Thursday, June 30, 2011

Pervy Picspiration


Emmy wants your words. (amongst other things...) Every week Emmy will post a pic or 2 - containing phwoarrrr-worthy blokes from across the seas, some hunks from closer to home and sometimes some dangerously delish knickers and lingerie. What do we want from you in return? Well...... We want you to be inspired by these pics and to leave Emmy a delish drabble or longer story inspired by the pic(s).

Leave your story offering in the comments section and, if you want to, post it to your FF account (pm the link to Emmy at mentioning the PPSS, by the following Wednesday. Each Friday Emmy will reveal her fave (entirely personal & subjective opinions belonging to Emmy) and at the same time post the next pervy picspiration for your pleasure. Non-Canon writers don’t despair - Emmy might be tragically WussPerv©, but there are plenty of equal opportunity pervs in the pack longing to read those if Emmy turp’s out.

Emmy is DYING to see what dirty delights you are going to come up with...

*Please make sure your story offering is in line with our mission statement

Last week we embraced technology

A brand new author joined our ranks this week! You know how much I love that....

In Technology is a Wonderful Thing Bella is the sexy and frustrated wife of a certain businessman away on his work travels... Whatever will she do to resolve this situation? And who is her husband? Read Gredelina1’s smutty one-shot of fun to find out!

And do remember we are now linking with TwiFicPics for a monthly pervtastic banner competition! Read more about it here Pervy Banner TwiFicPics Competition

The new competition is on the go NOW have a look here

So please remember to go show Gredelina1 lots of love and welcome her to our fold. Reviews make stories get written!

This week? Yes I know smoking is very bad. Very very bad. But sometimes it can be sexy, or edgy, or provide something that might disgust us, even if that person is very very hot. Perhaps naughty is good? Give me smoking hot writing! However you want!!!

Write me anything - be it Slash, FemmeSlash, AU or AH, canon or even OOC... Perhaps one of the pics inspires you to write a new chapter in a work-in-progress, or try something new. Be it a drabble, be it a one-shot or be it a WIP, just write for me. Make it sexy, make it sweet and tender, make it sensuous, erotic or downright naughty. Your call. Just let the inspiration take you - be you a BNA or an innocent virgin, wanting your Pervy Picspiration cherry popped for fun. Write whatever the pics inspire in you.....

I’m waiting.........

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy


Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!


The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

RE: Post-coital glow and guys being able to tell when their girl has an orgasm. During my first pregnancy, I took up kegel exercises. Now, having had two kids (which does some serious damage to your girly bits) I've personally noticed a difference in overall 'tightness' and the hubs has mentioned that when I cum, he can feel the muscles clamp down harder. I've also noticed a difference in the power of my orgasm, depending on how 'worked up' I am. It can be a small short burst, or long hard and drawn out. I definitely subscribe to the answer that everyone is different, so no one should feel weird if their partner can't feel their orgasm. If your guy is paying enough attention, I think most women have a 'tell' (I know that I personally tend to get much more *ahem* verbal, when I am close.) Just gotta add that I love love love this little 'advice column'. There are so many women who are too embarassed to speak up and ask the tough questions, and having this extra source seems to be helping people get some much needed answers! :)

Once again, I love it when readers leave follow up or suggestions for one another. It's the best way to get plenty of feedback. Thank you for sharing. Ladies, DO YOUR KEGELS. Trust. So. Worth. It.

This isn't so much a question as a help for the girl with the missing period (sounds like a Scooby-Doo episode to me, actually). I had the same problem last year. I got my period in January, but didn't get it February, March OR April. I honestly didn't think much of it after Feb, because I'd never been too regular before then, and then I had so much school work and scholarship/college stuff to do that I honestly didn't realize that I didn't get it in March. After April, however, I noticed I was still Flo free, and it was worrying me, because I knew that was not normal (same as the girl in question, I was a virgin--still am--so pregnancy wasn't a viable option), so I called my gyno, and she ran some tests, and found out that my ovaries weren't producing progesterone like the should be. She ordered an ultrasound for me, and I found out a had a large cyst on my right ovary (she compared the sizes as the egg-sized cyst to the walnut-sized ovary, which freaked me out to no end) as the likely culprit. She thought I may have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), so she put me on birth control as a way to regulate my hormones and force the progesterone to formulate, in hopes that my cyst would dissipate on its own. I'm glad to say that, since then, I am cyst free and getting my monthly visit from Aunt Flo (the sneaky harlot) as I should be! I'm not on BC anymore, but I haven't had any problems with my lady bits since then. This girl should talk to her gyno about the missing Flo, and ask about getting some birth control to regulate her hormones. It worked for me!

