Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Lemon Report 6/1/11

The Lemon Report - Fancy finding out what is on the FF bookshelves of the Pervy Girls of the PPSS? The lemon report lets you know our personal favourite updates of the week, and why you should give the fic a try.... It’s a great place to trawl for new recc’s and don’t forget to share your favourite update with us by leaving us a comment.

In some cases, the Lemon Report may contain spoilers. Please read with caution.

Acronym Guide
AU - Alternate Universe
AH - All Human
WIP - Work in Progress
O/S - One Shot
OOC - Out of Character
WP - Wussperv
Slash/Femslash - Features homosexual characters and romance.


Teal - As always, the lemons in this fic are hot, but this week, they came on the cusp of a major breakthrough in Edward and Bella’s relationship, making their time together so much more special, both for them, and for the reader. Lovely!

Chele - These have been a few very tense chapters, but this most recent one gave us so much illumination, and I think, a far greater level of connection between Edward and Bella, both sexually, and intimately. People who are communication with their mouths, bodies and souls are soooo fucking sexy.

Jen - For all of Edward’s magazine-based knowledge of how to please a woman in bed, sometimes you just have to let the heart and body guide you. Bella leads, Edward follows, and it’s beautiful and moving.

Emmy - Jesus. Will I never stop singing the praises of this fic? Um highly unlikely. A piece of brilliance yet again. Beautiful writing and scenes that touch and move me.

Trin - This was such a moving chapter. To see them moving closer together in such a way was really beautiful. So much love for this fic.

AU, O/S. Slash, Bumblebee/Sam - Transformers

Chele - Sam knows that he loves his car, but he’s a little unsure about the pretty blond boy who seems to be stalking him wherever he drives it. Tucked snug in his garage, and nestled in the Camaro’s plush leather backseat, he tries to get a little personal love time in, but is startled when someone arrives to give him a hand. This is an awesome, red-hot wank.
Can you catch the subtle Edward Cullen nod in this? Cause I totally did and it made me love it even more.

Teal - It would be a complete and utter shame if I didn't throw myself down on the Lemon Report and roll all over this o/s...considering that the fuckawesome Keelywolfe wrote it on a plot bunny from meeeeee!!! After her update of another Sam/Bumblebee fic (see review below), I somewhat begged for this. Like the sweetheart she is, she delivered! Outside the context of understanding the 2007 Transformers movie, Sam's creepy stalker guy would have been creepier,but knowing exactly who it is watching him makes the unexpected interaction between them even hotter. Yet again, all slash lovers who are also Transformers nerds need to be reading these fics!

AH O/T Edward/Emmett Slash

Jess - I have missed these boys so freaking much. This was a very steamy smuttake that takes place on their trip to Vegas that didn’t make the cut. All I need to say is mirrors. Unf!

Jen - Vegas with Emmett & Edward is my happy place. I don’t want them to leave. Ever.

AH, WIP, Slash, E/J

Jen - All kinds of v-cards are getting punched. Will Jasper have to fulfill any of the provisions of the pacts he made? Or will there be filling of another kind for our sometimes bumbling hero? You can find out if you run to read this funny, sweet & sexy story.


Teal - Things are starting to get a little more serious in this “just for fun” arrangement Edward and Bella have going. Real life issues are slowly working there way into the dynamic they share, and it seems that Edward might be breaking the rules he set in place for them. Even though we don’t get to see Bella’s perspective directly, she appears to be experiencing something similar. In the meantime, the lemons keep coming (pun intended), but I have to wonder if these two realize how their physical relationship just keeps drawing them closer and closer emotionally.

Emmy Just more gorgeous writing from spanglemaker9! I adore Edward’s confusion about .. well everything! Including Bella. I love knowing more about him, hearing his backstory and seeing just how lost he is. And as ever I adore the chemistry spanglemaker9 creates between Bella and Edward.

Jen - Bella has been the pursued in this story; it was fun to see her be the aggressor with Edward this time. Yum!

AU, WIP, Bella/Paul

Chele - After the last several chapters of nail biting action, and heart-clenchy angst, we have a bit of home and healing, and the physical connection that we’ve all been aching for them to have again. So good to have Bella back and reconnecting with the pack. I continue to love the way that Taoist Elf incorporates the pack bonds and physicalities, and can’t wait to see what she does with the revelation at the end of this chapter.

Jen - I just love this story. Taoist Elf does both dramatic tension and sexy loving so well, and I just adore the depth she’s given to the concept of imprinting.

AH, WIP (Drabbly), SLASH Ed/Carlisle

Emmy This fic might not be everyone’s cup of tea, as it has DaddyKink and an age difference between older doctor Carlisle and younger student Edward. Its a super quick read thus far, only 3 short chapters.. Aavery writes in a great style. We are getting glimpses of Edward and Carlisle’s life's together. The latest chapter hinted at how they met and what drew them together. This pairing together is always hot, and I love how this fic is unfolding. Very classily done, for a kinky topic.

Chele - This story makes me feel just a little bit naughty for reading it. I like feeling naughty.

Jen - I am stupid excited over this fic and it’s just getting started.

BTW - Carlisle is not at all predatory in this fic. Edward appears to be the one looking for an older man.

AH, Novella Complete, Angstyish, E/B

Emmy - This is a delightful novella, that at times was sad and painful (with a couple of harrowing scenes) but illustrates the beauty and bond of true love. Edward and Bella have had some hard knocks and need to rebuild, how can they? Will they? Some honest and bloody hot lemons, and honest emotions. The characters and their pain feels very genuine to me. A great wee read. Gorgeous.


Emmy- This was a find this week. Edward and Jasper - from two VERY different worlds- meet in Vegas when both are there for work conferences. Hot sex ensues, so does some miscommunication and blunders. What’s next for this sexy pair? Edward is due to fly home, but are they really done with one another? We are only 4 chapters into this story, so I ruddy hope not! Worth picking up now, when it’s super quick to catch up on!

