Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER:

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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Can I first start off with a lovely comment: The pictures you use for some posts are just... HOT! (Like that one this past week with the head of the peen just entering the V. For a virgin, that seems so sexy!) Those pics seriously make me horny!

I'm an avid fanfic smut reader and porn watcher! A lot of the questions were about what sites to visit and what to watch. I enjoy all porn-- straight, gay, whatever. Xtube is my favorite, and I've tried a lot of sites. It offers a lot of amateur stuff that people upload on their own, and I find that kind of stuff sexy. So, maybe some readers may want to check it out!

My fellow Pervs Jeanne and Chele are all things wonderful when it comes to finding the perfect images for Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy. I owe it all to them. Thanks for the rec--I love it when my readers help each other out. ;)

Hi Naughty Nurse Kimpy. This email is in regards to your "Is it OK to watch porn and are there safe websites segment". I have two websites that so far I’ve not gotten any viruses from. 1) (pardon the harsh title) FUQ and 2) Pornhub
The first has a very large variety and you can see them all my clicking the select category at the top of the page and above that there's a "key word" search bar for those looking for specifics. Have fun ;)

Thanks for the recommendations. Ladies, go forth and conquer!

My husband is genetically inclined towards prostate cancer and we are in our mid-forties. He's tested normal so far. He loves it when I touch his anus during sex, so I've been considering trying out anal beads, since they are versatile and flexible. (After 17 years, mixing it up a bit keeps the love life fresh!) My question is this: is there any danger of hurting the prostate during gentle anal play?

This is an excellent question, and I'm very glad you asked it. I can appreciate that your husband is genetically predisposed to prostate cancer, and it's very responsible of you to be concerned about the ramifications of anal play and how it may/may not contribute to prostate cancer. First of all, he's doing the most important thing possible, and that is getting regularly screened for the disease. Give him a big old kiss of respect from Naughty Nurse Kimpy, please.

Let Naughty Nurse Kimpy be clear: anal play does not cause prostate cancer, nor will it cause prostate cancer to return. Thus, engaging in anal play, gentle or otherwise, won’t increase his risk of having prostate cancer.

You and your husband might be interested to learn that research has shown that one of the best ways to minimize his risk of prostate cancer is to USE HIS PROSTATE. That's right--men who ejaculate on a regular basis have a lower risk of prostate cancer than those who do not. In order to get the protective benefit, men should have 12 or more ejaculations a month. The research also showed that with every increase of 3 ejaculations or more per week, there was a 15% decrease in prostate cancer risk.

So there you have it--Naughty Nurse Kimpy is actually encouraging you to go for it and have fun with anal play/sex; tell your husband that you both have my blessing to sex it up, as much as possible. *giggle*

I just wanted to start by saying that somehow, even though I really like having sex, I have become truly afraid of getting pregnant. Therefore, these are my questions:
Can I get pregnant even if there is no penetration? (like, just heavy dryhumping?)
(Still on the lines of dryhumping...) Can I get pregnant if there is just a piece of underwear between my partner and I?
How about condoms? Are they 100% effective? Can I get pregnant even if they don't break during sex?
Is there a method that could allow me to avoid the risk of pregnancy completely?
Thank you!

Honestly, I don't think it's possible for me to love my readers more. You guys are just so open and honest, and you have no idea how much it means to me that you trust me enough with the tough questions!

Let me tell you, as fun as sex is, as much as most of us just love it to bits, there is one big problem with it--there is always a risk of pregnancy. For some people, that's great, but for those of us who wish to have the fun without consequences, it means we need to be vigilant and careful.

To answer your questions:

1. Can you get pregnant if there is no penetration? Technically speaking, no, but that doesn't mean you're totally off the hook, either. If we're talking rubbing against each other while your clothing is still on--as in jeans on jeans--you're safe.

If you're talking pussy saying hello kitty to Mr. Happy while naked, there is some risk involved in that. Specifically, if there is any genital contact--like the head of his penis near the opening of your vagina--even without penetration, then it is technically possible for sperm to enter the vagina (remember that pre-come contains sperm). Now, the pregnancy risk isn't enormous, but if you're dead set on not wanting to get pregnant, I encourage you not to do it. Period.

