Friday, February 6, 2009

"Place Your Bets" by vanilla beans and KatieBelleCullen

This week's Perv Pack Recommendation is...

Title: "Place Your Bets"
Author: Vanilla Beans and KatieBelleCullen
Chapters: 8
Words: 42,972
Reviews: 362 (on VB profile) 260 (on KBC profile)

Summary: Manwhore Edward bets Emmett that he can remain abstinent for 40 days and nights;that was before the vixen Bella moved to Forks and set her sights on the delectable Edward Cullen. AU/OOC. M for EXTREME SMUT/PROFANITY

(*Added by Nina*) This glorious ditty was found on VanillaBeans' profile and NEEDED to be added here because you know what, she's totally right damnit and it really makes me want to kiss her.
Sorry if that disclaimer sounded like I was
being a jerkoff. I appreciate all of you - I just thought I should throw that out there. Now there's ANOTHER place where there's an OOC/Smut/Profanity
warning. :)

Bri- Umm....I love this piece of writing so fucking much it hurts. And, I mean seriously hurts. Between my aching ribs from laughing and the ache between my legs from the UST, I'm one sorry smutpusher. The collaboration in this story is utterly amazing. I was a fan of KatieBelleCullen before PYB from her masterpiece "Warmth", so I knew I wouldn't be sorry for starting this one. What I didn't anticipate was finding my comedic counterpart in vanillabeans. I mean, honestly, talk of the bedazzler? How can it get any better than that? I also love the Bella in the story - strong, feisty and a complete bitch. She's saucy - she knows what she wants (Edward's peen) and she's gonna stop at nothing to get it. The characters they've created, the banter they bring to each chapter and the ultra hot UST is so fucking over the top I can't hardly stand it. (oh, and I've got the inside scoop on the imminent sexin' and it is hotter than anything I've read in fanfic. Yes, that's right. I said it) This gets a 5/5 from me.

First off - I am going to ruddy bitch slap Bri, as SHE KNOWS ABOUT THE SEXING AND HAS NOT SHARED THE WONDROUS DETAILS?!!! Secondly I am going to tell you to bleeding read this story! It. Is. Fucking knock-your-block-off fantabulous! I like it a lot - in case you cannot tell. I love both their Edward (HOT & DIRTY!) & their Bella (feisty & feline & using every single one of her feminine wiles to bring Edward to his knees)... My stand out scene (SO FAR!) is the peach body lotion scene(s) - both their POV's of it.. A close second is the scene in the warehouse when more is revealed about our numb-nutted eejit and his fearless female glutton for punishment... I love how their deeper motivations and emotions are teasingly revealed, without it being slapdash, maudlin or overbearing on the tale. This is one of the tales, where I do a little squee when an update arrives. (normally reserved for a pack update) & I get excited at just the thought of their potential shagging shenanigans... (oh & VB's smut monday Edward side shot is a great addition to this tale) Deffo a giggle & a jiggle in my 4.5 damp silk knickers out of 5.. (it will be 5+ when the sexing happens!)

Emily- I love this story and have been reading from the beginning. Once I heard the PPSS was going to review it I went back and reread it all and it holds up a second time around. UST? It has it. Plot? It has it. Bad Boy Edward? It has it. Feisty Bella? It has it. Compelling read? MOST DEFINITELY HAS IT. Highly recommended 5 panties out of 5 cause well that is how many I have had to change with the anticipation of the fucking that is sure to be epic!

Hope-So we have all read stories where Edward is an Ass and Bella is a Bitch and they're hot for each other but don't want to admit it. Where the gang is all hyper sexual and they drink and do drugs. Where Bella is the new girl in town and sends Edward's man whoring world a spinning. Well "Place Your Bets" is one of those stories. One of those stories that seem to be everywhere in the fandom lately. Wait, wait for it ... but for being one of those stories PYB is by far one of the best. Yes I said it.

In my opinion PYB is the one of the best out of the Assward/Bitchella genre. It is a must read for everyone. It is smart and snarky and provacative and funny and Hot. The tension between Edward & Bella is palpable and you feel it down to your neither regions. This story is all about the Unresolved Sexual Tension. You so want them to take that next step. To just fucking do it already. But they haven't ... yet.

They tease and dance around each other throwing barbs in unparalleled verbal foreplay. Bella is relentless in her pursuit of Edward and mystified as to his disinterest in her. Which frankly pisses her off and makes her use all of her tricks and wiles on him trying to make him succumb. There is a bet. The stakes are high. Bella is clueless to it. But do not think that this is a copy or rip off of another story in the genre. It's not. It is its own entity.
So go read it. Just do it. And don't forget to read the "Smut Monday" spot for it either. It is a def panty dripper. Oh and I will never ever look at peach lotion the same way again. I am giving it a 5 out of 5 panties because the UST is beyond amazing. And when our duo finally get down to doing the deed it will indeed be explosive.

Beks- Due to a raging sickness, all I read this week was the inside of my eyelids, but I am anxious to dig into this story and the other fics KatieBelleCullen and VanillaBeans have to offer.

