Thursday, May 12, 2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy


Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

A special thanks to my reader for sharing this great Happy Vag PSA:

This isn't so much a question as a potential topic idea. I have had a few experiences with Bartholin abscesses and sebaceous cysts on my Labia (minora and majora) Anyway it really really freaked me out until I saw my Dr. I had no idea that that could happen. What was freakiest was when I took a mirror and scoped my self out. Holy crap. I looked like I was growing a third leg. OUCH. After my Dr visit I mentioned it my my two sisters because I was shocked when the Dr told me how common they are but few people realize it. (I know I never knew my poor cooter could have a case of 'acne'!) Anyway both my younger sisters told me they have had them before and it freaked them out. So now we are like these three pussy pimple proselytizers. Wanting to let women know they don't need to suffer in silence the Drs can give you antibiotics, and that baths in Epsom salts are your friends. And apparently if one gland gets blocked then reinfected repeatedly, they can actually do laser surgery to just get rid of that one glad. It would suck, but if you have the amount of pain I was in repeatedly, I could see the allure of just dealing with it once and for all.
Now on to this week's questions:

Hey there! I saw your post about bareback clean up and found it SO informative! Thank you for that!

It does however, make me curious about anal clean up... any recommendations for that? How do you know it will all come out? What if you have to fart?? That sounds like it'd be pretty disgusting... but I know that I like anal play with hands and toys so I'm interested in knowing *laughs* Any help you can give would be greatly appreciated!

We did a post on anal sex, which you can reference here: Anal Prep. Read this first.

Next, let's just be out with it: anal sex can be messy, embarrassing, and noisy. If you can't even handle the thought of things like farts, or the possibility of poop becoming involved, then anal play probably isn't for you. I'm not saying this happens all the time, but there is always the potential for it when you're messing around with the anus. However, even someone as anally retentive as Naughty Nurse Kimpy has ways around the squick factor.
One easy way to avoid mess and embarrassment is to save anal play for in the shower--clean up is a breeze in case of an accident. I recommend that you use condoms with anal sex as a common practice, because it is not only safe, it makes for easy clean up. If you want to stick to anal play with your hands, you can use disposable gloves, which are like condoms for the hand (yes, things like that make Naughty Nurse Kimpy insanely happy).

I think the best advice I can give you is to clean up before you start (hello, anal douching), use condoms and/or gloves, and probably a towel underneath if you are having anal sex on dry land. Above all, approach it all with a good sense of humor, because it can be gross. Hopefully, it won't be, but you need to be prepared for anything. Just saying.
My question is in correlation to anal sex. I read your column every week and I read the one on anal sex and a question popped (tee hee) into my mind. Is it possible to orgasm from anal sex? I mean, is it very pleasurable for the female in that position? I have never tried anal sex and if I am being honest I am not really all that interested in going that route but it seems fanfics and books I have read depicting the act make it seem like it is a mind blowing experience for both male and female. Thank you in advance, your advice is always beyond helpful :)

I love it when questions pop up *giggles*. They do that all the time in my naughty, pervy brain. It's good to know I'm not alone.

Before you read my answer, be sure to read the anal sex post that I reference in the previous question, and read the previous Q+A as well. It will give you more insight into the ins and outs of anal.

My dear, it's possible to have an orgasm from just about anything, depending upon your own responses. Now, is it possible to orgasm from anal penetration alone? For some people, yes it is. For others, they need some additional stimulation. In fact, anal sex usually feels much better if you are engaging some of your other erogenous zones simultaneously. You might want to use a vibrator in your vag while being worked from behind. Or, you could focus on your clit. Or stimulate your nipples. Whatever floats your boat, really. The skin around the anus, and the anus itself, is filled with bundles of nerves. Stimulation there can be a very pleasurable sensation.

No matter what is described in FFn, however, you have to understand that sometimes anal sex can be very painful and not enjoyable. It isn't always a great experience. I've read it in one fic, Art After 5 by Sleepy Valentina, where it wasn't such a pleasurable experience. Remember, the operative word in Fan Fiction is fiction. For every good anal experience in reality, I can assure you there is also a bad one. Keep that in mind, it will give you the right perspective in all of this.

What sends up a big red flag for me is your statement, "I'm not really all that interested in going that route..." No matter how pleasurable anal sex may be, if you aren't interested in doing it, it probably won't be an enjoyable experience for you. And you know what? That's perfectly fine. One of the incredible things about the human sexual experience is that we all have a range of things that we like to do, and the fun is discovering what they are. Plus, tastes can change over time, so while anal might not be appealing to you today, some day, it just might. In the meantime, please be careful to make sure that the activities you engage in are the ones you want to engage in--you have a choice in what you do or do not want to experience. Be sure to use your voice and be clear with your partner about what your choices are. *Naughty Nurse Kimpy PSA rant over*
Before I ask my question, I have to say how much I appreciate your blog. As a prenursing student, I know how important it is to have the medical side of sex talked about...and no one ever talks about it! So thanks!

So here's what I'm there a physiological side to attraction? Because I don't seem to have a particular "type" in men's looks; mostly for me me it's all about personality. But is there something going on inside the brain that tells a woman to be attracted to a guy? Or is it all just society and preferences? Because I am dating this guy who is about 5 years older than me, and not attractive by society's standards...yet I just can't get enough =D

Thanks! Just curious; this question has come up in many girl conversations over the years.

First of all, you're making me blush; stop it. I'm just doing my job, ma'am. The thing is, I know there are a lot of sex questions out there that have medical issues attached to them, but they're far too embarrassing for most people to ask. That's where I come in. I'm so happy to give women reassurances and hope, and hopefully a little bit of help, too, all in beautiful anonymity.

Now, as for the biology of attraction. I could go on for ages about this, but I will try to spare you the Naughty Nurse Kimpy lecture. Or, as my husband likes to say, "Not everyone is as interested in subject x as you are, Kimpy..." The science of evolution goes a long way to point out that there is definitely science attached to why we are attracted to certain types of individuals. Pheromones exist for all animal species, humans included. Trufax.

Your question is also a very timely one--just this morning, I read a very interesting piece in theWall Street Journal. The Tricky Chemistry of Attraction explains how there is a chemical component to attraction between the sexes. It turns out that women who use birth control pills can actually alter the chemical signals they emit, and it also affects their preferences in the type of partner they want. As much as we'd like to say that attraction is a complex, emotional process, very often much of that process stems from very basic instincts over which we have little control.
Think about the most basic tenets of attraction: scent. It's a common theme in Twilight and FFn, for example. Some individuals just stink when you smell them, while some others, you can't get enough of. It seems strange that among all the intricacies involved in a relationship, a guy's--or girl's, for that matter--scent could shut everything down for you. Mr. Kimpy always says it's the first thing he notices. If a woman doesn't smell right, nothing else matters (so, thank god I came packaged with the correct scent, huh?). Our brains are wired to pick up these kind of things, whether we like it or not. The funny thing is, we do it without even stopping to think about it--it's just human nature.

So you see, Darwin was definitely on to something, and the latest research continues to prove his point. When it comes to the laws of attraction for you, who really cares what other people think? If he's attractive to you, that's all that matters in the end. To paraphrase my dear friend MsKathy from her story Acceptance, "I fall in love with people, not genders." If personality does it for you, then go for personality, every time. Clearly, your brain--and no doubt, your body--knows what it's doing. Go forth and conquer, bb. It's what your body is telling your brain to do, after all.

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Anonymous said...

Ho thank god for naughty nurse! thanks for this post its somthing that I love to read whenever it comes out!