Saturday, October 31, 2009

Party with Pure Romance and the PPSS Ladies!

By now I hope you've all heard of the Fandom Gives Back fundraiser that tby789, lolashoes and myself, ninapolitan, have started to benefit Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation. If not, please check out the site for information

We've received many extremely generous donations so far. Both for the author auctions, or art services, goodie baskets etc.

Ellen, (EllaB/EllaB_twilight) a fellow pervling and all around amazing lady, has generously agreed to allow the PPSS to host a Twilight Fandom Fun Party, all to benefit The Fandom Gives Back Fundraiser!

From Ellen, Goddess Divine Consultant for Pure Romance.

Pure Romance products are the best of the best — using top-of-the-line ingredients in their lotions and potions, and the latest technology in their toys. To peruse their catalog of products, visit

Special PPSS discount! 10% off when ordering through Ellen and our Fandom Fun Party (discount does not apply when ordering via site)

If you place your order directly with Ellen by contacting her at or by phone at (513) 680-0351 10AM-10PM EST, she is able to give 40% of the sale to the foundation. You may order online, but only 15% of the sale will go towards the foundation and the discount does not apply. Direct ordering is best.

For specific questions about products, please contact Ellen All orders are confidential and arrive in discreet packaging within 7-10 business days.

Not only will you be satisfied each and every time you use your new products, you’ll also have a feeling of satisfaction knowing that you helped to support cancer research.

So pervlings, we at the PPSS decided that we needed to participate in the Fandom Gives Back and with the help of awesome pervling Ella_B we're hoping to raise some serious money to benefit Alex's Lemonade Stand!

Please remember that the 10% discount is only available if orders are placed through Ellen.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Failure to Thrive by Julesnerd

Failure to Thrive





Bella is sexually unfulfilled after four horrible encounters. She meets Edward Masen, and things begin to change. Edward is sexally insatiable and Bella has been told she's frigid. B/E/AH/AU/OOC. Rated M for a reason! Lemons to follow. Humor/Sarcasm


Failure to Thrive by Julesnerd is one of those rare stories where each element is developed to play with its counterparts perfectly, creating a synergetic effect. It is witty, smart and extremely well written. The humor is what gets you at first. For example, the therapists office abounds with irony:
You’ve got to be kidding me. First Cat Fancy and now gargantuan symbolic vagina paintings…uhh…subtle much? Methinks not!
This story is grown up and sexy, without being stiff or too ethereal. This is Twilight for the 20 and 30 something crowds (and older). The plot is actually very sweet and in many ways parallels Twilight. Bella has issues. Edward has issues. They meet. They have an instant attraction and decide to help each other overcome those problems.

The backstories give just enough of a framework to keep the story plausible. It's easy to see how two people who have desperately given up any hope of normalcy find some common ground and reach out for each other. Misery loves company, right? Instead of benign comfort, they find support, understanding and encouragement, all of which come in the form of spectacular lemons.

There is some apprehension from both of them. That fear of rejection and failure again. But the characters she develops are mature and realize that communication and honesty will guide them through this. To that end, the "Sexual Satisfaction Agreement" is priceless - and sweet at the same time. It shows that they realize this isn't rocket science but also that they take their responsibilities to each other seriously.

The smut is sincere and moving. Reading about her first real 'partnered' orgasm was so sweet, I almost felt like I was a voyeur watching to young lovers sharing their bodiedsfor the first time. The lust is building though. The lemons are getting hotter and there is a promise of explosive fusion of bodies and minds in the coming chapters. After a particularly successful lesson, Edward sums it up nicely:
“If I’m insatiable, and you’re multi-orgasmic….we might just actually satisfy each other. I hope you’re not all that fond of sleep . . "
As a matter of fact, Edward? No. When you and a bed are involved, I am not that fond of sleep. And I'm very much looking forward to being an insomniac at the hands of Julesnerd.

The start of this story provides us with a unique problem that brings our two favorite characters together - sexual dysfunction. IKR? Edward having a problem in the peen department?!? Blasphemy! But, like Emmy & Hopey have said, his problems sort of make him endearing in this fic.

Of course, Edward isn't the only one with problems - the title of the fic actually comes from Bella's trouble in the sexual arena. Through a quick decision on their parts, they both decide to "help" each other with their little (cough big cough) problems.

As the other girls have said, these characters aren't perfect - they are flawed and quirky and that seems to make them more real. While perfect characters certainly have their place, it's nice once in a while to see them depicted as real people, as they are much easier to relate to.

Now, for those that want a story with a realistic pace, I honestly can't say that this story is for you. It seemed to me that the two - especially for having sexual problems - progressed their relationship rather quickly, and that seemed very unrealistic to me. However, with the faster pace, that brings us the smut quicker. *snicker* And I know what a bunch of h00rs you are, so continue reading...

The way the erotic parts in this are told are definitely different than that of the rest of the fanfic out there. With Bella's "Failure to Thrive," she obviously hasn't felt these sort of reactions before. As such, she voices absolutely every feeling - every arousal and reaction her body has - and that in itself has the ability to affect the readers more so than when an author depicts the acts rather than the feelings surrounded by those.

One thing that I had a really hard time getting around besides the pace was the inner monologue of both the characters. I found it overbearing in most places and in turn it made this a bit difficult for me to read. I like thoughts to be interspersed throughout a chapter, whereas in this, sometimes they dominated the scene.

All in all, if you want a fun, quirky read and can get past the fast pace, you should give FtT a try.

3 out of 5 viagras from me.

I am a huge fan of this story! And was delighted when the pack chose to recc it this week!

