Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Lemon Report 1/31/2012

The Lemon Report - Fancy finding out what is on the FF bookshelves of the Pervy Girls of the PPSS? The lemon report lets you know our personal favourite updates of the week, and why you should give the fic a try.... It’s a great place to trawl for new recc’s and don’t forget to share your favourite update with us by leaving us a comment.

In some cases, the Lemon Report may contain spoilers. Please read with caution.

Acronym Guide
AU - Alternate Universe
AH - All Human
WIP - Work in Progress
O/S - One Shot
OOC - Out of Character
WP - Wussperv
Slash/Femslash - Features homosexual characters and romance.


Jess - This story started out as a Twi-kink entry and has slowly worked its way in my heart. Bella discovers that Edward has cheated on her with her best friend. What follows is a lot of heartfail -- and we’re still in it -- and I’m not gonna lie, it hurts. This chapter... I’m all sorts of torn up over it as it involves other a little baby fling and experimentation... my heart. SO good. Go read!!

AH, WIP, Jasper/Riley, Slash

Jen - *flails* I love this story. I love Riley. I love Jasper. I love stephk0525.

Jeanne - WNIQNEBALFIBAIHDBFHABDABGKDBOWUBIBVBDJBG!!!!!! *THUD* [Jeanne can’t leave a review at this moment due to the fact that she overdosed on awesome. Please leave more sexy Riley/Jasper slash after the beep. BEEP!]

Emmy - As a clueless Brit I have to say that the American sport stuff goes over my head. But I love this Riley. (I LOVE Riley fullstop!). So even if you have no clues about Sport. Do give this one a bash - yummy slashy!

Posy - Oh yes! I totally agree with you ladies on this one. I love Riley, but Jasper is yummalicious. I love how perfect Riley thinks he is. It’s so sweet. This most recent chapter was super hot, but I’m loving the tension created at the end of the chapter. I can’t wait to see where this one goes!

Jess - NGL, I flailed when I saw this update in mah box. LOVE Jasper and Riley... gah! NEED MORE NOW!


Jen - Hot angry sex is hot. I hope it’ll be followed up with sweet make up sex soon!

AH, WIP, E/Garrett, Slash

Jen - So glad these boys are back! They aren’t able to play while Esme and Grandma are visiting, but I’m sure you can figure out what they did as soon as the visitors were on their way home. Loved it.

Emmy - HOW CHUFFED WAS I TO SEE AN UPDATE OF THIS?!!! (the clue is in the shouty caps!) Yep. Verrrrrrah!

Nico - I was so excited to see this update not once but twice! Nothing relieves post-parental visit stress like some good old fashioned sexin! I am so excited for the next update, I feel like I have been waiting for it since I started reading. :)


Jen - Definitely plenty of heartichoke hanging around these two. Fortunately what is always present as well is their deep need and love for one another.

Emmy - I always brace myself to snotsob when this updates. Tough but pivotal chapter this one, I kind of went OH OF COURSE!!! When this chapter occurred. And then thought how very clever aWhiteBlankPage is. Or I am very stupid. But I got with her being very clever instead! ;)

Corie- I was completely blown away this chapter like Emmy I thought it was clever and so heartbreaking. But also such a fantastic full circle moment. The love between this Edward and Bella is transcendent.

AH, O/S, E/J, Slash

Jen - How the hell did I miss this Twikinkfest entry? I’m so glad I found the alert for Hot Leather, buried deep in my fic inbox. Just like it says in the title: HOT!

Emmy - Jen, I have NO idea how you missed it! ;) LOL But yes yummy fun.

Posy - Oh yes! Hot and yummy in an alley. Can you get better?

Corie- I may need to reread *clears throat*

Jess - This. x 10000000.

AU, WIP, Seth/Riley, Slash

Jen - I’m completely in love with this fic already. Though the AU aspects haven’t revealed themselves yet, I love the pairing and can’t wait to see how the wolves & vamps come into play. Right now it’s just two sweet boys and their first m/m explorations. Yum.

Emmy - I love Riley (not as much as Edward’s, but a lot!) So I love this fic. Plus Riley and Seth are super cute!

Posy - I need to start from the top but chapter four most certainly had some hotness! :D

RPF, SLASH, 3-Parts, Complete, Bradley/Colin aka Brolin

Emmy - Ok. Time to brace yourself folkies. I am reccing a Real Persons Fic. :) Yep run and take cover. As I am about to unleash on you the yummiest slashy pairing known to man. I have gone a bit overboard of reading them of late - what with their theatre dates visits and NTA’s mutual sexhair appearance. Even before all this goodness and imagination inflaming yummyness, I was a teensy widsy tad bit obsessed with them. They are just so pretty and in love. Anyways. This was one of my many fave fics I have read of them. Gah slight angst and uncertainty. Fears and worries AND its set around THE RL road trip of joy and wonder. SO its instantly a winner in my book! Colin is quite complex and Bradders is more than a one dimensional puppy. He’s very curious. So yes, read this. Its slashy and wonderful and made me flaily.
PS: Here are PART 2 and PART 3 You WILL want them....

Posy -Oh yes! I’m not new to RPF, but it always frightens me a bit. It’s bold to write about real live people who could come litigate your ass. Totally worth it in this case. I must, MUST read parts 2 & 3 tonight before I finally fall asleep.


Nico - Once I started reading I couldn’t put it down, Edward is confident but sweet, Bella is cold but caring, put them together and umf it’s just, yes more please. :)

Emmy - Bizarrely (& coincidentally!) I have just started reading this. REALLY liking thus far! :)

Corie- I love the dynamic between these characters the energy of this fic is so charged and always leaves me wanting for more!