You know, I hadn't considered PCOS, because it doesn't tend to come on all at once like that, but you offer up some really great advice; thank you for sharing your personal experience!

I also have to add that you had me gigglesnorting over Scooby Doo mysteries and the Sneaky Harlot Aunt Flo. Laughter is such good stuff. Thank you for that. It's just another sign that I have the best readers in the world. And the funniest.

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, and we have decided on waiting until marriage for sex. However we still have sexual urges and I have been wanting to give him a 'blow job' for a while now. I'm just way to nervous to actually do it, I'm so worried I wont do it right... Is there any hints and tips you could give me so i can calm my nerves and satisfy my man?

You've come to the right place, bb. I have some very specific help for you, which is referenced below. However, I want to emphasize that when it comes to sex, our brains can be our own worst enemy. If you worry about doing something wrong, there's a good chance that you will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Before you try anything new, be gentle to yourself. We aren't born with a road map of how to have great sex; it's something we learn along the way, through experience, as is much of what happens in life. Allow yourself the leeway to make mistakes, because you'll learn from them. Communicate with your boyfriend, and ask him to give you advice on what went well and what did not. Don't let your feelings get hurt--remember, this is all about getting better at something. Kind of like riding a bike--it simply takes practice.

Back in December, my fellow Pervs helped me out with all their tips for giving a great beej. How do you give a mind-blowing blowjob? The answers are all right there, I assure you. Study up and enjoy.

Dear Naughty Nurse, my boyfriend asks for a bj now and again, and we have always used a condom. But, recently, he has asked that we try it without. Does spunk really have a specific taste, becuse I just dont want to be suprised and gag while he is still in my mouth.

All right, I’m going to be completely honest with you, and I want you to understand that this is coming from my perspective and my own personal opinion.

Spunk does have a specific taste, and it isn’t like nectar of the gods. Every guy’s spunk has a different taste. It’s always kind of bitter and salty, but it’s not something that most women would drink as a beverage on a daily basis. Some women truly love it, but they are in the minority.

That being said, I’m a swallower, and I always have been. For me, it has nothing to do with the taste, and everything to do with the guy. It’s a sign of how much I care--like the sexual version of “when you care enough to send the very best.” It’s my way of telling a guy how much he means to me. It’s a huge gesture, and every guy I’ve been with is touched when I do swallow. My trick is that I just swallow it down as quickly as possible, and then it’s over. You can even ask your boyfriend to finish in the back of your mouth, so it’s easier to swallow without tasting it.

Now, just because I do it, that doesn’t mean it’s the norm, and that I think everyone should do it. You have to make the choice that’s best for you. If you simply cannot stomach the idea, then it’s better not to try. In my opinion, it’s worse to try swallowing and then gag/throw up than it is to not swallow in the first place.

Here’s a good way to test out whether or not you want to try swallowing--try a condom-free beej, but ask him to come somewhere else, like on your stomach, or into a washcloth. When he does, take a small sample taste. If that’s enough to make you gag/throw up, then swallowing probably isn’t your calling in life. If you can handle it, then you can probably handle swallowing.

I will end with the caveat that I’m assuming you’ve both been tested for all the STIs, and that you’re both clean. Remember that you can get chlamydia, gonorrhea, HPV, and herpes from unprotected oral sex. If you haven’t been tested, please do so before you try things out without a condom. It will make Naughty Nurse Kimpy sleep more soundly at night. Thank you.

I just wanted to ask about the normal, healthy appearance of a female nipple. I asked this because I noticed that around my nipple on my areola, there are tiny projections that also gets hard whenever I'm cold. I think it's harmless enough because there aren't any secretions. From (some) porn that I've managed to find, I think the areola is supposed to be a smooth area. Can you help me? Thank you!

When fanfiction or porn cause women to question whether or not they're normal, or even okay, it makes Naughty Nurse Kimpy want to go just a little bit rageball. There is a HUGE range of what is considered normal, and it kills me that you would even question whether or not you're okay based upon the things you've seen and read. There is an incredible website devoted to showing non-sexualized images of real women's breasts. Please take a moment to review this website, because it is very reassuring that you are absolutely, positively normal.

