Thursday, September 29, 2011

Pervy Picspiration


Emmy wants your words. (amongst other things...) Every week Emmy will post a pic or 2 - containing phwoarrrr-worthy blokes from across the seas, some hunks from closer to home and sometimes some dangerously delish knickers and lingerie. What do we want from you in return? Well...... We want you to be inspired by these pics and to leave Emmy a delish drabble or longer story, or even a new chapter of an existing WIP, inspired by the pic(s). Remember it can be from ANY fandom you wish...

Leave your story offering in the comments section and, if you want to, post it to your FF account (pm the link to Emmy at mentioning the PPSS, by the following Wednesday. Each Friday Emmy will reveal her fave (entirely personal & subjective opinions belonging to Emmy) and at the same time post the next pervy picspiration for your pleasure. Non-Canon writers don’t despair - Emmy might be tragically WussPerv©, but there are plenty of equal opportunity pervs in the pack longing to read those if Emmy turp’s out.

Emmy is DYING to see what dirty delights you are going to come up with...

*Please make sure your story offering is in line with our mission statement

Did you enjoy tasting the rainbow? With an array of beautiful colours?

And do remember, we are now linking with TwiFicPics for a monthly pervtastic banner competition! Read more about it here Pervy Banner TwiFicPics Competition.

The new competition was a few weeks ago, and there were some amazing entries! latestentries. The winner(s) are here! Go adopt a banner or let them inspire you!

So this week? Let’s lie back and ….... ?
Think of England?
Take it easy?
Go to town?
Is there anything nicer than reclining? Than lying back and waiting, or being ravaged? There is a selection of yummy blokes and sexy lingerie, all lying back but what happens next to them or has just happened to them is up to you! Write me something that allows us all to lay back and enjoy!

Remember you can take the prompt anyway and get writing! Or you can be inspired in ANY way by the pics and write something tasty - it doesn’t matter! Just write me something.

Whatever the pics below do to you - write it... No matter what smutty delights they unlock.
SO what do these pics do for you, do to you? Just go for it and WRITE anything for ANY FANDOM that the pics or prompt inspires..!

Write me anything - be it Slash, FemmeSlash, AU or AH, canon or even OOC... AND remember for any fandom... Perhaps one of the pics inspires you to write a new chapter in a work-in-progress, or try something new. Be it a drabble, be it a one-shot or be it a WIP, just write for me. Make it sexy, make it sweet and tender, make it sensuous, erotic or downright naughty. Your call. Just let the inspiration take you - be you a BNA or an innocent virgin, wanting your Pervy Picspiration cherry popped for fun. Write whatever the pics inspire in you.....

I’m waiting.........

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy


Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

Week after week, Naughty Nurse Kimpy is full of smiles when her readers offer their support to other readers. For my reader(s) having issues with stretch marks, here's a great suggestion:

I read your post on stretch marks and I agree that no lotion will erase them but I found one (after trying them all) that really makes a difference quickly.
I use 2x a day and they started itching and turning pink like there was new blood flow. if you look really closely you can make out where the mark was but my tummy went from an accordion to almost smooth. It made a huge difference with in the first month. I have been using it for 9 months. Everybody has noticed and all my family is using it. My little sister used it a few times and her red marks faded to pink right away. New ones are easier to get rid of. Any hoo I just had to share because I have lots of stretch marks and am very grateful I found this stuff. It is cheap too.

Hollywood Beauty Cocoa Butter.

Do you have any free porn sites that you would personally recommend? I'm asking you this because I'm finally not ashamed to admit that, yes, I do watch porn occasionally, and there's not much wrong with that, I don't think. I'm not addicted, but it is nice to aid in the release of sexual tension.
I’m so glad you’re at a point where you can admit that you watch porn without feeling any shame. You’re right--there *is* nothing wrong with that (unless it's something that involves graphic violence against any participant, real (not scripted) coercion of any kind, or anything involving underage participants). Most individuals use some kind of porn to enhance their sex lives. In general, Americans tend to have such a prudish attitude toward porn. We don’t want to admit that we use it, yet most of us do! I think that for women especially, it’s important to acknowledge this to one another, so we can start to erase the negative image associated with it. It doesn’t make you slutty, or dirty, or bad if you use porn--it makes you just like everyone else (and please note that Naughty Nurse Kimpy did not use the word normal here).

We recently did a post about good porn resources. Some readers also weighed in on their favorite sites. Give those a try and see if that, uh, lends you a hand. *cough*

Is there something wrong with me because I can't have an orgasm with something, like my fingers or the handle of my razor in me? When I do that, I'm all ready and willing to go, but it's like I give up or I never get to that part. I am a virgin, so I just boil it down to not being experienced. I have like no money at all and I just wanted to know what household items you can use as a dildo. I do use my razor handle, but I think I want to try and work up to something bigger.
There’s nothing wrong with you because you can’t have an orgasm while something is inside you. I’ve mentioned in previous posts that for most women, it’s very hard to achieve an orgasm via vaginal penetration alone. We often require at least clitoral stimulation, and some women prefer both clitoral stimulation and penetration.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy’s first action of business for you, then, is to make sure that you wipe any thoughts of something being “wrong” with you because you’ve never had an orgasm by penetration alone. The more you let your brain dwell on the idea, the more difficult it’s going to become for you to let go and have an orgasm that way. The brain can be your main help or hindrance during sex, so nix that in the bud, pronto.
As far as using household items as a dildo, Naughty Nurse Kimpy strongly urges you not to put such items into your vagina. They can be dirty, and could then be the source of an infection, and they can also cause you physical harm. Using things like electric toothbrushes as a vibrator is one thing; it stays outside of your vagina, so it can’t do any real harm. Putting them inside of you is something altogether different, and you shouldn’t do it. The same goes for using things like cucumbers or other vegetables. Don’t. Just, don’t. Please.