Transformers AU, WIP, Sam/Bumblebee

Teal - Thanks to Keelywolfe, there’s always one mech or another up to no good, and despite the serious story arc taking place right now, she still managed to fit in a couple goodies. The wank in this chapter was so freaking hot, I find myself wishing I had my very own Bumblebee to writhe around on. UNF.

Chele - I felt so naughty watching the wank, but not to be forgotten is the wicked chemistry between Sam and Sideswipe. I love that the relationship between Sam and Bee is so strong that a little tongue between friends going off into battle is no big. Unf.

Jen - I’ve never even seen Transformers, but the way Teal and Chele talk about this fic makes me want to read it!

AH, WIP, Edward/Jasper/Bella (this chapter)

Jen - Spontaneous 3-some FTW! This is an alternate reality of MizzHyde’s Since. Bella returns to the apartment to find Jasper all wrapped up in Edward, asleep in the guest room. She’s not angry, she wants in on the action. And what yummy action it is. UNF!

Chele - I am desperately remiss in not having MizzHyde’s on alert. I will be reading this RTFN.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Team Angst: Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by jennde


Team Angst is a constantly changing team, depending on who can handle the angst levels of the Team Angst pick. Only the bravest (or craziest) Pervs tackle the tears and pain to bring you the best angst and heartfail that fan fic has to offer. Non-canon pairings? No problem. Cheating and Break-ups? No sweat. Character death? Bring it! It’s all in a days work for Team Angst. So if you think you’re tough enough put on your big girl pants, take a seat and join us for the Team Angst Pick.

The Team Angst Pick is...

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea
Author: jennde
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,093
Reviews: 289
What do you do when the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have?

Jess - It’s not often i start a story where I’m pretty sure there’s not going to be a HEA, but with all of jennde’s warnings and the way this story is playing out, I am almost certain this is where it’s heading.

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea
is the story of bad timing and the pain of unrequited love. Edward, a college student, finds himself deeply infatuated and in some ways practically consumed with Bella, his father’s girlfriend and eventual wife. Edward struggles to reconcile his feelings amidst the shame of wanting her - the one woman he can’t have - but finds it increasingly difficult to get her out of his head. His attempts to be irresponsible, to be with other girls, and to sleep away the hours fall flat. And he is still left wanting, aching.

We are privy to Edward’s internal thoughts as he tries to process and forget. There are parties, times with his mom, and even time with several girls, but in the end nothing helps. Even when he thinks he can take it, he is slapped back to reality with just a few words from her.

Setting aside the heartache for a second, let me tell you, there is a wank scene in here that will literally leaving you breathless. It was probably one of the hottest scenes I’ve ever read. It’s full of forbidden thoughts, and with Bella just outside his door it’s all the more tragic because you know nothing is every going to happen between them.

I closed my bedroom door and sank to the floor with my back to it. I ran a hand through my hair and adjusted myself; my hard-on making me uncomfortable. I sat there for a few minutes trying to get it under control but it was useless. Her smell and her voice and the heat of her body were imprinted on my brain. I was reeling from our conversation, from everything said and unsaid, and from being so close to her.

I touched myself through my jeans and threw my head back, groaning. I was so hard it was painful and almost against my will, I unbuttoned my pants and lowered them, along with my boxers, just enough to free my rock hard erection.

I took myself in my hand and moaned loudly.

That was when I heard a gasp outside my door.


I think the thing that strikes me the most about this short story is just how truly sad it really is. There is no villain. There is no major situation that brings them to a precipice or some life altering decision that has to be made. It’s simply a terribly sad situation where one boy meets one girl a little too late.

With the latest update, it looks like things are getting ready to go from tense to much, much worse. I am on pins and needles desperately waiting for the next update... which is almost the last one. This story will suck you in from the very first word and will keep you in its tight evil clutches until it spits you out at the end of what will be all of its 11 chapters.

Seriously, read this. It’s amazingly well written and absolutely beautiful.

Jeanne - One of the things that I love the most about Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea is how real it feels. Edward’s struggle, Carlisle’s intensity and Bella’s confusion. You don’t just read this story you experience it.

So often in stories like this it either is treated as a smutty taboo, with tons of sex and little plot development. Or it’s just angst for the sake of angst. However, jennde takes this story to the next level. She gives us deliciously slow build of sexual tension, and developed characters to explain how a tragic situation can actually occur in real life.

No matter where this story goes someone, and most likely everyone, is going to get hurt. This family is on the brink of being torn apart and not just because of lust and attraction, but because of the very realistic flaws deeply seeded within these people. Carlisle’s loneliness, Edward’s tenacity and Bella’s misguided sense of right and wrong has put them on a collision course. I can’t wait to see it all blow up, because you know it’s going to be so insanely hot.

Jen - Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea balances intense dramatic tension and forbidden UST that will keep you on the edge of your seat. It’s not a surprise that each short chapter has my heart beating wildly-- jennde is no stranger to angst and tears (see Finding Home), nor is she afraid of writing a story that doesn’t resemble a fairy-tale (see Unplanned).

jennde has filled the story with multi-dimensional characters, and it is wonderful to watch the various dynamics unfold as the story develops. Edward is at once wise beyond his years and painfully naive.

Growing up he was responsible for quite a lot of his own care, as Carlisle was busy working at the hospital. In some ways their relationship is more one of friends than of father and son. Carlisle has always had extremely high expectations of Edward, and this has started to put a strain on their relationship. With his focus on his career and his son, Carlisle never pursued romantic relationships after Esme. Carlisle’s girlfriend, Bella, is a social worker who grew up in foster homes.