For the record, when nipples and areolae are exposed to cold, or when they react to touch, nipples harden, and small bumps arise on the surface of the areolae. It's like the breast's version of goosebumps. It's the skin's natural reaction to stimulation. So the fact that you have the exact same reaction just tells me that you are absolutely, positively, 100% with the range of normal limits. Welcome to the club, baby!

Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Talk Nerdy To Me: Nerdgirl Lingerie

A periodic taste of geeky goodness from our resident GeekPerv©, Trin.

Who doesn’t like to feel sexy in some pretty underwear or a hot get-up? Here are a few options if you want to show your geekiness...or just reward your favorite naughty nerd.

This will certainly make him the Man of Steel.

You will feel like you can rule the world when you have Batgirl and Wonder Woman on all day.

Does your special someone always have their iPhone in hand? Take advantage of how deft those fingers are now.

This is the perfect mix of sweet and retro and oh so sexy.

This is the equivalent to shining the Bat signal in the sky when you put on this cincher.

Your chemistry geeks will love this’s the molecular makeup for estrogen.

Om nom there really anymore to say than that?

Just remember whatever you choose to wear (or not to wear) it doesn’t really matter because you are amazing and beautiful and that is all you need to show off how sexy you are.

The Lemon Report 6/28/11

The Lemon Report - Fancy finding out what is on the FF bookshelves of the Pervy Girls of the PPSS? The lemon report lets you know our personal favourite updates of the week, and why you should give the fic a try.... It’s a great place to trawl for new recc’s and don’t forget to share your favourite update with us by leaving us a comment.

In some cases, the Lemon Report may contain spoilers. Please read with caution.

Acronym Guide
AU - Alternate Universe
AH - All Human
WIP - Work in Progress
O/S - One Shot
OOC - Out of Character
WP - Wussperv
Slash/Femslash - Features homosexual characters and romance.


Teal - It’s been a while since I’ve come across an all around GREAT story from an author who I’ve never read before. I was pleasantly surprised by this fic, and spent the better part of 3 or 4 days devouring it. The sexual tension between Edward and Bella in this fic is unreal, and when they finally get down to it: FIREWORKS. But while there’s great lemons, there is so, so, so much more to this story than smut, and that is why I love it. Well rounded, unpredictable, and solid.

AH, O/S, Bella / Carlisle

Chele - What would you do if Carlisle was your older sister’s boyfriend? Bide your time, of course.
Okay, so perhaps Bella wasn’t to calculating, but I certainly would have been. This is a coming of age and Hot Dr. Carlisle love fest rolled into one.

Jen - I really love that while Carlisle is older than Bella, this isn’t the typical older C, younger B scenario. Totally sexy, with a nice progression of their relationship.


Jess - I’m not sure where I’ve been, but I finally got on board the Amishward buggy... and thank God in heaven I did because the UST and the bits of citrusy goodness so far have about killed me. This story is so well written, and I found myself completely lost in solostintwilight’s beautiful articulation of this story. Climb on board ladies (and gents), we just got the best chapter yet... and what a ride it was. Talk about a road trip the English way.

Jen - The cuteness of this fic makes up for the awful alligator wrasslin’ pix Annie Liebovitz took of Rob for Vanity Fair. The UST is like whipped cream on top.

Liz -AmishWard Lemons? Ohhh hell yes. With a wonderful twist on canon virginal Edward, solostintwilight gives us one of the sweetest, most earnest Edwards in recent memory. Toss in a strict Amish moral code, abused Bella fleeing Jake and Charlie, off the charts UST and a cross-country road trip, and you have the makings for some very intense sexual exploration.

Transformers AU, WIP, Sam/Bumblebee

Teal - Oh, how this little fic delights me! Sam is coming to terms with really enjoying this stalker-turned-boyfriend and still has no clue that said boyfriend is actually the pretty holo of his sexy Camaro, but that’s not stopping them from getting down. There’s just something so fun about secret, sneaky rendezvouses at school, and this one was is steaming hot (read the chapter - there’s a pun in there). Such a nice treat on the cusp of the latest movie premiere!

Chele - I may not recover from the beautiful smut of this update. I also found the arrival of Bee’s “dad” completely hilarious. Such a wicked blend of humor and hotness. Never has a lark, turned WIP made me so happy.