We did a great post on masturbation and jilling off that you can reference for masturbation tips. I recommend that you read that information and try some new things. If it still isn’t working for you, let me know.

GAH! Okay, seriously, here's my question: Is it normal/average/safe to have orgasms nearly every 30 seconds during sex/masturbation?You see, I'm a 20 year old virgin and I bought this rather small dildo (it's barely the width of my two fingers, but gets somewhat thicker towards the base) that I use about once or twice a month. However, when I use it... it's incredible. Within 20 seconds of fucking myself with it, I orgasm and it's intense. Intense GOOD. But, that's not it... I orgasm about every 30 seconds after that as well (and I can go on for however long I want to). Each is the same in intensity and pleasure. Now, I know that there's different types of orgasms (clitoral, vaginal, g-spot, etc), but I'm curious to know if other women have vaginal orgasms as easily and freely as I do? Or is my vagina just ultra sensitive? Will the luck of the orgasm continue when it's a real peen inside of me and not the makeshift one I use now?
*Naughty Nurse Kimpy tries very, very hard to erase the look of envy from her face*

Okay, so what’s the first rule of business here at Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Repeat after me, class: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS NORMAL.
That being said, is it unusual to experience loads of orgasms in a row? Yes, it is unusual. Do other women have vaginal orgasms as freely as you do? No, they do not. You’ve been blessed with the ability to have frequent, easy, intense orgasms, and damn, woman, that’s amazing. Good for you.

Is it safe? As long as your heart keeps beating and you keep breathing, yes. Will these superhero-strength orgasms continue when a real peen substitutes the dildo? Let me phrase it this way--as incredible as vaginal penetration can be using a dildo, it has *nothing* over the real thing. I suspect that when the right guy comes along, you’re not only going to be in heaven, but so will he. You go, girl!
When I was around 8, I got the chicken pox and the first on was on my outer labia. It was a pretty big one, and now years later I have a scar...I think? About a year ago, it began to itch badly, and became slightly raised, but that has gone away and then last week I finally decided to give shaving my kitty a try. I had sort of noticed it before, but it became really prominent after I shaved...there is a large white circle where the chicken pock (also the raised itchy mark) was, and it looks like scar tissue. But is it? I know it is possible to scar from the pox but was it really a scar, what with the itchy raised thing? Hope you can answer my question!

Ah, the joys of infectious diseases, no? Sometimes, Chicken Pox never truly leaves, even after the scabs heal and things return to normal. The virus that causes Chicken Pox, Varicella Zoster, is capable of hiding out in our bodies through our nerve fibers. Later in life, for reasons yet unknown, the virus can reactivate itself and move from the nerve fibers back out to your body, and form new blisters and scabs. This is commonly referred to as Shingles.
Shingles starts out as a tingling, burning, or itching pain, usually on one side of the body, and usually around a person’s trunk--below the navel. Some patients just feel an itch--as did you--while others can’t even stand to have their skin surface lightly touched.

It’s entirely possible that your labial tissue bears a scar from your Chicken Pox; the way you describe the area makes it sound very much like scar tissue. Although the “scar” isn’t bothering you at the moment, the fact that you had a bout of itchiness associated with it makes me suspect that you might have experienced a localized, Shingles-like episode.

While you’re asymptomatic right now, it’s possible that you could flare again at some point. I encourage you to follow up with your gynecologist or regular physician about this matter. They’ll want to keep an eye on the area in case you do have another flare, and there are also different treatments they can offer you should that occur, such as vaccinations, anti-viral medications, and other things to ease the itch.

Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.


Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Team Anything Goes: Immunity by Belladonna1472


The Team Anything Goes pick is...


Title: Immunity
Author: belladonna1472
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,980
Reviews: 36
Summary: In a post-pandemic world, misery and paranoia are strife. When immunologist Jacob Black is sent to a refugee settlement, he encounters a young woman named Rosalie Hale. Does she have what he's looking for? A Jake/Rose story in 3 parts. AH, set in 2051.

Jess - So, in the interest of full disclosure, I had the opportunity to preread this story, and in the process, absolutely fell in love with it. Set well into the future (2051) in a post-pandemic world, Immunity is raw and gritty.

Our characters - Rosalie and Jacob - are fierce. They are survivors who have been shaped by a very tumultuous world around them, from the beginning we see through Jacob’s eye how intense Rosalie is.

The scowl on her face was particularly ugly, a look that conveyed years of hardship and resentment. She was feistier than I ever would have expected.

But he doesn’t begrudge her this. He knows of the world - squalor and poverty - in which she lives. Remember I said she was fierce? In fact, as I was reading, I felt like in some ways this, along with her raw magnetisim and intellectual aptitude, not to mention her persistence and drive, it was the very thing that drew Jake to her.

My growing affinity for her was threatening to cloud my judgment. I had only just met her, yet I was already so concerned for her, so affected by her plight. I told myself to be more rational about the situation and to get what I came for. I needed to take the journal, not share its contents.

"Want to talk about it?" she asked, patting the space next to her.


"Get over here. And no, I don't bite. Not unless you're into that sort of thing."

Now I was picturing her in compromising positions. "You're killing me here," I lamented.

Jake, like Rose, is focused, and he, too, bears a heavy burden. He carries around the knowledge of more bad pandemic news, and he is powerless to do anything about it. One of the things I like about him is how almost proper he seems. Despite people’s expectation that he could take Rosalie as his own, for his own purposes, he is loathe to do that. He tries to maintain a proper distance, and more importantly, tries to make Rosalie (and her mother) see that he isn’t like all those other guys. But before you get all melty inside, let me say this - Immunity is not what I would call a nice little romance in the midst of darkness. There is love, but it’s rough and raw.

