Pervy Picspiration

Emmy wants your words. (amongst other things...) Every week Emmy will post a pic or 2 - containing phwoarrrr-worthy blokes from across the seas, some hunks from closer to home and sometimes some dangerously delish knickers and lingerie. What do we want from you in return? Well...... We want you to be inspired by these pics and to leave Emmy a delish drabble or longer story inspired by the pic(s).

Leave your story offering in the comments section and, if you want to, post it to your FF account (pm the link to Emmy at http://www.fanfiction.net/~pippapear) mentioning the PPSS, by the following Wednesday. Each Friday Emmy will reveal her fave (entirely personal & subjective opinions belonging to Emmy) and at the same time post the next pervy picspiration for your pleasure. Non-Canon writers don’t despair - Emmy might be tragically WussPerv©, but there are plenty of equal opportunity pervs in the pack longing to read those if Emmy turp’s out.

Emmy is DYING to see what dirty delights you are going to come up with...

*Please make sure your story offering is in line with our mission statement

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So here is a reminder of red hot kitchen loving actions.

Did they inspire some hot and steamy kitchen action of your own?

And do remember we are now linking with TwiFicPics for a monthly pervtastic banner competition! Read more about it here Pervy Banner TwiFicPics Competition We announced Feb’s winner last month! Winner of Pervy Picspiration Banner Keep your eyes peeled SOON for March’s competition!

Back to the stories! ~ Two saucy entries were submitted this week!

Firstly, salacious-smiles was inspired to bring us a tasty Bella/Alice treat. Bella's baking to distract herself from thinking of her friend, who is away for the weekend with a new boyfriend. Do Bella's efforts pay off? You'll have to read Picspirations to find out.

Next up the lovely LaurieLou returned with more from her great Pervy Picspiration Drabbles A saucy striptease leads to some tasty tea-time kitchen action... Some dough (and Bella) gets well and truly pounded...... Yummy!

Go show LaurieLou and salacious-smiles some love please! Make sure you alert/subscribe to them for more yummy treats.

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So a new month? That’s right that means a new weeks worth of pics AND from you - new stories for my and the pervlings pleasure please!

We move outside this week, bringing the air temperature down, but not the sexual heat please!!! I have a couple of delish pictures featuring gorgeous new underwear from La Fee Verte, and some pics with striking London models....All frolicking in the frost and snow... Let’s take it al fresco!

Write me anything - be it Slash, FemmeSlash, AU or AH, canon or even OOC... Be it a drabble, be it a one-shot or be it a WIP, just write for me. Make it sexy, make it sweet and tender, make it sensuous, erotic or downright naughty. Your call. Just let the inspiration take you - be you a BNA or an innocent virgin, wanting your Pervy Picspiration cherry popped for fun.

I’m waiting.........

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

The Naughty Nurse is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER:

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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You deserve some sort of public-service award for the way in which you consistently provide helpful factual information in your supportive and well-written columns. I don't have a question; I just wanted to share something with you that I saw today:


Oral Sex Raises Cancer Risk

(It's subtitled, but you can also click on the "English VO" tab for an English-only version. Even though it's a serious subject, the Soixante-Neuf Restaurant scene, where the guy orders a fish taco and the girl gets a sausage is pretty clever.)

Well, I guess I do have a question, especially given the abundance of oral sex in fanfic (and every single second of it unprotected): Is there something we should be doing to reduce our cancer risk?

Thanks!

Not so much a question, but a PSA I recommend you pass on.
Saw this from NPR Virus Passed During Oral Sex Tops Tobacco as Throat Cancer Cause and figured you might want to pass on the information that oral sex isn't safe sex without a condom & diseases can get passed that way.
Most FanFic portrays blowjobs as just something that slutty girls will do without regard for the danger of it (besides being seen as a slut) so it seems like a good idea to pass it along!

We had a long discussion about this new research at the Shack, trying to determine the best way to disseminate this information. We concluded that the Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy blog seemed like the logical choice. You two just provided us with the perfect segue, so thank you for that!