AH, WIP (Drabblish), HS, E/B

Emmy - Want some cute slightly nerdyWard sexy times? Yep? Well read this then.

AU, O/S, Angsty, SLASH, Carlisle/Edward

Emmy - Ahoy there heartichoke!! A cold, hard, shattered heart of a story, with a tiny smidgeon of potential hope at the end? Or is that the WussPerv(TM) in me looking for something that’s just not there.....? Regardless this fic is terribly well written. A real heart grabber. Edward is just a darling, and gosh do I feel for him. Bless his wee cotton socks. Hard and heartbreaking lemons.


Emmy - Love these sweet slashy, experimental boys. This Edward is adorable. Too cute together.

Jen - Home theater + boys home alone = slashy good times. The rest of the chapter plays out adorably when Edward’s mom and dad do get home. Jasper’s a good boy.

Posy - These boys are just so dang cute together. I do love me the innocence of these two not to mention how responsive they are. ;)

Jess - I have loved these boys something fierce from chapter 1. Every update KILLs me with awesome.


Emmy - This is a very unique, and very well done VAMPIRE fic. Its set in a different time or place, but all your favourite vampires, or the ones you love to hate are featured, with some of the supporting cast carrying more interesting roles here in elusivetwilight’s world. This most recent chapter is quite seminal, as it took us right back to the beginning of their story, and their love that fires the rest of the story, and particularly Bella’s drive and fire to reunite. Gah. A beautiful chapter. The last chapter really elevated this fic for me. Really well done.

Nico - I completely agree with Emmy! I love this fic and am always so excited to see an update. That reintroduction to each other caught me and I have been enchanted since. Each chapter has been written for a different Charity so there are pauses between updates but that just makes it that much more exciting when it does.


Corie- I am so excited to see where this brand new story takes us about betrayal and starting a relationship based on hate and lies. Edward is betrayed by the woman he has loved for years and his best friend and decides to turn things around by stealing the best friend’s new girl months later. The only catch is it looks as though he’s really falling for her. Can they survive a relationship built on deceit? Really gut wrenching lemon so far of Edward watching his world crumble.

Jess - This may kill me, but I’m completely intrigued!!!

WIP, AU, Leah/Nahuel

Corie- I have a confession. I was a pack virgin. I had never read a fic based off the wolf pack and when I saw the girls mention this story I was intrigued to say the least. I love the idea of canon Leah getting her happy ever after. I think it was something I missed from the original story. This is an amazing dose of that. The characters are very true to the story and also she really enriches them. I am on pins and needles to see how it all plays out. The heat and tension that is written between a wolf and imprint is mindblowing. Nahuel is pure sex in moments and in others the sweetest gentleman. This fic is a gateway drug; I have to say I am for sure going to be looking for more Leah stories!

Chele - Just caught up in reading this story. I love that Leah’s personality remains so true to her character even as certain painful wounds begin to heal. It doesn’t change who she is, but allows her to grow, and it’s fabulous.


Corie- This is my run to fic of the moment and the last update we got CITRUS! One of the most endearing HS stories around and the fantastic part is we are being told this love story through a series of flashbacks so we get some wonderfully sweet moments in their present time. Bella is original and quirky, Edward is sweet and slightly sad. I can’t say enough about this story or the author. Just great storytelling.

Merlin fandom, Complete, Merlin/Arthur, Modern AU w/ Magic

Chele - This story really turned me on to modern Merlic fic. The chemistry between Arthur and Merlin is intense, and reminded me of the connection between Jasper and Edward in Mergers and Acquisitions. If you liked that story you will LOVE this one.
The writing is tight, and not a word is wasted in this tale which I raced through in a day. It has a bit of a sci-fi vibe with the way that people with magic are being registered and controlled and treated as a subset of society, but it’s the love and passion that will suck you in and keep you reading en rapt till the end.

Posy - It’s been a bit since I read this one, but I loved it. I loved the intensity that the binding contract created, but even more so, how sweet and tender Arthur was. I was reminded a bit of some of the Harry Potter binding magic that has been written over the years along with some of that darkness. I also love the relationship between Merlin and Freya. This was one I read straight through, pushing meals off and avoiding sleep.

Emmy - Gah. This sounds right up my alley!!!! Wants to read NOW!!!!

AU, O/S, Leah/Rosalie, Femslash

Jeanne - I love a strong, outspoken bitch, and in this fic I get two for the price of one. UNF! Leah happens upon Rose in a moment of anger and grief, the connection and subsequent relationship that ensues is mesmerizing and heartwarming. These two make so much sense together that it breaks my heart that there isn’t more fic for them, or more chapters for this fic. *coughs and side eyes sweetandsaltyff*

AU, O/S, Leah/Rosalie, Femslash

Jeanne - No, you’re not seeing double this is another and totally different Leah/Rose femslash fic. This is awesome one shot if jam-packed with snark and sassiness. Here the claws come out and oh my fucking god is it hilarious to watch these two go at each other. Don’t worry, HoochieMomma doesn’t skimp on the sex. She even gives us another little surprise at the end. This is a must read for all femslash fans, and anyone who loves mouthy women with attitude.

AH, WIP, Carlisle / Edward / Bella, Slash, Threesomes, OOC,

Jeanne - Where the hell have I been? I just found this fic and have been frantically trying to catch up with it. That’s right, I’m still behind so no spoilers or I may have to kill you. *gives Jen a meaningful glare* Anyway, you all know I’m a whore for threesomes, but I also have a soft (moist) spot for Professor Cullen. NO! Not Edward, CARLISLE! SWOON! This fic is addictive, these characters have depth, intelligence and wit that knocks me off my feet. Not to mention the fantastic sex. Edward had my pants around my ankles the moment he opened his pretty fucking mouth. UNF!