Jen - I don’t even know what to say. This is so yummy. Sam is adorable in his ‘well what the hell’ enthusiasm for Bee. I’m trying to decide if watching the Transformers would ruin my smutty fun or enhance it.

AH, O/S, Pegging, Ed/Leah

Jeanne - That’s right, it’s the fic that I have been waiting for. *crazed laughter* Edward and Leah are frenemies with benefits for a while, but now they are taking it to the next level. YES! The chemistry between these two is intense, their banter is hilarious and the sex is fucking hot. GOD, do I love how TuesdayMidnight writes them. She needs to write het more often, cause there is a sad shortage of hot pegging fic in the world, much less this fandom.

Jen - Pegging is never wrong friends, never. It’s delish here as TuesdayMidnight plays off the intrinsic feistyness of canon Leah with her ‘I love to hate him’ pal, Edward. Unf.

Liz - Is it any surprise how much I love this? I saw a porn star define ‘gay’ once. More or less, he said that a man enjoying receiving anal sex because it felt good doesn’t make you gay, but liking it because it’s a dick in your ass does. Edward sums it up beautifully - “Do gay men have a monopoly on the prostate that I don’t know about?” The fact that TuesdayMidnight gives a wonderfully sassy Leah the strap-on that sends Edward to pegging heaven makes it that much better.

Chele - This was so completely needed. “Filling holes” jokes aside, there is a distinct lack of well written fic with this kink, and I was thrilled when the pack started spreading this little gem around. Subtle power play without preamble or contract. Hedonistic, beautiful, perfect.

AH, O/S, E/B

Jen - Last week was one of those weeks where I really needed to read some ‘this could never happen in real life but omg it’s so cute and I love it’ fic. Anything But Mine was just what I needed, a lovely, fluffy fairytale.

AH, WIP, femmeslash, A/B

Jen - It’s hard to get alone time when you’re staying at the ‘rents. Alice, Bella and the two boys fix that by going camping for a night; Bella is sure to situate their tent far from their brothers’ tent so that they can freely *ahem* express themselves. And express themselves they do!

AU, O/S, Leah/Jacob

Emmy - I keep finding Jeanne little tit-bits of Leah/Jake fics.. This is a smutty and fluffy and naughty wee fic to give your evening a boost. I also LOVE how their wolfy strengths and skills come through in different ways. And how Leah’s dominant personality comes through without losing any of her femininity and sexuality.

Jeanne - This light, fun, naughty little smut fic is just kind of playful fluff that Jake/Leah fans need. Not that I mind the wonderful angsty fic, but god damn is it nice change of pace. Jake and Leah’s banter is in character and so fucking hot. Plus, you got to love a fic that really shows how shapeshifter strength can be used in the bedroom, if you know what I mean. UNF!

Jen - I loved this. Fun little read on a lazy Sunday. So glad Emmy came across it. Loved being a voyeur to Jake & Leah’s sexytimes.

Chele - This pairing makes me so happy in my pants. I thought the physicality was well-handled, and I truly cannot get enough hot Jacob/Leah smut. This both satiated me and made me want more.

Liz - The pairing that should have been canon. I love these two together so much. I can almost hear the giggling and moaning, and wish there was a place to download this sex tape. Here’s hoping Wolfasaurus feels compelled to write this pairing again.

Jess - Couldn’t agree with the girls more. Love these two together... especially their playful banter... all the little details in this were just amazing!

AH, Novella, Fluff/WP, E/B

Emmy - Part three of this delightful Novella was delicious. All I have to say is:
Coconut cake frosting and Edward Cullen. Need I say more?


Trin - I just like this Bella more and more with each chapter. I love that she is sexually confident but not in some sleazy sort of way. This last update had me falling even more in love with Edward the way he wears his (oh so sweet) heart on his sleeve. And there is a make out in here that gets handsey and it just..unf. The UST is delectable.

Jen - Loving this fic so much. UST was killer this chapter. I’m dying for Bella to realize what she is surely feeling!

Emmy- I am still adoring this story - loving all the increasing hints we are getting of Bella’s personality, heart and soul (including her potentially changing feelings for Ed?) and all her little quirks.

Liz - I love how smart these two are,and yet so totally oblivious of the other’s feelings, even when they are practically making out.