Edward is standing on a major precipice in many parts of his life as he makes the journey from teenager to adult. He’s caught between a mother and father who both want the best for him, and the answer to what that is differs depending on which parent’s point of view you’re seeing. He’s caught between pleasing his father by becoming a doctor and pursuing his own dreams of being a musician. And last, but certainly not least, he’s caught with strong feelings for his father’s new wife.

As both Jess and Jeanne have said, it’s incredibly well written. The story is incredibly suited to being a short story; there’s nothing drawn out and artificial about this angst. The lemons serve the story, and, just like the story, are intense and dramatic.

There are only two more chapters left to post and they’re sure to be full of turmoil. If you start now you’re sure to be all caught up before the final chapters are posted. Hop on and buckle your seatbelts!

Teal - Honestly, I don’t have any idea where this fic is going, but that’s part of the fun of it. The way this is written, there is the struggle Edward feels drawn to someone he shouldn’t be, as well as some obviously but difficult to measures tension that Bella feels on her part. It’s certainly unpredictable because there is permanence in Bella and Carlisle’s relationship, and through it all, I can say that this is one story where I don’t think I want there to be a happy ending for Edward and Bella . . . I just don’t see a way there can be.

That struggle as a reader - that connection to the character yet not wanting him to get what he wants - is what makes this fic so captivating. While certainly not for the faint of heart and quite possibly not for the hardcore E/B lovers (it’s hard to tell yet), this is one that will keep you glued to your computer chapter after chapter.

But remember, this is Team Angst. If it doesn’t turn out well, we warned you . . .

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Pervy Picspiration


Emmy wants your words. (amongst other things...) Every week Emmy will post a pic or 2 - containing phwoarrrr-worthy blokes from across the seas, some hunks from closer to home and sometimes some dangerously delish knickers and lingerie. What do we want from you in return? Well...... We want you to be inspired by these pics and to leave Emmy a delish drabble or longer story inspired by the pic(s).

Leave your story offering in the comments section and, if you want to, post it to your FF account (pm the link to Emmy at http://www.fanfiction.net/~pippapear) mentioning the PPSS, by the following Wednesday. Each Friday Emmy will reveal her fave (entirely personal & subjective opinions belonging to Emmy) and at the same time post the next pervy picspiration for your pleasure. Non-Canon writers don’t despair - Emmy might be tragically WussPerv©, but there are plenty of equal opportunity pervs in the pack longing to read those if Emmy turp’s out.

Emmy is DYING to see what dirty delights you are going to come up with...

*Please make sure your story offering is in line with our mission statement

Last week I urged you to double the pleasure or use mirror images to inspire you however you saw best...

So we’ve got a mix of returning guests and fresh cherries this week! Some HOT voyeur action....

In On the Other Side by Seylin we get yet more of her yummy Slash pairing of choice: Seth and Jasper. Jasper has it bad, and likes to watch Seth work his magic on the other side of the mirror. Will he ever do more than watch?

Whew! Who doesn’t love some sexy self-love? The return of Starry-Nights88
thankfully has some sexy mirror wanking. But just which randy male is watching Edward? Man in the Mirror.

We also welcome back, up2late whose whose new story showcases Bella/Rosalie in a sexy yet humorous wee piece -
Prom Night. When their first time’s leave a lot to be desired, what on earth do the girls get up to whilst their men slumber?

Finally we welcome a fresh cherry to our ranks: muneca whose brand new story Lady in Black has a tender and loving Edward showing Bella just what delights her womanly body provides....

And do remember we are now linking with TwiFicPics for a monthly pervtastic banner competition! Read more about it here Pervy Banner TwiFicPics Competition We announced April’s winner recently Winner of Pervy Picspiration Banner There were lots and lots of fabbio banners made, go have a look!

Go look at all the verrah pretteh entries here April’s banners!. And look out for May’s competition in a few weeks....

So PLEASE go show Starry-Nights88, muneca , up2late and Seylin some review love. We always want more, please let them know it was worth their while to get inspired.

So this week?

Spring is in the air. So let’s go outside... Lets frolic in the garden of love, or certainly lust. Lets go roll amongst the flowers, lets get fragrant. Lets have some fresh-air fun. Use the pictures however you wish! Whatever they inspire in you. Write it for me. Please?

Write me anything - be it Slash, FemmeSlash, AU or AH, canon or even OOC... Be it a drabble, be it a one-shot or be it a WIP, just write for me. Make it sexy, make it sweet and tender, make it sensuous, erotic or downright naughty. Your call. Just let the inspiration take you - be you a BNA or an innocent virgin, wanting your Pervy Picspiration cherry popped for fun.

I’m waiting.........