The thing that makes or breaks a fic for me is the Edward. I know. I know. So predictable of me. Yes I confess he is the literary love of my life along with Mr James Potter, Mr Rochester & Sebastian (whose name I cannot remember from the ballet books I loved as a wee one) right, sorry I have gone off on one a wee bitty there.. Anyways. Edward is crucial to me. I cannot cope when a fic has a pants Edward. Nail him, nail me... LOL - you KNOW what I mean! SO: I love that in Failure to Thrive Edward is not PerfectWard. I think I have read so many fic's where he is Mr WonderfulWard. Faultless. Pristine. Whiter than white. OR he is naughtyWard. PromiscuousWard. SwaggerWard. 10GunSaluteWard.... & his flawless sexing saves the day - & yes I know they are not quite like that & in fact I do love a good doucheWard but love it when something different comes along. So this Edward is RealisticWard - still gorgeous, still loving, still an absolute dream boat... but he has a condition, a problem he is working through... He's kind of given up on sorting it out - as he really could do with someone to give him a *hand* with it as it were... ;) & thanks to some fortuitous plotting by his brother along comes Bella...

This story could read as contrived, as just an excuse for lots of smutty play between Bella & Edward.... BUT it does not. Instead we are treated to the loveliest of interplay's between Bella & Edward. They have a great connection. This adorably awkward chemistry that draws them together as they try to help one another and discover things about their own conditions, emotions and lives along the way. This is due to wonderful writing, the author pitches their interplay just right.

BUT. As this is the shack ~ I know you want to know about the sticky fun stuff! Its great. Very appropriate for the story.. Builds slowly with much of the attention on Bella at first - with great inner reflections from them both along the way. Edward's inner reflections come to the core in the latter chapters as the attention shifts to him. His anxieties, his pleasure, his longing to sustain and satisfy. The pleasure they both get from one another and by helping one another adds to the heat of the actual deeds themselves. Additionally the way they are written, so you feel the tremors as Bella does when she experiences them for the first time, you feel her wonder, her joy, her pleasure and her rapture... Plus Edward's pride and delight and constant stirrings - thanks to tip-top-tight writing you feel it all. Which is how I love my lemons.

I think one of the endearing and enduring images for me of this fic is Edward lying in bed, bargaining with himself, trying to go the distance, desperately trying to keep control so that he can just lie in bed next to Bella all night long. Just to last the night, next to her in bed, holding her. A simple thing many take for granted, but his condition has left him bereft of that source of comfort and warmth... & that my pervy little darlings, melted my heart into a puddle of love and pangs for FlawedWard....

4.5 little purpley viagara pills out of 5. It will be 5 once Ed can go the distance! ;)

The thing I like best about Failure to Thrive is that Edward and Bella are quirky and messed up and not at all perfect. They have their flaws and quirks and they embrace them. They've lived with them for so long that it is what makes them them. Because of them it makes them real in a way.

I always struggle when writing my reviews. How much of the story do I give away? How much info is too much info? Do I want to spoil the whole damn thing? That's the issue i'm having now. I want to give the whole damn thing away. But part of FtT's charm is discovering the back story and journey that Edward and Bella have been on and the path they take in revealing it to each other. It's a conundrum to say the very least. blarg.

I guess I can say that both Edward and Bella have sexual dysfunction's. Bella can't get aroused and Edward is too aroused all the time. Not something that is compatible. They decide, rather quickly, to help each other out with their not so little problems. They are both at the end of their proverbial ropes, willing to try anything and on the verge of giving up any hope of having a 'normal' sex or love life.

I'm gonna be completely honest and say I was scratching my head at how Edward's 'sexual obsession' and perma-arousal was a problem. I mean, a man that can go all night, every night? That doesn't seem like such a curse to me, more like a blessing. But as the story progresses, we see the toll it takes on Edward health and self esteem. That it really is a problem. I could go into further details about Edward's specific problem, but where would the fun in that be? Needless to say it turns out that Edward and Bella are more compatible sexually than we first thought, down right near perfect for each other actually.

This story is beyond cute. I love the interaction that Bella and Edward have with each other. It's natural and teasing and there is an "Awkward Chemisty" as Emmy coined between them. They are honest with each other, or I should say forthcoming with what their issues are. It's the only way that working together on their issues will work. That openness is a nice contrast to so many stories where the characters keep things hidden or are too afraid to reveal how they feel.

Edward does the occasional caveman routine and Bella calls him on it every time. It's not done in an assholish way, more in I'm worried about your safety kind of way. These two don't let the other get away with much and call bullshit when the other tries too.

Now the lemony goodness. Because of Bella's issue or sexual dysfunction they start out slow. Simple touches, kisses and caresses. As Bella knocks down the walls that have kept her "frigid" things progress at a fairly fast clip, but not in a completely unrealistic way. At the point that the story leaves off they haven't done the deed yet, but have set a goal to get there and are working towards it. I personally can't wait for them to get there. So far the lemony goodness has been beyond intense. It's not just smut and the characters going at it because they are attracted to each other. Each 'session' is done with care, meaning and purpose. That's not to say that it's clinical and perfunctory. It's not. There are real, deep feelings and a connection between these two that grow the more time they spend together.

4 out 5 viagras from me.

I found this story to be cute and light, even though the subject matter can be heavy at times – Bella has “failure to thrive” and Edward suffers from “insatiabilty”. Through a series of discussions, they agree to “help” each other.

We learn that Bella was assaulted by James, her step-brother, and I'm not going to even pretend I read chapter 5. Bella tells Edward what happened with James, and seriously, I just didn't want or need to read it, so per the author's note at the beginning, I skipped it.