Jen - OMG read faster, woman! I’m good at keeping spoilers, though, I promise. I will say that I’m aching for another chapter of this hotness. These are three fascinating people.

AH, WIP, Alice/Jasper

Jeanne - Someone call the paramedics, I’m reading canon pairing fic! I know, shut up already. I’m sure I’m not alone with my general meh feelings about this pairing, however I love NinaQ’s writing style so I gave this new fic a try. Holy Balls am I glad I did. This Jasper has me swooning and this Alice has won my fucking heart. These two are spellbinding to watch and down right sinful when they finally get it on. UNF! I’m catching up with this one too, but I’m taking my time, savoring it. *contented sigh*

Jen - Jeanne shared a quote from Simple Mistakes one morning last week and I proceeded to read all of the posted chapters before I even got out of bed for the day. That’s definitely a first for an Alice/Jasper fic. They have such amazing chemistry.

AH, WIP (reposting to new account), Bella Jasper Edward, No Slash

Jeanne - When plummy started reposting this story on her new account I decided it was time for a reread and I am so glad I did. I forgot how much I love this story and these characters. They are so full, and the story is so detailed. It’s like you’re walking into a whole different world, one that you never want to leave. *happy sigh*

Chele - Reading this story again is like having a friend back. That friend that makes you feel crazy excited, and like anything is possible. Remains some of the best, most intense emotions I’ve ever read, and absolutely amazing erotic moments. The type of sex that both turns you on and tells you things about the characters you would never have learned otherwise.
Neverending Math Equation is amazing, and I love it to an indescribable degree.

Corie- Once again these beautiful ladies made me brave and I decided to venture out of my E/B bubble and HOLY FUCKING HELL am I glad I did. This story is visually stunning and the characters are well developed. The sensuality is the biggest factor in this story there is so many layers and relationships that are being sorted out and some very intense love scenes that have left me breathless so far. This is my first read through and I am excited and exhilarated all the things that good fic does.

Jess - I’m not fully caught up, but I am IN love love love with this story. My heart is already all sorts of twisted. Pressing on...


Teal - Ohhhhh it’s sooooo sweet! I can’t even...GAH!! You just have to read and squee with me!

Jen - Oh, this Edward. He’s swoony just by the fact of his existence. But then he opens his mouth and says all the right things! All the things, ladies!

Jess - I almost feel like there’s nothing I could possibly say that would match the awesomeness of this story. I know I’m one for grandiose speech, but I can honestly say this is one of the best stories I’ve read. Edward and Rose are pure perfection... individually and together. So much UNF!


Teal - Though this story isn’t new, it’s new to me! While vampireisthenewblack is most often an AU writer, she’s exploring teenage romance and all its complications and confusion...through the eyes of gay young men. The writing is divine, and the excitement of firsts and discovery between these two keeps me clicking and eager for more!

Emmy - I adore this fic. But even with Jaspers tentative step in the last update I still get heart fail for these two. Esp heart-on-his-sleeve Edward!!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Turn Me On: Insatiable Desires 1-30-12

PhotobucketWe want to know what turns you on, ladies! Which fics are rocking your world and are must reads for us Pervs? We want you to tell us what you like, what turns you on about this fic. Let’s talk about it over a glass of wine and get everyone reading it.

For this installment of Turn me on, two pervs (Nico and Corie) team up with Guest Perv Elle to tempt you into reading a deliciously, dirty fic. Please note: This fic is about two hypersexual teenagers, and it is graphic. If the subject matter (or age of the characters) makes you uncomfortable feel free to not read. However, if you’re intrigued go ahead and read what our pervs have to say about this smutty fic, and if it turns you on, give it a try. We promise not to tell on you.

Title: Insatiable Desires
Author: Itzmegan73
Status: WIP
Chapters: 13
Summary: What happens when the paths of two highly intelligent hypersexuals cross?

I owe the discovery of this yummy smut from the campers at ADF. The author originally had all first 12 chapters posted on her blog and it’s a wonderful surprise that recently she added this story in her ffnet profile as well.

Insatiable Desire is basically a story about two teens who are hypersexual. Mr. Webster's definition of a "hypersexual" is "exhibiting unusual or excessive concern with or indulgence in sexual activity". Being that the story so far is only being told in Bella's POV, we're given the *cause* of her being hypersexual at the very beginning - back when she was barely a 12-yr old girl, *playing-around* with a 15-yr old boy (and *gasps* it IS NOT Edward!).

In the first chapter alone we are given then a brief sexual history of Bella (from having sex with a steady boyfriend, to a sex video scandal with multiple partners) that brings headache to Bella's single but a prominent psychiatrist mom, Renee. Renee then decided for Bella to have a one-on-one counseling session with a counselor (to try and *cure* her of this "hypersexual disorder."), that because of unfavorable circumstances became a group counseling session.

Here in this group counseling session did she *accidentally* seek out Edward. Why *accidentally* you may ask? That part of the story itself is so entertaining to read, and when she eventually found-out who this "Edward" is that she's supposed to be after? Well, let's just say it isn't who she (or even I) expected - appearance-wise!