The final answer? Dryhump to your heart’s content--it’s a wonderful and safe thing. Gotta love the dryhump.

2. Can you get pregnant if you're both wearing your underwear? Nope. Sperm can’t swim through clothing.

3. Condoms are not a birth control method that is 100% effective. For every 100 people using condoms as their primary method of birth control, 14-15 people will get pregnant. If you use condoms lubricated with spermicides, it can increase the effectiveness rate to 95%, meaning 5 people in every 100 will become pregnant. They're still your best line of defense when you want to minimize the risk of getting a sexually transmitted infection, but as birth control only? Not your most effective choice. You *can* get pregnant by using condoms alone, even if they don’t break.

4. Is there a method that ensures you won't get pregnant? The only thing that is 100% effective, in all honesty, is abstinence. There are methods that are very close to perfect, but it does require a certain amount of vigilance on the user's part. If you take the pill, for example, and you take it every day, without fail, around the same time every day, it's about as effective as you can get--out of 100 pill users, 8 will get pregnant. You’ll see the same level of effectiveness if you use the ring, the patch, or injectable birth control methods.

The most effective forms of birth control, with only 1 out of 100 users becoming pregnant, are sterilization or IUDs. Clearly, these aren’t for everyone, but for some people, they’re perfect.

It's never a bad idea to have a back up plan ready should your chosen method of birth control fail. There is a pill available called Plan B that is a method of emergency contraception. It is intended to be used within five days of failure of your birth control method, like if a condom should break, to prevent a pregnancy. The sooner you take Plan B after unprotected sex/contraceptive failure, the more effective it is. You can get the Plan B pill from your doctor, your gynecologist, or through a family planning clinic.

Just wanted to thank you so much for all the great advice you give us with your article. It's a service to us all to have you answering these questions that we may be afraid to ask anyone else! I also have a question for you. My husband and I have been using condoms for years as a form of birth control. He doesn't have a ton of staying power, if you know what I mean, and lately I've been noticing that he seems to get soft and then hard again while we're having sex. My guess is that he's having an orgasm and is too embarrassed to let me know. How dangerous is it for him to get hard again and not change condoms? I really don't want to get pregnant, but I'm worried that's what's happening. Should I be concerned? Thanks again.

It's not unusual for a guy's level of hardness to wax and wane sometimes--we all experience differing levels of arousal during sex, depending on lots of different factors. As men age, their erections become less predictable, and this can become more of a pattern--it's still completely within the range of normal.

The problem for you, however, is that you are relying upon condoms as a method of birth control, and that doesn't pair very well with a hardening and softening penis. To ensure maximum effectiveness, a condom must fit well. When a penis softens, the condom can slip and become misplaced, which could create a situation where you're briefly exposed to sperm. You also state that you "really don't want to get pregnant." So when you ask, "Should I be concerned?" my answer is an adamant "YES." If a condom doesn't fit properly, it doesn't work effectively, and you risk exposure to becoming pregnant.

As difficult as it might be to have this conversation with your husband, if you truly do not want to get pregnant, you need to discuss it with him. I encourage you to talk about it in a very objective way, making the focus of your conversation condomfail instead of penisfail.

Chances are, he's already well aware of this issue, and his anxiety over level of hardness could be making things worse. Being as objective and non-blaming as possible should help you figure this out together. Good luck.

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Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER:
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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Here's some reader feedback from last week's post about Urinary Tract Infections:

Another cause of a UTI could be a case of the "honeymooners" where you and your partner go without intercourse for so long and then when you do go at it, you mimic fanfic and basically give yourself an infection. This might be something you deal with if in the time you are feeling the pain of a UTI, you hold off on intercourse.

My OBGYN said the best thing to do if this is the case, is to keep your lady bits warmed up while you are away from your man with a toy so its less of a shock when penetration occurs.