I like the Edward/Carlisle relationship here, and even the fringe characters. The banter between Edward and Bella is sexy and fun, building up to some excellent naughty times. I loved Bella's realization that she's not frigid, and then her exploration with Edward. Bella's dreams made me giggle.

Chapter 7 hit me hard. Bella realizes a lot about herself, and Edward is there to help her every step of the way. I don't want to give anything away, I just really enjoyed it.

Chapter 8 includes Wankward, always a good time favorite around here. Julesnerd did not disappoint. Yum.

I liked the sweet tenderness that builds in this story. I love seeing them fall in love before they even realize it.

Chapter 14 is a major milestone for Bella, while chapter 15 is a milestone for Edward. They're both also filled with lemonade of the juiciest and sweetest variety. Chapter 16 and 17 are more lemony goodness, with a lot of really sweet plot and emotion thrown in, too. Not only do we spend time with Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice in chapter 18, but there are some syrupy sweet (in the good way) exchanges between Edward and Bella.

The sex negotiations in chapter 19 totally cracked me up. These lines slay me:

“Honestly? I intend to make you use those vocal cords in a few minutes and I thought it would be only kind if I let you have some water first. Do you think your neighbors will mind? I could always send them flowers with an “I’m sorry we were loud” note.



Chapter 20, the latest update, brings us to a very interesting place with our fair lovers. They've passed some new milestones, said some important words, Edward gives Bella a gift, and they exchanged more deliciously delightful orgasms. With the promise of PIV sex on the horizon, I'm more excited than Edward.

Four enthusiastic Viagra.

Nicole our guest reviewer was the one that asked me if I had read this story yet, at the time there were only a few chapters. I started it and wasn't sure that I, being a wussperv, could handle the path that it seemed like it was going down.

I knew Bella had her 'failure to thrive' issue, and I wasn't sure exactly what Edward's problems were but upon assurance from Nicole. I kept trucking along and I'm so glad I did.

They're not perfect. I realize that a lot of people seem to have an easier time embracing a struggling and damaged Edward than they do a broken and imperfect Bella but add the two together and you've got quite the entertaining pair.

You'd think that Captain Insatiability would be a good thing right? Add his dysfunction to her inability to become aroused and follow through and it should be win win and easy. Yeah no. BUT, that's what great about this story. They 'help' each other with their disorders.

Carlisle (yum) is there nearly every step of the way helping his son in what I'd think would normally be an unbelievably hard (no pun intended) situation.Being his physician though and his father it takes out the awkward moments that normally would arise (sorry, I did it again).

As Emmy stated, the awkward moments come (snort) from Julesnerd's Bella and Edward. The "awkward chemistry" in my mind is adorable and sweet. Not tooth ache worthy at all, but genuine. They both want to truly help the other and believe that this is the way they can accomplish that.

I agree with Kathy, Bella's flashback chapter I skimmed, I know it was needed but I couldn't do it. Thankfully, Jules was great about letting us know that it was coming up and that we could skip it.

All in all, this story in my opinion is well rounded. It's great to see a not-so-perfectward and a I don't want to punch her in the face immediately Bella.

4.5/5 Viagra from me...

I wasn't at all sure what to expect from the summary. But the story sucked me in from the get-go with Bella's internal chatter and the bantering with Edward in the office. She made me laugh and yet I had to admire her for seeking help for her "problem", when there are so many that likely don't. Same with Edward.

There is a connection between them from the start and it's been fascinating to watch them grow together. That their problems are essentially contrasting and thus they may just be able to help each other out, makes it so much sweeter. And as time goes on their feelings grow and it's a beautiful thing.

My heart kind of breaks at times for Edward, for all that he's gone through. Caught in what I believe Bella called a catch-22. I love how each of them is so intent on helping the other work through their issues and learn how to work with or around them.

Each of their "sessions" has grown progressively more intense and leaves you hopeful, right along with them, for what's to come when the big action happens. I can only believe that it will be amazing.

4 out 5 Viagra from me, which is sure to change once they hit the big act!

I remember hearing about this story from a friend and knowing I had to read it. The idea of Edward and Bella both seeking some...sexual healing (oh god that was lame, right?) was intriguing. And once I read the first chapter with the Cat Fancy magazine and Georgia O'Keefe paintings surrounding the waiting room, I knew I would enjoy the humor in this story.

I don't want to give away just exactly why these two are in need of sexual therapy. It's something that slowly comes to light, which I feel is very important. You learn Bella's problems bit by bit. And so Edward must help Bella slowly and bit by bit. Same goes with Edward's problems. You think at first that his problem is much like any male's. But as they get to know each other, you realize just exactly why Edward needs to seek help in the form of his doctor father.

What I like most about these two is that they are both so...flawed. Maybe that's not the right word. What I mean is that they are nowhere near perfect. There are parts about them that make them odd, quirky, weird, etc, etc. And because they aren't perfect, it's perfect. Edward isn't some smooth ladies man. He's not a sex god. Bella is confused and scared. She's not fully aware of what her body wants or needs.

But together these two come up with an arrangement. And learn that when they are with each other there is hope for them to overcome parts of their past that limit them from being fully open to a relationship. The way they interact is sweet and sexy at the same time. Especially as Bella comes to realize that her lady bits do in fact work. It's all slow and believable and not just smut for smut sake.

