Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy - 05/02/2012

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to asks someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER:
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be
incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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Today’s post starts with the heralding of NATIONAL MASTURBATION MONTH! Naughty Nurse Kimpy loves this month and wants all her readers to know that none of them need to fear blindness if they choose to celebrate the month hard and repeatedly. After all, masturbation is always consensual, safe and fun, so it totally gets the ANNK seal of approval. If you need more resources on this wonderful month, check out our previous posts on masturbation.

Today’s post starts with some helpful advice from a wonderful ANNK reader:

Hi Naughty Nurse Kimpy, this isnt a question, but I wanted to point something out for all your lovely readers that’s something a bit embarrassing: Recently I saw my GP as I am experiencing bladder incontinence for no apparent reason - I am 21 years old with no children and no other nasties that might be causing it. I was quite embarrassed to ask her but she has now sent me off to have my bladder "re-trained" and I’ve also been given pelvic floor exercises to do - 200 a day!

I'm not suggesting women go straight to the PF exercises without consulting their doctor, but don't be embarrassed no matter your age or if you've had children or not if you have bladder weakness - get it checked out!

You know, no matter what age you may be, pelvic floor exercises, also known as kegels, are a really important way to keep your cooter and bladder in tip top shape. It helps you completely drain your bladder, and also helps you to be a more proactive partner during sex. Thanks for turning your embarrassment into something positive that we can all benefit from.

Faithful ANNK reader BJR is always sending Naughty Nurse Kimpy wonderful resources and references to share with her readers, and this lovely bit of wisdom is a great example. Here’s some research that Kimpy would love to volunteer for! Women’s brains on porn. It explains A LOT. just saying.

Nurse Kimpy has a few more questions about painful sex that didn’t fit in last week’s post, so she’s finishing up her work on the topic today.

Hi :) Basically, when I have sex it's really quite painful. Specifically when I have my legs behind the guys head, and if we're both sitting up, face to face. It's not like there's a lack of lubrication or anything like that, it just sort of hurts... I was wondering if you had any ideas as to why this would be? I'm getting bored of not being able to enjoy sex!

Hi NNK. I have to say, I really LOVE reading your posts! With that being said, I have a question. My new boyfriend and I love to have doggy style sex and it gets a little rough sometimes, which is fine. BUT our pelvic bones clash and after we are done it HURTS bad. For both of us. I am a pretty heavy set girl but am really bony down there I guess. Any suggestions to help ease the pain or prevent it??

Nurse Kimpy feel for both of you, because you’ve mentioned some pretty freaking awesome sexual positions, and it would be a shame if you had to forgo them due to discomfort and pain.

For the first question, Nurse Kimpy wonders if perhaps you might have a tipped or inverted uterus that is the source of your discomfort in those specific positions. She encourages you to consult with your gynecologist to see if that might be the case. It’s also possible that your partner has a larger penis, and that in those positions, it more readily bumps into your cervix or an ovary. That is a big old OW. You might want to experiment a little with your partner, to see if speed or rhythm make a difference in those positions. Give it a good try before giving up completely.

You might just giggle at this next suggestion, but if you truly want to spice up your sex life with more interesting positions, the best place to go is Cosmopolitan magazine. You can find just about every sexual position and then some at their Sex Positions website. Try as many of the positions as you can, and Nurse Kimpy feels confident that you’ll be able to find some positions that are *far* from boring.

It’s a sad fact of life that the doggie style position tends to cause a lot of problems for some women. It’s so easy for the penis to bonk into the cervix or an ovary in that position. It sounds like, however, that it’s your pelvic bones that are causing you specific problems. Nurse Kimpy isn’t clear if it’s hurting you during sex or afterwards... it could be that your pelvic muscles aren’t used to being used in that way, and that the positions makes your muscles and/or ligaments sore. Since you mention that you that you enjoy that position, you could try playing around with variations that get you where you need to go, but with putting less stress on your hip joints.

Nurse Kimpy went straight to the Naughty Nurse Kimpy Sex Lab Assistants to come up with a few ideas for you and your boyfriend to try:



You can also try special cubes designed to take some of the stress off of your joints.

If these suggestions don’t seem to help resolve your problem(s), please let Nurse Kimpy know, and she will do some more research on the topic.

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Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy 11-23-11

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER:The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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Since today is Thanksgiving, it is only right that Naughty Nurse Kimpy should list a few of the things she’s thankful for this year.

Thank you to Susan B. Anthony and the hordes of women who fought so hard to give women the right to vote;

Thank you to Margaret Sanger and the women who followed in her footsteps who championed the importance of birth control;

Thank you to all the women who tried to get the ERA passed in the ‘70s. Even though their efforts were unsuccessful, they made it possible for women to knock on that glass ceiling. Today, many of us have a choice of whether to have a career, or be stay at home moms--a choice our mothers and grandmothers never really had.

Most of all, thank you to all of you, the women who read this blog. This fandom is full of so many strong, intelligent women who challenge me to be my best every day. I’m eternally grateful.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy ran across something interesting this week, so naturally, she needs to share it with you. It helps to explain why so many women have difficulty achieving an orgasm through penetration alone. It’s called The Rule of Thumb. If the distance between your clit and the vaginal opening is less than 2.5 cm (approximately the length from the tip of the thumb to the first knuckle), it’s easier for you to achieve orgasms during sexual penetration. If the distance is more than that, it becomes more difficult to get that O-face place. On an aside, it also means that if you have a partner with hands like Rob Pattinson, don’t use his thumb as a means of measurement. Just saying. *giggles*

can your breasts/nipples lose sensitivity from being squeezed too hard or stimulated too often?