If you don't want to use a toy for personal reasons, then my OBGYN suggested that the first time you and your man get together after a break, the intercourse should be short and sweet and well lubricated to prevent pain and rubbing from the 'foreign object.' Obviously later interactions can be longer and more ala fanfic style, but you want to ease your body into it, especially if its been awhile for your hooha.

I noticed that when I touch (play with) my breasts, it doesn't feel any different than touching my arm so to speak, but when my boyfriend touches them, plays with them, it feels amazing .. How come?

SUCH a good question! The answer is: SUSPENSE. When you touch yourself, you know what you're going to do, and when you're going to do it. When someone else touches you, there is always an element of surprise. When are they going to touch you? How are they going to touch you--will it be feather light, or will it be a pinch? What are they going to do next? Because you never know what to expect, that suspense adds an erotic edge that is difficult to achieve all by yourself.

I use a drug store waxing kit and wax myself down there, but I noticed that between the outer lips, small little hairs continue inside and I am too afraid to wax that part because of how sensitive that skin is. First of all is it normal for little hairs to continue on inside of the lips and if it is too sensitive to wax that part, how can you remove it?
Thanks in advance.

To answer your first question, yes, it is completely normal for the little hairs to continue on the inside of your labia majora. It's a way to keep dirt out of your cooter and to make your bits perspire less. So, no worries about being strange or different--most of us have it.

I would definitely not wax your inner lips to get at those pesky hairs. Just the thought of that makes me cross my legs together, tbh. I have found that using my Bodygroom electric razor/trimmer very carefully tends to work pretty well to trim down those little imps. Using a mirror for guidance helps a lot, too. Once I've trimmed it as closely as I possibly can, I follow up with Magic Razorless Cream Shave. Naughty Nurse Kimpy has very sensitive skin, and she is able to use the Magic cream without any irritation to the delicate skin of her lady bits. (She also apologizes in advance if this is TMI).

Between those two, you should be able to achieve a lovely, smooth, bare kitty for all to enjoy and appreciate. Or, just you. Whatever works for you. *wink*

What exactly is a post coital glow? Because I may be only 21 but in my short life I know I've never seen a person walking around with a glowing aura around them! Twilight and church are the only places I've ever seen this occurrence ;)

Yeah, there are a lot of post coital glows occurring in the fandom, aren't there? Clearly, we don't have women walking around, 24/7, glowing like a lightning bug in real life. When people refer to the glow, it's more about a post-sex high than anything. Having an orgasm releases endorphins throughout the body, which are neurotransmitters. They act like natural pain relievers. Curiously, their chemical structure is similar to that of morphine, so they have a similar effect on your body when they are released--you suddenly feel calm, euphoric, and pain free. That state of being could be interpreted as a glow.


The other phenomenon that happens for many women when they've had an orgasm is that they get a red flush over their upper torso, neck, and sometimes even their faces. While a flush isn't the same thing as a glow, it isn't far-fetched to refer to this as a glowing aura.

So, for the record? Post coital glow is likely nothing more than a post-orgasm flush and endorphin release that makes you feel absolutely heavenly. We'll leave the real, actual glowing to religious icons in paintings.

I know when i have a orgasm. How does a guy really really know when you have a orgasm, that you are not faking it?

I asked my Naughty Nurse Kimpy Sex Lab Assistants for their feedback on this one, and boy, did they ever come through for me. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it. Here is their conclusion: Sometimes. A guy needs to pay very close attention if he wants to know you've had the big O (unless, of course, you are a woman who squirts or ejaculates when they come). The easiest way for them to know if you've achieved an O is during a hand job or manual G-spot stimulation. The telltale muscle contractions are pretty hard to miss if it happens on his hand, KWIM? If you're having penetrative sex, then it becomes a little bit trickier to tell. If your partner is wearing a condom, that can make it very difficult for a guy to tell if you've orgasmed. If he is lost in the moment and thrusting away, that can also make it more difficult to discern when an O has occurred. There are some women who always get a flush over their chest and neck when they come, so that can be another indicator. In summary, it is challenging, but not impossible, for a guy to tell when his partner comes. So, when it happens in fanfiction, and causes Edward to have a cataclysmic orgasm as a result? Well, it's called fiction for a reason. Just saying.