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

As a follow up to one of last week's question, a Canadian reader left this tip for reporting pedophilic porn if you live in the Great White North:
This site: Cybertips is very very good for Canadians as well as anyone interested in helping again the exploitation of children. They recently ran a very powerful ad campaign all across my province. I have in the past met, through a professional development conference, one of the detectives. I can tell you these people are committed, determined and are my heros. He talked to us about their work stress and how they deal with it. It made me appreciate each moment of my job quite a bit more.
Now, for today's questions:
This is less of a question and more of a word of caution. A few months ago I went in to the doctor because I had bad pain in my right calf. They did an altrasound and it turned out to be a blood clot. I was 21 years old at the time, so I wondered why I got a blood clot. I thought it was for older people, or people who have been hospitalized for a while, of which I was neither. The doctor told me the main contributing factor of my clot was my oral contraceptive (The Pill.) I had heard that there was a risk of blood clot when taking the pill, but no doctor or health teacher talked about it being a possibility for a young adult like me.
I had to immediately stop taking The Pill, start taking blood thinner pills (for up to 6 months, and I am still taking them now), and give myself injections of blood thinning medication for two weeks! I needed a new form of birth control, so I got an IUD placed, even though I have never had a child. It was so painful that I was on the verge of passing out for over 30 minutes while a team of nurses pumped me full of fluids and oxygen and checked my vitals.
Even after all of that, I am glad that I got the blood clot and the IUD. I am glad I learned that I have a blood clot risk now, rather than when I was pregnant or hospitalized. (I also learned that when I become pregnant, I will need to see a high risk pregnancy OBGYN and give myself daily shots of blood thinner medication.) I am glad that I got the IUD because it is so easy and cheaper in the long run than The Pill. An IUD (when placed correctly) is 99% effective at preventing pregnancy!
I just wanted to ask why IUDs and blood clot risks aren't talked about with young women? I am certain that there are other young women out there like me who don't know they are at risk for blood clots, and I wish they could know the risks before it is too late.
You bring up an excellent point, and thank you for the word of caution based upon your own experience. Using a birth control method that contains synthetic hormones to alter your natural cycle always carries a risk; blood clots is a big one. There are possible side effects in using almost any form of birth control, some more serious than others. That being said, it is any gynecologist's or general practitioner's responsibility to cover any/all risks and possible side effects with you when they prescribe a method of birth control. If you're using the pill, the ring, the patch, or other methods that use synthetic hormones to control your cycle, you should have a drug information sheet in every package you open. While it is lengthy and hard to read, it's there for a reason--so that users are amply informed about risks and side effects. If it's too hard to understand the information, ask your pharmacist about the risks. Planned Parenthood is also a great educational resource: What are the disadvantages of birth control pills?.

The risks birth control methods that use synthetic hormones increase significantly if you're over 35, you're very overweight, or if you smoke, have diabetes, high cholesterol, or high blood pressure. Please be sure to make an informed decision when you select a method of birth control. Do your research ahead of time. Weigh all the options. Find the method that is right for you, and use it every time you are supposed to. Approximately half of all pregnancies in the United States are unintended, meaning they are either unwanted or mis-timed. Using your chosen method of birth control consistently and carefully can help to minimize some of the risks and unintended outcomes.

I'm glad you were able to find an alternate method of birth control that works for you, but a word of caution about IUDs--there are some brands that have hormones fused into the device, so it carries the same kinds of risks and side effects as do birth control pills, rings, patches, etc. I'm sure that your gynecologist gave you an IUD that was hormone-free, but I encourage you to make 100% certain that that is the case, because mistakes can happen. With your past experience, it's important to have assurances that you are not at increased risk with the type of IUD that you use.
I have a question about doggy style. When my boyfriend and I have sex in this position, it sometimes really hurts for me. It feels like he's hitting something in there with the head of his cock that doesn't want to be hit. If I had to guess, I'd say he's hitting my cervix, but I'm not at all sure. It feels like a bruising pain.
It doesn't happen all of the time, and it doesn't happen in other positions where he's behind me. It has been happening more lately, where we've had to stop because of it. Do you know what this is, and if there's any way to prevent it? Like, is there a way to un-clench things up in there, to make more room? Is this a normal thing to happen? I'd hate to take doggy-style off the roster completely, but I will have to if it keeps hurting.
Dang, I hate to take doggy-style off your roster too, because it is a damn good position! That being said, one of the best things about it is how deeply your partner can thrust into you, and therein lies your problem. There are a number of possibilities as to what might be going on here. It is entirely possible that your partner is hitting your cervix with his thrusts. Even more likely, he's probably bumping into your ovaries; depending upon where you are in your cycle, the ovaries can be more sensitive around the time you ovulate.
There are two suggestions I have for you:

1. Ask your partner to thrust a little bit less aggressively when you try doggy style, and see if that helps. Sometimes, it's just a matter of easing back a bit.

2. You state that, "It has been happening more lately." Now, that either means that you guys are getting more zealous in your doggy style thrusts, or there has been an increased sensitvity for you. If you have changed birth control methods recently, that could be a factor. For example, switching to a method that involves synthetic hormones (like the pill, the ring, the patch, or an IUD with a hormonal component) could make your ovaries and uterus more sensitive. It could mean that you have an ovarian cyst or some other kind of swelling in your reproductive tract. It is also possible that your uterus is tipped or inverted, which could cause more pain when using this position. I urge you to see your gynecologist for a check up, just to make sure that there aren't any structural/internal issues involved.

Once you get the feedback from your gynecologist, assuming there are no other issues at play, try doggy style again , but start out slowly and not as deep as your partner typically goes. Gradually, your partner can increase the depth of his thrusts, until you reach a point where it becomes uncomfortable. That will be your cue as to how deep he can go. It might not be as deep as he used to go, but at least the position will still be a viable option for you both.

My husband and I are in our late thirties and have a very active and healthy sex life. Recently (roughly the past two years), he has had times where he orgasms without ejaculating. I've assured him that this is normal and most men would kill to have that experience, but it's totally freaking him out. He thinks he's broken and is extremely embarrassed and frustrated when it happens. It doesn't happen every time but when he least expects it, so it's not like he's in control of it. What can I tell him to reassure him that he's not broken?
It breaks Naughty Nurse Kimpy's heart to know there are so many people out there--women and men--who feel broken or abnormal. Remember, there is a huge range of normal in humans, and it is not very likely that anyone is truly broken. People come in all shapes, sizes, and experiences, and that is what makes life so interesting.

There are men who sometimes orgasm without ejaculating. It truly does happen. Your assurances that he is perfectly normal were caring, loving, and spot-on, so good for you. You are also absolutely correct that there are men who would kill to have that experience. Really, truly, I know a number of them personally!! Remind him that there are some medications that have a side effect of orgasm without ejaculation, so that is a possibility.
The biggest problem your husband truly faces? His own brain. The more a man fixates on his performance, the more likely he is to be affected by performance issues. It's the same way for men who have occasional problems getting it up. The more they worry, the more they experience a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So what can you do to help convince him that he is anything but broken?