Four little blue Pfizer pills (that's Viagra folks) for me. For me. Definitely :)

I'm a high school educator who tried the Twilight books because my students were talking about them. Like everyone else, I finished the whole series in about a week and was left bereft and frustrated by Stephenie's amazing characters combined with her lack of detail in certain scenes. I began trolling different websites and stumbled on fanfiction. I'd never heard of it, and was completely blown away at the vast number of stories out there and the realization that I was not alone in my obsession. After four months of ignoring my husband and friends, I began to have the inkling of a story nudging my subconscious. I would wake up after having "watched" a scene from my story play out in my head. I blew it off for about a week and finally, out of frustration, wrote the first chapter and posted it. I didn't really allow myself to think about it too much. The reviews had me both encouraged and hooked on the process. I write for fun and to see what else exists in the scenes that play out in my head when I'm falling asleep or about to wake up. I also write to challenge myself. It's difficult to come up with an original idea. When you find one, it seems almost criminal not to share it.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Hope loves The First Five Times

The First Five Times




There’s only two of them left now: the bitch and the bastard child. AU.

When this one-shot was first submitted to the “Love for the Unloved” contest I was like Embry and … Leah, really? That didn’t seem like a pairing that would work, especially in AU. But it does work, quite beautifully if I’m being completely honest. If I had one word to describe this story ‘beautifully simple’ would be the word. Okay that’s two words, but you get the point. And by simple, I don’t mean boring or bare or basic, just simple…uncomplicated in its story telling.

I fell in love with this on my first read, astounded by the writing and the story. Both are solid, it’s the combination of both that makes the story so fucking good. Stretch doesn’t need overly flowy or verbose phrasing to get the point across. She gets it across just fine.

Leah is as she always is, pissed off. We like her that way. If she was all hearts and flowers she wouldn’t be her. She’s not pissed off because of Sam or being a wolf or because she simply can be. She’s pissed off because everyone has someone except her. They’re all paired up and happy and ‘in love’ and when you don’t have anyone it’s just fucking annoying.

The First Five Times takes us through the genius of Embry and Leah’s ‘relationship’ as it were. It starts off as fucking, a release, an escape, something to do. It changes and grows into something neither of them expected or wanted. Something beautiful, something right.

The first time it’s a look from Embry, just one simple look of appreciation of Leah’s form starts off the rocky and tremulous journey these two take. It’s rough and raw and that’s the way they want it; nothing more, using each other for mutual benefit. They’re in the same boat after all, imprintless, so why the hell not.

The second time is about getting Embry to shut the fuck up, to leave her alone with all his talking and questions. It’s still rough and raw and just sex.

Things start to change, as they always do. It’s slow and confusing and not something either of them want or so they say, but there is a turning point.

The third time is the turning point. Embry searches Leah out after Jared and Kim’s wedding. He’s not even sure why, but he does. She doesn’t want to talk about it, so she does the only thing she can do, attack and take him. Afterward the turning point happens.

They break apart, collapsing on opposite sides of the hall, staring at each other until Embry regains the feeling in his legs (it doesn’t take that long, but he pretends like it does). She walks him to the door, and before he leaves he asks if she’ll be alright.

“Yeah, why?” she demands skeptically. As if she wasn’t a wreck, as if she hadn’t just used him for pity-sex moments earlier.

“Cause this isn’t healthy,” he tells her. “For you, I mean.”

She wants to yell at him, say something scathing in response, but the wedding has drained her of most of her energy, and he just took what little reserves she had left. “Why do you even care?” she mumbles, and the door closes softly in his face.

Embry spends the entire walk home wondering the same thing.

The fourth time it all comes out and everything goes wrong. The fourth time is my favorite.

But things are happening that she can’t comprehend, like the fact that he’s carefully pushing up her shirt rather than tearing it off.

Like the fact that he’s kissing his way up her neck rather than biting it.

Like the fact that his fingers are combing through her hair rather than pulling it.

Like foreplay, or the smile on his face, or the way he’s pulling her closer without breaking any ribs.

She pushes against him harder, trying to draw the fight out of him. Her mouth is rough against his, biting at his lower lip. But his tongue is soft as it strokes against her own, and his hands are soft as they trace the paths up and down her back. And Leah closes her eyes for a second and it feels like another person in another place, from a time she’s tried too hard to forget.

And she knows it then, without asking or having it said. A switch has flipped, the scales have tipped, and they’re no longer balanced.

She pushes him off of her with all the force she can muster. He rolls onto the makeshift coffee table. The wood cracks under his weight as she scrambles to find something, anything. Her underwear, the exit.

“You asshole,” she whispers bitterly, clutching her clothes to herself and lurking in the doorway. “You just had to do it. I told you not to...but you went and did it anyway!”

He tells her not to be a hypocrite. “After all, you fell in love with me first.”

She leaves him lying there.

The fifth time is surrender and acceptance.

Leah’s standing on his doorstep in the driving rain, acting like she doesn’t feel it. She probably doesn’t. Her tank top and cutoffs and the dark circles under her eyes betray the fact that she’s been running all night.

He opens the door before she even gets there, like he was expecting her. Like he knew she was coming.

“I can’t do this,” she tells him (but what she really means is I can’t do this again).

“Yes you can,” he assures her (but what he really means is it won’t be like that with me).

The fifth lemon is eloquent and beautifully written. Stretch goes a little bit more graphic this time, giving us a little bit more detail, drawing it out for the reader a bit more. She balances the physical and the emotional very well. It’s not all one or the other.

He pulls her down against his chest, capturing her mouth, moaning into her each time she moves across his body, each time she takes in his length up to the hilt. The friction is glorious, the feel of his slick skin against every inch of her own sends Leah spiraling back towards that place full of stars and fireworks and that oh so beautiful burn.

