Sunday, January 30, 2011

Turn Me On: Shoot the Sky by Majesta Moniet


We want to know what turns you on, ladies! Which fics are rocking your world and are must reads for us Pervs? We want you to tell us what you like, what turns you on about this fic. Let’s talk about it over a glass of wine and get everyone reading it.

Title: Shoot the Sky
Author: Majesta Moniet
Status: Complete
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 28,838

Summary: After their bizarre encounter her first day in biology, Bella was certain that Edward Cullen was the most intriguing aspect of dreary Forks. Until she met his brother. Jasper/Bella

“Are you sure you’re only 18, Jasper?”

“Not in the least.”

It’s no secret that there is mad love for Jasper in the Twilight fandom, both in and out of the realm of fanfiction . . . and with good reason. Today, our Jasper-loving Perv, Teal, and our pervalicious guest and fellow Jasper girl, BBSapphire24 take a look at Shoot the Sky. Will a little Jasper/Bella AU turn you on? Let’s find out!

Guest Reviewer BBSapphire24 - Majesta Moniet has written an unbelievably great story. Her words, her Bella and my god, her Jasper have captivated me. Throughout Shoot the Sky my emotions were struck so strongly.

There are moments so charged between Jasper and Bella that you can’t help but be moved by them in one way or another. In one scene, I was left almost speechless, which is saying a lot for me.

Bella accepted the gun as if he were passing her a dead bird. Knowing that it was loaded made it feel heavier, and she almost dropped it when he released the handle. She adjusted her hand around the bulkiness of the weapon until she was mimicking the way she'd seen Jasper hold it.

"Your parents won't care that we're firing a gun in your background?" Charlie would care.

"They know I'm responsible and that I've had the proper training."

But he wasn't the one using a gun.

Bella sighed and peered unenthusiastically at the tree line only a few yards away. "I don't want to hit anything."

"Then shoot the sky."

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Jasper said. "Doing something dangerous just to learn something about yourself. It's worth it."

"Yeah, and I…can I do it again?"

I literally stopped for a second after reading this and took in the scene. When Jasper says “Then shoot the sky.” the story stepped up a level for me. Jasper and Bella are constantly learning from each other and their interactions. A lot of the time, it’s completely different lessons and from totally different details but it’s great to see.

Majesta Moniet wrote an AU story and made it work, made it believable. It’s not easy to find a non-canon vampire/human story that flows seamlessly. Bella plays a part in helping Jasper with life as a vampire. There is a great play on humanity and how Jasper sees it.

I loved that there were certain events that Majesta Moniet kept from the original story, which was fun to find thread into this. She did a fabulous job of taking moments and added a twist to them to make something different. I’ll left them unnamed, so as you read, you can discover them.

Another aspect I absolutely have to mention is the humor in this story. Majesta Moniet took the characters and put a bit of a spin on them. Most of the time, surprising you with the humor, but where you expect it she took it to a whole new level that I loved.

"Don't believe a word he says." Jasper entered the room carrying a glass of water. He set it on the side table closest to Bella, making sure to maneuver a coaster beneath it. "Esme bought it from IKEA."

"Jeez," Emmett complained. "Did Edward give you his stick to shove up your ass for safe keeping or something?" He caught Bella's eye. "Edward was always a little party pooper. Probably because the poor guy never got any—"

"Are you going to be sitting there all evening?" Jasper asked as he sat not far from Bella on the couch.

Ignoring his brother, he lifted his eyebrows suggestively at Bella. "You smell good."

"Christ, Emmett."

"Don't take the Lord's name in vain," Emmett said piously, but didn't take his eyes off Bella.

"Seriously, you smell good, you've got long legs, and you're pretty cute. Like a baby giraffe. Gotta boyfriend?"

"No," Bella answered. "I don't have a boyfriend."

Emmett looked shocked. "Why not? Half the guys at school wanna take you on a cafeteria table. The other half wants to date you and then take you on a cafeteria table."

Jasper had picked up a number of the books Bella had brought with her and was thumbing through them. "And which half do you fall into, Emmett?"

