Sunday, February 22, 2009

Talking about Tasha...

Okay, let's talk Tasha, everyone.

I know, I'm excited too.

The boring shit: I'm twenty-three, blonde, married to a man that I clearly don't deserve, with three little kids to drive me crazy. I'm a special needs teacher, a mommy, and an amature stripper. No seriously, I'm taking pole dancing classes, and let me tell you, I could shake it for a living if I ever get sick of teaching.

I'm not cool and indie rock like my friends here, instead I am all about Lady GaGa and Britney Spears. I read Perez Hilton religiously. I have over two hundred pairs of too expensive heels, and Anna Wintour is Jesus to me. I'm a little superficial and foolish and I have too much make up, but I'm a pretty awesome person.

Well, at least, I think so.

I write several things, most notably 'Past and Present'. I started Past and Present, or P&P as everyone calls it when I decided, after reading the first three Twilight books, that Bella was a weak, boring character that had no business being with Edward because she sucked so much. So I made my own Bella, who is selfish and messed up and a little bit of a bad person, with some questionable morals and dressed her up pretty. Thus P&P was born. It's not fluff, or angst, it's both. I love cliff hangers and hate stupid people that review with the Update Wall O' Death. P&P has several one shot AU's where Bella… has sex with other people.

I also write 'Dinnertime', which is my opus of fucked up. I love me some disaster, and the more messed up, the better. It was supposed to be a one shot, but I can't do one shots, I'm too pretentious and arrogant. I have to continue everything.

There's 'Torquere', which I'm co-writing and fixing up with my darling Isabel.

Now let's talk other people's fic, and more importantly, my rec for this week. It's called "Learning to say no" and it's pretty much the best thing ever written, no lie.

It's funny, and sexy and everyone is always drunk. It's set in high school, but don't let that turn you off, because it is not one of those high school fics. You know the ones, where Edward is a player and Bella smiles all doe eyed at him and he falls in love with her but oh noes there are so many things keeping them apart, least of all his arrogance and her shyness?

Yeah, I hate that shit too. "Learning to say no" is not one of those fics. "Learning to say no": stabs those fics in the kidneys and has sex with their moms, tapes it, and makes them watch, so they can see how that shit is done.

It all starts at a Halloween costume shop where Bella is all "dude, I'm not wearing that" and Edward is like "I'd fuck you in that" and Bella is all "sold." They go to the party, where Bella is drunk off her ass and takes off her thigh highs and Edward almost jizzes himself.

Not the first time.

I don't want to give the whole plot away, but it's got dry humping, and pants jizzing, and shotgun drugging. Bella throws up after she comes, and Edward is way too enthusiastic with the finger fucking. James actually talks to Bella, Edward splooges his pants a lot, and everyone drinks too much.

Like way, way too much.

I spend the entire fic either laughing my ass off or recovering from laughing my ass off. I can't recommend this fic enough. Seriously.

And it's even better if you listened to "I jizzed in my pants" from SNL while reading some scenes. You must read it, and then drop by some love for the author. Cause she's kind of my bestest friend in the whole world now.


Tallulah said...

BWAHAHAHA!! You slay me, Tash. I can't wait to read this, based on your recommendation. And your love of pricey heels? RAWR. And I thought you couldn't get any hotter...pssssh. ;)

Isabel0329 said...

Dewwwwwwwwww me.

Shiloh said...

This rec was finger-licking good. I'll thank you properly for it later . . . ;)

NutsAndBerries said...

Honestly I was still skeptical after the review, but I watched the SNL vid and now simply MUST read the story lol Nice.

manyafandom said... know my love for you and this story knows no bounds. Unless your bound to the bed. Then fun sexy times happen.

Love=EDWARD said...

Tits, I mean, Tash, that SNL skit slays me every time I see it. Thanks for putting it up here and the rec? F-N golden, BB. Now...why has the PP not seen a vid of these pole dancing lessons from hell? I know, the Muffin Man would jizz himself if he taped it, right? ;)

Brooke said...

Thanks for the recomendation. The story is awesome!

MsKathy said...

Tash, I love that you're up front with your GaGa and Perez love.

And yikes, 200 pairs of shoes?!@ I think we might need some hot photographic evidence.. just sayin'.

I agree, you're a pretty awesome person.

I'm going to check out Learning to Say No, it sounds great. Thanks for sharing with us, bb!