It brings tears of pure joy to Naughty Nurse Kimpy's eyes when readers are up to snuff on their sexually transmitted disease information. *sniff* Truly, kudos to both of you for not only paying attention to the news reports, but also for taking the time to leave them as points on my blog!

For those of you who haven't heard, my readers are correct--HPV, or Human Papillomavirus--is not only the most commonly transmitted STD, but also is the cause of nearly all types of cervical cancers. Recent research has shown that it is the cause of more oral and throat cancers than is tobacco. Yes, that's right--more than tobacco! There are over 40 different types of HPV, and they can infect male and female naughty bits, the throat, and the mouth. It is an insidious little virus, and most infected people aren't even aware that they have it. According to the Centers for Disease Control, "approximately 20 million Americans are currently infected with HPV. Another 6 million people become newly infected each year. HPV is so common that at least 50% of sexually active men and women get it at some point in their lives."

The good news is that there is a vaccine available. For women, there are two different vaccines--Cervarix and Gardasil--that provide protection against the most common types of HPV that cause cervical cancer; Gardasil also offers protection against most types of genital warts. Both vaccines are recommended for 11 and 12 year-old girls. For women ages 13-26 years of age, they should get vaccinated if they did not get any or all of the shots when they were younger. These vaccines can also be given to girls as young as 9 years of age. It is recommended that females get the same vaccine brand for all three doses, whenever possible. Gardasil has been approved to protect boys and men ages 9-26 against most genital warts.


No matter what you read in a fic, please remember that the only way to have truly safe sex--oral, vaginal, or anal--is to use protection. If you're giving a blowjob, that means with a condom on your partner's penis. If you're the one receiving pleasure, your entire vaginal area needs to be covered. Dental dams work great for that purpose, but if you don't have one handy, a condom slit along one side will work in a pinch, too. Most importantly, with HPV, you are at risk if you have direct contact the the skin surface or sexual fluids. The unfortunate news is that even if you use a condom, however, you still might not be protected 100%, because HPV can be present on the skin surface near the genitals, not just on the peen or vag themselves. Yes, the whole thing just bites, but if you are serious about being safe--and I beg you to be serious--you'll use your protection.
*Naughty Nurse Kimpy steps down from her soapbox*

Dear Kimpy,
I have a question about tampons and orgasms. I'm eighteen and I've never worn one a tampon. I've tried many times to get one in but it hurts. The last time I tried I managed it get it halfway in, but there was a sharp pain that lasted for several minutes afterward.
I've been to an OBGYN to see about an itch, but she didn't use the speculum. She just used a finger to check my hymen and OW. It hurt for a really long time. She said I had a really small opening.
Anyway, I really want to wear a tampon so I don't have to worry about my yoga classes. I was wondering about trying to get one in while masturbating...kinda the same idea as preparing for sex? (virgin, btw.)
Is it safe to orgasm with a tampon in? Any tips? I'm getting frustrated. Anyways, if I can't even get a tampon in, how will I ever have sex? OW. No thanks.
Help me please! I've had to cut off snorkeling vacations due to my period before. I want to wear tampons!

All right, from all the information you've provided to me, it appears that you are one of the women who has a larger hymen, which was confirmed by your gynecologist when she said you have a really small vaginal opening. I empathize with you, because I'm sure your vaginal exam was painful. Likewise, there is no way you're going to get a tampon in there comfortably. I'm sure it is not only very frustrating, but also the source of discomfort.

Here's what I would do if I were in your shoes. I would go back to my gynecologist and explain the dilemma, emphasizing that it is difficult for you to enjoy certain activities (i.e., yoga and snorkeling) because you can't wear a tampon. I imagine that she will have some solutions or suggestions for you. It might even be possible for her to cut your hymen for you, under local anesthetic. It's worth a try to discuss your options with her, since she has a much bigger bag of tricks at her disposal than do I.

In general, the best way to make tampons easierx to get in is to use some lube to help it glide into place. Use lube on the end of the tampon, and apply it to your vaginal opening as well. If it causes you to much pain in your attempt, please stop. I don't want you to hurt yourself for the sake of getting that tampon into you!

And, for the record? It is completely safe and natural to orgasm with a tampon in place.

