t stop.

First seeing Edward nude, lounging…nude, on a chaise…nude, well it does things to me. Being described through Bella’s artistic eyes only seems to enhance Mr. Big and Pretty. And the way in which he first comes in contact with Bella is so fucking funny and embarrassing I can’t even begin to imagine what I would do. Discussing how well hung the model is with another student, Bella blurts this gem out:

"Ever since Emmett I haven't found a man with a big enough dong! I've moved on to donkeys! Get a life Lauren. Who cares about a life model with a big dick?"

Despite her alleged donkey fucking, Edward becomes her personal model. Can you even begin to imagine? Having nude Edward all to yourself? Guh. Every time she paints him, a shot of lust goes through her (and me). And you can practically feel the UST surrounding them. You mainly feel it through Bella, since it is all her POV.

"How do you want me?" he asked. I froze, slowly turning red as I stared blatantly at his nipples. How do I want you? Edward with a dollop of whipped cream, I thought manically.

But as the story progresses and they spend more time together outside actual modeling, the feelings show through Edward’s actions and words. I can’t say it better than Kimpy, with her appropriate “slow burn” comments. You just feel it kind of creep up from Edward’s side of things, until that moment of lust is realized and BAM. Wow.

The way in which farkle uses lemons to enhance the story is both hot and refreshing. Because, it’s just that, an enhancement. When Bella finally gets down and dirty with the Big and Pretty, it’s powerful and passionate. Live passionately, love (or at least for now, fuck) passionately. So hot. So sexy. So RAWR.

Now, unfortunately, throughout the entire story, there is this sense of hurt…angst just roiling in the background. You see it in Jasper’s comments to Bella about staying away from Edward. Or in the way Edward hedges around certain aspects of his life. And in this latest chapter, well, things come to a head. Angst, it’s here. But, it’s all so well done. It’s not forced or trite. Bella’s feelings are all very valid and believable. As are Edward’s. even if it makes my chest ache and my eyes get all leaky and shit.

Don’t be scared off by this though. ASC is an amazing fic, farkle is an amazing author, and if you don’t read you will surely regret missing out on this work of art (see what I did there?)

5 out of 5 Big and Pretties.

Farkle is very upfront in saying this fic is not an autobiography of sorts, rather fiction with a mix of personal stories and experiences of her friends. Hell, if this was an autobiography, I would be DAMN jealous of her! But to be serious, I love when you read a fic and you can tell the author knows her shit. When she describes Bella's life as an art student, and the preparation both physically and mentally that goes into creating a piece of art, you know Farkle understands what the hell she is writing about. That sense of realism is very appreciated and makes the story so much richer.

There is another huge reason why I really like this fic, and it's kinda selfish. It is an ode to Los Angeles, my old homeland. I love that she reminds me of all my former stomping grounds, and they aren't the obvious ones too! Circus Liquors, Versailles restaurant, and Rocky Horror at the Nuart. (I lost my Rocky virginity there!) Bella and Edward go to Disneyland, so those who know me, understand that is huge for me! Also, how can I hate a story where Edward is from Santa Barbara and his ex-gf happens to go to my old university? Go Gauchos. I digress...

So we first meet Edward as a nude model posing for undergrad art courses. It's here we learn about his oh-so-special bodily trait...

"It was an amazing sight actually, since in the chill of the art studio under the scrutiny of twenty pairs of student's eyes, most models parts shrank to the size of a mini marshmallow. Not this guy. If that was shrunken, well, damn.

Yes, damn. Edward does NOT disappoint! Yet, soon, he becomes more to Bella than just a hot guy with a huge love muscle. The build up of their friendship and flirtation leads to ultimate UST reader mindfucking. I love UST especially when the pay-off is worth it. It takes awhile to get there, but surely won't let you down. I really don't want to give away too much here about the overall plot (cuz I personally hate spoilers), but I think their relationship is quite different than what you usually see in fic-land. Again, it points back to that sense of realism Farkle brings to this story. No one is trying to be too suffocating, no one is head over heels in love from day one, and there is a real 'take it day by day' attitude. It doesn't look like we are rushing to the altar anytime soon. I am eager to see where Farkle takes this story. Something tells me there are some surprising twists ahead, and I am ready for the motorcycle ride (as long as *I* get to ride behind Edward.)

4.5 out of 5 Rocky Horror virgins

Can I just say how much I love this blog? I love these fics that you guys find! I am absolutely horrible at discovering new fics. I rely heavily upon recommendation from friends and blogs like this. Thank you, ladies, for introducing me to Art School Confidential! Because, really ... naked model Edward? Yes, please! Although, I will say that this fic dabbles in some angsty territory - but I love it! But then again, I'm like the antithesis of a Wussperv.

What could be cliche, isn't in this fic. The UST is off the charts. And Edward? He is deliciously unattainable and perfect. The supporting cast is also delightfully fresh and still familiar. And did I mention that Edward does a lot of modeling ... naked? Yes? Good. Oh, and he is dressed primarily in jeans, boots, t-shirt and leather jacket when he's not posing nude? And, yeah, he rides a motorcycle. Still need convincing?

The main tension comes from the fact that Bella has convinced herself that she's just not cut out for love, marriage, and the whole happily-ever-after thing. She's committed herself to her art and becoming a successful artist, one that will be remembered long after she is gone. Pair her up with an Edward who is just coming out of a long term relationship where he felt trapped and has decided that he wants to set out on his own and see the world, no set plans, just going where ever the road takes him and his motorcylce - you can see where this is going, right? Because, of course, Edward is amazingly brilliant, beautiful, sweet and sexy. And Bella is adorable, snarky, and fairly clueless. So naturally, Bella falls for the unattainable Edward.

This is definitely one of those fics where you can see the characters mistakes as they are making them, and you want to just set them straight and make them happy, but you can't. So, instead, you have to sit back and watch them make these mistakes and trust the author to set everything right in the end. I really love when that happens. And I definitely trust Farkle with this story and these characters.

Honestly, I started reading and didn't want to stop. The flirting, the modeling, the painting ... I just wanted them to get it on!! Thankfully, they do, but not for several chapters - but the payoff is worth it. I promise.

The only downside I can see to this fic is that it is not complete yet. I need to know how it ends!!!

4.5 out of 5 from me.