Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

---

DISCLAIMER:
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

---

A special thanks to my reader for sharing this great Happy Vag PSA:

This isn't so much a question as a potential topic idea. I have had a few experiences with Bartholin abscesses and sebaceous cysts on my Labia (minora and majora) Anyway it really really freaked me out until I saw my Dr. I had no idea that that could happen. What was freakiest was when I took a mirror and scoped my self out. Holy crap. I looked like I was growing a third leg. OUCH. After my Dr visit I mentioned it my my two sisters because I was shocked when the Dr told me how common they are but few people realize it. (I know I never knew my poor cooter could have a case of 'acne'!) Anyway both my younger sisters told me they have had them before and it freaked them out. So now we are like these three pussy pimple proselytizers. Wanting to let women know they don't need to suffer in silence the Drs can give you antibiotics, and that baths in Epsom salts are your friends. And apparently if one gland gets blocked then reinfected repeatedly, they can actually do laser surgery to just get rid of that one glad. It would suck, but if you have the amount of pain I was in repeatedly, I could see the allure of just dealing with it once and for all.

Now on to this week's questions:

Hey there! I saw your post about bareback clean up and found it SO informative! Thank you for that!

It does however, make me curious about anal clean up... any recommendations for that? How do you know it will all come out? What if you have to fart?? That sounds like it'd be pretty disgusting... but I know that I like anal play with hands and toys so I'm interested in knowing *laughs* Any help you can give would be greatly appreciated!

We did a post on anal sex, which you can reference here: Anal Prep. Read this first.

Next, let's just be out with it: anal sex can be messy, embarrassing, and noisy. If you can't even handle the thought of things like farts, or the possibility of poop becoming involved, then anal play probably isn't for you. I'm not saying this happens all the time, but there is always the potential for it when you're messing around with the anus. However, even someone as anally retentive as Naughty Nurse Kimpy has ways around the squick factor.
One easy way to avoid mess and embarrassment is to save anal play for in the shower--clean up is a breeze in case of an accident. I recommend that you use condoms with anal sex as a common practice, because it is not only safe, it makes for easy clean up. If you want to stick to anal play with your hands, you can use disposable gloves, which are like condoms for the hand (yes, things like that make Naughty Nurse Kimpy insanely happy).

I think the best advice I can give you is to clean up before you start (hello, anal douching), use condoms and/or gloves, and probably a towel underneath if you are having anal sex on dry land. Above all, approach it all with a good sense of humor, because it can be gross. Hopefully, it won't be, but you need to be prepared for anything. Just saying.

My question is in correlation to anal sex. I read your column every week and I read the one on anal sex and a question popped (tee hee) into my mind. Is it possible to orgasm from anal sex? I mean, is it very pleasurable for the female in that position? I have never tried anal sex and if I am being honest I am not really all that interested in going that route but it seems fanfics and books I have read depicting the act make it seem like it is a mind blowing experience for both male and female. Thank you in advance, your advice is always beyond helpful :)

I love it when questions pop up *giggles*. They do that all the time in my naughty, pervy brain. It's good to know I'm not alone.

Before you read my answer, be sure to read the anal sex post that I reference in the previous question, and read the previous Q+A as well. It will give you more insight into the ins and outs of anal.

My dear, it's possible to have an orgasm from just about anything, depending upon your own responses. Now, is it possible to orgasm from anal penetration alone? For some people, yes it is. For others, they need some additional stimulation. In fact, anal sex usually feels much better if you are engaging some of your other erogenous zones simultaneously. You might want to use a vibrator in your vag while being worked from behind. Or, you could focus on your clit. Or stimulate your nipples. Whatever floats your boat, really. The skin around the anus, and the anus itself, is filled with bundles of nerves. Stimulation there can be a very pleasurable sensation.

No matter what is described in FFn, however, you have to understand that sometimes anal sex can be very painful and not enjoyable. It isn't always a great experience. I've read it in one fic, Art After 5 by Sleepy Valentina, where it wasn't such a pleasurable experience. Remember, the operative word in Fan Fiction is fiction. For every good anal experience in reality, I can assure you there is also a bad one. Keep that in mind, it will give you the right perspective in all of this.