Bella and Edward had a, let's say a "hate-at-first-sight" thing in this fic, well I guess at least at Edward's part. We can clearly see here that Bella's the only one doing the effort to be friendly with Edward. But it seems all of her efforts backfire ESPECIALLY when Edward caught her stealing a candy from his aunt's shop & incriminating herself further because Edward had recorded her confession:
“Can’t you just…let me off with a warning or something if I promise not to do it again?” If I was smart, I would have said that with a Marilyn Monroe-esque pout as I fingered the lapel of his shirt with one finger. Instead, I kind of chuckled as I said it, and that might have been what set Edward off as he stood up suddenly and knocked over the chair he’d been sitting in.

“No!” He bellowed. “No, I cannot let you off with a warning. You fuckin’ broke the law. You stole shit. You fuckin’ signed an agreement that you would not defraud or defame the company in any way while employed here. Who do you think you are? You can just do whatever the fuck you want and get away with it? You think my family, my aunt, should pay for your disregard of how much it costs to run this place?”

Okay, whoa. Overreact much?

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” I apologized. “And of course I don’t think your family should pay. I’ll pay for it, okay? I’ll pay for the candy I ate and we’ll call it even.”

“That’s not even. The only reason you’re willing to pay is because you got caught. You’ll do it again and it’ll be much harder to catch you. That’s how all thieves are,” Edward stated. He seemed to be having a bit of fun at my expense, but I couldn’t afford to call him on it. Not when I was only one rung above groveling.

“Well…then…I’ll do whatever you want…” a vision of me riding a naked Edward, reverse cowgirl, danced through my mind. Perish the thought. But if that’s what it took, at least I’d only be proving my mother right on one part of her argument – the trashy tramp factor.

“I want you to quit,” Edward shrugged.

“Come on, Edward. Have a heart.”

“Why should I?”

“Because,” I leveled him with a stare, “I’ll do anything you want.”


By George, I think he’s got it!


“If I don’t turn in this recording to my aunt?”

“And you quit trying to fire me.”

Edward looked down at his recording device as if he were deliberating on the idea. “So then give me something to record over it with,” he said suddenly.

“Uh…okay,” I said slowly. That sounded eerily too easy. “What do you want me to record?”

“I’ll do the recording,” Edward said cryptically as he tossed the recorder between his hands; his eyes focused serenely on the wall in front of him.

“Sure, whatever,” I agreed. It beat seeing him naked.

Suddenly his eyes locked on to mine, and I can’t determine if he actually said it, or if he merely mouthed it and I read his lips,

“Do you have a vibrator?”

Dun dun DUN!!! And so it begins… the journey of our two hypersexual! There are far more lemontastic encounters of these two in the succeeding chapters that I won’t spoil for you potential readers out there.

So read, enjoy and don’t forget to leave a “thank you” and a review for the great author of this fic that is Itzmegan73.

I love fic. Just plain love the fact that we have these characters we all fell in love with and see them in so many different scenarios whether its our deepest fantasy or worst nightmare . This is one of those stories for me. I feel like a voyeur while reading it, makes me feel dirty and like I have a secret of my own. I love stories that can make me feel that way that push my boundaries and test my limits on morals and human nature.

We see how this compulsion of being a hypersexual can break up family relationships and change the perception society has about a person. There is such a loneliness in this disorder a void they continue to use sex to fill. I love seeing layered characters that have depth and emotion written to them and these certainly do. There are some intense scenes between Bella and some of her sexual conquest but nothing compares to that first moment with Edward the strange boy that works at the local movie theater with her.

"You're so soft," he said quietly.

Yeah. I'd heard that before. I'm soft. I'm hot. I'm wet. Blah, blah fuckin' blah. Well I can certainly tell you what I'm not right now. Cumming.

Edward's hands continued to roam up my legs, across my hips, over my ass…it was a circuit he repeated a few times before he decided to talk to me again in that sexy voice.

"It's sort of a contradiction, isn't it? How soft you are?" he crooned. "Because I bet you hate soft…I bet you like it hard and rough."

Suddenly his hands started to mimic his words and he grabbed a fistful of my thigh forcefully before pinching the sensitive flesh at the crook of my pelvis.

I wanted to yell 'ow!', only I couldn't, because for a momentary second, he finally got it right and touched me. The tip of his finger struck my clit with quick determination, as if it were a key on an ancient typewriter.

Instantly I was wetter than I'd been all night. I waited for more of his touch, but instead…Slap! Slap! Slap! His fingers came down hard and firm against my pussy and my body struggled to define the dichotomy of sensations – the pleasure and the pain. I didn't know if the ensuing ache was from his strike or my need for more of it.

"You like that, don't you?"

But I didn't have a chance to answer before his question was followed by another succession of blows between my legs.

I wanted to hate it. I wanted to tell him to knock it off and get back to what we'd agreed upon. I wanted to remind him that I'd never said he could put his hands on me. I wanted to tell him I felt violated.

But I couldn't say any of those things for two reasons. First, because even I'm not that big a liar, and second, the XXX moans that were pouring out of my mouth totally prohibited the formation of any coherent words.

"Does it feel good?" his voice slithered against my ear as he pulled back my pussy lips and flicked the vulnerable nub hiding just underneath.

Just as I was deciphering the pleasure from that move, Edward's hands stilled and I was left heaving and panting and waiting for more.

My stomach was a series of tight knots and my legs and ass ached with the pain of unclenched nerves. My pussy yearned for intense, prolonged, direct stimulation. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold on…

And then I did it; exactly what I said I wouldn't do.

"Please," I murmured lowly, embarrassed at what I'd been rendered to do.