1. Have said husband sit in front of the computer while you locate the ANNK post on PPSS;

2. Force said husband to read my lips (well, not literally--just make him read item #3);

3. "You are completely normal and not broken. You experience something that other guys would DIE to be able to do. Think of it as a tool in your sexual arsenal, rather than something to be embarrassed about. Dude, you are the equivalent of a female who can squirt when she comes. Really, truly, this is something special to be proud of, not something to feel shamed about. You are the man."

4. Repeat steps 1-3 until the message sinks in;

5. Sex up said husband as quickly as possible, and as often as possible. Enjoy. Repeat. Ad infinitum.
Good luck to you both--you sexual dynamos, you! *wink*

Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Lemon Report 5/24/11

The Lemon Report - Fancy finding out what is on the FF bookshelves of the Pervy Girls of the PPSS? The lemon report lets you know our personal favourite updates of the week, and why you should give the fic a try.... It’s a great place to trawl for new recc’s and don’t forget to share your favourite update with us by leaving us a comment.

In some cases, the Lemon Report may contain spoilers. Please read with caution.

Acronym Guide
AU - Alternate Universe
AH - All Human
WIP - Work in Progress
O/S - One Shot
OOC - Out of Character
WP - Wussperv
Slash/Femslash - Features homosexual characters and romance.

AH, WIP, Slash, Angsty E/J

Emmy -
Whew! Quite the chapter. My tummy was scrunched up all chapter and a wee bit melty at the end. (oh & a bit squirmy too!!!). Excellent!

AH, Outtake (kinda), Threesome/Femslash, Edward/Leah/Tanya

Jeanne - Jesus Flaming Christ! I think IdPattThat is trying to kill me. This hot little “nottake” is short and to the point. Tanya and Leah’s chemistry is palpable, but when you add an intrigued Edward to the mix the sexual atmosphere is explosive. Make sure to find a private place to read this smutty little threesome, cause you’re going to need some alone time when you’re done. UNF!

Jen - I’m soooo glad I caught IdPattThat’s tweet about this birthday o/s. What could be better than a spontaneous threesome between three extremely attractive people? Hot!

Chele - Holy Hotness. Who needs The Rapture when there is this awesome smut right here? Unf.

Liz - I usually shy away from girl slash, but ohhh holy damn this was a fun read!


Teal - I can’t deny it - I love spanglemaker9 so much. Yet again, she’s giving us a fun, exciting Edward/Bella fic with hoooooootttttttt lemons. And such a fun premise in this one. Will they continue to dance around each other and play the hook up game, or will something change them both? Part of me doesn’t care, as long as we keep getting the lemons! ;)

Jess - Like Teal, I have some of the same questions. The latest update was so freaking hot... and I’m left wondering what are they actually going to do from here? I seriously need more like right now... and yet, I know this is going to be a short little fic, and I don’t want it to end! Gah!

AH, O/S, Charlie/Sue

Jeanne -This too short, incredibly well written one shot reads like a missing moment from canon. A peek into a very private moment in Charlie and Sue’s relationship, and a look into Sue Clearwater’s mind. It’s soft, slow and sensual. At times I found myself tearing up at the realistic inner monologue of a mother, widow, but more importantly, a woman that is ready to move on. I think that I just feel a little bit more in love with Sue Clearwater after reading this beautiful story.

Chele - It’s so fucking hot when grown ups have sex. Seeing Charlie through Sue’s eyes makes him infinitely sexier. Dirty talking Charlie? Killed me.

Liz - Jeez, how much do I love grown-up sex in fics? I think this may be my new fic ship of choice. These two are perfect together - mature but not in a ‘caught my parents doing it’ sort of way, but more like a ‘jeez, I hope I’m that good when I’m that age’ sorta way. Damn... I *am* that age.

Trin - This seemed so perfect and believable! Not to mention getting another level of these often (sexually) forgotten characters. And yes...Charlie dirty talking. UNF.

Jen - I was struck silent by this fic. chef diamond heart created an amazing grown-up universe and then takes us, along with Charlie and Sue, on a journey of human emotion. I love the backstory she’s created for them and in my mind it totally meshes with pre-Twilight canon.

Teal - This story is absolutely gorgeous. The pairing alone intrigued me, especially going into knowing it was meant to a missing moment for Charlie and Sue. As an adult, every aspect of the story was just grown up, so realistic, with the body consciousness and the nervousness of being with someone new after so long with someone else...every little bit of this one-shot was amazing. And seriously, Charlie - what a hottie. Loved. It.

Jess- The girls have all said it so well. I loved the part where Leah told her mom to go for it... it was just so real. Seeing the blossoming relationship, the indecision and insecurity about which piece of lingerie to wear, and the way they both dealt with the “consenting adult” piece was great. I really loved this!

AH complete, Jacob/Bella

Liz - After falling in live with Gravity Never Sleeps, I had to troll though chef diamond heart’s other fics and WOW was I glad I found this one. Auto mechanic Jake isn’t exactly what you might expect, and art dealer Bella finds herself in need of his skilled services - repeatedly. Holy hotness. I am not ashamed to say I rooted for Jacob instead of Edward.

AH, O/S, E/B

Jen - I love the sexy AU Nolebucgrl has created here. I would not complain if she decided to revisit this universe and tell us some more.

Jess - I echo Jen’s comments. This was unique and very different from Nolebucgrl’s normal style, but it totally worked... and damn, it was hot.

AU, Complete, Embry/Leah

Jeanne - Fuck I love this pair so much. Embry’s playful, unflappable confidence is the perfect counterpoint to Leah’s intensity and rage. In this short but steamy little story we see a very believable scenario in with these two become fuck-buddies, of a sort. Although, Leah soon learns that nothing about her life is uncomplicated, especially sex with another pack member.

Liz - I fall more in love with Embry every time I see someone write him, and that’s not often enough. This is a fast, sexy, fun read that will leave you panting and searching FFn for more Embry.