In fact, the first glimpse of Jake giving in to his more carnal desires comes on the heels of Rosalie pushing, taunting, almost preying on his needs.

I bucked at her touch, immediately needing more than just her fingers on my cock. "I'm serious. Look, I care about you. But sex is..."

The fifteen seconds were up. My needs made it much more difficult to think straight.

"Bed?" she teased while tugging on me.

I was so hard for her. Something primal in me snapped, and I found myself being much more forward than anticipated. "What's wrong with right here?"

"Nothing," she answered. "How do you want me?"

"Get down on all fours," I ordered, my cock straining against my jeans. "Now. Before I change my mind."

From there... well, you’ll have to read the rest for yourself. What belladonna1472 does in the three short chapters of Immunity will blow your mind and leave you begging for more.

Jeanne - Yeah, I was a prereader for this story too, and I am so thankful I was. I have never read anything like this, in published or fan fiction. belladonna1472 captures a frightening future that often left me chilled and shaken. You can feel the hopelessness and grief in Jacob’s narrative. How he mourns for the world as it once was, and fears for the possible future. Even Rosalie’s beauty seems to sadden him, or rather that she has to live in squalor because of politics and the fears of the rest of the world. The realism to this world is indescribably intense. This is not kiddie ride, make sure to have your big girl pants securely in place before you start reading.

Despite the bleak setting Jacob and Rose shine. Jacob’s intensity and hope won my heart. While this is an older, jaded doctor Jacob I had no problem seeing all the qualities I love in the canon character present and accounted for. Dr. Black is loyal, dedicated and compassionate to a fault. It is drive and determination that brings him to the refugee camp in the first place. Though it is his mistake that eventually leads him to Rose. Oh Rose, fuck do I love her. She has a strength that shines through despite her age; she is younger than Jake. She has an unapologetic confidence that would seem abnormal in a young woman in our times, but makes perfect sense for a girl that has had to survive on her wits.

Put these two intense individuals together, both working toward their own goals that at times conflict and watch the fireworks or rather the mind blowing UST. I’m not exaggerating. There were times it was so tense my jaw ached from clenching. These two want each other, almost from the first time they meet, but circumstances (and Jake’s sense of decorum) hinders there attraction...for a little while at least. When the two of them finally give in to their desires the raw sexuality of their sex was not romantic, but it had a visceral quality that left me breathless.

Yet their emotions and intelligence ground them. These aren’t children in a fairy story. They are adults, standing on the edge of the world with only each other to cling to, and yet they still find love together. Now I guess when I think about it, that is pretty fucking romantic.

Chele - This fic warms my apocalyptic sci-fi nerd heart. And my pants, because holy fuck this is both completely scary and wickedly “ let’s fuck-like it’s the end of the world” hot.

In belladonna1472’s first A/N she states that she mentioned at Comic-Con that she thought this pairing would be interesting to write. What she doesn’t mention is that the audience went wild at the idea.... okay. *I* went wild at the idea, everyone else went o.O.

I’ve always found Jake and Rosalie’s canon friendship disguised as animosity to be a fertile ground for plot bunny breeding, so I was thrilled at the hope that such a talented author would be willing to put these two together. Never in my wildest imaginings could I have dreamed that this scenario would be the result of that, nor that it could be pulled off so brilliantly.

The character’s canon strengths and vulnerabilities are all present, but on this stage they open up a whole new possibility. Rosalie has all of the damage and strength we’ve grown accustomed to, but is able to showcase it in determination and perseverance instead of arctic frigidity. Jacob Black’s fierce intelligence and drive to understand complexity is channeled into medicine instead of auto repair. They’re dropped into a world with no promise of future, and their intensity draws them to one another like magnets. The smut does not get hotter than this. It’s erotic, deperate, and a little dirty.

Belladonna1472 is brave to stray so far from the Twi genre with these characters, but the risk pays off with an intense, character-driven story. If you have even a little bit of love for the post-apocalypse and a penchant for smut, you MUST read Immunity.

Jen - Immunity is such a treat. In just three chapters belladonna1472 gives us a smartly written story: an amazing dystopian universe, a bit of suspense and intrigue, and the undeniable attraction between Jake and Rosalie.

I love this grown-up, thoughtful Jacob. He very much wants to do the right thing. An American turned naturalized British citizen, he’s caught between the people he works for and the refugees from his homeland. He knows that whatever he says can be misconstrued by Rosalie. Although he’s attracted to her, he tries not to show it or allow himself to give in to the feelings because of the great disparity in their statuses.

As much as he finds Rosalie physically beautiful, he’s completely taken with her intelligence and spirit. Rather than weaken his resolve, this makes him even more determined not to have a quick sexual relationship with her. Rosalie’s whip smart, and despite the differences in their circumstances, she’s not afraid to go toe to toe with him. She’s strong and bold, but also shows great vulnerability.

Rose is forthright about wanting to have sex with him, and has even proposed that he marry her and take her to the mainland. Although he’d turned her down and even stopped her from kissing him before, she is Rose, so she’s going to try and try again. She doesn’t mind resorting to trickery to convince him.

"I have the robe on now, so you can look up."

I looked up.

She lied. She was still naked, the robe in her hand.

"You are unbelievable, you know that?" I argued.

I was losing my willpower, and she knew it.

"Yeah, I do know that," she replied, sounding so sure of herself.

I raised my hands in front of me as she approached. It was no good. She dropped the robe on the floor and threw her arms around my neck, kissing me before I could think of doing anything. While her body was dry, her hair was still wet, her locks dripping water on my shirt as she pressed herself against mine.

I was a goner. I kissed her back passionately, slipping my tongue into her mouth and grabbing the back of her neck with one hand. There was no denying it – I definitely wanted her. I groaned as the kiss deepened, telling myself this wasn't the time to be concerned about the outside world. I was here with her now. I grabbed her ass with my other hand and pushed her into my groin. She moaned in approval, sucking on my bottom lip before teasing my tongue with hers.

