Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy 11-23-11


Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

Since today is Thanksgiving, it is only right that Naughty Nurse Kimpy should list a few of the things she’s thankful for this year.

Thank you to Susan B. Anthony and the hordes of women who fought so hard to give women the right to vote;

Thank you to Margaret Sanger and the women who followed in her footsteps who championed the importance of birth control;

Thank you to all the women who tried to get the ERA passed in the ‘70s. Even though their efforts were unsuccessful, they made it possible for women to knock on that glass ceiling. Today, many of us have a choice of whether to have a career, or be stay at home moms--a choice our mothers and grandmothers never really had.

Most of all, thank you to all of you, the women who read this blog. This fandom is full of so many strong, intelligent women who challenge me to be my best every day. I’m eternally grateful.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy ran across something interesting this week, so naturally, she needs to share it with you. It helps to explain why so many women have difficulty achieving an orgasm through penetration alone. It’s called The Rule of Thumb. If the distance between your clit and the vaginal opening is less than 2.5 cm (approximately the length from the tip of the thumb to the first knuckle), it’s easier for you to achieve orgasms during sexual penetration. If the distance is more than that, it becomes more difficult to get that O-face place. On an aside, it also means that if you have a partner with hands like Rob Pattinson, don’t use his thumb as a means of measurement. Just saying. *giggles*

can your breasts/nipples lose sensitivity from being squeezed too hard or stimulated too often?

Good question! In general, no, you can squeeze away at your nipples and they’ll be just as reactive as always. There are ways to lose nipple sensitivity, though, that you should be aware of. Women who get breast implants and women who pierce their nipples can be at risk for losing sensitivity after the procedures. Now, Nurse Kimpy isn’t telling you not to get your nipples pierced (god forbid), and many women will report that the piercings heighten their sensation. For some women, however, they permanently lose some sensation with those procedures. Be aware that they are a possible side effect.
I understand that ovulation can make a female more aroused for sex, considering that hormones rule our body. I'm most definitely a victim of this circumstance every month. I guess my husband is actually the victim (albeit a very willing one). But we've both noticed that his body odor spikes during the time of my ovulation. (without change to his daily routine) So, since I'm basically "in heat".......what's going on with him? Is he "in rut"? It's happened enough to be more than a coincidence. Ever heard of this?

OMG I LOVE MY READERS. Seriously, I can't emphasize that enough. You people are simply wonderful! How awesome is it that you take my silly missive on hormones and think about it in terms of your own human sexual behavior? Mr. Kimpy gets a little worried sometimes, because I'm frequently running around the house squeeing over reader questions. Trufax. Trust.

Okay, I will set my adulation aside for a moment to consider your question about the male version of being run by horny hormones. Now, the human body can do all kinds of amazing, remarkable things when it comes to responsiveness between the sexes. The uterus, for example, can actually move its position in response to the release of semen (due to the detection of testosterone)--it does this to facilitate conception. The movements are so slight that you don't notice them, but it's one of the small ways we achieve successful fertilization. And what, pray tell, is responsible for these movements? You guessed it.


The specific chemicals that come into play for sexual attraction and arousal are known as pheromones. Pheromones are incredible. Without even saying a word, partners can size one another up and determine things like sexual desire, level of arousal, or fertility. Without even engaging our conscious brains, we already know the answers to those unasked questions. Pheromones can act like mini matchmakers to attract the opposite sex.

In general, women have a keener sense of smell than do men. Curiously, when it comes to sexual arousal, gay men have a sense of smell on par with straight women. Lesbians tended to have a more muted response than do straight women.

A study was done where straight men were given t-shirts worn by women who were either on the pill, or women whose cycles were regular and not otherwise controlled. The men had to rate the sexual attractiveness of the smells, and every time, they chose the t-shirts that had been worn by women who were ovulating. So, when Naughty Nurse Kimpy stomps her tiny foot to state emphatically that sex is a biologic imperative? This is what she means.