AH, WIP, Slash, Jasper/Garrett

Emmy - GAH. I LOVE Dellaterra’s writing so ruddy much. She is a wonderful crafter of words. This is from a sub strand of her picspirations thread that she has written in response to my Pervy Picspirations Feature this week. This strand of Pervy Picspirations Feature features Jasper and Garrett. Jasper is injured and has had some trouble coming to terms with his disfigurement and loss. Especially in relation to his relationship with Garrett. This linked O/S is delicious and heartfelt and oh-so-so beautiful. It makes me melt and tingle in all the right ways! Dellaterra also used my fave pic from the bunch for her inspiration. This story is amazing. I die.

Jen - I jump up and down whenever Dellaterra’s name shows up in my alerts, and it’s especially a treat when she’s written some Garrett and Jasper, who originally appeared in her o/s Brailled

Liz - Plain and simple? I want more of this pairing from Dellaterra.

AU, O/S, Slash, Carlisle/Edward

Jen - I can’t say enough about FarDareisMai2’s beautiful writing. This o/s explores the time Carlisle spent in Volterra. This tweak on the canon view of a vampire’s human singer is filled with lots of longing, an intense sexual connection, and deep sorrow paired with the faintest bit of hope.

Emmy - This killed me when it was an entry into the CarlWard contest and it kills me even more now. Tip-top writing and beautiful emotions. A very different side to Carlisle and canon.....

AH, WIP, Emmett/Rose

Jen - Shop Woman was originally a o/s for the Curvaceous & Bodacious contest. Rose is the gorgeous, curvy proprietress of a high-end lingerie store. Emmett meets her when he’s shopping for a gift for his current girlfriend and boy, do the sparks fly. Lots of yummy smut as things have progressed, and in chapter 4 Em and Rose are really flying high... mile high club, anyone?


Jen - I’ve really enjoyed The Caged Bird Sings for its mix of the super angsty and the sweet, sweet love of a newly blooming relationship. Isabella has been set free of her cage, and it’s so sexy to see her come into her own while reveling in the purity of the love she and Edward share.

AH, OS, Slash E/J

Emmy - This is a super quick slashy read about musician Jasper and roadie Edward and how much lust can bubble up over a tour.. Read how they resolve all that tension on the last night of the tour...


Emmy - Recent stress related insomnia has been atrocious for my piece of mind. But superb for my reading! One particularly stressed night recently I reread this. It was an absolute treat to reread. Edward with Masen is beyond adorable, and reading Edward and Bella try and find their way back to one-another after so much distance, and so many secrets and lies, is such an absorbing read. You know they should get back together but its never easy is it? A great read (or reread) when you need a boost.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Turn Me On: The Measure of a Man by PolkaDotMama


We want to know what turns you on, ladies! Which fics are rocking your world and are must reads for us Pervs? We want you to tell us what you like, what turns you on about this fic. Let’s talk about it over a glass of wine and get everyone reading it.

Title: The Measure of A Man
Author: PolkaDotMama
Status: Complete
Chapters: 1
Word Count: 9649
Summary: Jasper is drawn in by a small tease of skin that keeps his interest in a man he'd normally dismiss outright. Will it keep his interest long enough to get him past his personal bias? OOC, AH, M - SBS contest entry.

Guest Perv: Arcadian Maggie - The Measure of a Man is right up there on my list of favorite one shots. It’s one of those re-readable stories for me, the kind you can go back to time and time again and enjoy just as much the fifth read through as the first. It’s an Edward/Jasper story, and at the time it was written, the Edward was one that had rarely, if ever, been seen in the fandom before—in one character’s words, “a huge nelly queen.” He’s flamboyant and theatrical; he draws attention, and he dresses in drag.

They meet when closeted-at-work Jasper has a business dinner with colleagues at the Geisha house. Part of the way through the meal he realizes Momo, one of the geishas who performs the tea ceremony, is actually a man. He finds himself fascinated by her and by the sliver of skin at the hairline left intentionally bare of makeup.

Momo's voice was light and airy with a shyness about it. Most of the men that I knew that dressed in drag were always given away by their voices, but not her. Her voice showed not a hint of masculinity.

When Momo turned to speak with Hale, I saw the most alluring bit of naked skin at the base of her neck in the shape of a W. The points reached her upper back where her ornate, red kimono was purposefully arranged to reveal this most erotic area. I wanted to reach out and caress it, but I resisted.