What sends up a big red flag for me is your statement, "I'm not really all that interested in going that route..." No matter how pleasurable anal sex may be, if you aren't interested in doing it, it probably won't be an enjoyable experience for you. And you know what? That's perfectly fine. One of the incredible things about the human sexual experience is that we all have a range of things that we like to do, and the fun is discovering what they are. Plus, tastes can change over time, so while anal might not be appealing to you today, some day, it just might. In the meantime, please be careful to make sure that the activities you engage in are the ones you want to engage in--you have a choice in what you do or do not want to experience. Be sure to use your voice and be clear with your partner about what your choices are. *Naughty Nurse Kimpy PSA rant over*

Before I ask my question, I have to say how much I appreciate your blog. As a prenursing student, I know how important it is to have the medical side of sex talked about...and no one ever talks about it! So thanks!

So here's what I'm wondering...is there a physiological side to attraction? Because I don't seem to have a particular "type" in men's looks; mostly for me me it's all about personality. But is there something going on inside the brain that tells a woman to be attracted to a guy? Or is it all just society and preferences? Because I am dating this guy who is about 5 years older than me, and not attractive by society's standards...yet I just can't get enough =D

Thanks! Just curious; this question has come up in many girl conversations over the years.

First of all, you're making me blush; stop it. I'm just doing my job, ma'am. The thing is, I know there are a lot of sex questions out there that have medical issues attached to them, but they're far too embarrassing for most people to ask. That's where I come in. I'm so happy to give women reassurances and hope, and hopefully a little bit of help, too, all in beautiful anonymity.

Now, as for the biology of attraction. I could go on for ages about this, but I will try to spare you the Naughty Nurse Kimpy lecture. Or, as my husband likes to say, "Not everyone is as interested in subject x as you are, Kimpy..." The science of evolution goes a long way to point out that there is definitely science attached to why we are attracted to certain types of individuals. Pheromones exist for all animal species, humans included. Trufax.

Your question is also a very timely one--just this morning, I read a very interesting piece in theWall Street Journal. The Tricky Chemistry of Attraction explains how there is a chemical component to attraction between the sexes. It turns out that women who use birth control pills can actually alter the chemical signals they emit, and it also affects their preferences in the type of partner they want. As much as we'd like to say that attraction is a complex, emotional process, very often much of that process stems from very basic instincts over which we have little control.
Think about the most basic tenets of attraction: scent. It's a common theme in Twilight and FFn, for example. Some individuals just stink when you smell them, while some others, you can't get enough of. It seems strange that among all the intricacies involved in a relationship, a guy's--or girl's, for that matter--scent could shut everything down for you. Mr. Kimpy always says it's the first thing he notices. If a woman doesn't smell right, nothing else matters (so, thank god I came packaged with the correct scent, huh?). Our brains are wired to pick up these kind of things, whether we like it or not. The funny thing is, we do it without even stopping to think about it--it's just human nature.

So you see, Darwin was definitely on to something, and the latest research continues to prove his point. When it comes to the laws of attraction for you, who really cares what other people think? If he's attractive to you, that's all that matters in the end. To paraphrase my dear friend MsKathy from her story Acceptance, "I fall in love with people, not genders." If personality does it for you, then go for personality, every time. Clearly, your brain--and no doubt, your body--knows what it's doing. Go forth and conquer, bb. It's what your body is telling your brain to do, after all.

---

Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

---

DISCLAIMER:
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

---

We got some great feedback/comments from last week's post that I would like to share with everyone. Remember, Naughty Nurse Kimpy is always interested in sharing the wealth (of knowledge, that is).

Also, for some good Lily/james smutty fics, try the nc17 section of Unknowable Room which was built up around the pairing. The past few years it's dropped off, but there are some great fics on there, such as anything by sarinalini (or something like that) or beedaily. By searching around the site, you'll find some good sources as well.