While men in general don’t react to female ovulation with their own cyclical pheromone release, as in rutting, what is most likely happening is that your husband is reacting to your ovulation-specific scent with a like scent of his own, created just for you, to make you just as aroused as you make him. I mean, how cool is that? You’re totally in-sync pheromonically (NNK thinks she just coined a new word there). Go, you! *fist pump for those rockin’ pheromones*

hi, so i was reading the question about kissing, and i wanted to ask a bit more about it. I'm really severely tongue-tied, like the thingy under my tongue goes from the tip of my tongue to where my teeth start on the bottom of my mouth. i haven't had much experience with kissing, but what experience i have had has been a bit strange and, well, hasn't worked out that well. Do you think i should get it cut? or do you have some other advice for kissing, and, hem, naughty things?

OOOH, this is really a tough one. Naughty Nurse Kimpy typically feels squicked out about telling women to modify their bodies. Unless it’s something that is truly needed, like when women have microperforate hymens, her response is to leave things as they are. Being tongue-tied, though, can cause issues for you not only sexually, but in daily life, when it comes to things like speaking. She suggests that you consult with your primary physician about this issue, to see what they recommend. It’s okay for you to address your concern about kissing (you certainly don’t need to elaborate on specifics--just talk in generalities), and to see if perhaps it makes sense to have surgery. However, NNK wants to emphasize that if you choose to stay as you are, there’s nothing wrong with that, and any guy who wants to be with you needs to accept that. If they cannot? Then that partner isn’t the right one for you. Good luck and please let me know how it goes for you.

I've recently become sexually active in the last year, only having sex about 5 times. But it's really painful for me? Is this a serious problem and are there ways to lessen the pain?

Naughty Nurse Kimpy is very sorry for the discomfort you feel when you have sex. That goes against her mantra of “fun” sex. Never fear, dear reader, there are some suggestions that might just help infuse that fun into sex for you--so let’s give it a go, shall we?

The first thing to address is the issue of lubrication. Perhaps you aren’t wet enough when you have sex to eliminate the friction that can cause you discomfort. Trust, this isn’t a critique of your ability to get sexually aroused; you might just be someone who needs more lubrication than less. Try using a long-lasting, water-based lube like KY Intrigue, Astroglide, or Pjur Woman Bodyglide.

If lube alone doesn’t solve the problem, there’s also a possibility that your partner’s peen girth is too wide. Yes, that is a genuine problem, trust me. It’s actually the penis’ girth, not length, that can cause pain during sex. If girth is indeed an issue, the good news is that using lots of lube and having regular sex will gradually allow you to stretch to a point where sex isn’t painful anymore. It also helps to be very wound up, or sexually aroused, before you move to penetration. That ensures that you’re physically ready to accommodate whatever your partner shoves your way. Literally.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy also recommends that you pay a visit to your gynecologist. They can take a look at your cooter to see if there aren’t structural issues that might be causing your physical discomfort. For example, it could be that you have a stubborn hymen that didn’t fully tear the first time you had sex. You could also have an inverted uterus, which can cause some sexual positions to be really uncomfortable. It’s possible that your partner hits your ovaries while he’s thrusting, and you might have a cyst that causing the pain. It’s always a good idea to rule out anything physical as you’re problem solving.

Give these things a try, and please follow up to let me know if they do, or do not, work. We can always brainstorm more solutions for you.

Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.



Abigail said...

Okay, SEE! I've been telling my friends for yours that my husband smells AMAZING, and even more so at that particular time in my cycle, but they always tell me I'm crazy, that I'm making it up. Even he thinks I'm wacky when I tell him he smells fantastic after a workout HA! I'm so glad to be validated once and for all.

kimpy0464 said...

Your friends are osmologyfail (the science of smells). They think the same thing, even if it is only subconscious. Trust, they chose their partners partly by sense of smell, so they're all full of it. You just shove ANNK under their noses and let them know that you know EXACTLY what you're talking about. :)

Drea said...
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Jeanne said...


We forwarded your helpful information on to the Naughty Nurse. Thank you so much for contributing.