This story so far is as much about the power of sex as it is about anything else. How it can destroy, fill and cause loneliness and maybe maybe just heal. I can’t wait to see where the story goes and how these characters grow and change. Itzmegan73 is doing a phenomenal job of turning me on so far. Come feel dirty with me take a chance on this one.

When the girls started to talk about this story I knew I just had to read it. I’m never one to give too much away cause I hate to be a spoiler... But I love how from the start the we get to see the dynamic of Bella and her Mom’s relationship, the reality that even if your a professional in a field all bets are off when we are talking about friends and family. From there in comes Edward and I love love love how he starts off as a pimply, glance over type, that through his transformation gets to blossom in so many different ways. :)

So you might be thinking, that’s all good and dandy but what about the smut?? Oh trust me there is plenty of that and whew.... Edward is so sexy even in the most cramped of places... ;) Bella is no slouch either and the chemistry between the two of them sparks and sizzles throughout. I love the balance between drama, story line, humor and delicious goodness that it always keeps me on my toes and I can’t wait for the next installment.

Interested in being a Turn Me On guest reviewer for the Perv Pack's Smut Shack? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of TURN ME ON.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Pervy Picspiration Banner Challenge Winner Announced!

The winner of the Pervy Picsperation Banner Challenge is...


We would like to thank everyone that participated, and we hope that they will be back in four weeks for our next challenge.

If you are interested in adopting any of the banners that were made for this challenge go over to the adoption thread in the TwiFicPics’s forum.

Feel free to contact contest@twificpics.com with any questions.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Pervy Picspiration 1-27-12

Emmy wants your words. (amongst other things...) Every week Emmy will post a pic or 2 - containing phwoarrrr-worthy blokes from across the seas, some hunks from closer to home and sometimes some dangerously delish knickers and lingerie. What do we want from you in return? Well...... We want you to be inspired by these pics and to leave Emmy a delish drabble or longer story, or even a new chapter of an existing WIP, inspired by the pic(s). Remember it can be from ANY fandom you wish...

Leave a link to your story offering in the comments section and, if you want to, post it to your FF or LJ, or other host account (pm the link to Emmy at http://www.fanfiction.net/~pippapear) and make sure you mention the PPSS, by the following Thursday morning. (If you need more time, please don’t hesitate in still sending it to Emmy when you are done! We will still read and feature it!)

Each Friday Emmy will reveal her faves and at the same time post the next pervy picspiration for your pleasure. Non-Canon writers don’t despair - Emmy might be tragically WussPerv©, but there are plenty of equal opportunity pervs in the pack longing to read those if Emmy turp’s out.

Emmy is DYING to see what dirty delights you are going to come up with...

*Please make sure your story offering is in line with our mission statement

So not feeling cheeky this week then ?

We relaunched our joint contest with TwiFicPics for a monthly pervtastic banner competition! Read more about it here Pervy Banner TwiFicPics Competition. Make sure you go look and vote HERE! There are AMAZING entries yet again.

So this week? Let’s go green. Green with envy? Green as in earth hugger? Green as in out in the grass? Or green as with wicked colours turning heads and leading to temptations? Or maybe something else.... It’s up to you! As always it is your call! Completely up to you....

What fandom do you prefer to read or write? Twilight? Merlin? Harry Potter? Transformers? DC Comics? Hunger Games? Or one I haven’t mentioned? NO matter the fandom, we want you to write it, and we WILL read it!

Remember you can take the prompt anyway and get writing - any character or fandom! Or you can be inspired in ANY way by the pics and write something tasty - it doesn’t matter! Just write me something.
Whatever the pics below do to you - write it... No matter what smutty delights they unlock. SO what do these pics do for you, do to you? Just go for it and WRITE anything for ANY FANDOM that the pics or prompt inspires..!

Write me anything - be it Slash, FemmeSlash, AU or AH, canon or even OOC... AND remember for any fandom... Perhaps one of the pics inspires you to write a new chapter in a work-in-progress, or try something new. Be it a drabble, be it a one-shot or be it a WIP, just write for me. Make it sexy, make it sweet and tender, make it sensuous, erotic or downright naughty. Your call. Just let the inspiration take you - be you a BNA or an innocent virgin, wanting your Pervy Picspiration cherry popped for fun. Write whatever the pics inspire in you.....

I’m waiting.........

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy 1-26-12


Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to asks someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

Is there anything I can take to increase vaginal lubrication? I'm pretty sure I heard soy beans or something like that can help, but is this true? Obviously a woman needs to be comfortable and turned on to get it going, but I knowwww[sic] I'm getting turned on and IIII've[sic] never had myself get so wet that I soak through my panties and drip down my thighs like I've read in fic. Is THAT for real?!

*Naughty Nurse Kimpy lets out a deep sigh* As much as she loves the idea of women claiming their sexual selves via the Fandom, it makes her feel very dejected when it causes women to question themselves because they don’t respond like a fictional character does. Trust, she’s not blaming you for feeling that your own sexual responses are inadequate, she’s just sad that you’ve been made to feel that they are.

First things first here. Is it possible for a woman to get wet enough to soak through panties or drip down her thighs? In a nutshell, yes. There are many women who’ve soaked through their panties before. Less common is being so wet it actually makes it onto your thighs. As you can imagine, there are women who fall all along the spectrum of vaginal wetness, from very dry to overly moist. Despite being very different from one end to the other, it’s all considered to be within normal limits.

There are many different reasons why some women produce more vaginal lubrication than others. Some of the biggest contributors to a diminished amount of wetness are changes in hormone levels that occur during menopause, after childbirth, or while breastfeeding. Estrogen is the girl responsible for keeping your cooter moist; it’s possible that you might just have naturally low estrogen levels that are contributing to your lubrication issue. Nurse Kimpy suggests that you discuss this with your gynecologist at your next annual visit.