Jo- UST......that's all I gotta say so far. FUCK!!!! This fic is fuckhot and wetting my fucking panties hardcore in anticipation of the smut. GAH!!!! The recent almost kiss fucking killed my ass. Like died...dead....HARDCORE. Jesuschrist I need some release!!!! I would suggest if UST drives you fucking insane (as it does me) then wait a few chaps before starting this fucking TEASE of a fic!!! Yes, it's a total fucking tease so far, but I KNOW it's gonna be fuckgood once the hotness starts. I know, cuz I'm just good like that. I'm withholding the panties till I get some fucking relief, sorry gals. Oh, and her Thundercats and Transformer references make me all happy and giddy. Oh, yes, and gonna have to agree with Kathy here that Drunksper knocks my fucking socks off...or rather, my fucking hot and adorable.

Kasey- I'm currently pretty overwhelmed with playthings and boy-toys (*winky-wink*) so I didn't get a chance to read the fic fully by the time the review was due. Therefore, I'm choosing to opt-out of reviewing this week in fairness to the talented writers (but I'm still reading the story for my own pleasure because so far, I'm drooling).

Kathy- I love the premise of this story; I admit, I'm a bit of a high school fic junkie to begin with, but this one is exceptionally well written and the characters are fleshed out very well. Edward is a douche, but not over the top. I hesitate to even call Bella a bitch.. I like to think of her more as a strong personality. I hold a special spot in my heart for Drunksper. I love the idea behind giving Edward a bet and then basically introducing a catalyst to challenge him and force him to see outside of himself – an opportunity for personal growth, if you will.
The two main characters, Bella and Edward, are both extremely well written. The infamous “lotion wank” in chapter 7 alone merits 5 panties – 5 wet, ripped off panties.
I want to smack Edward on the back of the head and whisper in his ear... “find the loophole, dumbass,” just to see these two kids get some mutual pleasure together. The latest chapter finds our fun duo bonding. I loved so much about it and don't want to spoil it in case there are (crazy) people reading that haven't yet been hooked into PYB, but chapter 8 was pretty epic for me. I can't wait to see where these two fine ladies take us next on this journey, and where their characters 'grow' from here. 5/5

Miya- Miya is lost under a mountain of the twins' bottles, diapers, and toys. I hesitate to leave a full review after reading just a few of the available chapters, so I will default to 3/5 panties until I have the chance to read more of what is in store.

Nina- Two high school related fics in two weeks. Oy, my lovies are killing me. But, again this is another one that I can at least get behind (snort). The concept of the bet is hilarious and the fact that Edward even considered it intrigued the fuck out of me. Frankly I'm not sure how any sexually active 18 yr. old could go 40 minutes withough getting laid let alone 40 days. Then adding insult to injury, dangle one scorchingly hot bitch who wants to fuck your brains out and poor Eddie is dancing around with massively blue balls. What I was really happy with was their individual histories, they weren't just automatically thrown together right from chapter one, we understood each of them first, then get cockslapped with their banter and hijinks. Their unapologetic inner dialogue cracks me up, Edward wondering if she'd like to taste his dick, at some point I'd love for him to get blasted and actually say it out loud.
By now you know that I'm a total whore (snort) for UST, these two are fucking dripping with it. I almost DON'T want them to fuck because KBC and vb are writing it so well I'm afraid of the actual humping. (Although there is a Smut Monday outtake that is smoking)
If I'm being honest though, their fucking depiction of Jessica "Man Hands" Stanley is fantastical. Reading chapter one I nearly choked on my Pravda after reading him trying to lead her in a phone sex convo. Fucking idiot.

So I give the story itself a 4/5 because there actually hasn't been boning yet, but I give Jessica Stanley a 10 for being a heinously clueless mother fucker.

Steph -I started reading this pretty much from the beginning and it had me hook, line, and sinker. These two just grab you and pull you right in to their sticky little situation. I love me a bad-ass, take no names Bella and this one delivers and then some. Then we have Edward. Seriously, what kind of idiot agrees to a bet like this? Apparently this one and we love him for it. The tension between these two is thick enough to cut it with a knife and it leaves you on edge with them. The buildup has been absolutely amazing and I can only imagine how hot it's going to be once we get to the sex. This is one story I can't get enough of, they could update every day and it wouldn't be enough. This one definitely gets a 5 out 5 panties from me.

Tasha- I love this story so much it hurts. Like, that good hurt after you've just been laid for hours and can't move cause everything tingles hurt. It's funny and smutty and well written, and the tension? Gah the tension. Half of me is screaming "just do it already" and the other half is loving the near misses so much I never want them near each other. Edward jacking it with Bella's lotion has to be the best thing in fanfiction. I'd read it just for drunk, insane Jasper, who keeps the story from being too angsty. I adore Katie and 'Nilla's characterizations, the selfishness and insecurity and fucked up mess that is Edward and Bella. I love the side characters and the way they add to the story. I'd give it a panty review, but I'm afraid I mailed all mine to the authors as incentive to keep writing. This one needs to be read, reviewed, and adored.

In addition to our Round Table Review above, we've also asked the authors to share with us a bit about themselves, their reaction to both the selection of "Place Your Bets" and to our blog in general.

Reaction: We both danced a little bit. Katie giggled, because she giggles a lot. VB cursed, because she curses a lot. VB also did a little dance full of pelvic gyrations and everything. Reactions to the blog? Katie yelled at VB for half an hour on her way to work because she couldn't stay home and read it. She then spent the entire night with an alcoholic beverage perusing the smut and proclaiming her love in between fits of giggles. Because that's what she does.


Katie: A married mom of two, who happens to be the hottest MILF evah.

VB: A hot 20-something year old who refuses to have children and spends her days being awesome and looking like a rockstar.

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