Do guys really prefer big breasts? I read the fics and I see most pics in the media like Brooklyn Deckler, and I feel inadequate. I'm the size of KStew, and yes, she still got Rob, but is that just an exception? Guys laugh at her 12 year old body on the internet and think Rob's either crazy or gay for not going for a Victoria's Secret model, since he can. They prefer to screw someone who has an ugly face, but has "pillowy boobs". Is this the norm?

Hello, first I wanted to thank you because you responded to my previous post and I am very much grateful. In the previous post there were pictures of various "nether lips" and it showed how different each were. I want to ask about breasts. Sometimes I am very insecure about them because I dunno, I guess they're not like the ones I see in pictures or portrayed in the media...

Please remind yourself that guy internet chatter is just as crude and crass as ours is. It's one thing for them to go on and on about it on the internet. In real life, it isn't so cut and dried. Yes, there are plenty of guys who are "tit men," and they seem to love fake boobs the size of cantaloupes. However, not all men are tit men; there are plenty who love a nice ass, or nice long legs (hello, RPattz and KStew). The person who falls in love with you is going to love you for who you are, not who they wish you could be. Your partner will love your breasts because they are yours, not because of their size alone.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret here: Small breasts work just the same way as big ones. They can breastfeed babies, they can get hard nipples, and they are soft and pillowy. Perhaps not as pillowy as a size D, but you get the idea. Let me turn the dilemma around and try to help you see it in a different light. What if the man you fell in love with had a smaller than average penis? Would you break up with him? Would you laugh at him? Would you refuse to touch it, or have sex with him? No, of course you wouldn't (at least, I hope you wouldn't!!). When it comes down to it? Sex still feels good, regardless of penis size. Boobs still feel good, whether they are a handful or a mouthful. When the small genitals belong to someone you love, the size becomes less important--you love it simply because it is one part of a person who you love. You take the whole package (literally), good and bad, large and small.

Remember that regardless of how you look, there is nothing--nothing--sexier than someone who is comfortable in their skin and confident in their body. Go out there and flaunt those A cups--pretend if you have to. Confidence in yourself makes others want to know you, to figure out what you have that is so amazing. Chant to yourself in your mirror every time you leave the house: "I am sexy just as I am." Pretty soon, you'll start to believe it. And why not? Who wrote the rule book that said small breasts are unimportant, or unattractive? Don't ever feel inadequate or unfeminine because you rock an A cup. Honestly--trust me that there are men who are just fine with you being on the small side. You're absolutely perfect just the way you are, because your small breasts are part of what makes you a unique and special person. To prove my point? Here is a website with all different types of breasts, large, small, unsymmetrical, but REAL: Breast Gallery

Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.

The Lemon Report 3/1/11

The Lemon Report - Fancy finding out what is on the FF bookshelves of the Pervy Girls of the PPSS? The lemon report lets you know our personal favourite updates of the week, and why you should give the fic a try.... It’s a great place to trawl for new recc’s and don’t forget to share your favourite update with us by leaving us a comment.

Acronym Guide
AU - Alternate Universe
AH - All Human
WIP - Work in Progress
O/S - One Shot
OOC - Out of Character
WP - Wussperv
Slash/Femslash - Features homosexual characters and romance.

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Inscrutable

by Lou-La

AH, O/S, Jasper/Edward

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Jess - Can I just say I loved this! Lou-La totally won the public vote with this delightful little gem. Edward’s roommate finds himself in a precarious situation when a dirty talking Jasper finds his way into their apartment! Just smutty as hell and delish!

Jen - I just loved this. From not knowing who the narrator was to hearing his assumptions about Edward being blown away (heh) to Edward being treated right by his dirty-talking boyfriend--it’s all fun and smutty. Love.

Emmy - I have said it before, and I will say it again - I love Lou-La‘s writing. This story is no exception to this. Woah hot geeky slashy sexing? Erm yes please. How could it not be loved? Plus its all from the point of view of Ed’s straight roomate Emmett - who has no idea just what his geeky roommate gets up to, or gets his kicks from. Fab fun and sexy.