“I…oh,” she babbles wordlessly against the side of his face, tangling her fingers in his hair. “Please…”

“Say it,” he begs her in return. The scent of her is thick on his breath. “Please Leah.”

“Embry.” Lightning shoots down her spine, and she clamps down on him harder than ever before. Her body pulses, pounds. And for the first time since it all began, she breathes his name aloud against the skin of his neck, whispering it like a prayer. “Oh, Embry.”

His world explodes at the sound of her voice, like it’s the most seductive thing she’s ever said.

In his mind, it is.

I love The First Five Times plain and simple.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Team Anything Goes has Just One Day

We are Hopey aka manyafandom, Kathy aka MsKathy, and Steph aka purdueliz.

Just One Day


For just one day every decade the Cullen family opens things up in the bedroom. AU lemon-fest. Canon and non-canon pairings, but no permanent splitting of canon couples. This story contains very adult themes and includes F/F slash in earlier chapters and some M/M slash later.
If you're one of those people that doesn't like to see The Cullens' with anyone but their canon mates, then this is most definitely NOT the story for you. It's a veritable swingers party in this story. It's not pure smut, there is a story here. A damn good one too.

The basic premise is that for one day every decade the Cullens' mix it up a bit. It's ladies choice and there is no peen to vag penetration. The swapping is not just to 'Spice' things up, it's also helps to reaffirm the bond the mates have with each other. If you have a bond so strong that it lasts for eternity, apathy and unappreciation are bound to set in. That's the real purpose of the one special day a decade. And also because it's fuck hot.

There are a variety of lemons in this story, all kinds of configurations and pairings. They're dirty, rough, sweet, tender, kinky, loving and intense. Sassy does them all so very well. My favorite is the Emmett/Bella scene where Emmett does something very, very naughty in the pool. I'd never read that specific act done in fanfiction and now I want even more of it. I'm also partial to the Edward/Bella/Jasper chapter. I'll let you discover what happens there on your own, it's so worth the read btw. There's promise of an Edward/Esme encounter soon and I for one can't wait.

Hopey said it best when she said that Just One Day isn't for you if you require all canon pairings all the time. If, however, you can read something a little bit different? Enjoy this something a lot bit hot.

Now, I confess: when I began reading this, I worried that it would be like some of the other partner-swapping stories I've read. To steal the cliché cheesy line, it's like nothing you've ever read before. There's a nice little plot twist that makes this story unique, but beyond that, each of these pairings/groupings are so fucking hot together. But also? Intensely emotional. None of them is a fuck-and-walk-away situation – each experience brings the participants closer together in a lasting way that will resonate far beyond this period of wonderful debauchery.

Chapter 5 and 6 have a special place in my heart, ngl. UNG. Just when you think it's going to be smut and love and fluff, SW hits us with chapter 7 and 8. Man oh man, it was a really well thought out plot point that is resolved with some excellent bonding between Bella and Rose (in a non-pervy way, this time). Each and every chapter in this story stands on its own, but they all tie together beautifully. Give this story a chance, but be sure to have a willing partner, a large stock of batteries, or perhaps both, on standby.

Well, I'm a bit flustered and in need of, uh, some release, after reading that. Lemon-fest indeed. But it's not just a bunch of lemons thrown together, there is a great story underlying it all. And it all comes back to reaffirm how much each pair of mates truly loves each other.

And seriously, who wouldn't enjoy a little sanctioned play-time. With the rules that are set in place it's pretty much a win-win situation. It was quite fun to see the different configurations and I look forward to the Esme/Edward chapter to come.

I don't know if I could pick a favorite scenario, they were all so good for different reasons. The one with Emmett, first touched me, then was just fucking HOT. But oh dear God, at the end of what's currently posted? I do soooooooo love some Bella/Jasper/Edward action. UNG.

I've seen similar premises in the fandom before, but none have touched on the quality of this one. None have had the incredible story line to go with it.

Gotta a rec for Team Anything Goes? Send it to me at

Monday, October 26, 2009

Jennde wants you to explore the "Rabbit Hole"

Rabbit Hole

Chapters 7 & 9

Let's just get this out of the way right off the bat; Rabbit Hole is not a smutty fic. It's full of mystery and intrigue and brooding Edward. However, the smut it does contain will make your girlie parts tingle.

I always thought it slightly ridiculous that Canon Edward never had sex. Yes, in a novel where vampires exist and sparkle in the sunlight, I thought Edward's virginity was one of the most unbelievable aspects. I can only suspend my disbelief so far. Sure, he was raised in an era where pre-marital sex was verboten, but to abstain for over 100 years? Especially when hot female vampires are throwing themselves at him.
No one is that pure. Or stupid.

Thankfully, Profmom72 took care of that for me in her AU called Rabbit Hole. Now, Edward is no whore here, but he does have some sexual experience prior to meeting Bella. I won't get into who he's been with. Go read, I think you'll be surprised.

But sex or no, he's still the broody motherfucker we have come to know and love. Edward is aware of his sexuality and enjoys being intimate. Yet, he's looking for more. He wants love and sex to intermingle. He wants his mate. And in the interim, Edward is bored. Bored with school, with his family, with life in general.

So, why did I stay? Why did I continue to live this half life, or rather half dead, existence?

It was simple really. My family. I loved them. Yes, even Rosalie. I have tried to live without them, and I simply don’t work. None of us do. All of those negative qualities balance each other out. We are only whole when we are together. Or in my case, at least not empty.