"Not the same one as you."

Bella was staring mortified at her notebook, and Emmett chuckled at her expression.

"Aw, I'm just teasing." He waved a large hand in the air. "Of course I'd date you first."

This story took on a life of it’s own. It’s beauty stuck with me after finishing it. Majesta Moniet has a way with words and will steal your heart with this story. She leads you through it but you can never figure out where it’s going.

The relationship between Jasper and Bella is slowly built, one precarious step at a time. Each caress is meaningful and holds importance. Simple touches like holding Bella’s wrist is sensual. Jasper explores her body, literally. The physical aspect builds from soothing circles to sneaking around in classrooms (Ohmygod, I kind of want to be back in high school so I can sneak off with Jasper into the biology room!) to explosive sex in backrooms!


He pressed his lips to her jaw.


Her fingers dug violently into his shoulders. He hummed against her skin.


Tremors—pleasing, aching resonations of nerves igniting and then cooling and then igniting again—shot up and down her spine in sync with the slow, languid thrust of Jasper's fingers in and out of her. His thumb drew light, maddening circles around her clit.

"Please what?" he demanded lowly. She just barely heard him over her quick, harsh breaths.
Lifting her head from the crook of his neck, Bella opened her eyes long enough to notice how far away the chalk board seemed to be, how the numbers, symbols, and formulas were even more incomprehensible than usual. Her knees pressed tighter against Jasper's hips.

The hand now working between her legs, palmed her breast through the thin fabrics of her t-shirt and bra. "Please what?" he prompted again.


Blindly she dropped an open kiss beneath his ear. "Harder. Faster. Please!"


"Like that?"

She moaned, "Yes. More."

One of her hands slipped from his shoulder to brace against the black table top of the lab desk, leaving behind damp, steamy handprint that vanished by the time her fingers were tangled in his hair.

She brought his forehead to rest against hers. "Jasperrrrrr," she groaned against his lips as he continued to move his fingers inside her at an inconsistent pace her hips couldn't meet. She could feel his mouth curve up into a wicked grin.

As if he were the only one who could play dirty.

Fuuuck. Seriously Jasper takes control here. He teases in the best of ways, demanding that Bella tells him what she wants. He knows what he’s doing, and he controls her in this moment. Even in this extremely hot instance, there’s a level of intimacy that goes beyond just sex. Her head resting in the crook of his neck is so sweet but Jasper making her ask for it, harder and faster is damn sexy!

Whispers in the ear and slight brushes of the neck take on a whole new level of intimate. Being pressed up against Jasper never felt so good! It’s a new journey for both Bella and Jasper, sexually, and it’s really hot. Clothing is ripped and desires are fulfilled.

Shoot the Sky is a gem and I would recommend everyone read this. It’s one of those stories you could reread and enjoy all over again.

Teal - First things first, Majesta Moniet is a great writer. It’s obvious from the first real interaction Bella ever has with Jasper, and it’s clear from that moment that something big is starting to bloom between them.

She risked a glance up at Jasper, expecting amusement or condescension, but he was staring at her darkly with a feebly disguised intensity that had Bella gripping the vinyl seat on either side of her thighs to keep from bolting. His body swayed forward into the truck as fluidly as if he were a stray branch caught in a stiff wind. The grip he maintained on the door and cab kept him suspended a few inches above her face.

Bella inhaled slowly and was hit by the sweet scent of his breath as it fell across her cheek. He smelled like peppermint candies. Her gaze fell to his nearing mouth, which was parted slightly, as if in preparation to…

She swallowed.

Jasper seemed to be watching the movement of her throat.

And then a car passed on the other side of the road, the sound of tires turning over wet pavement drawing Bella's attention for a brief moment. By the time her eyes returned to Jasper, he was rocking back on his heels, face lifted as if to catch the slow falling rain. He looked beautiful.

"You got a flashlight?" he asked without looking at her.