PolkaDotMama makes her sound so enticing, even I wanted to kiss her neck! At the end of the meal, Jasper meets the man under the makeup, and Edward gives him his card, asking him out for drinks.

It takes a while for Jasper to contact him, and even longer for their physical relationship to develop while Jasper struggles with his attraction to a man who is far from his usual “type.”

What I adore about this story, aside from the always beautifully written sensuous and erotic love scenes, is PolkaDotMama’s insightful examination of our ideas about masculinity. As a culture, we’ve broadened our ideas of what it means to be feminine considerably; it’s past time we did the same for the men.

Jasper’s brother Peter puts it best:

"Edward is a man whether he's a leather daddy or dresses in drag. He has a dick and balls and an ass that you apparently enjoyed fucking, so knock it off. Do not take his man card away from him because he's swishy from time to time, okay?"

I was silent, taking in everything my wise brother said.

Very softly, he continued. "You're both gay men. Men! You certainly wouldn't like it if you were outright dismissed because you were too masculine. Why are you discriminating?"

Even with his discomfort, Jasper never once asks or expects Edward to change. He recognizes his issues are his own and works to overcome them. And as Jasper learns to accept Edward, he grows to accept himself as well. You’ll love reading about their anniversary and how Jasper handles his boorish co-worker at an office party.

And you’ll fall in love with Momo too.

Jen - If you read slash, then chances are you’ve read at least some of PolkaDotMama’s work. The Measure of a Man is my very favorite o/s of hers (she doesn’t make it easy to choose!), and each time I’ve re-read it I discover new things.

The Measure of a Man is the story of two men who are 100% comfortable with who they are. Jasper’s view of himself is challenged when he finds himself attracted to Edward, a man more feminine than any other man Jasper had ever been attracted to. Jasper is open to exploring his attraction to Edward, even while he puzzles over it. He is not only attracted to Edward, but also to Edward when he’s in his Momo persona.

As their relationship progresses, Edward seems to sense Jasper’s uneasiness, but never pushes, or gets defensive. The reader does not know if they’ve ever discussed it; I tend to think not. Edward’s gentle nature allows Jasper to work through it on his own.

Like Jasper, I didn’t know what to make of a somewhat effeminate Edward at first. And like Edward with Jasper, PolkaDotMama gentles the reader into accepting and loving Edward just the way he is. Because so much about Jasper’s attraction to Edward is different than what he usually experiences, their relationship also unfolds in a way that is different from the way that Jasper normally operates.

The pacing is just right, and together with the time period that the o/s covers, their relationship grows naturally and realistically. Jasper’s phone calls to his brother, Peter, always stand out when I read The Measure of a Man because of the way they form such a parallel to what Jasper feels about Edward. The calls give the story a wonderful structure, marking Jasper’s uncertainty and then acceptance about his feelings for Edward.

I’m amazed at how PolkaDotMama gets me to visualize something so clearly that I feel as though I’m looking at a painting or seeing something right before my eyes. Whether she’s describing Momo’s kimono, Jasper’s phone calls to his brother, or that highly erotocised sliver of Momo’s neck, the descriptions are incredibly beautiful.

I was giving him exactly what he wanted. And he was unwittingly giving me precisely what I wanted.

That unspoiled section at the nape of his neck.


So beautiful.

I reached for it, tracing the W that had been there the night that we met. He turned around and met my eye, knowing exactly what I was doing. He smirked before he turned back.

It was the first time I'd touched that spot.

I'd dreamed of this moment since that first night, but finally, I was brushing my thumb over his perfect skin.

I’m finding it hard to put into words how much I love this fic. From the start Jasper speaks of Edward with such reverence; it just makes my heart expand. PolkaDotMama puts me right into Jasper’s head where I can see just how erotic everything about them as a couple is.

She sat up and turned, kneeling in front of me to reveal the W on her neck and upper back.

It was exquisite. Her pale skin looking tanned next to the white makeup. I kissed her naked flesh. It was pristine.

Momo lifted her kimono as I lavished her neck with attention, and as she moved to all fours, the illusion was broken.

Edward was there with his beautiful ass and his gorgeous dick that I now had in my hands. He was all man, whether he dressed as Momo or not.