Jen - I can’t add much to what Jeanne & Liz have said. Leah’s always sexy; add in Embry and you go Poof! Thud! Dead!

Jess - Agreed on all the above. Just total unf and yum. Serious love Leah and I have a soft spot for Embry. And with a last name like “Call,” well, who wouldn’t.

AU-Human WIP, BxE

Liz - Oh my gawd. Seldom has a scene left me quite so happily breathless and speechless. Finally. FINALLY, and it is perfect. Real and sweet and hot and wonderful and OMG my heart is so full of happy for these two.

AH, SLASH, complete, Edward/Jasper

Liz - 1300 words of tattooed Jasper getting a little morning beej? Oh Hell Yes. Quite possibly the best five minutes you’ll spend alone with your computer today.

Emmy - A tasty wee treat that Liz recc’d to me. **slurp**


Teal - This is a fic that has been pure fun to read all along. The BFF history that Edward and Bella shared perfectly paved the way for their adorable new relationship. Edward’s little snippets of flashbacks to that night have been such a tease, and FINALLY we got to see them relieve all the sexual tension. OM NOM NOM.

Jess - This was one of the cutest fics I’ve read in a long time. And I don’t mean cute as in cheesy, I mean totally awesome and so well written. Every step of the way, I felt like all of this could totally happen... and watching them finally come together was so worth the wait. The UST, the teasing, the sweet way they stayed the way they were as friends and just let their relationship grow was total win! Just adorable!

AU, Complete, Carlisle/Bella

Teal - This fic isn’t new, but it sure is worth giving a go if you love Carlisle/Bella stories! In this AU, it isn’t just Happily Ever After for Edward and Bella. Say hello to coven love, my friends, and as the coven leader, Carlisle has the privilege of the First Night with Bella. While there’s no Edward loving in this one, he’s not tossed aside or disrespected. Bella loves him no less, but she also loves her other husbands, and the night she spends with Carlisle is pure romance and a non-stop lemon FEAST. So go on now, you know you want to!

Chele - I happily re-read this after Teal reminded me of the awesomeness. Carlisle’s mannerisms seem so true to me that I firmly believe that Bella will be living happily ever after in polyamorous love with the Cullens. There is a lot of sexy here, and I love every bit of it.

AH, OS, Edward/Riley

Chele - A misunderstanding between Riley and Edward prompts an explosion of desire. This short period fic is full of longing and need and an intensely erotic exchange fueled by a love forbidden by status and society. Unf and ache in equal measure.

Jess - Wow! This story was so well done. If that wasn’t a cure for writer’s block, I’m not sure what is. Seriously, the best line in the whole thing: “They rut against each other frantically, while their hands and lips and teeth are busy pinching and licking and biting all the bits of skin they can manage to expose.” It showed the carnal, deeply intense need in that moment on the beach. KILL ME DEAD.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Turn Me On: Volturi Dairy by FetishFanfic


We want to know what turns you on, ladies! Which fics are rocking your world and are must reads for us Pervs? We want you to tell us what you like, what turns you on about this fic. Let’s talk about it over a glass of wine and get everyone reading it.

Title: Volturi Dairy
Author: FetishFanfic
Summary: Bella is living out a secret fetish fantasy...the life of a hu-cow, a human living and behaving like a cow. Her cowpoke and long time handler has other ideas. This is a FETISH FIC and definitely rated M. You have been warned!

Special message from Jeanne:

While I have not read all of Volturi Dairy, I wanted to join the girls in this rec. I feel it's important that I lend my voice to the group and applaud Fetish_FanFic for writing a beautiful story about sexual expression. While the summary of this story may make people uncomfortable, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the hu-cow fetish. Yes, I didn't read this story because it's not my fetish (but neither is fluff Ed/Bella fic), that doesn't mean the fic is bad or wrong, just not for me. If being a lover of non-canon and alternative lifestyles has taught me anything is that we should be our own judge of what's hot to us, and ignore the judgement of others. In the end reading fic is about YOUR own personal enjoyment.
Just because I'm not into the hu-cow fetish doesn't mean I'm not a huge fangirl for Fetish_FanFic for writing Volturi Dairy. Truly, I think she's pretty fucking awesome and the parts of the story that I have read are compassionate and flawless. My fellow Pervs will attest to the beauty and intense erotic content of this unique story. I would like to encourage you to read the reviews below, open your mind and read the first chapter of Volturi Dairy. Don't pre-judge this story, and more importantly, don't judge yourself if you find that you're turned on by the naughty antics of hu-cow Bella and her cowpoke.

Whatever turns you on isn't wrong or bad. Writing about what turns us on isn't bad either, in fact writing and sharing our own personal desires can allow others (who are too shy to do the same) an opportunity to know they are not alone in their own secret desire. Honestly, how do you really know you don't like something until you try it? Come on, you know you want it. ;)

Liz - A few months ago, Anntastic23 sent around an email to several friends regarding a fic that she had to share. I’m glad she did. Volturi Dairy is centered around an unconventional fetish-based Dom/sub relationship that many of you might find outside your comfort zone. FetishFanfic manages to draw the reader into the mind of her characters and makes this very out-of-the-ordinary kink feel loving, sexy and beautiful.

I have to admit, it took me a few minutes to get past the giggle factor of what I was reading. Once I set aside my knee-jerk reactions, I was rewarded with a carefully written love story between two people who have stepped beyond their fears and society’s expectations and embraced their sexuality, and holy hotness do they embrace it!
I am nearly unconscious as the vibrations shift to low, letting me come down but not all the way. I vaguely hear the crowd clap at the completion of his lecture and then eventually wander off, leaving the arena.