This story caught my attention first because it was Jasper/Bella, second because it’s a Twilight-AU, and third because it was a completed novella. There are so many good Jasper/Bella stories out there, but I’ve always thought it was more difficult to find a convincing non-canon story like this when you’re dealing with the vampire/human thing. Especially when Edward and Alice are lurking in the wings somewhere. Yet Majesta Moniet created a seamless flow where Edward wasn’t even a consideration and Alice was believably supportive of this relationship, even when she confused and frustrated Jasper. For that reason, this is a Jasper/Bella story I think many hardcore canon readers would really be able to enjoy. No one gets sold out and thrown under the bus; things just are the way they are, and Bella and Jasper are on a journey to discover their destiny to be together.

When Bella sat down beside her, Alice slid a wide grin in her direction. "He's playing."

"Who is?"


"Playing what?"

Alice pointed a finger toward the ceiling. "His guitar."

After straining to hear past the silence, Bella could just barely make out the faint strains of high chords drifting down the stairs.

"He doesn't play very often?"

"Never." Alice's smile hadn't diminished, and she grabbed Bella's hand to give it an affectionate squeeze.
Things don’t come together perfectly for these two. For the readers, we know a lot of reasons that they can’t just develop like a normal high school couple. Namely, that pesky vampire thing Jasper has going on. But for Bella, he’s often infuriating. He goes from intense and charming to angry and cold the next . . . and yet he keeps coming back, making each interaction, look, and touch all the more significant.

Jasper paused with his ghosting her temple. "I don't need you or Alice to tell me what I need," he murmured. "If I want to care about you or anyone else, I will."

His cheek pressed to hers. Bella's eyes fell close.

"If I want to spend time with you, I will," he continued. The hand not cradling her face squeezed her hip, his fingers finding the top of her panty through the fabric of her dress and tracing the band across her abdomen.

Bella gripped at the leather of his jacket to steady herself. Her legs were disappearing from underneath her.

"If I want to touch you, I will."

Guhhhhhhhh, this Jasper is so fucking sexy. That’s just one thing I love so much about this story. He’s not just appealing because Majesta Moniet slapped his name on this characterization; there is something so alluring, so captivating about Jasper that goes beyond physical attraction for Bella. Yes, it has to do with being a vampire and the fact that he is an empath, but it’s not as though he’s manipulating Bella. Everything he does or says to her is a reaction to how she makes him feel, which in turn creates an even more blaring tension between them.

His nose brushed her temple, his chin her cheek. "If I wanted you any more than I already do, I'd burn the whole world down just so you'd be the only thing in it."

And when it goes off, when they finally give in to one another . . . well, I’ll just have to let you read that. I will admit that very first lemon/lime scene in this novella had quite the, err, OMG-panty-change-time kind of effect on me. No lie. I may have read it three times.

I am completely and utterly in love with this story, and even though I wish so hard that there were more to it, there’s no doubt that it does tie up in a beautiful package with a lovely little bow on top by the end. This is truly the kind of AU that can make you forget Twilight and take this as a well written and tasty substitute instead!

She kissed him and knew that the relief and ecstasy she was experiencing as they touched didn't belong solely to her. Jasper wrenched her closer and felt her deeper, and it was impossible to image feeling this good for an eternity.


Interested in being a Turn Me On guest reviewer for the Perv Pack's Smut Shack? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of TURN ME ON.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Tit for Tat: Dead on My Feet by CescaMarie (sexuality and cancer)

We here in the Shack love reading smut and looking at pretty porny things, but we also love you. Yes, each and every one of you -- reader, writer, blog follower, and Twitter pal. That’s why we feel it’s important to take pause every once in a while and get serious.

Today we want to address a decidedly unsexy topic: Cancer. We’ve talked about breast cancer, but now it’s time to talk about testicular and prostate cancer. According to the American Cancer Society in 2009 there were 192, 280 new cases of and 27, 360 deaths from prostate cancer.

We all have a man that is close to us, be it our significant other, father, brother or friends. If you love a man, you owe it to him and yourself to encourage him to get his prostate checked, and to perform regular self checks on his testicles. You married and dating ladies can even take matters into your own hands by assisting your partner in checking himself. Make a flirty game of it. Show him how to assist with checking your breasts and then help him check himself. Who knows what sexy fun can arise from watching out for each other’s health.

