Thursday, August 11, 2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

Even MORE advice for jilling off, from another wonderful reader! Please take note, ladies, that not everyone can have orgasms on command, and that's okay. You can still get where you need to go, if you work it right!

Nurse Kimpy, can I just start by saying how absolutely wonderful I think you are? What you're doing is awesome. I really wish something like this was around when I was an awkward and worried teen!
Now as someone who has had to work pretty hard for her orgasms, I have a bit of advice to impart which I hope you'll pass on.

What you said about holding off for a few days was spot-on. It took me a long time to realise that the longer you wait, the hornier you are when you eventually get down to business, and the easier it is. I would also advise to do whatever makes you horny - watch porn, read an erotic novel or smutty fanfiction, or fantasize like crazy - but DON'T masturbate. Do the same thing again for another day or two without masturbating. After a few days, you'll feel a LOT more frustrated and horny, and therefore sensitive than normal. I always go through this routine when I'm single or am not expecting any for a while.
Working out when you ovulate and waiting until then is also definitely worth trying.

If you're like me and have trouble even when you're with a guy, I advise to go through that same routine - watch porn and fantasize about naughty things, without masturbating. By the time he arrives, you'll be sufficiently worked up.

Another thing I find is that it's important to feel sexy. For me, that usually involves shaving my legs and getting a bikini wax - there's nothing sexier than smooth skin!

You guys get me all teary eyed and blushy, seriously. THANK YOU. *whispers* One of the reason Naughty Nurse Kimpy does what she does is that she, too, wishes there had been a resource like this when she was growing up.

One of my fellow Pervs, Jen, stokes my inner sexgeek with amazing stuff on the science of sex. For my readers who want more details on the specifics of the elusive female orgasm, I encourage you to check out these two great articles: Rutgers Lab Studies the Female Orgasm Through Brain Imaging and Clitoral Compass: Neuro-Sexual-Science and the Really Big Bang.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy has a retraction of sorts--well, an addendum, actually--made possible by the fine detail skills of TheLadyInGrey. She let me know that BONOBO MONKEYS are among the mammals that have sex for other reasons than procreation. Check it out: Evolution's First Blowjob. They actually use sex as a way to keep the peace and make sure everyone is happy. Don't argue, give blowjobs! *gigglesnort*

Ok, so if you say you're still a virgin until you have vaginal/penetrative sex. Then what if you are a lesbian? Does oral sex count or do dildos or fake things cause you to lose your virginity?

GOOD QUESTION. I want you to note that I used the words "vaginal" and "penetrative" sex, and I did that specifically because I didn't want to rule out lesbians. If you're a lesbian, you and your partner can definitely have penetrative sex, with any number of objects. And no, I wouldn't count oral sex as losing your virginity.

I need to emphasize here that this is just my own personal opinion on what virginity actually is--it isn't published anywhere that I'm aware of. As a result my work experience and education, I believe that you lose virginity the first time you have sex, and that "sex" can be loosely defined depending upon who your sexual partner is. Thus, I think that gay men can lose their virginity, lesbians can lose their virginity, and heterosexuals can lose their virginity; in other words, losing your virginity is an equal opportunity experience for everyone to enjoy! I define it by the sexual act, not by merely having your hymen broken. Because, as you all know, you can break your hymen via non-sexual acts, so it doesn't do much for me as an indicator of virginity. We also know that boys don’t have hymens, either, but they’re virgins until they have sex for the first time, right? *Naughty Nurse Kimpy rests her case*

is it considered normal to still have irregular periods for someone aged over 18?

Oh dear, there it is again. That word I don't like at all: NORMAL. Trust me, the range of normal in females who are experiencing menstrual cycles is wide, so the range of normal is equally just as wide. Most women experience some type of menstrual irregularity at least once in their lives. An average cycle is 28 days. Remember, an average is calculated using a whole range of numbers and dividing them by the total numbers in that set, so very few women are truly on a 28 day cycle; there are a lot of 21 day cycles, or 32 day cycles.

Most women have variations in their cycle, so one month, it could be 28 days between periods, and another it could be 25. If your variation is 8 days or less every cycle, you're considered to be regular. However, even for women who are regular, it is highly unusual to have variations of less than 4 days, month to month. Physicians define irregular cycles as those that vary between 8-20 days month to month. If you think about that, 20 days of variation means you've almost skipped an entire cycle. So, you're considered irregular, but not alarmingly so. Anything longer than 21 days of variation between periods is considered to be very irregular. Based upon these definitions, you can determine whether or not you are truly irregular.

If you're irregular, it can be frustrating, because it makes life difficult to plan. It can also make trying to become pregnant more challenging. If you're concerned about it, I highly suggest you consult with your gynecologist. They will be able to determine whether or not it is cause for concern. It could just be that your body's hormones fluctuate in a different pattern than it does for most women, but is still within the range of normal.

So, is it considered normal to still have irregular periods after age 18? It absolutely can be, yes. However, the only way to know for certain whether or not your particular irregularity is within the range of normal, or whether it is something else, is to consult with a physician. Good luck to you.

On the subject of foreplay, which area of the outer female sex is the most sensitive?

Hmm. This answer is a challenge, because sexual arousal is a very personal and subjective thing, and very few women respond exactly the same way to that question. I mean, think about it--no one cooter looks exactly the same as another, as you can see from the infamous Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy Pussy Cube photo. Some women have very long vulva lips, which could make them more sensitive. Some women wax their entire vulva, both inner and outer lips, which can lead to the area being more sensitized to touch. Perhaps I'm going out on a limb, here, but for most women? Any type of stimulation in that area feels good, and the clitoris is generally the most sensitive part of female external genitalia. The best thing you can do for your lover is to be a gentle tour guide of your lady bits, so that they become a local expert on the subject. You’ll be very glad you did. Trust.

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