Besides falling in love and finding a partner in Edward, Jasper learns that he does not have to have such strong boundaries between his public and private selves. In accepting that he could love an effeminate man, I think Jasper came to realize that he could expose some of his private self. In reading The Measure of a Man, I not only enjoyed a lemony story, but expanded my notions of sexuality and eroticism.

Emmy - I cannot remember when I first read this story. But I do remember thinking when I first read it that it really stood out amongst the smutty lemony slashy one-shots out there. Not because it is not slashy or lemony or smutty. Because it is all three - very nicely and very unashamedly so. But because The Measure of a Man
explores most effectively, in my humble opinion, what it means to be masculine, feminine and sexual. It was certainly the first twi-fic that I had read that broached this.

This is not a forced feminisation fic. Nor a fic about a drag queen. It is instead about a man, Edward, who works as a geisha, likes to have a laugh, go out for dinner, go out to dance, drink, live, love and have sex with his boyfriend. His job as a geisha is just part of who he is. But it also reflects the fact that he is not a butch or “manly man”. He’s secure in his own skin, and is who he is, a man comfortable with his feminine side. But a man who is not looking to be treated like a lady. What is actually interesting to me is how secure and comfortable Edward is in his own skin. Yet Jasper the narrator, isn’t. He’s not able to be the ‘real’ Jasper - as he’s still in the closet to all his workmates. Work Jasper and Outside-of-Work Jasper are very different people. Whereas Edward is just Edward. Even if he plays a role in work. Jasper is playing a bigger role at his work.....

You might wonder how is this a sexy fic, particularly when some women read slashy fics purely for the delicious imagery of their imaginary favourite characters or their favourite actors getting it on. But I found this fic highly erotic. Jasper worships Edward in the bedroom. Never-ever-never have I found a body part so revered and made so sexy as the way Jasper describes the skin at the back of Edward’s neck, just under his hairline. Jasper is sensual and erotic with Edward through his tender exploration of touch. But wowser is their union intense and beautiful. Very, very sexy. Including some come-play as Jasper obsesses over certain body parts and Edward takes some control from the bottom and goes after what he wants.

This is a very easy fic to fall under the spell of. It has got a beautiful love story at its centre, wrapped in fervent and powerful loving. Its a delight to read. Edward’s flamboyance and touches of femininity are just part of who he is, but they open Jasper's eyes to so much more.

Jess - Appearances can be, and often are, deceiving. This was the situation Jasper Whitlock found himself in when he was out with colleagues after a long day of meetings. After being served tea, Jasper realized that the geishas everyone assumed to be women... were actually men.

Momo - aka Edward - is an effeminate man who moonlights as a geisha to help pay off college loans. Every gesture, flick of his wrist, shift or movement while dressed as Momo screams woman... and yet, the fact that Edward is a man rocks Jasper’s carefully built world.

Jasper had always been into “butch” men, as he so aptly calls the bulky, very “masculine” sports types he’s dated in the past. But as Edward becomes a fixture in his life, Jasper has to wrestle with what really defines “masculinity” or “manliness.” This issue is the heart of this very beautifully written one-shot.

As a reader, I found myself struggling alongside Jasper at this characterization of Edward. I think I often equate him to being macho or dominant in some way, but this Edward blew me aware. He was a walking dichotomy of effeminate behavior and man. How does someone like Jasper wrap his mind around behaviors - extended pinky finger, high pitched laugh, exuberant and flamboyant dancing, bikini underwear, skin tight jeans - he has never equated with someone he would date.

I absolutely love how Polkadotmama makes us feel all of Jasper’s struggles. Like I said, I was confused by my own feelings about Edward, and yet I found myself longing for Jasper to just get over it.

And slowly, he does. A heavy-hitting conversation with his brother, Peter, forces him to really examine his own discriminatory behavior. He accuses Jasper of projecting his own insecurities about what it means to be male onto Edward... effectively taking his man card because he’s “swishy” sometimes.

“He was a man, and I needed to stop comparing him to a women even if that's how I initially met him.”

What’s more beautiful, though, the very things that had put doubt in Jasper’s mind are the things he comes to love most about Edward. Just as they were for me.

Liz - It’s hard for me to put my finger on what I love most about The Measure of a Man. I love well written, emotive slash, of course, but there’s more here for me. I love the idea that we can all find fulfillment if we spend less time worrying about pursuing our ‘type’ and more time appreciating beauty and affection where it presents itself.