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Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

---

DISCLAIMER:
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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THE HAIR DOWN THERE
An Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy Special on Grooming and Bare Kitties

Special thanks to the Queen of Bare Kitties (yes, her tiara has already been awarded), BRI/ANTIAOL,
for agreeing to take on this special post with the diligence of a true scientist. THANK YOU. <3

I know that bare kitties are all the fandom rage, but whenever I wax or shave, I get ingrown hairs that are wicked unpleasant. Can I prevent them, or should I try to bring back the popularity of the natural look with a pube parade?

Well, first let me say that you should do to your pubes whatever the hell you wanna do to them. If you wanna go au naturel, then do it, baby. But if you want a more, erm, tame (?) look, then let's talk about what you can do to prevent or help those pesky ingrown hairs.

First, I don't suggest shaving. It's a pain in the ass (sort of literally), and you don't even get that truly smooth skin. If you're waxing and still get the ingrown hairs, I'd suggest trying No Trauma Momma, which really does work (along with another product of the same line: No Scream Cream). Be generous with the NTM, putting it on as soon as you get home from waxing, then 2-3 times per day after that (for roughly 2-3 days). You'll probably still have a little redness, but it shouldn't be nearly as bad. Also, I've heard great things about Tend Skin, and even have a bottle, but find that I don't use it now that I've fallen in love with No Trauma Momma. You should be able to get all these products at your spa, or you can order online.

What are your thoughts on personal grooming? I used to shave all the way "down below" because an ex-boyfriend wanted me to, but its gotten old quick and usually just leaves me with gross razor burn. How do the majority of women keep it, and what do guys like? What do you think is the best?

Boy am I glad you asked. Why? Well, because it gave me an excuse to run a (very informal, very possibly inaccurate) survey from 100 of the perviest women I know (aka: Twi-h00rs). Now, before I post the results, let me preface this by repeating what I did for the first question: If you don't want a bare/smooth/groomed kitty, don't have one! What's "the norm" or not really doesn't matter in the big picture, right? Cause, let's face it: it's your cooter that has to feel the pain of waxing. ;)

Now, onto my (obviously highly scientific) poll. I asked three basic questions. 1) How do you keep the lady bits groomed? 2) How does your partner prefer you to have your bits groomed? And, finally, 3) On average, how have past partners preferred it?

Here's the breakdown for each: (conveniently provided via PIE charts)

I'm a 22 year old virgin with some questions about shaving down there. I've never shaved down there (because I'm lacking the motivation and/or desire to impress anyone) with the exception of around the bikini line to wear a bathing suit and I'm just wondering about logistics. I have trimmed down there to make everything a bit "neater" but it itched like a son of a bitch after, and I'm wondering how much more it would itch if I shaved the whole thing off... or do you just have to shave every day to prevent that, because quite frankly that seems like a pain in the ass? Then there's my curiosity about how difficult it is to actually shave down there... I mean there's a lot of nooks and crannies, and it just seems like it'd be a bitch to do that all the time, especially trying to reach around to the back.

Is that something guys are really looking for--girls to be pretty bare, or at least trimmed up down there? 'Cuz right now I'm rocking the au naturel look but I'm curious about switching it up. I'm also wondering about any health implications--I think I read somewhere that it's healthy to have hair down there because it draws away unnecessary moisture... is that at all true? Man, I've been wordy... clearly, I'm very curious. haha. thanks for any answers you can give me.

This is a whoooooole-lotta question, haha. I'mma dissect it and attack it piece by piece. :) First, yes, it will itch if you shave everything. It just does, unfortunately, unless you're one of those lucky (and rare) women who don't get the itchies, don't get bumps or razor burn or ingrown hairs. As for difficulty of shaving down there, it's actually not that bad. It takes a couple different razors, but if you have the right tools, you can get the job done. For the larger parts (above and around the pubic bone, and along your bikini line), I'd use your regular razor (a fresh one). Then, to get into the nooks and crannies, Noxema makes these neato bikini shavers that are small and precise and work wonders. Use those for all the tiny places that are sort of hard to get to. Also, I hope it goes without saying, but foam up. Put loads of shaving cream on to help with the razor burn.