While estrogen levels and life changing events can play a role in diminished vaginal lubrication, there can be other culprits at work, too. Things that are as seemingly benign as tampons and excessive exercise can also play a role in increasing vaginal dryness. Certain medications (think anithistamines or diuretics), a high level of stress, or even condoms (if you’re sensitive to latex) can also weigh in. If you use tampons, you might want to try using pads for a few months to see if that helps, or you could purchase a Diva Cup. This is a great option because it dramatically reduces the amount of waste you generate, and could actually help your lady bits to stay moist. Nurse Kimpy can’t say enough good things about Diva Cups. They are complete and total win.

As far as soy is concerned, the jury is still out. It certainly won’t hurt you to eat a diet rich in soy, but it probably won’t make much of a difference in terms of vaginal lubrication. However, there are several different types of artificial lubrication that might be just the thing your lady bits need. One of the best solutions for overall dryness is a product called Replens. The great thing about it is that the lubrication lasts for three days. It’s also safe to use with condoms. You don’t need to use it just when you have sex--you use it on a schedule, every 3 days, and you should have enough wetness whenever it’s called for.

Another good lubricant is Carageenan. It’s derived from marine algae. It’s also water-based and safe to use with condoms. Unlike Replens, this lubricant is one you use as you need it, but it is long-lasting and women who use it report that it is the most similar in texture to real vaginal lubrication.

Finally, there is a long-lasting lubricant made by KY called Liquibeads. They are oval-shaped beads you insert into your vagina, preferably at night. They release lubrication gradually over the course of 3-4 days, so they last as long as Replens. Liquibeads are fragrance free and easy to use.

Please get back to me if none of these things works. Nurse Kimpy is always willing to dig into a problem, no matter how challenging it may seem. May the wetness be with you!

I know this must sound weird.. but I have been for a while with this guy I like very much and (even though I'm no virgin) I just don't want to have sex yet. I have go down on him several times.. even upside-down.. have used my breast.. even porn.. but I'm afraid it's just starting to get boring.. and I'm out of ideas.. Is there anything else we could do.. outside sex?

Hmm. Naughty Nurse Kimpy respects that you want to pace yourself before you actually go all the way with your guy, and she commends you for setting limits about how far you’re willing to go right now. That being said, she needs to strongly urge you to relax. It seems like you are trying to apologize with your body for not going all the way. You’re trying to be exciting in a way that will hold his interest, but it’s too much. You don’t need to dazzle him with fireworks to keep him around. Nurse Kimpy gets the impression that your particular brand of sexual overkill stems from a lack of confidence. Just be yourself. That’s certainly good enough, and no one could, or should, expect anything more from you.

Instead of trying to ramp things up and be incredibly creative, Naughty Nurse Kimpy encourages you to simplify. You’d be surprised at how exciting that can be. Focus on things like the sensation of touch. Watch your finger trace a path up his arm, and see the response it makes along the surface of his skin. Lick his ear and gently blow in it. Leave your clothes on, and drag your fingertips along his cock. Run your fingertip along the waistband of his jeans, just above his boxers. Do some good old dry-humping. As much as wearing little to no clothing can be provocative, sometimes what you can’t directly see, or what you can’t directly touch, can be so much more erotic. Give that a try next time. Nurse Kimpy bets you’ll drive him wild.

I know u don't like questions about hymen, but the thing is I lost my virginity last night and I'm a little worried about the bleeding. It hurt a lot to be honest. It's been 12 hours since the act but i keep on finding blood stains on my underwear. Is not as when i get my period, not even close, but they are still there. I thought the bleeding only happened during the act. So, how many hours or days of bleeding is considered normal??? Should I worry?

Before she says anything else, Naughty Nurse Kimpy has something every important to tell you: DON’T. PANIC.

Nurse Kimpy feels like she needs to clarify something... it isn’t that she hates questions about the hymen per se, she just gets a bit miffed that people make such a huge deal out of something that is merely a small piece of skin.

Losing your virginity is a unique experience--no one feels quite the same way when it happens. For some people, it’s merely uncomfortable, for others, it’s very painful. I’m sorry that you drew the short end of the stick, but the good news is that it will get better each subsequent time you have sex. The first is the worst.

The fact that you’re still experiencing bleeding 12 hours later isn’t unusual. You had trauma to some pretty sensitive tissue. Not only that, but the vagina and vulva are filled with blood vessels, which makes it incredibly easy for them to bleed. The extent of bleeding varies from woman to woman. Some women don’t even bleed at all. Others can bleed or spot for days.

Pay attention to the amount of bleeding. If it’s enough to soak through more than a pantiliner, it’s possible that you’re having your period on top of losing your virginity. If you bleed enough to require a tampon or pad, it’s probably best to visit with your gynecologist just to make sure there isn’t something else going on.

Keep in mind that it takes time for the torn hymen to heal. It’s possible that the friction from rubbing against your underwear might be prolonging your bleeding. If you want to soothe the skin, you can use something gentle, like Aquaphor, to keep it moist and prevent it from chafing against your underwear. If you go that route, just be sure to choose something that’s designed for sensitive skin and is fragrance free. The skin covering your lady bits is very sensitive.


Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Fandom Hopping: Merlin 1/25/2012


Some may say we’re easily distracted.

Some may accuse us of giving up on Twilight (NEVER).