"Unbelievable, right?" she teased, running a hand down my chest and down to the waistband of my jeans.

Unf! This was just a kiss. The push/pull between them is amazing. They’re physically compatible, intellectually compatible, and they complement each other so well in their ability to both be strong and still show vulnerability. They could definitely be a formidable couple, and no matter what is going on in their very much messed up world, you know they’ll be a force to be reckoned with.

I can’t recommend Immunity enough. It’s not like any other story you’ve read. It will turn you on, it will have you at the edge of your seat, and it will definitely have you wondering what might happen next in this future.

Teal - I’ve never been one for movies about pandemics and post-apocalyptic worlds, yet I find books and fanfics with a similar theme incredibly fascinating. The beginning of this short story drops us at a somewhat unknown time and place. We have no idea why Jacob is in a seemingly abandoned library, how he got there, or what he wants. We also know nothing of the beautiful girl also in search of some unknown book. That all quickly changes.

In this isolated, regressed world, Dr. Jacob Black is an important player, and though only a common young woman, Rosalie is smart and determined. A fire ignites between them almost immediately - both physically and intellectually - but motives are always in question.

Soon enough, though, Jacob can’t hold back from his desire for her. She has no shame in tempting him, but she also challenges him intellectually, and he cannot deny the connection he feels to her. In a world where they have practically nothing, not even the promise of another day in good health, you can clearly see how they need to just feel something.

Though there is romance in a much less traditional way than we normally see it, I wouldn’t call this a love story. The real story, to me, is Jacob’s never ending, ever present struggle between responsibility and helplessness. He knows what so many do not, and while Rosalie fights in hopes of freedom, she has no idea Jacob is actually trying to protect her, even if it might mean they won’t be together. Regardless, the relationship develops and grows swiftly in a time of unrealized peril.

Don’t expect Jacob and Rosalie to band together and save the world in three chapters, but you will see an exciting and captivating fraction of their journey together, and I don’t think you’ll be able to tear yourself away from it until the end.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Lemon Report 9/27/11

The Lemon Report - Fancy finding out what is on the FF bookshelves of the Pervy Girls of the PPSS? The lemon report lets you know our personal favourite updates of the week, and why you should give the fic a try.... It’s a great place to trawl for new recc’s and don’t forget to share your favourite update with us by leaving us a comment.

In some cases, the Lemon Report may contain spoilers. Please read with caution.

Acronym Guide
AU - Alternate Universe
AH - All Human
WIP - Work in Progress
O/S - One Shot
OOC - Out of Character
WP - Wussperv
Slash/Femslash - Features homosexual characters and romance.


Jess - I love it when lemons in stories match the way in which the rest of the story feels. That is exactly the case in this delightful little fic. The feel, the tone, is so spot on, and it feels good watching these two finally come together. (pun intended, lol)

Teal - This fic has been so sweet and charming, but I’ll admit that I’ve been dying to see Edward and Bella take a more serious turn. Yes, they both needed the time to grow into their relationship, but it was tough to not want to let them let loose. WOWZA! Totally worth the wait for their romantic first time.

Emmy- In case you don’t know this yet. I have a serious weak spot for DaddyWard’s, Its kind of my kryptonite. (along with Edward/Riley stories - but let’s talk about that another time eh?). I love how Bella and Edward shuffled around each other a wee bitty, until they become official. I love how Edward’s daughter is important to both Edward and Bella - (completely realistic from my experience parents won’t let just anyone into their children’s lives.) So the pacing was spot-on and delightful and the lemon lovely! Cute, cute, cute!!!!

Jen - idpattthat is the Queen of Cute. Out of Captivity is a darling little story--like Em says, if you love Daddyward you need this fic in your life. Bella’s great- witty and sweet- and it’s been fun watching these two move forward in their relationship. And of course their loving was delicious!

AU, Drabble, Slash, Seth/Jasper

Jeanne - I almost blacked out while reading this fic. No, I’m not going to explain. Just read and make sure you have an oxygen mask near by to keep your self from passing out from the hotness.

Emmy - I love Seylin’s writing. I have been lucky enough for her to write for my pervy picspiration entries before! All her fics are slashfabulous and a treat to read!

Chele - Must have more Seth/Jasper Now! *hyperventilates*

AH, WIP, Edward/Jasper, Slash

Teal - last!!! The truth is out, campaigns are secured, and successes need to be celebrated. And celebrate they do! I get the feeling they’re going to be up all night, and I don’t think I”ll mind watching it all play out.

Emmy - Just when you think you might be a bit tired of Jasper/Edward Slash, a brillo fic comes along that makes them interesting and sexy again! This is one of those fics. I loved this fic and got a bit weepy the last chapter. Such a good fic!

Jen - I love this story! The presentation went so well, and now Edward and Jasper are claiming their reward-with one another. So, so unfy.


Jen - Edward and Bella give good woo!

Jess - Talk about woo and swoon! So good.

Emmy - I tell you one thing! Edward really knows how to woo! Bella’s in the mood to be wooed. This leads to a perfect outcome!

Trin - Oh goodness how I love AnimatorWard. As the ladies said Edward's wooing was fantastic. This update was just delicious.

AU, O/S, E/C, Slash

Jen - I adore how spooky this is AU is. Edward/Carlisle sexytimes are a bonus! I would love to know what happens next!

Emmy - Gah! One of my fave pairings (Ed/Carlisle!) but this fic is much more than the standard slashy slightly older blonde and younger, frisky Edward. There is a mystical and eerie quality to this fic. With a haunting plot and quite an angsty shadow. Beautifully done. Tender, sexy and involving. I WOULD LOVE A SEQUEL. PRETTY PLEASE. PLEASE?! Maybe for FGB BD1? Please?

