Naughty Nurse 12/1/2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

DISCLAIMER:
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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Apparently, Naughty Nurse Kimpy hit a homer last week when she discussed hormones and pheromones:

Okay, SEE! I've been telling my friends for yours that my husband smells AMAZING, and even more so at that particular time in my cycle, but they always tell me I'm crazy, that I'm making it up. Even he thinks I'm wacky when I tell him he smells fantastic after a workout HA! I'm so glad to be validated once and for all.

Yeah, Naughty Nurse Kimpy is still in love with her readers. JSYK.

Hi, Nurse Kimpy!
I turned 18 in July and became sexually active almost immediately afterwards. I've slept with 5 people, and several times with one of them. Unfortunately I've only used a condom one time. I know, I know, I'm a bad girl, but I feel like using a condom is not "normal." I asked one guy if we should use a condom and he said "huh?" and I said "I have a condom in my wallet," but he just put it in, and I thought "Whatever, I'm on birth control." But now I don't feel so "whatever." Some days I feel a bit uncomfortable and a bit itchy in the area down there, but usually it goes away after a few days. I'm a bit worried about STD's, but my fear of doctors and gynecologists keeps me from checking it out. I feel seriously squicked out at the thought of someone poking and staring at me down there. I'm also afraid of what they will find if I do go, but I'm pretty sure I don't have a serious STD, if I have one at all. So lately I've felt really bad about my sexual experiences and my sexuality, not just because of a possible STD, but because of the rape culture and slut shaming. I have some friends and they're not very positive about my sexuality, and it hurts me, tbh. So do you have some tips for a sexually active teenage wreck?

Um, wow. There’s a lot going on here, but let’s break things down a bit:

1. You’re absolutely correct, it’s not safe, nor is it smart, to have sex without using protection every time. Safe sex isn’t just about avoiding a pregnancy, it’s also about avoiding diseases that could harm and/or kill you. There’s nothing abnormal about using a condom. You need to change your thought process to encompass using condoms as long as you are having casual sex. Naughty Nurse Kimpy isn’t judging--you have the right to make your own choices about having sex--but she is tapping her tiny foot in annoyance over the idea that using protection isn’t “normal.” Unless you’re having sex with a monogamous partner and you’ve both been tested for, and are all clear of, any STIs, you’re engaging casual sex, and you need to protect yourself and your partner.

2. Women are at risk for STIs that do internal damage while leaving few clues that you even have one, even if you weren’t having potential symptoms like intermittent itchiness. Even something as common as chlamydia can cause Pelvic Imflammatory Disease (PID), which can lead to scarred fallopian tubes and raise your risk for tubal pregnancies in the future.

3. Naughty Nurse Kimpy is going to say this as gently as possible... if you’ve decided that you want to be master of your own sexual domain, that’s great, but you also need to accept responsibility for the choices you make. If you can choose to let someone stick their penis in you, then you need to be mature enough to let a doctor take a peek at your lady bits, too. Yes, the possibility that you might have something wrong is scary, but putting your head in the sand isn’t going to make it magically go away. The longer you wait, the more damage that could be done. Take a deep breath, gather your courage, and get thee to a gynecologist. Soon. There are tons of women gynecologists out there, and you could even opt to go somewhere like Planned Parenthood, where they deal with these sorts of things all the time. You won’t have to feel out of place or scared there. There also won’t be any judgments being made about your sexual activity--their main purpose is to help you be safe and avoid an unplanned pregnancy.


4. As for your friends, and their views/judgments about your sexual activity/behavior, I encourage you to stop listening to what they have to say about it. You’re the only person involved in choosing to have sex, not your friends. If they would decide to make different choices, that’s fine, but it doesn’t have a bearing on you. Because they’ve been negative nellies about your choices, I suggest that you simply quit sharing your experiences with them. It’s nobody’s business but your own, and your partner’s.

5. Naughty Nurse Kimpy does have a larger concern here, one that overrides anything else that you’ve mentioned--you claimed your right to have sex the minute you turned 18, but you believe using a condom isn’t normal, you’re afraid you might have an STI, you feel that seeing a gynecologist is “squicky,” and that your friends have dissed you for your sexual choices. All this adds up to the fact that while you’ve decided to claim your sexuality, you haven’t thought through the ramifications of the choices you’ve made. There’s more to having sex than just the act, and if you’re old enough and mature enough to be having sex, you need to take responsibility for being safe, too.

i love sex but then i get scared of getting pregnant... my periods are late by 2 days and im freaking out.. i was sick for a few days and soo im not sure of what to think of... how do i find out if iam pregnant coz i have no way of getting a pregnancy test... PLEASE HELP ME.....