Gay Jasper sees the bare skin of a geisha’s neck and is intrigued after he discovers Momo is actually Edward. Going against his usual butch ‘type’ and instead pursuing his uncharacteristic attraction for effeminate Edward, he discovers that love and passion are less about the packaging and more about the soul within, and about being who you are. Jasper comes to love all that Edward is, beyond the stereotypical definitions of masculinity, and even beyond the stereotypical definitions of homosexual attraction. If a gay man is sexually aroused by another man’s female persona, what does that mean?

The intimacy between these two is very real-feeling, and written without the usual over-the-top lemontasticness we find in a lot of slash. Instead, PolkaDotMama gives us the tenderness and care you would expect from first-time lovers with more between them than an interest in a hot fuck.

Watching the entire time, I trailed a finger down his chest, circling his pale pink nipples until they responded to my touch. His eyes fluttered shut, and I smiled at the delicate movement. Trying to avoid where he was ticklish, I traced his lightly muscled abdomen, thumbing over his belly button. As I moved lower, his stomach quivered so I moved quicker until my fingers hit the neatly trimmed nest above his cock.

...He was absolutely beautiful.

I love that PolkaDotMama gives us characters that feel real, instead of just smutty cardboard cutouts with familiar names. As absurd as it may feel to read about Geisha Momo/Edward and closeted, uptight Jasper, I came away with a smile and renewed appreciation for taking love where you find it.

Interested in being a Turn Me On guest reviewer for the Perv Pack's Smut Shack? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of TURN ME ON.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Pervy Picspiration Banner Edition

The Pervs have teamed up with the ladies of TwiFicPics to create a special Pervy Picspiration challenge for all the talented graphic artists out there. We are asking for you to use the images from the latest group of Pervy Picspirations to make a banner for an as yet unwritten fan fic. That’s right, make the banner for a fic that doesn’t exist.

Below you will find all the Pervy Picspiration pictures for the last four weeks. Use a few and or all of these images to make a banner (you can use other images too, but you must use at least two of these picspiration images in the banner for it to qualify for the challenge).

Email your banner to by Thursday, June 30 at 5pm PST.
The winning banner will be posted on The Perv Pack’s Smut Shack, next Saturday. This Challenge is ANONYMOUS so no pimping your banner for votes. Details are listed below the smutty pictures or if you have any questions feel free to email

Now without further ado Bring on the Pervy Picspiration!

Click here to download a zip file of high quality versions of all the images.

Details of the Pervy Picspiration: Banner Edition

How does it work?
TwiFicPics hosts a weekly challenge for graphic artists to test and expand their skills. Every fourth challenge, The Perv Pack and TwiFicPics are teaming up to bring a special challenge – Pervy Picspiration: Banner Edition.

The Challenge:
Artists will have six days to pick from four weeks of Pervy Picspiration pictures on PPSS to create a banner for the graphics challenge. Once artists are finished with the banner, they will email it to From there, the contest moderators will post it on anonymously.

Once the time period for submissions closes, a public vote will be posted and the winning banner will be featured on The Perv Pack’s Smut Shack’s blog. What’s more, the artist’s can add their banners to a special forum so that authors can come in, check them out, and adopt them for their story if they wish.

Artists can only create one banner entry for the contest.

Challenge entries must be anonymous.

All posting will be handled by the contest moderators. Please email your entry to, along with the penname you wish to display next to your banner when the artists are revealed.

This is supposed to be fun! So have some.

Important Dates:

  • Submissions Open: Saturday, June 25
  • Submissions Close: Thursday, June 30 at 4pm PST
  • Voting Open: Thursday, June 30 at 5pm PST
  • Voting Closed: Friday, July 1 at 5pm PST
  • Winner Announced: Saturday, July 2

Where do I go?
To check out previous challenges, head over to the challenges section of TwiFicPics

Why should I even do this?
To have fun, and get a chance to improve your skills and practice new ones, we’d also like to give you some incentive for participation. If your banner wins, it will be featured on PPSS where it may catch the eye of a talented author who will write a fic for it. Also, every entrant will receive one point for entering. The first place banner winner will get five points, four for second place, and three for third. At the end of twelve weeks of TwiFicPics challenges, the top scorer will receive a prize.

What if I don’t win?
Don’t give up. There’s always next time. We will be running this challenge at least once a month.

Who can I contact if I have questions?
Feel free to contact with any questions.