Jess - This was one of the best AU one-shots I’ve read in a really long time. I loved the mystery of who Carlisle really was, how Edward responded to him, and how their relationship over the course of five days transpires. My heart is aching over the ending... and I just want more. So bad.

Chele - So awesome to see a little mystery in the fandom, and I’m always up for a little Edward/Carlisle. So great.


Jen - Bella finally sees what everyone else sees: she and Baby Barista are a good fit. Sure, their initial one-night stand wasn’t so great, but younger Edward more than makes up for it!

Emmy - So I have completely missed this! But thankfully Jen put it in here, so I raced through the posted chapter tonight, caught up & now can add my tuppence!!! Really loved this fic. Good fun, and Baby Barista is adorable!!!!


Emmy - I have really enjoyed this fic. As with the fic above, its an Edward/Jasper that I have enjoyed. A particular strength is the supporting cast. I particularly enjoy how Esme is Ed’s fag-hag, a lovely one at that. Its unusual for Esme to get that role - its normally Rose or even Bella cast in that role. But more than anything, I love how Edward’s fears and insecurities from his previous relationships are portrayed. And how although Jasper starts the fic off as being the Shag ‘em and bag ‘em type, he’s the one that is left wanting when it comes to Edward.


Jess - This story pretty much owns me right now. Written in very short chapters and posting multiple times a day, we follow the life of Renee, abusive, bi-polar, and an alcoholic, and Bella, who is fighting to care for her. When Edward becomes their new landlord and the romance blossoms between him and Bella, you think it’s going to be all fairy tales and love poems. But this story is so much more. The love between these two is palpable, even amidst the humor. We’re in a touch of drama, but it too shall pass.

Emmy - Loads of folk have recc’d it to me. Being a crappy WussPerv, I am gonna hold off till its safe to read! But I am really looking forward to getting stuck in.


Jess - I have loved this story from the very first chapter. Told through daily Fictionista Witfit prompts, this is the story of two neighbors who become friends and then more. Landscape is written in such an honest, real way, and it’s one of the hallmarks of jennde’s writing that I love so much. The lemon in the latest chapter (46, at the time of me writing this) was exactly what I had hoped for. You will love this story. So, so good.

Jen - I love this so, so much. Bella’s recovery from the death of her husband is painfully realistic, but it makes her improvement all the sweeter. Edward is so sweet, open, and supportive, of course Bella’s falling for him. Like Jess said, the lemon was perfect for these two. Love.

Emmy - I CANNOT tell you much I adore this fic. Jennde’s writing is just wonderful as ever. So rich and honest. I love the realness of this fic, how bitter Bella’s journey began, what a long road it is for her, and how adorably trustworthy Edward is. ( AND Edward is a yummy DaddyWard - my fave!!!) As ever jennde writes a perfectly pitched love scene. Bella and Edward’s fears and insecurities melted into a beautiful, realistic and oh-so fitting lemon. Perfection. Just a wonderful fic.


Jen - This story is humorous- Bella is a grad student searching for Big Foot- yet somehow not completely far-fetched. Jasper’s estranged from the Cullen clan, and living in peace in the very same mountains Bella’s researching in. They’re both surprised by the amount of sexual tension between them and an innocent *cough* massage leads them to explore where all this tension leads. Yum.


Jen - What’s the best thing about being in a long distance relationship? The sex when you are in the same city. Hot boys fucking ftw!

Emmy - I’ve recc’d this to you before! Whats not to love. Porn star Jasper, Computer whizz Edward! Do you need anything else? Throw in some long-distance loving and earnest, cute boys trying to do the right thing? Perfect slashy treat.

AH, O/S, E/B

Emmy - This is an intriguing and engaging O/S. The split narrative means we don’t know what is going on till the very end. We see Edward and Bella jumping back and forth as Teenagers to grown Adults with responsibilities and miles between them - both geographically and metaphorically. The Australian landscape add a gorgeous layer to this story. Its so evocative you can almost feel like you are there in the story. Loved this one-shot.

Trin- Emmy suggested this O/S and I just devoured it. As she said the split narrative is really nice in a story like this becauseyou get more information and back story from both side and you feel like you are getting the complete picture. I'm a sucker for a long distance story and this one is just fantastic.


Jess - There’s nothing like a little taste... a first taste of Bella that is (good grief this sounds crude). Edward finally puts his time in the English world and on the computer to good use. I love how in love these two are. So sweet!

AU, WIP, E/J, Slash

Jen - This wonderfully written AU is a slow burn, in all the best of ways. This is the chapter we’ve all been waiting for, and oh does it burn so good.

AH WIP Jasper/Peter

Jess - I love this story so much, and this update was absolutely delish. Family - love how that word means so much in this story - comes out big here... and the sexy times that ensue... yes!

Teal - I will never tire of Jasper and Peter getting it on, especially when LyricalKris makes them do dirty, wonderful things. Nuff said.

Jen - Desperate Jasper? Uh, yes please.


Teal - I’ve been a few chapters behind in this fic, and I really had a fun time catching up! Things are at an exciting turning point for these two, and I can’t wait to see the fluffy, sexy HEA they’ll have.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Team WussPerv: Off the Beaten Path by rpgirl27

Team Wussperv, this team is made up of myself, Emmy aka Pippapear, Jess aka Jessypt, Kim aka Kimpy0464, & Trin aka TFX or NaughtySparkle. Plus we might every so often have one of our other pervs crash our party, as the fluffy goodness appeals to them too much!

I'm sure you're wondering what the fuck a wussperv is, right? A wussperv is someone that is...
A) Tragically canon
B) Loathes angst (when in massive doses)
C) Loves smut
D) Needs a Happy-Ever-After

We love to read new fluffy recc’s. :) Please let us know your favourite WussPerv friendly fic. It might be Team WussPervs next recc!