As for what most dudes like, see the above poll. Yes, it seems on the whole that the vast majority of men prefer something at least trimmed, but again, it's your lady bits that are put through the wringer, kwim?

As for health concerns, I'll let the actual nurse answer those questions since I'd just be blowing smoke out of my ass.

Thank you, Bri, for doing such a thorough job with my readers' questions! In regards to your question about pubic hair and vag health, let me just say this: In terms of evolution, pubic hair developed for a reason. One of those reasons is, indeed, wicking perspiration/moisture away from the delicate skin of your lady bits. It also helps keep the area clean. In reality, you could wear a bare kitty for the rest of your life, and your vag would be just fine. You'll notice that you sweat more without the public hair, but that's about it. There are no scary health ramifications from a hairless coochie, so don't let that be the deciding factor in your choice.

I feel weird asking about this, but I'm glad this is somehow anonymous.
You said on the previous post (Feb. 3rd) that hair on the nipples are normal and I'm glad about it.
But I also have hair on the weirdest place. I have them from my belly button and down. Kind of like a happy trail on men.
Is that even normal? I'm Asian, but I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

As always, there are no weird questions here at Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy, just questions that need honest, nonjudgmental answers. Trust me, every question is completely anonymous, so there is no risk that I will ever find out who you are.

In magazines and nearly everywhere you look, women's bodies have been altered to reflect society's current preferences. Models don't have any unnecessary hair anywhere--under their arms, on their legs, in their bikini line, on top of their lip, you name it. Reality, however, is very different than what you see in advertising. The naked truth is that women have hair in all sorts of places where they feel it shouldn't be. It is completely normal to have hair in any number of places, trust me on that.

You mention that you are Asian. While being Asian per se doesn't mean you have a specific hair growth pattern, Asian hair is, by nature, thick and black. As such, it is more readily apparent when it grows in places where you don't want it to be. One of those places is in the groin, happy trail, upper thighs, etc. If you sit down and part your legs, look at your inner thighs. Chances are, if you are hairy and have dark hair, you will see some errant pubic hairs that grow down to the middle of your inner thighs. It's incredibly annoying, but totally normal.

That being said, there are a few instances where excessive hair growth can be cause for medical concern. If your hormones are out of balance, and you are secreting excess amounts of androgen, it is possible to experience beard-like growth on your face or even chest hair (I mean more diffuse chest hair, not just some hair around the nipples). That isn't normal, and it could signal an endocrine imbalance or disorder. Should you be experiencing that kind of hair growth, I encourage you to speak to your doctor about it.

Another kind of hair growth that would be cause for concern is very thick pubic hair that runs down onto your legs, and can also look like a happy trail in between your belly button and pubic bone. This could be a sign of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, or PCOS. It makes you more prone to having Type II Diabetes, you have a lot of fluctuation in your estrogen and progesterone levels, so you don't ovulate in a regular pattern, and you have multiple cysts on your ovaries. One of the telltale signs of PCOS is a very hairy nether region. I suggest you talk to your gynecologist on your next visit to see if you need to be tested for PCOS. In all likelihood, you are fine, just hairy... but it is always good to know nothing else like PCOS is a factor.

Is it really unattractive if you are very hairy in certain areas?

The bottom line is that you are the only one who can decide whether or not it is attractive. If your partner prefers you to look a certain way, and you're okay with that, no problem. However, if you really like to be au naturel, it's your call. Unattractive is a relative term; society has all kinds of values and ideals regarding what is beautiful and what is not. It is also a very subjective term--ask 100 people what they consider to be attractive or unattractive, and you are likely to get 100 different answers. Decide what you like, and then rock that look with no apologies. If your partner prefers for you to look another way, you can negotiate that with them, but you are the one who will be dealing with the maintenance, cost, and pain associated with some types of hair removal. Ultimately, it is your choice.




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