*Be sure to check out the bottom of this post, for instructions on performing a Testicular Self-Exam.

The pictures in today’s post are from the Everyman Campaign. A group that is dedicated to raising awareness for the prevention of testicular and prostate cancer. They did a photo shoot with hot male celebrities (mostly from the UK) to lend their support, and get men to Nut up and get themselves checked.

In the face of illness, it’s easy to forget humans are sexual beings. While it’s natural to let sexuality take a backseat during the acute phase of cancer treatment, it can be a very important part of the healing process to regain a positive body image, feel intimate connections with others, and reaffirm a personal sense of sexual desirability.

There are many things you can do to support a loved one on this journey, something as simple as helping them find awesome headgear can help retain a sense of personal identity while waiting for hair to re-grow after treatment. Click here to see some cool patterns.

If it is a more intimate partner, the first step is to become informed about how their body is affected by the illness, or the treatment, and be open and patient as you explore what feels good, which may be very different. Some really great tips can be found here: Sexuality and Cancer

Above all, let love and patience be your guide.

Click the image to download a free pdf of the book. -->

As a special treat today, our Pervs are going to tell you about a very special Twilight fan fic that shows that even in the face of illness, love can blossom and heal.

Author: CescaMarie

Teal - What originally struck me about Dead on My Feet was how different it was from other fanfics. Yeah, we say stuff like that all the time, but this story is truly unique. The pace was rather quick in progression, yet at the same time, every chapter felt like torture waiting for the next to come. Lucky for those of you who are just getting ready to read it now, it’s finally complete =)

What I really love about this story is the amount of time CescaMarie spent setting the stage for Edward and Bella’s eventual romance. It took a really long time to get there, both in the plot and the number of chapters, but it was completely worth the wait. The way the love/hate/antagonistic/caring relationship developed needed time to unfurl, and along the way, a deep bond was formed between the characters. Amongst it all, readers learned many gritty details about living with disease, as well as being the person who shoulders the burden of a loved one’s caretaking.

When it finally came down to the love (and lust) between Edward and Bella, it was all the more intense and fulfilling, even when they had to take special measures to be intimate. Bella’s patience and understanding of Edward’s need for affection and reassurance became her redeeming grace, and for Edward, jaded and without an ounce of self-esteem, Bella helped bring him back to life in so many ways. Just reading Edward’s reactions to Bella’s confessions of love or moreso, her (often animalistic and unabashed) attraction to him, even while too-skinny and without hair, made her a character hard not to love . . . even with her ugly past.

This story was a wonderful addition to our fandom for so many reasons, and I’m so grateful that CescaMarie provided us with so many new perspectives through her writing, even some of the nontraditional methods of intimacy.

”Life gets mighty precious when there's less of it to waste." - Bonnie Raitt

Chele - Every once in a great while, I come across a story that changes something for me. Gives me something I was missing, even if I didn’t know it. Dead on My Feet
is one of those stories. It takes you by the hand and walks you down a path you never saw, and shows you sights so beautiful and frightening that you almost can’t stand it. When it is done? You’ve seen love in a whole new light.

Some of you might be thinking, “Oh Chele? Dead on my Feet isn’t a sexy, smutty, story.” But, oh, my little pervs, that’s where you’re wrong. True, is is not the type of story wherein Edward and Bella spend all of their recreational time fucking. Instead, it’s a story of two people who find healing through love, touch, intimacy and acceptance. It’s so much more than sex, and yet, it is also that simple.

There's a ton of UST that crackles between them, but even more so is that there is resolution in each intimate touch so that despite the lack of actual penetration, it definitely feels as if their physical intimacy in on par with any "lemon" in it's intensity and level of release. When the lemons arrive, it’s like rain to the desert.