Once we are left alone and the door shuts for the final time letting out the last person, he tugs the leash and gets me off the stand only to stand up on two feet and lean over on the padded surface. I am barely aware of anything until suddenly I feel my tail lifted and thrown up over my back and my pussy filled by a big bull cock that I know better than my own name.
Imma let that sink in for just a minute, while you catch your breath. Yeah...

I love reading about characters discovering and embracing their sexuality, especially when it involves things that are new to me. Even if people engage in things we don’t understand, or make choices we don’t agree with, we should all respect their right to explore and express themselves as consenting adults with other consenting adults. Whether that's women behaving as cows, porn performers, MMF poly triads, transgender F to M gays, genderqueer subs, cisgender hetero relationships, or any other of thousands of permutations of how bodies and hearts can come together. I'm all for fics that open eyes and minds, push boundaries, and ask us to think. Edward says it beautifully:

Not that sex isn't fun. I enjoy it in all its forms but it feels like being delivered a half eaten pizza. I open the box to find pieces missing. When I partake of it anyway it leaves me still hungry for more, for the pieces that someone took from me.

But it isn't just about the sex. It is a whole part of who I am that I feel like I have to keep hidden. How can I be in a growing relationship with a woman when I have to hide, ashamed of who I am and what I want?

I’ve read and enjoyed things that I never would have imagined before, because they were presented with the voice of characters I already knew and loved. I’m glad there is a place in this fandom for stories like Volturi Dairy.
Guest Perv: AnnTastic23- One night in mid-February I noticed a large amount of tweets talking about a fic. There were tons of "ews!" and "I just cannots!" which naturally led to a handful of "Link me?" tweets. Of course, I was one of those. So I checked out Volturi Dairy by the lovelyFetishFanfic and as Subtlepen said, this is NOT a conventional fic - nor is it even a conventional fetish (because come ON, at this point flogging, spanking, or having an audience while you engage in those activities is almost passe in this fandom) but I was hooked. HOOKED! And while at first I was "O M G..." I went into it with an open mind and kept reading. And reading. And reading. And I felt like I had SO much to say/ask by the end of it. It was not so much the specific fetish that had my mind racing (though that does make things race & also want to take Fetish out for coffee & quiz her relentlessly), but Edward & Bella's intimate D/s relationship expressed so beautifully that hit me hard.

Throughout the story, as each POV gave us more & more insight to their actions, reactions, and emotions, I felt like I could FINALLY understood the mindset & the inner-workings of a D/s relationship better than I ever did from the popular BDSM fics that I'd previously read & loved. I feel like in most D/s fic it's a given that E is a dom & always has been & it's a side of him that he NEEDS & can't live without because it's part of who he is. Then we're usually told Bella is a natural born sub (usually E graces her with this revelation) and as readers we're expected to just "get it." And yeah, those are often HOT fics. But after the first couple, I wanted MORE. I'm a detail person and I wanted to know EVERYTHING. How does Edward decide a punishment? How much planning goes into scenes? (or in Dairyward's case - their day to day routine), how is Bella not humiliated? How does such a unique fetish (or any fetish, really) fit into one's overall lifestyle (come ON, how do you hide a whole playroom from your kids)? More than anything when reading this genre, I wanted to understand the MENTAL aspect driving Doms & subs to live a certain lifestyle, how the sexual gratification component plays into the some of the more non-sexual activities they engage in, as well as the mindset leading up to the "happy ending" of any playroom scene.
I pause briefly before I put her tail on her, debating whether I should leave it out until her punishment is over. No, I think, she needs all the symbols of what she is to help her remember why what she has done is so wrong.

So I put the tail in, refraining from adding any more pleasure to it than necessary but strictly avoiding the pain that is possible in the insertion. I see her visibly relax once it is in and I realize that she thinks she has escaped punishment. I am tempted to give in at the look of sweet relief on her face but I know that if I do I've weakened my dependability in her eyes. That will do nothing to assist in gaining her trust.

FetishFanfic layers her story with insight into each of her main character's minds so that the reader begins to see the push & pull, give & take, need & fullfillment that goes one between the two. As you read Volturi Dairy I realized I could apply Edward & Bella's needs & desires to live out their specific fetish to ANY fetish or "regular" D/s lifestyle. I have never, ever have I gotten such a clear picture of this desire, mindset, fulfillment, sense of trust, etc as I did with this wonderfully unique Hu-Cow fic. Once you get through the graphic nature of the first chapter, their relationship AND how they live out the hu-cow lifestyle unfurl beautifully for the reader.

I surrender. To him. For always. And I know that I always will. So with a rhythmic rocking motion he slowly seats himself in a place he's never been, he takes me with him, to a place I've never been and yet a place that is home to me more than anywhere on this earth – under Edward and controlled totally by him.

As an aside from the subject of the story itself, Volturi Dairy is extremely well-written. The way FetishFanfic conveys Edward & Bella's emotions and reactions are expressed so beautifully... it was a treat to read (esp considering it's un-beta'd). Her understanding of her subject matter & the skillful way she handles it amazes me. Not only does this fic fully explain the particular fetish, but she manages to take the reader inside their relationship as they fall in love, grow, push boundaries, and create a life together. And isn't that the delight in ANY well-written fic - watching the characters fall in love, tackle challenges, and go forward together?
Guest Perv: vbfb1 - I just wanted to start out by saying I seriously love Volturi Dairy and FetishFanfic. This fic however is not for the faint of heart. The warnings at the beginning of the first chapter pretty much tell you everything you need to know.

Just so we're clear: if you're under 18 or easily offended by D/s or M/s type relationships or the thought of animal people or milk fetishes squick you out….GO AWAY. Alrighty?

So if you’re still reading this review then either you have read this fic and know how absolutely amazing it is, or you’re dead curious as to what it is about and if you are I suggest you head on over to FFn and get reading you won’t be disappointed.

When we first meet Edward and Bella in this story their time at Volturi Dairy is coming to an end and I don’t want to spoil it but chapter one is kind of a what happens at the end then the next seven chapters tell us how they got there.