The Team WussPerv Pick is...
Title: Off The Beaten Path
Author: RPGirl27
Chapters: 16
Words: 75,000
Reviews: 1,168
Summary: Bella is on a mission to change her life. Will a tiny school in a small mountain town offer her a new beginning? And why does every one want her to stay out of the woods? Set in the 1920s/30s. AH ExB MountainmanWard Rated M for violence/language/sex.

Emmy - I have eternal thanks for our beloved Jen for reccing this fic to us WussPervs! What a find!! An abso treat! I LOVE THIS STORY!
To me this is quite a unique story. I have not read another ff quite like it! Either in story or in characterizations! I think not only do I love this Edward SO so so so so much, but this might be my favourite Jasper. Yep you heard me. Me who is not J’s biggest fan is in love with this Jasper! A wonderful characterization that I feel really brings him to life. Maybe just not in the way you might imagine?

This Bella is a single-minded and strong-willed young woman. She has her own mind and owns it! Despite what the world around her might dictate or expect from her, she forges her own way and often forges on ahead. (What is quite funny to me is that when I first started reading this fic, I didn’t realize it was a historical fic - I thought it was a current day fic. SO even though the fic was set in a different time period, the initial bit that I had read, I didn’t think that the fic read weird or that Bella didn’t sound modern enough!) Yet although she is ballsey and head strong, she is still also a product of her times and the weight of expectations that pressed down on a lady of that era. Especially a lady without status. Bella is a breath of fresh air to the small mining community, pretty much owned and most definitely controlled by one (horrid!!!!) Mr Carlisle Cullen..... Bella’s fresh, objective and unbiased approach to teaching her school room certainly catches the attention of one Edward Masen. But you certainly couldn't call it love or lust at first sight. Fascination? Infuriation? Perhaps.

Raising my fist to rap on it, I saw the door spring open before I could make contact with the weathered wood. A male figure filled the entrance. A male figure toting a very large gun.

I tried to scream, but as it so often happens in dreams, the only sound I made was a strangled shriek as I stumbled back, nearly falling off the porch.

He pressed forward, and I stumbled back until my feet hit the dirt of the yard. I was just about to turn and run, when the evening sun glinted off his hair, a shade of red so unusual, I knew it could only belong to one man. All the anger, hurt, and fear from Saturday bubbled up inside of me, and I found my feet planting themselves firmly, and my finger pointing at him, temporarily forgetting the enormous old rifle he gripped in his hands.

"You!" I shouted accusatorily. "You're the…the…the man who chased me out of the woods!"
He looked between the tip of the gun and me, and shrugged.

"What of it? These are my woods, and you were an intruder. I have every right to run you off, and since it seems you didn't get the message the first time, this is me, inviting you to leave. Now."

Edward pulled the hammer back and the gun made an ominous click, but I had found my voice, and I wasn't leaving until I had given him a piece of my mind.

"You won't scare me off again," I insisted, stamping my foot.

Edward smirked, stifled a laugh that made my cheeks blaze with indignation, and leaned his face down to line up the shot, calling my bluff.

"No?" He stepped closer, the bare skin of his chest and arms becoming more visible the further he came from the shadowy porch. "You must think I'm putting you on, that I won't shoot you, nosey woman with no business wandering around on my land. Who sent you? Cullen? Maybe you came from the devil himself."

"No one sent me; I sent myself. And yes, I believe you would try to shoot me, but that gun is so ancient you'd more than likely blow a hole through your own arm." I may not have looked it, but being a policeman's daughter, I did know something about guns.

His grip on the gun loosened as heBella, she is quite feisty and it's interesting to see how she navigates tared at me in shock. His nose crinkled up, and he looked at me like I was the biggest idiot he had ever met, while I made every effort to not be distracted by his shirtlessness and the soft, laid-back timbre of his voice.

"Now, put that ridiculous thing down and at least let me say what I came to say."

"I ain't interested in anything you have to say, so save your breath and march your pompous little ass back down the mountain where you belong."

My cheeks colored again at his description of me, and his use of profanity in my presence. It wasn't very often that I heard such words used in conversation.

Just as I was about to express my outrage, a little face peeped out of the door behind him, and I quickly closed my mouth, lest my own language be unsuitable for small ears. Clearing my throat, I noticeably shifted my gaze to the small child and smiled at her.

Edward saw the change in my demeanor and glanced over his shoulder. Shaking his head in annoyance, he barked, "Rosie! I told you to stay in the house!"

She smiled back at me around her thumb, which was firmly rooted in her mouth, her other hand coming up to give me a tiny wave.

"In the house, Rosalie Masen. Get in the house!"

She walked up behind him, latched her free arm around his leg and stared up at him. Popping her thumb out, she pointed at me and giggled. "Pretty lady," I heard her say.

Edward rolled his eyes and sighed. He propped the gun against the porch railing and lifted Rosalie up, placing her on his hip. He looked down at her messy blonde curls with a sudden sadness in his eyes, before shifting his stance and redirecting his attention to me.

"Look, lady. Whoever you are and whatever you want, it isn't going to work here," he said in a voice so low I almost didn't hear it. "You keep to your business, and we'll keep to ours. Don't interfere. You don't belong up here."

"I just…I just…" I was tongue-tied by his quiet forcefulness.

"You just what? Want to help?" he snorted. "We don't need your charity, nor do we need the Cullen kind of schoolin,' or his brand of Jesus. Everything Rosie and Jasper need to know, I can tell them my own self. Get off my land, lady, and forget you ever saw us."

He turned around and walked back inside the house, Rosie waving mournfully from her perch on his hip. The door slammed resolutely behind them.