Trin - Holy Moly, wasn’t this just a delicious little read! Obviously when I’d read “geeky roommate” I was in. I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of having Emmett’s thoughts of Jasper and Edward’s sexual encounter. It’s funny and hot and also a little unexpected.

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Better Than Nothing

by Touchstone67

AH, O/S, Slash, Jake/Ed

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Jeanne - We’ve all been with someone that we should have given the time of day. The dickhead, asshole douche bag that was just using us for sex. Let’s admit it, there’s something undeniably attractive about someone with enough confidence that they truly doesn’t give a shit about anyone. How else can you explain the popularity of Douchward stories?

Well, ladies this is a asshole Edward to rival all the ones that came before him. Despite being in a relationship with Bella, he is also fucking several other girls and boys behind her back. One of the boys in question is Jacob Black, who is telling this wonderfully real and complicated tale of sex, intimacy and love. Touchstone67 captures the painful reality of the emotional repercussions of seemingly casual sexual relationships with such clarity that you physically feel Jacob’s heartache. The sexual and emotional connection between these two men is overpowering at times. I often had to take small breaks to catch my breath while reading. It is one of my new favorite fics.

Chele - This oneshot had me feeling a full range of emotions, the most predominant of which was ache. Bittersweet, loving, ache. It is complex , hot, true and well-written, but the best part? Like the best lovers, it finishes strong.

Jen - Equal parts angsty and sexy. Touchstone67 really makes you feel Jacob’s pain and ambivalence. He should hate Edward for using him sexually, but he can’t.

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The Professional

by MsKathy

AH, O/S, E/B

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Kimpy - I will never fail to squee when something unexpectedly shows up in my inbox from the lovely MsKathy. Naturally, I dove right into this fic, but I stopped short when I read the intro: Bella, married to Aro for 15 years? WTF? However, I knew this was an Edward/Bella story, and I also trust MsKathy implicitly, so I forged ahead.

What I found was a freaking Pornward, and my latest obsession was born. Oh, sweet baby jesus, MsKathy, have you no mercy? Pornward is a Wussperv’s dream come true. In typical MsK fashion, the sex is hot, the characters are sweet and endearing, and in the end, life is good. She’s like the FFn equivalent of a spa day, or hot chocolate with whipped cream while relaxing in a hot bath. Soooo good.

Teal - I have a dirty, dirty mind (obvs), and when MsKathy mentioned that she was writing a Pornward story . . .well, my mind went straight south. I was imagining raunchy, hot, kinky sex with the strong possibility of spankings . . . and a video camera. Now, the smexing was fuuuuuuckhot, but this one-shot turned out to be a very sweet story of two people who help each other in ways seen and unseen to overcome their pasts, rebuild, and find love. *swoony sigh* And did I mention how freaking hot it was? If only we could all have our own little porn boy . . .

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Broken Lies the Road

by Majesta Moniet

AU, O/S, Jake/Bella

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Jeanne - Merciful Jesus this is hot. WussPervs look away, cause Bella doesn’t go to Italy to save Edward. *evil grin* Instead she runs to Jacob, and has delicious sex on top of his kitchen table. All I can say is MORE NOW! UNF!

Jen - Kitchen table sex- need we say more? So good.

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Papa Bear

by NanaMun

AU, O/S, Slash, Emmett/Edward

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Jeanne - FINALLY Emmett/Edward AU! That’s right my dear sweet perverted deviants, this is vamp Edward and vamp Emmett getting it on. It is sexy, humorous and so fucking believable that I felt like I was reading a missing moment from canon. Don’t believe me? Read it yourself and try to resist begging NanaMun for more.

Kitty - SWEET BABY JESUS!! I swear to all that is unholy that I want to lick this little one shot up and down and all around and twice on Sunday! Edward and Emmett?!?! Edward and Emmett VAMPY?!?! *flops on the floor like a fish and humps everything in sight* This was so much in canon it was scary and it I FUCKING LOVED IT!! UNF! And GAH! UNFGAH!

Jen - I don’t know what’s more fun- Emmett pounding the hell out of Edward or getting to hear Edward’s canonesque inner monologue as well as Emmett’s stray thoughts as heard by Edward. They may or may not call each other Yogi and Booboo. They’re both adorable and it’s great fun to see Edward lose his v-card to Emmett.