We say, “Why limit ourselves to just one fandom full of smut when there are soooo many other possibilities out there?!?!” And so we give you Fandom Polyamory, a place to poke your nose into another universe, meet some new characters, and enjoy all the pervy possibilities when a writer fucks with the universe someone else created. Don’t worry, friends, Edward & Co. will all be there waiting for you when you get back, but for now, take a walk with us down a different path.

Fic: Good News (is on the way)
Author: derryere
Summary: Arthur, a travelling businessman, decides to rent a room with the Wyllt family while in town. Hunith is charmed. Her son, Merlin, is not.

There were points at which I thought that reading this fic was going to give me a heart attack. The intensity between Merlin and Arthur is stunning, and the knife's edge they balance on as their relationship unfolds is like a razor.

Arthur, 29, is renting a room from Merlin’s mother. Merlin is 16 when they meet, and you’ll be reassured to know that there is no instant attraction, though there is an affinity that makes the reader glad that their lives have intersected, even if we’re not yet comfortable with where we suspect their relationship will lead. The moral question of age is not clearly cut and dry for the major portion of this story. I kept having to re-evaluate the circumstances, put myself in their positions, and depending on the angle at which I looked, right and wrong were close, personal friends.

Good News (is on the way) is provocative as much for the age difference between our two main characters as it is for the desperate longing and loneliness that we feel from Aurthur himself. He is in such a miserable place in his life, that his professional success feels hollow and tertiary to his personal emptiness. As his friendship builds with Merlin, he finally develops a purpose that brings color to his otherwise greytone existence.

PhotobucketThe smut is amazing, because it’s totally interwoven with the intensity of the emotion between its participants. By the time the first touches take place, I was squirming in my seat saying “no, no, no” and “yes, yes, yes” en equal measure. When the touches became intimate, I went to a private room to read. It is loving and sexy and bold and unsure. In short, amazing.

This story has pulled me completely into the Merlin Fandom. Though I never thought I would have a moment’s interest in modern AH Arthurian context, Good News (is on the way)
has such amazing writing and lush, beautiful, and intense characterisations that it made me a believer in the same way that Fics like Neverending Math Equation earned my love for AH Twi-fic. If you’ve even a remote interest in age gap attraction, or a blossoming curiousity about the Merlin fandom that people are talking about, you MUST read Good News (is on the way)

Christ. WHAT. CAN. I. SAY. about this fic? How can I impart just HOW much I want you, no NEED you to read it? Seriously this fic owns my fecking arse. Too good. Once you get sucked in you cannot start reading it and stop. Oh no no! THIS fic, makes me want to just type with caps on, with two hands smashing the keys - I feel like I cannot articulate the brilliance of this fic. Or my love of it. Not with any clarity, conviction or credence at least.... So that is my conundrum, how can I convince you, dear eager, pervy pervlings to read this fic? What will make the difference to you?
Will it be the brilliant weaving of the story? How its effortless flow moves you between perma-drizzly Little England to grimy America. How we become so immersed in Arthur, his burgeoning feelings, his crisis, his unhappiness - his lust, his fears, his desperate hopes, his desperation........ GAH! How we see how his and Young Merlin’s lives and hearts become so entwined. Even whilst Arthur cannot accept nor admit it? Even whilst Arthur fights to do the *decent* thing?Meanwhile the slow burn chemistry slowly creeps forward until everything is alight, and burning bright:
It's a little heartbreaking when Merlin's eyes screw shut at that, and Arthur reaches out to grab at the hem of his jumper, pulling him in for a resigned hug with a, "Christ, come here." The boy pushes against him awkwardly at first, but Arthur folds himself around him, tucking Merlin's face in the crook of his shoulder. His glasses mesh and skew on his nose, cold against Arthur's skin. Merlin breathes in, shakily, and slowly wraps his arms around Arthur's waist—clinging on to the fabric of his shirt. Arthur closes his eyes, presses his lips to the boy's ear and tells him in the quietest voice that he's stupid, such a, "stupid kid, Merlin," but that it's, "fine. It's okay." Merlin burrows into his neck, fisting the back of his shirt, and Arthur's not sure who he's talking to, presses a brief, mindless kiss to the nape of Merlin's neck and says, "I've got you." And, "Child. I've got you."

Perhaps instead it will be insolent Merlin. Bullied, young innocent and love-struck Merlin. Merlin who is petulant and willful (oh so canon!) and initially acting indifferent. But secretly somehow always seems to be around. And somehow seems to care a smidgen tooo much that his mum is making the play for Arthur... Oh heartbreaking, earnest, beautiful Merlin. How adorable you are. How confused you become by Arthur’s desperate battle with his own morality....

PhotobucketSo if an amazing storytelling, brilliant characterisations and heart-wrenching storyline’s won’t make you read this absolutely amazing, hands down one of the best ever, fics. What will? How about the Lemons? Intense, tender, desperate, sad, emotive and just wow! Surely you must be sold now! Thought so! But seriously. I don’t want to be flippant here, I just don’t know quite how to communicate how much I fell in love with this fic. How much I want you all to read it. If you read slashy twi-fic, you must read this story, regardless of whether you know the delights that are Merlin and Arthur (or Colin and Bradley) or not you must read this fic. If you ever read a fic for those heart clench moments you must read this fic. (Seriously - I read all this fic with my heart in my throat, in some parts I read on so much, so quickly, I had to reread, but I was so feart to know what happened next, I wasn’t prepared to dally. So I did reread at a leisurely, decadent pace the second time). I’m too emotional and in love with this fic to make any sense to you dear pervlings, or to convince you adequately just why this fic is so very tip-top. So please do read the reviews above and below mine. As their eloquence explains all the elements I have missed, the age difference, the need to give in to love, the need to invest emotionally. The need to just live. And how the gift of making others happy, of completing their soul? Well that is the very best of gifts, and the key to completing our own.....