So what about Edward? Jesus Christ - this just might be my favouritist favourite Edward. I can’t say too much about him - as I do NOT want to give away this wonderful plot. But seriously he makes me swoon, squirm and squeee. We start off as seeing him as a total unreasonable grump-a-lump. He appears hot-headed, ignorant and restrictive of his family. But its through Bella’s determination, first at trying to get his family an education and then at trying to get to know Edward that we see the real Edward. Perhaps it is also Edwards determination to see the real Bella that we see Edward. And who is the real Edward? Well you need to read the fic to find out for yourself. But he is a real man, rough, rugged and rawly sexy. But with a molten chocolate pudding [see British definition of pudding not American!) for a heart. The care he takes for all those he considers kin. The protection and protectiveness of those he loves. The things he does for Bella, just because he wants to do right by her. The tenderness contained within. Gah. All of it - its almost too much. (No its not! Its perfect! He’s wonderful!).

I adore the burgeoning relationship between Bella and Edward. I love what they cannot fight. How well suited they are for one another, and how Edward’s world was made for Bella, even if neither of them can necessarily see that at first. So I know you lot want to know about the dirrrrty stuff! Well this fic has the perfect, achey slow build! This represents the setting of the story, the characters circumstances but also the love that builds between the two. Edward wants to do right by Bella. Well he most certainly does her right!!

I don’t want to spoil the goodies for you, so here is a tiny teasey taste!
"But–" I only eeked out one word before he silenced me with a kiss. I could hear the hoots and hollers above the music, but Edward had a way of drowning out the crowd until I only felt him. My fingers gripped the swirl of hair at the nape of his neck, and my tongue inched into his mouth until it tangled with his.

"Take it out back, or at least up in the hayloft, would ya?" Garrett's voice broke through our bubble, and Edward stopped the kiss to snort and laugh.

"I don't need to hide nothin'," Edward shouted back. He raised me up, kissing me with my feet dangling like he seemed to like.
Edward has his own special brand of charm. He’s physically a grafter, and therefore is extremely fit and hardy. I still unffff over the bath scenes, or the scene at the water hole.....

I am not going to spoil this fic for you - you have to devour the very quick and easy read for yourself, for the story to unfold and have you gripped (like Bella in one of Edward’s possessive holds), right to the very end. The story has a few smaller parts - such as The Cullens, and a lovely little sub-story with Jasper. I seriously cannot fault this fic. Except for that it is complete (barring the 2nd and final part of the epilogue!) God I want more of it! An outtake or futuretake? God I ruddy hope so - maybe for FGB? I want everything and anything I can get of these two. As I adore them and this story so! Thank you RPGirl27. I cannot recc this story enough. This story has so much going for it. Its got everything I would want and then some. You MUST read it! Please?

Jen - When I saw grrlinterrupted tweet in excitement about a new Mountainward chapter, I immediately had to ask for the link. I mean, Edward, rugged, mountain. What’s not to like? As it turns out, Off The Beaten Path surpassed any expectation I held. RPGirl27 has given us something completely different in the world of AH fics.

I love this feisty, determined Bella. She’s traveled across the country, alone, to take a job as a teacher in a small West Virginia town. She has no qualms about marching up the mountain to confront a rather curmudgeonly Edward-whom she knows nothing about-for the purpose of getting him to send his young brother and sister to school. Despite being frightened of him, she seems to have no problem defying her employer’s rules. Carlisle Cullen, who hired Bella as the town’s teacher, is a first-class asshole. I’m pretty sure this is the first time I’ve ever despised Carlisle.

Like I said, Edward is a curmudgeon. You get the feeling he’d be a hermit were it not for the fact that he has to care for his two young half-siblings, Rosie and Jasper. There’s a long-standing family feud with Carlisle, and Edward is extremely protective of his siblings, their home, and the land left to them by their father. When you first meet Edward you might think you’ve just met another cocky and obnoxious Edward, but that’s not the case. Inside, he’s a total sweetie; it just takes Bella’s persistence before we get to see it.

Edward and Bella’s first few meetings do not go well, to put it mildly, although there are times I’m sure Bella had whiplash from a few instances of Edward being sweet. But as is often the case with characters who appear to make each other crazy, these two make each other crazy in a good way. The UST is heavy, and their spats definitely toe the line between an outright argument and their own brand of foreplay.

He reached over suddenly, tracing the length of my nose with his fingertip, and looking at me seriously. "You're very pretty." He snorted. "When you're quiet."

A moment went by before I realized what he had said. Furious, I pushed him backward and straddled him, slapping his chest and yelling, "You are a complete and utter…donkey's ass!"

He laughed loudly. "Such language! And from a teacher, no less!" He pretended to be shocked, grabbing at my hands and pulling me down, trapping my arms against his body. The harder I struggled, the more he laughed, and the more I wanted to laugh, too.

Within seconds, we were both laughing so hard we could barely breath. And then the time came when we realized how close we were, and how much closer we'd like to be.

"You really are an ass," I whispered against his lips.

"I'd have to agree," he whispered back before running his tongue along my bottom lip and sucking it into his mouth. However, he didn't stay there long. I felt his lips on my chin, my throat, and my collarbones. It was then that I remembered I only wore a summer nightgown, and I could feel his warm hands fanning out across my back, pushing me closer.

I love it! And it only gets thicker (twss) and more intense as the story continues. I adore how RPGirl27 balances comedy with UST and a plot with a lot of action and adventure. Edward is sexy as hell and Bella’s spine makes you root for her like mad. I haven’t even mentioned the cuteness of Rosie and the way that Jasper looks up to and emulates his big brother. Go on and discover the joys of Mountainward for yourself!