Bella and Edward have each faced monumental hardships and challenges, and because of those circumstances, completely complement each other. CescaMarie writes them as if they are puzzle pieces fitting together. Only Bella could handle Edward, understand his challenges, and be what he needs, even when that includes pushing him. The reverse is also true. Bella's jagged, broken edges only fit with Edward's.

It’s like someone tore a piece of paper down the middle and cast it to the wind, only to have both pieces land in a puddle of rain with their torn sides meeting seamlessly.

CescaMarie treats the characters in this story with a holistic approach, weaving sexuality and sensuality in all the right places in a way that is gritty, real, and without artifice. It is erotic because she makes the reader want it SO badly for them. By creating passionate attachment to the characters first, she elevates the removal of a hat to the unveiling of a virgin on her wedding night. Even a hard-core perv like myself can appreciate the use of subtly here. Several updates had me gnawing my lip and gasping while feeling all tender and raw and broken open.

This is an amazing journey. It made me feel every possible emotion. I had a visceral response to characters that were so well-written it felt like I knew them. In short, I believed it. Every word. Dead on My Feet is a story about living.

"The greatest good we can do for others is not just to share our riches with them, but to reveal their riches to themselves." - Swahili proverb

Jen - At the beginning of Dead on My Feet

it’s hard to imagine that Edward and Bella could ever be anything other than antagonistic towards each other, let alone share an intimate relationship. CescaMarie manages to take them from their rocky start to being in love in a way that isn’t straight out of a fairytale. There’s a lot of heavy stuff in this story, and nothing that Edward and Bella go through--alone and together--is easy.

Edward and Bella have both been to hell and back over the past few years. Edward has fears that he’s never wanted to give voice to, and Bella has some ugly skeletons in her closet. They both have a lot of growing they need to do in order to love themselves, and by extension each other. Because they’ve truly bared their innermost selves--the good, the bad, and the ugly--they’re able to be vulnerable with one another. It’s not always easy, but if we could ask them I know they’d both say it was worth it. One of the hardest (twss!) hurdles for them to overcome was the effect that cancer treatment had on Edward’s sexuality--both mental and physical. Bella shows Edward how to like himself again through the way she cares for him and prepares his special foods, as well as through her physical affection. She also shows Edward how they can work around the physical effects of his treatment and be intimate. I’m not a teenage boy, despite what my brain thinks most of the time, but I can’t imagine the horror of being an adolescent boy who was unable to jerk off without pain.

CescaMarie really beautifully displays Edward’s vulnerability and Bella’s love and concern for him without making it seem contrived or even ‘icky.’ They are not your typical lemons. They are a wonderful depiction of human sexuality in illness and recovery, and the tenderness shown all around makes Dead on My Feet an all around wonderful read.

"That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet." Emily Dickinson
Jess - When I first started reading Dead on My Feet, I wasn’t sure where it was going. That isn’t say CescaMarie didn’t have a plan or that it showed in her writing, but rather, it’s a testament to how real and visceral this story really was.

I don’t think I’ve ever read a story quite like this - fanfic or otherwise. We are introduced to a sickly, reclusive, and weak Edward and a broken, unforgiving Bella. But as time passes and they find each other, they are forced to move through the pain and baggage that just comes with life. Together, they fit--even if it took them a while and some uncomfortable and painful situations to realize it. At some points, I wondered how they would get through things; would Edward die? Would he forgive her for making out with his friend? Would he...? Would she ever forgive herself? Would she ever allow her own walls to be broken down? To be vulnerable, and to care?

Perhaps the most unique thing about this story was how CescaMarie managed to build up the UST in such a way that left me aching for them to be together but not wanting it to be some random romp in the park. With Edward still in recovery, they found ways to be intimate without all the fanfare and glamour. It was raw and passionate and so, so real. Together, they face and Bella helps Edward overcome his insecurities - particularly around body image (little to no body hair, central line port) and function (inability to have/hold pain-free erections) - like we all do... slowly and with a growing level of trust and intimacy, and a little pushing or massaging when needed.

Watching these two fall in love and find their way through remission and healing was truly a gift, and I’m grateful to have gotten the chance to read it.