Good question! In general, no, you can squeeze away at your nipples and they’ll be just as reactive as always. There are ways to lose nipple sensitivity, though, that you should be aware of. Women who get breast implants and women who pierce their nipples can be at risk for losing sensitivity after the procedures. Now, Nurse Kimpy isn’t telling you not to get your nipples pierced (god forbid), and many women will report that the piercings heighten their sensation. For some women, however, they permanently lose some sensation with those procedures. Be aware that they are a possible side effect.

I understand that ovulation can make a female more aroused for sex, considering that hormones rule our body. I'm most definitely a victim of this circumstance every month. I guess my husband is actually the victim (albeit a very willing one). But we've both noticed that his body odor spikes during the time of my ovulation. (without change to his daily routine) So, since I'm basically "in heat".......what's going on with him? Is he "in rut"? It's happened enough to be more than a coincidence. Ever heard of this?

OMG I LOVE MY READERS. Seriously, I can't emphasize that enough. You people are simply wonderful! How awesome is it that you take my silly missive on hormones and think about it in terms of your own human sexual behavior? Mr. Kimpy gets a little worried sometimes, because I'm frequently running around the house squeeing over reader questions. Trufax. Trust.

Okay, I will set my adulation aside for a moment to consider your question about the male version of being run by horny hormones. Now, the human body can do all kinds of amazing, remarkable things when it comes to responsiveness between the sexes. The uterus, for example, can actually move its position in response to the release of semen (due to the detection of testosterone)--it does this to facilitate conception. The movements are so slight that you don't notice them, but it's one of the small ways we achieve successful fertilization. And what, pray tell, is responsible for these movements? You guessed it.

HORMONES.

The specific chemicals that come into play for sexual attraction and arousal are known as pheromones. Pheromones are incredible. Without even saying a word, partners can size one another up and determine things like sexual desire, level of arousal, or fertility. Without even engaging our conscious brains, we already know the answers to those unasked questions. Pheromones can act like mini matchmakers to attract the opposite sex.

In general, women have a keener sense of smell than do men. Curiously, when it comes to sexual arousal, gay men have a sense of smell on par with straight women. Lesbians tended to have a more muted response than do straight women.

A study was done where straight men were given t-shirts worn by women who were either on the pill, or women whose cycles were regular and not otherwise controlled. The men had to rate the sexual attractiveness of the smells, and every time, they chose the t-shirts that had been worn by women who were ovulating. So, when Naughty Nurse Kimpy stomps her tiny foot to state emphatically that sex is a biologic imperative? This is what she means.

While men in general don’t react to female ovulation with their own cyclical pheromone release, as in rutting, what is most likely happening is that your husband is reacting to your ovulation-specific scent with a like scent of his own, created just for you, to make you just as aroused as you make him. I mean, how cool is that? You’re totally in-sync pheromonically (NNK thinks she just coined a new word there). Go, you! *fist pump for those rockin’ pheromones*

hi, so i was reading the question about kissing, and i wanted to ask a bit more about it. I'm really severely tongue-tied, like the thingy under my tongue goes from the tip of my tongue to where my teeth start on the bottom of my mouth. i haven't had much experience with kissing, but what experience i have had has been a bit strange and, well, hasn't worked out that well. Do you think i should get it cut? or do you have some other advice for kissing, and, hem, naughty things?

OOOH, this is really a tough one. Naughty Nurse Kimpy typically feels squicked out about telling women to modify their bodies. Unless it’s something that is truly needed, like when women have microperforate hymens, her response is to leave things as they are. Being tongue-tied, though, can cause issues for you not only sexually, but in daily life, when it comes to things like speaking. She suggests that you consult with your primary physician about this issue, to see what they recommend. It’s okay for you to address your concern about kissing (you certainly don’t need to elaborate on specifics--just talk in generalities), and to see if perhaps it makes sense to have surgery. However, NNK wants to emphasize that if you choose to stay as you are, there’s nothing wrong with that, and any guy who wants to be with you needs to accept that. If they cannot? Then that partner isn’t the right one for you. Good luck and please let me know how it goes for you.

I've recently become sexually active in the last year, only having sex about 5 times. But it's really painful for me? Is this a serious problem and are there ways to lessen the pain?

Naughty Nurse Kimpy is very sorry for the discomfort you feel when you have sex. That goes against her mantra of “fun” sex. Never fear, dear reader, there are some suggestions that might just help infuse that fun into sex for you--so let’s give it a go, shall we?

The first thing to address is the issue of lubrication. Perhaps you aren’t wet enough when you have sex to eliminate the friction that can cause you discomfort. Trust, this isn’t a critique of your ability to get sexually aroused; you might just be someone who needs more lubrication than less. Try using a long-lasting, water-based lube like KY Intrigue, Astroglide, or Pjur Woman Bodyglide.

If lube alone doesn’t solve the problem, there’s also a possibility that your partner’s peen girth is too wide. Yes, that is a genuine problem, trust me. It’s actually the penis’ girth, not length, that can cause pain during sex. If girth is indeed an issue, the good news is that using lots of lube and having regular sex will gradually allow you to stretch to a point where sex isn’t painful anymore. It also helps to be very wound up, or sexually aroused, before you move to penetration. That ensures that you’re physically ready to accommodate whatever your partner shoves your way. Literally.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy also recommends that you pay a visit to your gynecologist. They can take a look at your cooter to see if there aren’t structural issues that might be causing your physical discomfort. For example, it could be that you have a stubborn hymen that didn’t fully tear the first time you had sex. You could also have an inverted uterus, which can cause some sexual positions to be really uncomfortable. It’s possible that your partner hits your ovaries while he’s thrusting, and you might have a cyst that causing the pain. It’s always a good idea to rule out anything physical as you’re problem solving.

Give these things a try, and please follow up to let me know if they do, or do not, work. We can always brainstorm more solutions for you.

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