Sure, I could get into more trouble, have more fun, even gain a little more pleasure on my own, but there is one thing I’d learned in over a century on this earth. Without someone to love, none of it mattered.

Boredom, then, was a burden I would bear.

Enter Bella. You know some of what happens next. He can't read her mind, she smells like a lobster dinner and there's that "spark" when they touch.

But this isn't your momma's (or SM's) vampire tale.

Edward stays, fighting his urges, which soon turn from wanting her blood to wanting something wholly different.

Sure, Edward. Just one more day. We all know how well that works for you.

They spend lunch together in the library. They hold hands, they talk, they touch. Bella asks Edward if he would like to take things further. He knows he should say no, that no good can come of it. But this is Bella, and Edward doesn't have a lot of restraint when it comes to her.

Oh hell I couldn’t do this. I shouldn’t do this. I willed myself to consider the logical seventy five percent. To tell her no. To remind her I was no good for her. To walk away and never come back.But because I was no good, I didn’t say or do the right thing. Her insecurity filled eyes were my Achilles’ heel. I was staring that them when I asked, “Are you free on Saturday?”

This becomes Edward's central struggle. Knowing he's no good for her, knowing he can't answer her questions about who or what he is, knowing that he'll have to leave, but wanting her in very way. He wants her touch, he's intrigued by her wit, fascinated with her intelligence.

I'll let Edward tell you about his struggle when Bella touches him intimately for the first time:

"...instead of saying stop, I uttered an “Oh fuck.”

He knows they should stop, but the draw is too powerful. They spend the day in the meadow. There's touching. There's kissing. There are orgasms. I like to think that Edward gets that lobster dinner, just not the way he originally planned.

After their day together, he decides to leave, but not before visiting Bella's room, where she dreaming, and things take quite a turn. It's intense and hot and makes me happy he made a pit stop on his way out of town. It's as if Edward got a decadent piece of cheesecake to round out that lobster dinner.

Oh, and I think Bella enjoyed herself too.

Go read and see what comes next. You won't be disappointed.

Jennde is the author of "Finding Home" , a wonderful and expressive historical fic that stemmed from the Age of Edward contest. She also reduced the masses to tears thanks to the beautifully written "Unplanned" the 3rd place winner in the D.I.L.F. contest. I may have teared up a bit just thinking about that story again. xo Nina

Friday, October 23, 2009

Alton House by velvetglo

Alton House





Thoroughly modern Bella Swan wakes up in 1815 and discovers polite society isn’t always as it appears. Do reformed rakes make the best husbands? This AH bawdy romp through Regency England is rated M for stylized metaphoric 19th C. lemons.


When I was asked to review Alton House by Velvetglo, I was pleasantly surprised. I had just found this story a couple days prior and had fallen in love with it. I love to read historical fiction, so I was glad that I had found this story with the Twilight characters. This story appeals to my tastes in historical writing. The transition from the present to the past was good. I mean, an accident wasn’t a good thing, but it works well for this story. I love how she uses the slang of the times and then gives the definitions at the bottom in an author’s note. I know it has helped me through the chapters.

I like how she introduced the characters as they show up, and Jane is this story is priceless. The little minx is going to get herself into some trouble. I like how she added Jane and gave her more personality than I have read in previous fanfics. And when Emmett, Jasper, and Edward show up all I can think about is their sexy English accents. The way Velvetglo describes each of them, I can picture them so well, and they are hot.

She captures the debauchery of men in the 1800s with the bordellos, the gambling, and the drinking. She also captures the men’s discreetness of their actions when in a woman’s presence as well as the politeness of the gentlemen of that era. When I read her chapters, I feel like I’m in the room with the rest of the characters.

The interaction between Rosalie and Emmett is exactly what I would expect from them. Rosalie is harsh yet polite, and Emmett is as aloof as I expect him to be. The chemistry between Edward and Bella is undeniable even from the beginning. And of course, Alice and Jasper are attracted to each other from the get-go. I wouldn’t expect anything less. However, the flirting of the era is evident when Emmett and Bella banter back and forth, and I love it. Velvetglo has all the elements of a good historical fanfiction and isn’t afraid to use them to her discretion. This is one story that I search my email inbox for everyday, and I am so glad that I found it in my searching for fanfics.

Did you all know I'm a wussperv? I know, shocking, right? It's definitely a well kept secret in the fandom. *snort* That being said, I tried with all my might to read Alton House, but eventually had to throw my wussperv card down and bow out. My poor heart couldn't take the random hook-ups (whether they were accurate to the time period or not). So while I can't give you a full review, I can tell all the other wusspervs to proceed with caution. ;) And I'm sure the rest of the lovely ladies of the Pack will have more interesting and helpful things to say that actually pertain to the story.

~Biggest wussperv on the planet

Righto! :) Now I am a tough cookie/nut/taskmaster/bitch/right royal pain in the arse - take your pick! - when it comes to fics that have a British setting... I have to be terribly honest and admit to reading them - just looking and waiting for the trip up, knowing it will happen and normally pretty damn pronto! But! I actually forgot to do so with this fiction. I got engrossed with the upstairs/downstairs//forsythe sage esque shenanigans that frequent this bawdy and fast paced lusty and busty tale.

I like the fact that Bella is from another time... That she carries with her her cynical 21st century self whilst trying to embrace and make the most of her new lot in life.. I enjoy CadLordWard, although he is primarily a twist on DoucheWard its still nice to read a twist on the DoucheWard characterisation. Normally I freak out at a ____Ward who sleeps with many - but the charm of CadLordWard manages to halt that reaction when I read Alton House. I enjoy his frivolity and the way he see's women purely for sport and any sort of emotional attachment to women as Folly.