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind. " - William Shakespeare

Kimpy - Dead on My Feet was recommended to me by a good friend who has never steered me wrong. To make sure that I’m using full disclosure here, I want to iterate that A) I am a pediatric ICU nurse in RL (for those who might not be aware) and B) I consulted a time or two on the medical aspects of the story. To be honest, my input was minimal--really, the magic all belongs to CescaMarie *end of disclosure*

When I started reading a Dead on My Feet, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I mean, Edward Cullen as a cancer patient? Without his famous sex hair and bushy eyebrows? I admit; I was skeptical. On top of my skepticism, I’m incredibly particular when it comes to medically-based fic. So often, writers get it all wrong, because they haven’t lived in that world--the kind of situations that happen on TV are so far from reality as to be laughable, and fic is no different. I knew at once, however, after digging into the story, that CescaMarie’s story was different. She gets all the nuances of chemo and recovery just right. Her writing is powerful, descriptive, and can be incredibly funny, given the subject matter.

While I could go on for days about the quality of her writing, what I really want to emphasize is what an amazing job she does tackling the tough issues of human sexual response and behavior, intimacy, and sensuality. Because of his chemo and medication regimen, Edward stopped having erections, and orgasming has become an incredibly painful process for him. As in, it feels like he was kicked directly in the junk kind of pain. In general, men tend to be very attached to their sexual responses--like the ability to have erections, to jerk off, or to sex it up with a partner. As a 17 year-old male, to be hairless, thin, and barely alive is a huge insult to one’s psyche. But to be all those things and then not be able to be sexually responsive? I can’t imagine attempting to salvage one’s self-esteem from something like that.

CescaMarie pairs up an Edward and a Bella who are crafted uniquely for each other--there is no other person on the earth who could possibly help them overcome their personal demons than one another. They bumble their way into a relationship that slowly, gradually, builds steam. Their sexual tension is intense, some of the best I’ve ever read, anywhere. Their mishaps and fumblings are very real and awkward, which makes it even more compelling and unique. There are no magical orgasms in this story, but there is intimacy and sensuality that build into something special and exquisite. Edward is incredibly self conscious, afraid to show any part of his physical self to Bella. Bella is sexually experienced, and wants badly to have a sexual relationship with him. Over time, small step by small step, she wins Edward’s trust and he opens up to her. When they are finally able to progress beyond kissing, the outcome is one of the sweetest, most powerful lemons I’ve ever read. What makes it so fulfilling is that Edward could never have conquered these hurdles had it not been for Bella’s unconditional love and acceptance of him.

The story shows us the value of deep love and an abiding connection to another human being.

I think my favorite part of Dead on My Feet isn’t the lemons (although don’t get me wrong--they are sublime), it’s the fact that CescaMarie gets the complex nature of human relationships spot on. Edward and Bella fall in love with each other far sooner than either one even realizes. They believe that they’re trying to salvage some kind of friendship, but the reader can see so clearly that they are creating a love that is bone deep and lasting. The beauty and, at times, the pain, of the story is to watch them unfold into new people right before your eyes. It’s an interesting, engaging story full of drama, heartache, grief, and love. More than anything, this story illustrates the triumph of love, and it is extraordinary. So, dear reader, I highly recommend that you sit your bunners down and get reading--I dare you to put it down. It’s one hell of a read.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you're interested in getting your own Fuck Cancer t-shirt. Check out Fuck Cancer.

Or decorate your Twitter account with a Fuck Cancer avi from the Perv Pack's special stash. ;)

Friday, January 28, 2011

Pervy Picspiration

Emmy wants your words. (amongst other things...) Every week Emmy will post a pic or 2 - containing phwoarrrr-worthy blokes from across the seas, some hunks from closer to home and sometimes some dangerously delish knickers and lingerie. What do we want from you in return? Well...... We want you to be inspired by these pics and to leave Emmy a delish drabble or longer story inspired by the pic(s).