It is such an honor to recommend this raw, intense, beautifully real story that is one of only a handful of stories in any fandom that I have read more than once.

Good News (is on the way) is a deeply powerful read, leaving one overwhelmed with intense feelings and continued reflection. It stays with you. It is a slow-to-unfold, deep, aching love story about finding true connection in an impossible place. It explores the raw nature of feelings and the bleakness of a life lived without emotional risk, where success is dictated by modern society in terms of wealth and power rather than by contentedness of heart.

This story played out for me like a movie. The author made it feel so familiar and real even without anything in my own personal history that would make it so. The access we’re given into the characters is so consuming that I felt part of their journey, as if I was there in each room they inhabited, I was the air they breathed.

Arthur is a shell, unable or unwilling to make meaningful connections with the people around him. His life is rich with success but lacks meaning, a fact that is revealed subtly and masterfully by the author through a series of shallow interactions that are kind and friendly, but desperately sad, magnifying his aloneness. Arthur finds a connection with Merlin that is surprising and disturbing and impossible, yet rings with truth and ultimately, love. A terrifying love.

Arthur’s situation leaves the reader filled with compassion. He battles with his heart and his mind yet succumbs enough to bathe in the feelings and be present to them for a period of time. It’s hard to fault him for his choices that make up the most gutting parts of this story. In essence, it doesn’t feel like he has much choice when it comes to the relationship he develops with Merlin. It’s wrenching in ambiguity that way, that you can't pass judgment on the characters for their actions because they are so human and their feelings so strong and deep.

These characters love in the way of older people, wiser people, they learn each other and become known in a way that is epic and important and beautiful. The challenges they face are great beyond measure, yet there is a clear sense of completion in their togetherness. Merlin is beautifully written. He’s so open, so expressive, and such a teenager! I’m truly blown away by the author’s ability to capture such an honest, authentic youthful voice. Ultimately, it’s Merlin’s truth, his strength, and his bravery that carry this story to a satisfying finish.

And satisfy, it does. Though the tone of this story can feel bleak and melancholy, it only serves to make the reader desperate for the characters to find happiness and love. And the author doesn’t disappoint. I can’t remember ever feeling more satisfied with a story’s conclusion.

On a larger scale, I love how many insights about the world we live in are buried in the subtext of this story like hidden treasures revealed upon reflection. This story made me think seriously about things like loneliness. The sham that is modern life. The way people can barricade themselves against connecting with others by hiding their feelings, their love, deep inside of themselves to form a wall between themselves and others. And ultimately, I can equate Merlin and Arthur with two distinct types of people: those who are living full-out, open and daring, perfect disciples to their hearts and emotions. And another type who live a disembodied paper-doll existence, going through the motions and doing all the expected things but never risking a real connection with anyone else, letting money and status and power be their benchmarks of success, yet remaining miserable.
This story is so full of love and simply stunning. Go. Read. Now.


Merlin and Arthur have stolen my heart. Truly. I was already in love with derryere when I started reading Good News (is on the way). Her story Accidental Memory In The Case Of Death stuck with me for weeks after I finished the story. The moment I heard about Good News (is on the way), I dropped everything, leaving a dust cloud behind me. I love the way derryere writes. Stories unfold slowly, you have a chance to fall in love with the characters and see how Arthur can fall in love with Merlin despite the age difference. There is no loud, splashy soundtrack in the background, no crazy seduction scene, just honest to goodness connections being made. Her words soothe and practically hypnotize me. Perhaps she’s using magic on me! ;)

Arthur’s already been burned prior to the start of this story. He and Gwen were to married, but she met Arthur’s best mate, Lance, and left him for Lancelot. How awful! This left Arthur a shell of who he used to be. Now he has no friends, no family. Everyone seemed to move on. He left the UK for the US and has lived the last many years moving from place to place to place for his job, setting down very few roots. He’s avoided the UK until he moved in with Merlin and his mom.

What really struck me was how Merlin and Arthur came together because of Arthur’s desire to help protect Merlin from three bullies who are beating him up at the start of the story. Arthur could easily ignore the irritating kid who lives in the house where he rents a room, but he doesn’t. As much as Merlin despises Arthur to begin with, it doesn’t stop Arthur from doing what he thinks he can to help, even if everything he does is the wrong thing. But it’s through those moments of assistance and the help offered post-bullying that Merlin’s tetchy teenage masque begins to fade away. It’s fun to watch Arthur be the uncool one too, working to be accepted by Merlin.

PhotobucketSlowly, Arthur and Merlin start to become friends, realizing they each have someone to lean on. They share a tenuous friendship where Merlin pushes Arthur back one moment but pulls him close at others. It’s obvious that Merlin is young, and almost without thought, “wizened” words come out of Arthur’s mouth, only to be ignored or challenged. Yet as time goes on, we see Merlin has a maturity in him that Arthur doesn’t. Merlin isn’t afraid of taking risks like Arthur is.

I could go on and on, honestly. I would love to, in fact, but I don’t want to ruin this story for you. You need to go on this journey with these beautifully rich characters and feel where they take you.

I read this in a day. Like Chele, I felt that razor’s edge tension and I had to know what was going to happen next. I was broken in places, laughing in others. I’m still thinking about this well over two weeks after I finished it. I want to read it again, in fact.