Teal - Mmm . . . slash. The only thing that makes me happier than yummy boysecks is VAMPIRE boysecks. This was so delightful to read. Can’t say I wouldn’t be interested in getting fucked by Emmett for over 4 hours. JS . . . JFS.

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What Happens at Charlie’s Wedding

by velvetbutterfly

AH, Complete, Carlisle/Bella

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Teal - This story isn’t new, but it was new to me when I stumbled across it last week, and it has been a fun little read. I mean, Carlisle/Bella with lots of dirty sex. I’m sold. Oh, and it’s totally a he’s-almost-old-enough-to-be-my-dad kind of fic. Rawr. I love stories with sneaking around, dirty talk, and heavy flirtations. This has them all. If you’re a C/B fan, give it a try. It’s sweet and sassy and full of smut.

Jeanne - I in my naivete, I clicked on this fic, based on Teal’s praise and my own mistaken belief that it was a one shot. FUCK! It is a multi-chapter roller-coaster ride of hotness. It sucked me in fast with its humorous tone, and the fascinating spin on these characters in an AH world. Oh yeah, did I mention that Carlisle is so hot that my eyeballs melted? Yeah, get the fuck out of here and read it.

Chele - My deep love for Bella/Carlisle isn’t new, but some of it was fostered by my joy from reading this fic. It’s a lovely, romantic tale of a passion that pays no mind to age difference. Rainy afternoon indulgence reading at its best.

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The Night She Wore Black

by TheManiacalMuse

AH, WIP, BDSM, E/B

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Kimpy - This is a wonderfully well written BDSM story that has been reworked, and TheManiacalMuse recently started reposting it, much to my absolute glee. You see, Muse’s incarnations of Edward and Bella are perfectly canon--exactly right for this ol’ Wussperv heart of mine. She does an incredible job of weaving elements of canon Edward and Bella’s temperaments into her characterizations; they’re the same E/B we know and love. The one difference? Oh, my god, the sex. They have a great sex life, but Bella wants more--harder, rougher, wilder. Afraid of hurting her, Edward resists. That is, until one night, when she surprises him with a little gift.

The Night She Wore Black will be updating weekly, and I suggest you tune in for the fun. It’s going to require fans and changes of panties. You have been warned.

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A Tale of Two Cities

by TruceOver

AH, WIP, Slash, Ed/Emmett

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Jeanne - Holy Double Barrelled Hotness! This fic just keeps getting better and better. The hot fucking in the shower had my eyes crossing. I love the playful sweet moments too, and Edward yelling Sperm is officially a classic. Despite certain developments *gives TruceOver the side eye* I trust TruceOver to get our boys through anything and get them to the HEA they deserve. Huh, looks like I’m a WussPerv for slash. Go figure.

Jess - I am dying over here at the shower hotness. It seriously killed me dead and had me rereading... which I rarely do! Seriously, if you like slash, this one is for you. It’s heartwarming and deliciously smutty in all the right ways!

Kitty - OMG OMG OMG! Againt with the groany “want inside” from Edward!!! I mean Jebus just freaking kill me now because that makes me all squirmy and so deliriously happy in my girlie parts. Just...just GAH!

Teal - Oh hai tasty slashy goodness, let me nom you. Watching the relationship between these characters develop and take shape has been so much fun, and now that they’re really, umm . . . getting comfortable as a couple, you might say, the hottness just keeps getting better and better. Yum!

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Wanderlust

by tuesdaymidnight

AH, O/S, Slash, Jasper/Edward

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Jess - This little gem tied for first place in the judge's round of the Dirty Talking Jasper Contest. This story is not just about Jasper finding himself and some peace with Edward, it’s about the journey he makes in doing it. It’s about the demons he battles along the way, and the men he loses or finds himself (however you want to look at it) in the process. Filled with lots of steamy goodness with Jasper/Peter, Jasper/Randall, and finally Jasper/Edward, you will be panting and begging for more.