Leave your story offering in the comments section and, if you want to, post it to your FF account (pm the link to Emmy at mentioning the PPSS, by the following Wednesday. Each Friday Emmy will reveal her fave (entirely personal & subjective opinions belonging to Emmy) and at the same time post the next pervy picspiration for your pleasure. Non-Canon writers don’t despair - Emmy might be tragically WussPerv©, but there are plenty of equal opportunity pervs in the pack longing to read those if Emmy turp’s out.

Emmy is DYING to see what dirty delights you are going to come up with...

*Please make sure your story offering is in line with our mission statement

So no bites last week? You guys are obviously not like me and enjoy playing in mirrors then? I can remember one intense night...... ***glazes over*** …. Where was I? Ah yes - last weeks pics, here they are again - as *I think* last week’s pics were fuck hot - here they are for prosperity...

Feel free to let them inspire you in anywhich way you like...

Hey you!
Yes you reading this.. Don’t these pictures do something to you, something for you.... don’t they make you think of drity, naughty, things.. Don’t they get your juices going?
Don’t sexy Italian bastards in the woods inspire you?
Write me anything - be it a drabble, be it a one-shot or be it a WIP, just write for me. Make it sexy, make it sensuous, erotic or downright naughty. Your call. Just let the inspiration take you - be you a BNA or an innocent virgin, wanting your Pervy Picspiration popped for fun.

I’m waiting.........

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Give it Up: Perv Pack approved contests


We Pervs are constantly on the lookout for new sources of smut. Contests are a great place to troll for sexy one-shots to feed our appetites. Are you looking for a contest to write a smutty one-shot for? Here are the details on two contests with early February deadlines. Go, get writing and feed the PPSS beast!

Tea Bagging Twilight Contest
Read the title, you get the idea.
Approximately 500-1000 words of your most ridiculous lemon
Plot is irrelevant
Must involve some Oolong Tea!

18+ only - Stories Due 2/1
The winner will be chosen by Pavarti

Stories will be posted in the C2 as well as on the Tea Bagging Twilight Contest blog.

Caught With Your Pants Down
FreeWriters One-Shot Contests

Come take a journey with us down a path fraught with humor, adultery, embarrassment, excitement, exhibitionism... perhaps even a night in the slammer. The possibilities are endless.

Wow us with your imagination. Take your favorite Twilight characters and show us what happens when they get caught with their pants down... in the dark of night, in the light of day, from the boardroom to the bedroom and everywhere in between. AH is welcome, but not required... even the immortal get caught with their pants down sometimes.


*This is an anonymous contest*

Submission Dates: Entries will be accepted from January 12, 2011 until midnight EST on February 4, 2011. **The deadline for use of our beta services is on February 2, 2011.

Voting Dates: Voting will take place from February 11, 2011 through February 19, 2011. The contest winner(s) will be announced on February 20, 2011.

Entries will be posted on the C2 as well as on the Free Writers site
Complete details are available on the FREEWRITERS one-shot contest group page. You MUST be a member of the group in order to read complete contest rules and regulations and submit an entry. No exceptions.

So, go on, get your pencils out and start writing some smut!

If you are hosting a smutty fan fiction contest or challenge, and would like to be featured on Give it UP contact us at

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Talk Nerdy To Me: Boys in Glasses picspam

A periodic taste of geeky goodness from our resident GeekPerv©, Trin.

So the last few Talk Nerdy To Me posts have had some clear theme to them. Maybe you learned about some new way to make your phone even naughtier than it already was or read about all the upcoming amazing comic book movies you’ll get to see in 2011.

Well, lets not fool ourselves with this post. There is no rhyme or reason to it other than cute guys with glasses. So, without further ado please read the sign I made you all below so we can begin.

I will always love this picture. Glasses, ice cream and a nerd...HUZZAH!

Just think how much time you could spend discussing current events.

Members only jacket FTW!

Billy Hicks has the kind of smile that renders the sun useless.

I am a fan of astronomy. Maybe you could ask to borrow his telescope.

Pitter-patter so damn dapper.

And now I can guarantee that ALL of y’alls kitties are purring.