Naughty Nurse Kimpy totally understands the fear of getting pregnant when you don’t want to be, even when you’re using birth control responsibly. The first thing you need to do is to breathe and try to relax. Your brain has an amazing ability to screw with your cycles when you get stressed out--you can get your period early, or late, or not at all. So, the very best thing you can do is to decrease your level of stress, which should help your cycle get back into its regular groove.

Next, Naughty Nurse Kimpy recommends that you find a very reliable method of birth control, then use it religiously. There are so many different options at your disposal--the pill, the ring, the patch to name just a few. The bonus of using these methods is that you also know exactly when your period is due. This will do a great deal to lower your stress over an unplanned pregnancy.

Finally, there’s dealing with what you fear are symptoms of pregnancy. Early symptoms include very painful breasts, bloating, fatigue, and morning sickness. When you’re pregnant, the nausea you feel is often intermittent, meaning it happens at specific times, and not typically all day. Many women find that if they get over tired, or go to long between meals, the nausea comes on strong. You might also notice a change in the way things smell or taste. Aside from getting an actual pregnancy test, however, there is no sure way to know you’re pregnant aside from symptoms. There’s also the fact that if you miss your period several times in a row, it’s a pretty good indicator that you’re probably pregnant.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy recommends that you pay a visit to your gynecologist to talk about some highly reliable birth control methods that might be an option for you, and also maybe getting a dose of the Plan B pill, which can help you avoid a pregnancy if you have unprotected sex or experience a birth control failure (like a broken condom). It works for up to 72 hours after you have unprotected sex, so it’s a great option to have if you should ever need it.

i usually go around the house braless and then just cover up if i get uhm...nippy. lately, my breasts are getting nippy without my even realizing it 'til i glance down or something. i know you're deal about "normal," but my breasts weren't always this way and i'm wondering if there could be something wrong with them

You’re correct, Naughty Nurse Kimpy isn’t a fan of the word normal, but she has to admit that nipples that get nippy on their own are, indeed, reacting in a completely normal and expected way. Nipples are highly sensitive to both touch and temperature, which is why they get nippy when touched or they get cold. While it might not have always been like this for you, Nurse Kimpy suspects that the friction caused by your nipples rubbing against your shirt is causing them to react by getting all nippy. In other words, they’re doing their job. Unless they’re suddenly becoming chafed or causing you physical discomfort, you don’t have anything to worry about.

I can get an orgasm from people just grazing my clit or just rubbing my nipples, sometimes even from over my clothes, but when I try to masturbate no matter how much I try I just can’t get an orgasm, I get myself to the peak but nothing beyond that, and it leaves me frustrated ...... is that normal ?~

Oooh, the word normal appears twice in one ANNK blog post? *shudder* Is it normal to get your “O” face on when other people arouse you, but not when you use your own hand? It’s certainly not unheard of. Naughty Nurse Kimpy suspects that what’s happening here is that your body seems to like the element of surprise when it comes to getting aroused. In other words, you have no idea what a partner is going to do to arouse you, and that level of the unknown is what it takes to get you wound up. When you take matters into your own hand, that element of surprise is no longer there, and thus, the level of excitement isn’t as great.

Keep in mind that your brain is one of the most important parts of sexual arousal--it can totally help or hinder your progress towards a good “O.” Your self talk while masturbating could be what’s tripping you up; you get yourself nearly to the peak, and then your brain starts saying things like, “God, I can’t believe this is taking so long!” or “How can I come so easily when someone else touches me, but not when I touch myself?” Those types of messages can completely short circuit your progress toward orgasm.

The next time you give masturbation a try, use some props to get yourself wound up. Read a ton of racy erotica. Look at erotic pictures or porn. Don’t start to actually touch yourself until you’re already very aroused. If you want, buy a vibrator and see if that helps to move you along the path to orgasmic bliss. Do whatever you can to short circuit any negative messages your brain might be giving your body, and Nurse Kimpy thinks you might just get where you really want to go. *wink*

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