I just wanted to say that the last person really isn't alone in being 'not entirely straight', liking lesbian porn and being attracted to other women. I myself know that I am like that, I might even bisexual, but I don't like to give it a name. I don't think it's necessary to label yourself, just enjoy life and accept the way you are :)

RE: Post-coital glow and guys being able to tell when their girl has an orgasm.
-During my first pregnancy, I took up kegel exercises. Now, having had two kids (which does some serious damage to your girly bits) I've personally noticed a difference in overall 'tightness' and the hubs has mentioned that when I cum, he can feel the muscles clamp down harder. I've also noticed a difference in the power of my orgasm, depending on how 'worked up' I am. It can be a small short burst, or long hard and drawn out. I definitely subscribe to the answer that everyone is different, so no one should feel weird if their partner can't feel their orgasm. If your guy is paying enough attention, I think most women have a 'tell' (I know that I personally tend to get much more *ahem* verbal, when I am close.)

~Just gotta add that I love love love this little 'advice column'. There are so many women who are too embarassed to speak up and ask the tough questions, and having this extra source seems to be helping people get some much needed answers! :)

Can you give tips about nipple piercings? I've been wanting one for quite a while, but I'm nervous about the pain, infection, sensitivity, etc. Do you know anyone with experience regarding this particular piercing area?

This was actually covered in depth in an earlier ANNK post. You can find all the details here: Piercings

Hi Naughty Nurse Kimpy! First of all I'd like to say thanks for all the advice you've given so far, it's been very interesting and helpful.
Anyway, a while ago you posted about 'hair down there', well I have a bit of a lady mustache going on - just at the sides of my upper lip - which I want to get rid of. Would it get worse if I pluck it? Everyone gives different advice, but I don't fancy waxing there or doing something to lighten the hairs, so what do you think to do?
Thanks :)

How common is it for a woman to be waxed or shaven down there? Do guys really care about that?

I refer both of you to an earlier ANNK post was devoted specifically to bare kitties. You'll find your answer in Antiaol's The Hair Down There post. While there is nothing inherently wrong with plucking pubic hair, it hurts like a mofo, and can lead to ingrown hairs, which also hurt like a mofo (yes, "hurts like a mofo" is a commonly used medical term. I swear. *wink*). My advice is to buy yourself a high quality trimmer, like the BodyGroomer, and simply trim that mustache until it is close to the skin surface. It's a pretty easy and painless way to go about prettying your lady bits.

I just have a comment on the hairs on the inside of the labia majora. I recently used a razor, which was fine. However 4 days later my husband and I had to stop durring intercourse due to his pain from my regrowth. It never occurred to me that he would feel it or that it would irritate is penis. I guess its a similar effect his facial hair has on my skin. So, you will have to maintain and be aware of your hair growth cycles.

Thanks for sharing your experience with my readers. All the medical advice in the world sometimes pales in comparison to real life users, KWIM?

Just curious... what exactly does the clean up entail after going bareback? I've never gone without a condom & I've been on the pill for years, but my fiance & I are interested in losing the rubber, kwim?

Great question! I'm not going to lie, going bareback can be an exquisite sensation, despite the fact that it is, most definitely, a messier situation than using condoms. As per usual, Naughty Nurse Kimpy is going to emphasize that only individuals who are in a monogamous relationship, who have both been tested for STDs, and who know their partner's status should even consider going bareback. *PSA rant over*

So, you've gone bareback, had fantastic Os, and you're done with your post-coital cuddles. Now what? The answer to that question depends upon how much of an obsessive neat freak you are. Now, Naughty Nurse Kimpy isn't about to point fingers--she willingly admits to being as neat a freak as they come. Here are a few ideas:

1. Put a towel underneath you during sex, then use it to wipe up afterwards.
Sexy Hot Clean Freak Factor: -1

2. Just put on your underwear and allow it to soak up the output.
Sexy Hot Clean Freak Factor: 0

3. Wet a washcloth and leave it at the bedside to clean up any spills.
Sexy Hot Clean Freak Factor: 2

4. Use a pre-moistened, flushable wipe, such as Cottonelle Moist Wipes. Wipe up the mess, toss into the toilet, and flush away the evidence. What's even nicer about this option is that you can keep a tub of wipes by the bed for easy access whenever the mood strikes you.
Sexy Hot Clean Freak Factor: 8