Another aspect of Alton House I enjoyed was the fact that she did not limit her cast of characters to the core 6 or even 8 we can expect in most stories. There is a role for many of the marginalised characters from the twilight realm. In particular Jane gets an especially important role as one of Bella's new cousins, who is much more than she seems. Additionally much of the characterisations are not standard cannon fodder. Jasper, for example, has a different role here than in most AH tales.

As an avid lingerie collector, I got a lascivious thrill from CadLordWard's penchant for quickly collecting the ribbons which stood for garters/suspenders back in the regency day. I cannot wait to see the state of his collection at the end, and how (if) he develops past his cad persona... as he has certainly met his match in modern-mind-but-Regency-body-Bella. (what a nice twist on canon Edward - older mind than his body or era suggest....) She is quite unlike anyone he has encountered or experienced before.....

4 out of 5 ribbony knickers ooops no knickers so ribbons from the stockings instead..

I’m a history person. I dig it, it’s my thing. I’m not a huge fan of historical or period stories though. As sometimes writer’s can bog or slow down the story with the minutia of the time period. This is not the case with Alton House. Velvetglo includes details and touches from the time period, Regency England in this case, but doesn’t cram it down our throats. It’s blended naturally into the story to where you are almost not aware that you are learning something about the time period.

Velvetglo gives explanations in author notes of things or terms we might not be familiar with but doesn’t go into great detail within the story. I personally find the AN’s helpful and informative and am happy she chose to go this route.

Also we are seeing the world of Regency England through the eyes of 21st century Bella, she adapts almost seamlessly to the time period through a very clever plot device. The motivations of the characters and their activities are very nicely done. Lady Hale (Esme) for example wanting to make good marriages for her daughters to advance their stations and offer comfort doesn’t come off as pushy or overbearing, simply what a lady of the time would be naturally doing.

I have to give bonus points to velvetglo for use of vernacular and the patterns of speech the characters use. Again it’s easy to follow and adds to the feeling of being immersed in the time period without dragging or slowing the story. Also the hidden innuendo’s make me giggle and smile.

Now about the story.

Edward is Cad, plain and simple. Given the time period and his social status it’s to be expected of him. He’s dashing, charming and makes a sport out of chasing and bedding women. There are a few bets between the 3 younger gentlemen, all of which Edward wins. There is an obvious attraction between Edward and Bella, but it is unclear at this point if he is pursuing her because of the thrill of the chase or because of some deeper reason. Their difference in social classes makes it almost impossible for any overtures of marriage to be made, even if they were interested in that, which they aren’t.

I’m going to be completely honest; Jane in this story disturbs me. I know for the time period her behavior is scandalous and I think that is the point. It does add an edge to the story and I can understand her motivations, but I still find it slightly off putting. Her characterization does follow that of canon Jane and every story needs a bad guy. Not that Jane is bad, merely manipulative and innocently naïve.

The other secondary characters don’t fall flat are well developed, again bonus points to velvetglo for that. Jasper is a military man wounded in the war against Napoleon. We know that until recently that he was a virgin and worries about his future now that the war is over and he is wounded. Emmett is jovial and light, but not an idiot. He is a gentleman of leisure with vast holdings and wealth. Though not as big of a cad as Edward he does enjoy the company of ladies. Alice and Rosalie are ladies of society and everything they would have been during that time period. They are not boring or 2 dimensional. Their personalities come though even though they are bound by societal rules to behave and act a certain way.

I particularly like the characterization of James as a vicar, it’s a nice twist. There is something odd about him and much has yet to be revealed. I can’t wait to see more of his character come into play as the Lady Hale (Esme) tries to push Bella and him together.

I have to admit that this is my favorite characterization of a human Aro that I’ve ever read. He is not malicious, but rather enjoys sitting back and watching how things will play out. It’s very similar to his canon characterization. He is kind and takes an interest in Bella, though the purpose of his interest is not yet clear. Be it curiosity or some kind of romantic overture.

Now I must admit I giggle a little bit at the smut and the verbiage used. It’s correct and proper for the time period and adds to the atmosphere, but is at times ridiculous to my 21st century self. Every sexual encounter is intense and I do think that is in part because of the verbiage used. There isn’t a lot of actual smut yet, most of it coming from Jane at this point. There is a lot of shy flirting, coy looks and laced innuendos. UST abounds and I love it.

One last thing, I highly enjoyed the nighttime conversation where Bella informed Alice and Rosalie on the opposite sex and their own sex for that matter. Bella’s 21st century experience served her well as she taught Alice and Rosalie the pleasures to be found in sex. They were completely clueless and were unaware they even had feeling parts.

Velvetglo weaves the multiple storyline together while immersing us of the time period very well. I can’t wait to see where this one will go next.

4 out of 5 ribbon garters from me.

I want to preface my review by saying that historical/period pieces aren't my favorite genre.

The first chapter of Alton House, set in present day, gives us a glimpse into Bella's life. She's being hit on by Mike #1 with a green shirt, and was previously engaged to Mike #2. She's obviously been grieving her way through Mike #2, references to her sulking at home and then turning her depression into a need to drink and screw as often as possible. After drinking too much while out with Jessica, she decides to go someplace to fuck Mike #1, but is impatient and needless to say, Mike cannot fuck and drive. The chapter ends with a head-on collision.

Chapter two brings us to 1815 Bella, the introduction of Emmett, Rose, Alice, and Jane. I thought it was an interesting twist that even though she's somehow transported into 1815, Bella has all of the required memories and faculties in order to handle being in that time – she knows the layout of the house, she recognizes her relatives, etc.

