Naughty Nurse Kimpy 12-15-11

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questionson sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you nameit. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. IfNaughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER: The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educationalpurposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace theadvice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to beincomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to yourdoctor.

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Lea T is a famous Transgender (Male to Female) model.

After last week’s post on transgendered spouses, the individual who asked the question was kind enough to share a resource she found:

I sent a message a few days ago regarding my transgender (MTF) significant other and I wanted to offer a website should anyone else be looking for information. My husband (until we come up with a different name) has met very nice, supportive people in this safe community. I recently joined and look forward to speaking with other significant others who are going through the same thing. Laura’s Playground.

I saw on twitter this evening, someone comparing rimming to cunnilingus.

Please, oh please, help me put this idea out of my head.

I cannot in good conscience politely (of course) request that my spouse visit the downtown arena if there are as many bacteria living there as in my anus. Granted, I wash thoroughly (and repeatedly) and consider my genital region to be clean, however, aren't there things like e-coli living just inside my anus that could infect a partner, should he decide to let his tongue wander?

I know we have a strict no ATM rule on this blog, and I've always believed in my heart that this was for more than just the surface squick factor. Nurse Kimpy, tell me it isn't all a dirty judge-y lie, and that there is a genuine reason we don't do ATM here, please? What sorts of risks do I incur if I engage in unprotected ATM?

Lost in a sea of anal confusion,
To ATM or not to ATM... that is the question.

PS -- addendum to my last question -- are enemas even something you should be doing before anal sex? I've never bothered, but it seems to be written into a lot of fic. Is that necessary? Is it healthy to use one? How frequently can you do it, if it's okay

Oh, dear god in heaven, I really wish you hadn’t heard/seen that. Remember when your mother told you not to believe everything you read? That’s doubly true with Twitter. Just saying.

First and foremost, and I say this with clear intent: NO ASS TO MOUTH. And by no ass to mouth, I mean don’t rim someone and let your mouth travel elsewhere on their body. Brush your teeth and tongue, or use a strong mouthwash like Listerine, first.

Second, you are totally correct about the vag being cleaner than the ass. Way cleaner. Your kitty has systems in place to keep it pretty healthy. Sure, you can get a yeast infection here or there, but the kitty’s naturally acidic pH makes it safe to eat at the Y whenever you’re infection-free.

It doesn’t really matter how clean you make your anus, there are always germies hanging out down there that don’t belong in other bodily orifices, like the E. coli you mentioned, or Hepatitis A. There is an inherent risk of infection that goes along with rimming. I have a gay friend who’s had several nasty infections, including Hepatitis, from his rimming sessions, but he still won’t be more careful. I’ve seen the results of his ways, and it isn’t pleasant, trust.

Third, for all intents and purposes, anal douching is really just an enema. It doesn’t kill any bacteria or viruses that live in the area. Is it necessary? No. For rimming, you can stick to cleaning the outside with gentle soap and water, which will make it clean enough for your partner. Is it healthy to use one? Not exactly.

The lining of the anus has a natural lubrication to ease the elimination process. When you douche, you wash away this lubrication, which dries out the lining. When the anal lining is dry, it is prone to tear more easily, making it more susceptible to infection. Remember, under normal circumstances, the anus tears easily; douching only increases the likelihood of tears.

How often can/should you douche? Naughty Nurse Kimpy recommends that you keep it to a minimum. If you’re going to play around in the backdoor area frequently, exercise caution when you clean. Use douches only if you’re having full-blown anal sex. When you get down to business, remember to be safe; always use condoms. Use water-based lubricants. When rimming, try using dental dams.