5. Either have sex in the shower, or run to the shower to clean up afterwards, preferably accompanied by your partner.
Sexy Hot Clean Freak Factor: 1,000

Please note that Sexy Hot Clean Freak Factors have been carefully calculated using a large array of data, and are thus irrefutable. ;)

Naughty Nurse Kimpy always encourages women to pee both before and after having sex to avoid/minimize the risk of Urinary Tract Infections. This can also help get rid of any remaining DNA evidence, if you know what I mean.

Five months ago I had an IUD inserted. While checking it recently I could not feel the string and went to my gynecologist; sure enough, it was no longer in place. The doctor removed it and put in a new one. I was too embarrassed to ask my doctor these questions, so I hope you will answer them. Can rough/vigorous sex cause the IUD to come out? Can using toys? Are there certain positions or activities I should avoid while I have an IUD (for example, fingering)? Thank you.

I'm sorry that you had issues with your IUD, but it happens. While it is embarrassing to ask your gynecologist specific questions about rough sex, it's still very important to know these things, so thank you for trusting me to get you an answer.

1. I commend you for checking regularly to ensure that your IUD was in place. While they don't slip out of place frequently--1-7 per every 100 women--they are most likely to do so in the first few months you have one.

2. Fingering and/or use of sexual toys shouldn't cause problems with IUD placement.

3. Rough/vigorous sex shouldn't knock the IUD out of place.

4. You should still be able to have sex in any position.

5. Neither you nor your partner should be able to feel the IUD during sex. If you can, stop what you're doing, check placement, and proceed accordingly.

If you do have extra rough sex, or use a different position than usual, you should check the IUD placement afterwards by feeling inside for the strings by your cervix. If you cannot feel them, or they happen to be protruding from your cervix, see your healthcare provider immediately to determine if it is still in place. If you make a habit of checking it after sex, it will reassure you that everything is still all systems go.

The IUD can be a great birth control method, but please remember that it doesn't provide any protection against STDs. If you aren't monogamous, or if your partner has an STD, you still need to use a condom to minimize your risks.

I've read that masturbation is very normal and common among women, but why do they seem to NEVER talk about it? Guys seem fine with talking about it all the time, they just seem to have no shame. And the women in fic seem shameless about it as well. So why do real women seem so appalled by it? I sometimes feel so ashamed and embarrassed doing it and with how much I do it because people in RL just want to inch around it and seem to look down on the women that do do it. Also, how often is too often to masturbate? I usually do it about once a day, give or take, but sometimes I feel like that's sooo much.

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED THIS QUESTION! The last time I checked, it is 2011. We're in the 21st century now. It's okay to admit that most of us diddle the skittle. It's as if a good old wank for men is a given, but women don't have sex, aren't interested in sex, and certainly never take matters into their own hands. That idea is so outdated and sexist that it borders on ridiculous.


A recent study, the Gossard Big M Survey, found that 92% of women ages 18-30 masturbate. Two-thirds of them masturbate three times a week.

You read that correctly, ladies, so let's all 'fess up right now. Women masturbate. Guys masturbate. It's normal, and it's completely acceptable. Our instincts drive us to have sex and reproduce--that's what hormones are for. There's absolutely nothing shameful about touching yourself or enjoying sex. It's up to us to all work together to lessen the stigma that seems to exist about women masturbating.

As for your question about how much is too much? That's for you to answer for yourself--everyone's drive is different. If you masturbate once a day, then that's normal for you. If you want to do it more frequently than that, go for it. Please don't masturbate less than you really want to because you have this idea that it's wrong to want it that badly. No one else is around to judge you, and it is no one's business anyhow. Again, it's 2011. Own your sexual drive and create the standards of what normal is for you.

Now, everyone repeat after me: "It's perfectly normal to diddle the skittle. It's perfectly normal to diddle the skittle..." Repeat as often as necessary until the message sinks in. TYVM.

Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.