The Perv Pack's Smut Shack

Yep, that's me. Slowwww Jo (AKA Cullenitis). Perpetual Procrastinator. Terrible Time Manager. Lady Lateness. The Delayed Dutchess. Eleventh-hour Extraordinaire.

Oh, and Alliteration Ace.

Anyone who knows me IRL will tell you, if you want me somewhere ON-time, then tell me the WRONG-time, because whatever it is, I am guaranteed to be at least 1/2 hour late. This was how my Sister-In-Law got me to her wedding on time (No, the ceremony was at 1:30pm, not 1:00pm. Good call Cheri). So, I guess that explains to you why I am posting this up on Monday evening, and not Sunday morning, eh?

My Little Corner of the Universe

That's me below (Hai!) as of yesterday, and Lappy (as I have so donned my Dell), and we are in a little corner of my bedroom where I spent 65% (99%) of my time. Lappy and I have a wonderful relationship. He makes Skittles soft for me, and keeps me warm at night when I fall asleep in my recliner. Jeez, I'm a geek. I am also a self-imposed insomniac and I mainline caffiene, as you can clearly see from the endless coffee cups & soda bottles collecting on my nightstand (that's 2 days worth).

Now... when I'm NOT stowed away in my hole (as the hubs calls it), playing hermit whilst making love to my laptop, I am usually spending my time with my wee little spawn of hell.

This........ is Emma------>

My homeslice.

Or, Em, Ems, Emmy, Eminem, or when she's in trouble (which is about every 5 minutes)...
EMMA REILLY!

Emma has been great with the Twilight fiasco that has run amuck in my household. She truly is a Twilight Kid... especially when she makes it a point (as she does frequently) to whisper in my ear, "Eggwart's a hottie!"

I let her slide on the "Eggwart", just because it's so freaking adorable. She knows it's wrong now, but continues to say it that way because she knows I like it. She is always so eager to please me and make me laugh. That is truly one of the most enjoyable aspects I have found in parenthood. She may be a brat, and waaay too smart for her own good, and STUBBORN AS HELL, but she's cute, so it's alright.

I should probably also mention my sexy-ass husband (aka 'Daddy' thanks to Bek's inspiration), who helps me work out what gets 'worked-up' when I'm reading fic. He is a great guy and my best friend (when he's not being a douche), and he is very...um....pliable to my needs. I could say a LOT more, but that's for more....er.....private conversation, if ya KWIM.

The Hopeless Talent

I've been blessed with boatloads of talent, be it writing, singing, playing instruments, drawing, what have you... if it involves creativity, chance are, I am good at it, or I can pick it up without much effort. And while I may possess natural talent, wielding it is a whole other story. It is almost ironic to possess these abilities, yet lack the discipline, motivation, and focus needed to hone those skills, OWN them, and turn them into something worth anyone's time. That continues (and will probably always continue) to be my personal challenge. "Yeah, those 12 story plots aren't going to write themselves...."

With art of all forms in mind, thought I'd share one of my countless passions. Below are a few of my favorite henna designs (done on family and friends over the summer)....

I am seriously considering getting that shoulder design as a tattoo. What do you think?

My one-shot rec!

So, this is a fun, flirty and definitely deviant little ditty! Written for the 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' contest, and as far as threesome fics go, this one has skyrocketed to my favorites list.... and that's not just because it's Em/B/J. Oh no! It's goooood, and I don't want to spoil it for you, so go read it!

Boom-Shakalaka by DefinatelyStaying
Bella shows up for her first day at college to find that she’s been assigned to room with two guys. Emmett McCarty and Jasper Whitlock are two of the hottest guys on campus. What happens when their attractions collide? AH/AU - One-shot Lemon-tastic fun.

Some GREAT mind-fuckable recs...

Everyone knows that I am a HUGE fan of Darkward....but that is only a character. And OBVIOUSLY I love smut... I mean, I AM a PERV, but I want to take a moment to discuss what truly keeps me coming back for more in a story (aside from the Groin-Twitching). That quality is..... the Mind Fuck. I adore it when an author has the ability to stump me, surprise me, mess with my head, twist the knife in deep and totally scramble my brain. If I sit back at any given point in a fic and say, "Whoa," then consider me satisfied.

With that being said, here are some recent quality additions to my reading list that have accomplished this wonderful task....(at least they have for me).

The Fallout by OCD Indeed MUST READ!
On Mar 16/06, the world changed, drastically. The 1 creature Edward needed to protect slipped away from him. He never wished to exist in a world where Bella didn’t, but his family desperately needed him & he would help them 1 last time before joining her.

Playing God and the Vampire of the Odd by dreaminspired MUST READ!
Everything changed the day Bella moved to Forks. The Volturi passed a law, permitting vampires to kill in the open. One year later, forcefully separated from Charlie, Bella strives to reach Washington and hopefully reunite with her father. Instead, she meets the Cullens and learns something valuable - not all vampires are monsters. Carlisle, having interfered with Aro's plans, is given a month to change his ways or face judgement. When the world grows darkest yet, the brightest hope gives greeting.

String Theory by Dooley MUST READ!
Bella is just living her life-- at home with her brother Jacob, and Charlie and Renee, at school with her friends, in her bedroom with...well. She doesn't like to talk about that. Carlisle Cullen knows-- even if he doesn't know why-- that nothing is right.

Predator and Prey by knitten kitten MUST READ! *Super Smutty!*
He is drawn to her scent, seduced by her taste. He would make her belong to him, through whatever means necessary. E/B AU Adult Content.


Welp! That's all I got.
Nice to meet all of you & STAY PERVY!