Jess - I have a soft spot for historical fiction; there’s something magical about being transported to another era and immersed in a different time. So, when I heard the girls raving about “Mountainword,” I knew this story was for me. Off the Beaten Path, as Jen so nicely described, is the story of a young, fierce, independent woman who sets out with conviction to start a new life. As a woman, there’s something very compelling about Bella’s story, and as you read, it immediately pulls you in. She starts off with this:
Twenty-four years old, never married, and no family to speak of, I had decided to make myself over, to start again.
The situation from which Bella leaves is one none of us want to experience, and yet many of us have. Through it all, she handles every challenge with dignity, confidence, and passion.

Edward is equally fiery and passionate. He is a man of humble means, working the land that’s been in his family’s possession, and very much a loner. Above all, he is fiercely protective of his home, his land, and his family - Jasper and Rose. We see time and again how this plays out, but none more clearly than the children’s first day of school.

My fingers were finally able to work Rosalie's hair loose, and as soon as she was free, I bolted out of the door after Jasper and Mr. Cullen. I got no further than the doorway, when I spied the next disaster about to befall the day.

Edward was striding down the road, gun thrown over his shoulder, his expression warring between two emotions, determination and absolute furiousness. I flew toward Mr. Cullen, my hands yanking on his arm, trying to get it away from Jasper's throat. He attempted to shrug me off, but I hung on him, pulling with all my weight and strength, at the same time, shouting that Jasper wasn't to blame for the incident.

The schoolyard quieted, but I kept shouting, until I heard a booming, though always melodious, voice call out to me.

"Bella Swan! Get out of the way!"

Edward had reached the schoolyard, stopping just short of the gate. Instead of his gun being slung over his shoulder, he had whipped it around, snapped the barrel open, loaded and readied it to fire with the ominous clicking sound I recognized from when I had formerly been his target.

But that level of protection doesn’t just stop there. As Bella forces her way into their lives it extends to her. And it’s in the warring that goes on between these two, that we see love and friendship and companionship and new feelings grow and abound.

Like the girls have said, there are so many amazing things about this story, but perhaps the thing I love most is the way Bella doesn’t seem to adhere to all the natural conventions of the time. It’s clear she values the “rules,” but she doesn’t let them stand in the way of her growing feelings or what she feels is right. When they finally quit denying their feelings and give in, it just feels so... them.
I couldn't remember the last time I was tickled.

As it had earlier in the night, our innocent games turned not so innocent when he started kissing the bare flesh he found at my throat. My back arched, still trying to wiggle away from his tickling fingers, but they swept up my ribs and settled on my chest, his palms rubbing against my breasts for barely a second before traveling up and cupping my face. Our eager mouths were joined once more, his kisses even more fervent than before.

My skin was hot, and so was his. I clutched at the bareness of his arms, digging my nails in. Our heavy breaths filled the night air, until it was all I heard, and all I wanted to hear.

Wantonly, I swung my legs over his hips, craving his touch in ways that I had never imagined. The movement seemed to snap him out of the web of lust we had caught ourselves in, and he stilled, panting and groaning in my ear.

"We must stop this, or I'll be showing you how babies get here. From a not so scientific standpoint."

Beyond all this, the secondary characters - Alice, Jasper, Rose, and even Carlisle - have unique voices and play very important roles in this story. RPGirl27 does an excellent job using them to help tell and move this story along in a well-written, well-paced, and well-balanced way.

Ladies, if you are looking for a story that is different, has UST (gah!) galore, then look no farther. Make sure you leave RPGirl27 some love along the way, and tell her the Pervs sent you.

Trin - Oh sweet mercy this story is just superb.

Teal - Wait a minute... *looks around* ...what am I doing in a Team WussPerv rec? Well, my little pervlings, the fact of the matter is that this fic is just that good. If you don’t already believe it after all the amazing reviews my friends have given you here, let me just drive it home.

From the very beginning, I was taken with this fic because it’s just plain different. The plot is unique, dabbling in historical fiction, which gave it a refreshing spin on the usual All Human stories. The times were quite different, of course, and we had to see how Bella of this era would handle sexual inequality and being alone in the world with no family. It’s clear by her cross country move from Washington to West Virginia that she’s brave, a fact that she proves over and over (and over) again throughout the entirety of the fic. I also loved that the setting for this was so unique. Variety is always nice, but mountainous West Virginia opened doors to a completely different culture and lifestyle.

Now darlings, heed a few warnings: Carlisle is not likeable. At all. Jasper is a born charmer...but he’s only fourteen. But do I still think it’s worth the effort, even when you’ll be so sad about our favorite Father of the Year cast as the bad guy? Oh, fuck yeah.

There is such wonderful UST in this story, and it doesn’t come without explanation or reason. Edward is immediately inclined to dislike Bella because she is trying to pull his siblings into what he believes is the Cullen’s world. Family feuds cut deep, and grudges are held. However, his attempts to scare her off don’t work. Bella is bull-headed, and her meddling persistence is actually part of what keeps Edward interested. Her genuine interest in the well-being and education of Jasper and Rosalie doesn’t hurt much either. And Edward...oh *swoon*. He’s definitely a little rough around the edges at times, yet inexplicably refined at times. Though he lacks formal education, he holds a wealth of knowledge. His worth ethic is fierce. Of course, he’s pretty, too =) Beard-y Edward playing the banjo? Uh, yes please!

There’s just so much to these characters. They annoy and piss each other off at many times, always struggling to be the one in control and the one who knows best, but that’s part of what makes them so perfect together. They do whatever it takes to be together, sacrifice everything, and never give up. Now, if that isn’t true love, then I don’t know what is. The intensity of their relationship is what makes each love scene so sexy. It’s as though each moment they have is filled with desperation and need. They know they want forever, but life keeps working against them, so they take each moment as if it’s the last they have.

I’m seriously in love, friends. By far one of the most unique fics out there right now, and I’m sure that once you start reading, you won’t be able to stop!

[Emmy - ETA: Teal is a big fluff E/B loving whore! Don’t believe otherwise! ;) lol]