Bella and Edward have both chosen to take a sabbatical from life and indulge their fetishes. Bella’s fetish is to be a hu-cow, Edward’s a cowpoke. So what exactly does this mean? Well for Bella it means behaving like a cow twenty-four-seven this includes being milked and only being able to communicate by mooing. For Edward it means being solely responsible for the care and nurture of his heifer.
I hear his chuckle. My response to the vibe and whiney mooing when he takes it away without giving me relief provides him with unending humor. He hangs the vibe back on its hook on the wall of my stall and reaches outside the gate for my feed bowl. I nuzzle him where ever I can as he brings my morning feed and places it in my trough at the back of my stall. This morning I manage to get inside his personal space far enough that I graze his cock with my nose, earning a swift, sharp smack on my rump. I'm pretty sure that he's hard and his hand dolling out my punishment makes me even wetter so I do it again. He just chuckles some more and whispers, "Careful what you wish for, cow."

Now you’re probably thinking from the warnings at the start, that this fic is nothing more than kinky sex and you would be wrong. Although there are a lot of kinky practices and definitely some sex acts primarily this is a love story about too people with unique needs who find what they never thought they could, their other half.

From the very first moment Edward laid eyes on his Beauty he is smitten and does everything in his power to make sure she is well cared for and a high volume milk producer. Beauty is being cared for by Cowpoke Mike and is actually close to calling the whole experience quits when Edward offers to try and up her milk production. It is a decision that alters the course of their experience and their lives.

Mike of course doesn’t understand the care and attention Edward pays towards his heifer and comes close on more than one instance to getting a smack in the kisser from Edward.

"Why?" Mike asks stupidly and I feel my knuckles twitch, itching to make swift and vicious contact with some part of his anatomy. "She's a cow, Eddie. You milk her. You fuck her. What else is there?"

Now I may have said this story is not only about kinky sex but there is a fair swag of left of centre sex acts now for me that is just fine because well I like that kind of thing. I have however seen many a twitter comment/reviews that have been from someone who thought they were going to be squicked out by the content and were pleasantly surprised when they weren’t.

I'd done my research on every aspect of that particular practice. She is too thin for good milk production and her nutrition has obviously not been looked after any better than her cleanliness. The protein contained in a single "dose" of ejaculate was equal to approximately a half dozen eggs.

Plus, I'd been hard as a rock for a week dreaming of my Beauty and I couldn't wait to feel her mouth on me. After all, I think it's pretty clear that I am one kinky son of a gun.

Okay now I could probably go on and on about how great this fic is but I won’t because that would take time away from you reading it. This story is only a short 12 chapters at the moment although I know fetish_fanfic plans on adding a little more to it. Those 12 chapters however have plenty to keep your interest well and truly stimulated.

This story is told primarily from Cowpoke Edwards POV but we do get to hear from his Beauty a few times. I think fetish_fanfic does an amazing job of giving us an insight into what it takes to be a Cowpoke and a Heifer. So if you have managed to get this far and haven’t run for the hills then I think you will definitely love this fic and you will become a VD addict just like me.

Chele - Volturi Dairy is a beautifully written story about emotional and sexual exploration and love. It is also a glimpse into a vivid fantasy world that pushes the taboo limits of even the most jaded of edgy fanfic readers. FetishFanfic creates a reality where Edward and Bella are able to explore an unorthodox lifestyle, and tells the story so effectively that we can see a love which exists without words. Even open-minded readers who have never considered animal play, will find this story erotic and lovely.

I’m a bit of a kinky girl. I love to watch. Reading this story is like being invited into a new world where any fantasy is possible. Watching as these characters together as they find the ultimate level of satisfaction and completeness of a deep need is the best kind of voyeurism.

The thing about being a voyeur, is that one is quite happy watching things they may not actually want to participate in. I had never considered being a hu-cow, but I loved reading about it, and absolutely couldn’t stop devouring this story after the first paragraph. Though I’ll admit, the satiation and wholeness, FetishFanfic infuses into Bella’s point of view makes this scenario more than just palatable. She makes it tempting. That fact is a testament to her writing.

This story is told bravely and without apology, and rightly so. Even if you have no interest in this lifestyle, there is something to be learned here. FetishFanfic earns my high regards for her bold and honest handling of a subject that is certain to garner judgement. Volturi Dairy is a sensual, sexy exploration of fantasy. If you’ve got a bit of a kink, come sit next to me, and we can watch together.

Jen - I started reading this story because I was curious about what I’d heard about it on Twitter. I couldn’t stop reading because it’s just that good.

I know not everyone will be able to get past the story’s particular type of kink. If you can put aside any notions you may have about the fetish this story explores, you will see that it’s a really beautiful love story at its most basic level.

I’d never read any fic or other porn that included animal play. At first the notion of a hu-cow surprised me, but when I read Bella’s reasons for wanting to live this way I could understand her motivation. On her application to join the Volturi Dairy Bella states that she’s always the caretaker, and that her own needs never get fulfilled. She continued by saying, ”How do you tell someone that you want to be taken care of so utterly, so completely that words and decisions are not even required from you?”

As their relationship develops, the fetish is not what will take your attention; the strength of their bond will. Edward has to build trust so that Bella can comfortably submit to him. I’d say it isn’t just Bella who has to trust; Edward trusts in her just as she trusts in him. Because Bella is a hu-cow, they cannot converse as another couple would. Edward shows his complete adoration and reverence for her in how he cares for her. Even without speaking, Bella’s love for him is clear as well. Their first time making love is an absolutely gorgeous scene, probably one of the loveliest first-times I’ve read.
I just noticed that FetishFanfic has recently added another chapter to Volturi Dairy, so if you’ll pardon me I’m going to go catch up with my favorite cowpoke and hu-cow.

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