Chapter three is a bit of a thorn in my side. Fifteen year-old Jane coerces nineteen year-old Tom to fuck her. I know, I just used really harsh words, but that's what it is. She essentially gives him the choice of fucking her, or, as she states it,

“If you refuse to do it, then I will get Walter to do it,” she said. Walter was the head groom, forty years old with yellow teeth, what was left, chronic halitosis, lank graying hair, and an expanding paunch that got larger with each progressive year.

Tom still refuses, and Jane begins to flirt with Walter, appearing intent on carrying out her words. He relents, and frankly, it's just... I don't know. I'm unclear as to the purpose of this chapter, aside from shock value. I'm hoping that the author will weave this particular line of the plot around to something meaningful. It isn't enough to me to state that Jane is a “minx,” and leave that as the sole explanation/justification for a graphic sex depiction with such a young character, even if you contend it's appropriate for the time.

To the author's credit, she does give full disclosure at the beginning of this chapter, and encourages you not to read on if underage sex is an issue for you.

Chapter four introduces us to Jasper, the war-injured virgin Emmett is attempting to de-virginize with local whores, and Edward, who is more than happy to patronize the local whores, by his own admission. Edward and Emmett, discussing the local beauty, make a friendly bet after Emmett claims his cousins just may be the most beautiful women in all of London.

Chapter five is a really delightful zoomed-in look at Edward and Bella as they go on a walk. Their banter and interaction made me giggle and smile often. I loved that Bella has carried her bitterness in love back in time with her, and that this is an interesting source of bonding between the two of them.

Chapter six is an interesting mix of Rosalie/Emmett and Jasper/Alice. Each couple exchanges banter, Alice and Jasper retiring to the summer house so Jasper can rest. In comes Jane again, and there's a confusing mix of Jasper thoughts. He both notes how she lacks curves and seems very childlike, but then goes on to describe her as very beautiful.

True confession, chapter nine has one of my most hated sentiments ever, uttered from Cullen, who mere paragraphs before had me panting at his charm and sexiness: “Sometimes, no means yes.” Actually, Mr. Cullen, no always means no.

The discussion of genitals, sex, arousal, and procreation was amusing and giggle-worthy.

The jury is out on Edward; what's he doing in his spare time? Is he really as horrible as we think he is right now? And, what's the deal with Jane and Tom? And Emmett, will he make his move on Rose now that they've kissed? Finally, what of poor Whitlock and what seems to be his consuming guilt over his moment with Jane? When will these boys realize that life isn't made up of bets and boasting?

All of these questions are begging to be answered, and I'm curious to see how each situation will go.

I have a weakness for historical romances, if they're well written. Writing with the time period in mind is a bitch, and a task that I could never master. EVER. So I give props to those who do and do it well. Interesting bit about it is that Bella is from the 21st century. That facet alone makes it worth reading, especially that she is still a modern girl that has been 'sent' back in time.

I too like Bri am a wussperv. I have an easier time with the non-canon implications with AH and I give extra leeway to this as it is historical (with the caveat that I hope to Jesus that it ends up E/B somehow or I'll cry) That doesn't mean I'm not reading it through my fingers. Yes, a wussperv is that bad. ;) Edward is a cad, a hot cad, but a cad nonetheless. His proclivities towards random sex with the ladies is actually fine with me (gasp I know) because he embraces his seedy lothario ways and is wholly unapologetic for it.

The characters is this at times make me cringe, but then laugh and then cock my head to the side like that damned dog but all in all I genuinely really enjoy the story. Great imagery, wonderful characterizations and an original plot line to boot.

I too will agree with Kathy though about the Jane chapter. I didn't care for it, maybe because I thought it sort of came out of nowhere? Regardless, the author explains how it's fitting for the time and the guys are trying to lose their cherries too so it basically comes down to an age issue. At 15 I was no angel but I can't relate to Jane here.

All in all, this is a historical so unfortunately it's deemed 'boring' or 'sluggish' by some but honestly. Give it a chance I don't think anyone will be disappointed. Give the author credit, it's not easy to write historicals. There is research and a lot of time dedicated to it and that alone is worth taking it for a spin. It's extremely well written, interesting and Edward is yummy in it.


I've been hiding out incognito on various Twifandom sites for months, only to be asked for my bio by the lovely folks here at the PPSS. I'm one of those authors who hasn't told a soul in real life about my dirty little secret, so it's a bit difficult for me to be completely forthcoming. Well, my husband knows (and enjoys the benefits), but other than a few online friends, that's it. What I am not, however, is one of those fanfic authors who has been toiling away for years on my great American novel, scribbling away in my worn leather-bound journal at poetry slams or in coffee shops. Other than a few pieces assigned in school, I have never written creatively before, but I am now hopelessly and helplessly addicted to it. Not to the reviews (although they are wonderful and warm my heart), or to the attention (it sure is flattering to be affirmed for one's efforts), but to the writing process - capturing on the computer screen the jumbled thoughts and disjointed pictures in one's head, and wrangling words and sequencing syntax into elegant (one hopes) prose. The ability to create a new universe with nothing but a loose collection of characters from four YA books is as close to giving birth as it gets, without the midnight feedings and dirty diapers. To borrow from Martha, it's a good thing.

So for my biography: Married working mom to two. Sign: Scorpio (western) and dog (eastern). Card carrying member of the Professional Organization of English Majors. Owner of 71 pairs of shoes, three alarm clocks on my nightstand, and one g-spot vibrator that has changed my life.