Jen - I didn’t have a chance to read all of the Dirty Talking Jasper entries while the contest was on. I’m really glad I have time to read them as they are posted on the authors’ ffn pages. tuesdaymidnight manages to do something I absolutely love to see in a o/s--not only is the sex hot, but Jasper is developed so well as a character. Just absolutely delicious.

Emmy - *sigh* I adore this story. Its written so so so well. So believable and so moving, and yes its sexy to boot too! I loved the characterisations, you feel for Jasper. You understand him, that’s down to the high calibre of the writing. You also enjoy his sexual explorations! Delishly done!

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Last Tango in Forks

by Awesomesauce76

AH, WIP, E/B

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Jess - Finally! That’s all I can say about the wait we had to endure while these two got it together. This update seriously ended with a bang... and I mean that literally and figuratively. Self lovin’ in the garter, a BJ against the hotel door, him going down on her on the edge of the bed, and a corset, garter and stockings romp that will blow you away.

Emmy - I am so with Jess on this one! Huzzah! A great chapter and some serious shagging. Just what the doctor ordered. Plus it featured amazing lingerie! (I want more stories to feature nice lingerie - not just overpriced polyester from Victoria’s Secrets... But that's just my rant! Sorry! :D) So yeah - great sexing, where sexy lingerie plays a proper part? I am sold. Yum.

Trin - Hot! Hot! Hot! The other two lovely ladies already hit most of my points, but I just have to reiterate the BJ was A-MAZING!

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Red Letter Year: The Outtakes

by TheSwanDive

AH, futuretake, E/J

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Jen - I was so excited to see this outtake of Red Letter Year, because it gives us a chance to see Edward and Jasper’s relationship through Edward’s pov, instead of Alice’s or Bella’s. Also: boysecks! E & J are adorable in the main story, so clearly smitten with each other. It’s so freaking hot to see them in the bedroom, with Jasper all demanding and bossy. Alice and Bella may not want to know what their brothers are doing when they’re holed up in the bedroom, but I sure do!

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Teenage Dreams

by BelleDean

AH, WIP, E/B

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Emmy - I have no idea how I stumbled upon this author, suddenly she was in my author alerts and I thought lets give this WIP a shot. I am SO very glad I did. Not necc WussPerv safe, due to their time apart. But worth a read. This is a very subtle story - it is in fact a masterclass of subtlety. I think the quality of the writing is just incredible. Edward is a med-student, Bella a burning-out writer. How do they find their way back to one another after a disastrous first start? How can they cut through the crap to wht they both want? This isn’t a smutty fic. Its serious and intense. To me their connection, and therefore their sexing is real. Genuine. Powerful. Deffo worth reading, too good to not delve into.

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Trouble

by Savannah Vee

AH, O/S, Slash, Carlisle/Edward (age difference)

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Emmy - So this was a wee gem to pop-up in my inbox today! What a delight! Savannah Vee is a judge on the CarlWard contest that is currently being run, so she couldn’t submit this slashy Professor Cullen and his troublesome student Edward Masen misbehaving story to the contest. But we still got the benefit of it, as its posted for all to see. And Wowser. Edward is certainly trouble for Professor Cullen - he is pushing and pushing his buttons. He’s randy, and incorrigible in his pursuit of his professor. It makes for such a tasty read. I WANT MORE FROM THIS STORY - these two are such flirty fun to read, I am sure if we got some more it would be flirty FILTHY fun... So I want! :)

Chele -Naughty, Naughty, Naughty Edward. Naughty.

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FAP

by 107 year old virgin

AH, WIP, E/B

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Emmy - FAP stands for For Authentication Purposes, Bella is trying to write a smutty story, but her smut sucks. As she is informed by Edward when he reads it on her laptop. He gallantly offers to help her out, by providing the real life experiences she is missing out on to er beef up her story! ;) Ding-Dong! ;) But there is much more going on than Edward well and truly ringing Bella’s bell. What is Edward’s deal - he is much more invested in this deal he is letting on, his aim is much more than getting his end off! And what seemed straightforward initially for Bella has become much more complicated - Edward was never on her radar, apart from being an annoyance or a pain... Updates are almost daily! Yay! I am loving this!