If you do choose to use an anal douche, you can select either a reusable or a disposable douche. Naughty Nurse Kimpy believes the disposable variety is safer, because the kind of germs that live in the anus proliferate in warm, moist, dark environments. When you use a reusable douche, it’s the perfect breeding ground for those bacteria and viruses in between uses. In essence, you could be bathing your rectum with loads of nasty germs the next time you use that douche. If you use a disposable douche, be sure to find one that has no harsh cleansers or additives. The plain old water variety is just fine. Douching is more about cleaning out solid matter than it is about killing germs, so it’s the action of the douche that’s important, not the contents. Go with the mildest one you can find.

There’s a great resource on anal sex, a kind of a primer, if you will: Ten Rules of Anal Sex. It’s really helpful information about the ins and outs--literally--of anal sex.

In summary, remember: NO ATM. Period.

This doesn't relate to me personally, but I'm sure someone has come across this issue before.

If one of the partners (hetero & homo) in a relationship has tested positive for HIV what is the safest way to continue to physical relationship? Can they still have sex with the proper protection? Are there any things they absolutely cannot do? I know I've heard about AIDS couples staying together just for the cuddling and such but I don't know if this stands for HIV.

Excellent question! Having an HIV positive partner doesn’t mean you can no longer have sex, but it does mean a lot of precautions must be taken:

• Be sure that you get tested for HIV regularly, as in every 6 months.
• Always, always, always use a condom when you have sex. That means anal sex, vaginal sex, or oral sex.
• If you happen to run out of condoms, then no sex. It has to be a cardinal rule.
• Make sure your partner takes all their HIV meds, every day.
• If you use lubricant with a condom, be sure that it’s water-based.
• Put on the condom before you have any genital contact. HIV can be spread at any point during sex, not just when your partner comes.

So my boyfriend and I are sexually active, with birth control and all that fun stuff, and have been for a few months. We live about 3 hours away from each other so sex isn't daily thing our even common but when we see each other, once a month or so it is common. Yet no matter what either of us do I can't seem to orgasm at ask. I'll get really close and freak out so we stop our i'll get really close, then nothing. I talked to a close friend about and he said his girl friend use to have the same problem, so I don't feel completely abnormal, but I still don't know what to do to change the situation. He has no idea what changed for his girlfriend, do that's no help. And even when masturbating I've never been able to get myself a release, though I chalk that up to inner monologue. Any suggestions on helping me get my release and letting my boyfriend not feel like a failure of a man?

Remember that Naughty Nurse Kimpy’s bugaboo is that little old word, “normal”? Yeah, it’s still her bugaboo. When it comes to orgasms, there is no normal, trust. Human responses run the gamut, just as they do for everything.

First things first. Naughty Nurse Kimpy did a post on orgasms, so start there for some great ideas about the big O.

The other thing you should know is that when it comes to orgasms, your brain is just as important a factor in the equation as is your clit. The more you engage your brain during sex, the more opportunities you have to freak yourself out. The more you freak yourself out, the harder it’s going to be to achieve an orgasm. Therefore, the best thing you can do for yourself is learn how to switch that brain of yours off and just focus on what you feel.

If you’re still having difficulties getting off, don’t hesitate to bring a toy into the picture to help things along. Something as simple as a finger vibrator over your clit while your BF is going to town might be just the thing you need. And they’re so easy to buy--you can even find them in the condom section at Target.

One other thing Naughty Nurse Kimpy wants to note--sometimes, people get too hyperfocused on achieving an orgasm. Yes, yes, orgasms are fun and amazing, but *all* sex can be fun and amazing, even if you don’t get your O. It’s like there’s too much emphasis on that one moment, so you’re missing out on all the other sensual pleasures of sex. Just because you don’t orgasm, it doesn’t mean that the rest of the sex you had was lousy, you know?

Please tell your boyfriend that Naughty Nurse Kimpy told him that his success or failure as a BF has nothing to do with the amount of orgasms he delivers to you. It’s about the whole package, and trying to learn how to get you off is part of that package. Think about how much fun it can be to experiment in so many different ways to find out the magic number that gets you where you want to go.

Good luck. If you’re still having problems, please let me know, and we can try some other ideas.

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