Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy 7/12/2012

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to asks someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER: The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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While Naughty Nurse Kimpy is playing at Comic Con, she still wants to make sure that her readers have answers to their pressing questions! Welcome to week number two of the deets on keeping your kitty happy.

Dear Nurse - I just found this site today, and I must say, in the nonstop four hours of reading all the entries tagged ~naughtynurse, I have learned a LOT. Quick couple of questions, though - I masturbate a lot (yay for me, right?) but I'm pretty sure you'll be mad at me when I say I usually use things that aren't exactly.. billed as ʺtoys.ʺ Deodorant aerosol cans, round bottles of shampoo or conditioner (empty, usually), and the handles of hairbrushes are just some of the things I've found useful in their own ways. However, I'm worried I might have done myself an injury.. at the bottom of my vagina, the exit there is usually really stretchy, and I don't usually have problems, but about a week ago I used something that was a little too big - I'd used it before, no trouble, but I think I didn't stretch/prepare enough before. It felt great at the time, but the day after, my labia majora were INCREDIBLY swollen and irritated, and even just walking around was sore. It's only sore now if my undies press too hard, and the swelling has gone down, but I'm finding that my vagina is overcompensating for the irritation and slight dryness by producing a lot of heavy flow, which (unfortunately) smells really strongly. I'm using a feminine-area-specific deodorant (Femfresh) at the moment, to disguise it, and when I shower I clean well with natural soap, inside and out, but it doesn't really help. How can I best get rid of/cover this odour? Is there anything I can do to help myself heal faster down there? Also, where do you suggest I get cheap but effective sex toys (I'm in the UK. I've tried Ann Summers, but their selection is small.) Sorry for the long entry! You're awesome, I'll be recommending this blog to all of my friends.

First of all, and Nurse Kimpy is going to say this very slowly and carefully: do NOT put things into your vagina that weren’t intended to go there! Your vaginal skin is sensitive and thin, and it’s very easy to cause damage, as you’ve experienced. You need to stick to putting hands, mouths and/or penises in there, or sex toys designed to be used in the vagina. In a previous post, a reader asked about using household items as a dildo (i.e., inserted into the vagina) and here’s what Kimpy had to say about it:

As far as using household items as a dildo, Naughty Nurse Kimpy strongly urges you not to put such items into your vagina. They can be dirty, and could then be the source of an infection, and they can also cause you physical harm. Using things like electric toothbrushes as a vibrator is one thing; it stays outside of your vagina, so it can’t do any real harm. Putting them inside of you is something altogether different, and you shouldn’t do it. The same goes for using things like cucumbers or other vegetables. Don’t. Just, don’t. Please.

Here are a couple of suggestions for reliable, inexpensive sex toys in the UK. Lovehoney and Amazon.com.


Now, there’s the issue of the fact that you’re experiencing a discharge that happens to be foul smelling. Because of your history of using non-toy objects as masturbation fodder, Nurse Kimpy is going out on a limb here (please note the sarcasm in her words) and will suggest that you probably have a vaginal infection. Please do not try to cover up the odor, but rather get thee to a gynecologist STAT! When a vagina’s discharge takes on an offensive odor, it’s nearly always the result of an infection.

It’s also never a good idea to use things like douches or feminine deodorants for vaginal discharges or smells, because these can be irritating to vaginal skin and they can also monkey around with vaginal pH. Vaginas are acidic which is one of the body’s ways of keeping it free of infection--most bugs don’t like to live in an acidic environment. When you use douches and/or feminine deodorants, you’re circumventing nature’s own protection mechanism. In fact, you’re more likely to cause an infection by douching rather than resolve one. Instead, you can do your vagina all kinds of good by including cranberry juice and/or yogurt in your diet to maintain a healthy vaginal pH.

For more information on that topic, please read this previous post: Cooter Juices and Smells.

I read that soaps can affect the pH of my vagina. What kind of soap won't do any harm? I found out about this body wash that advertises a 5.5pH. What's the deal with pH anyway? Can shave gel affect the pH of my vagina? Do I need to use a certain kind of shave gel when I shave down there?

The deal about vaginal pH was covered a bit in the previous question, so Naughty Nurse Kimpy asks you to review that information before we dive into your specific questions.

Your goal should always be to maintain your vagina’s acidic pH, which runs around 3.8-4.5. This ensures that your vagina can keep itself clean and healthy, naturally. Most experts recommend using only water to clean your vagina/vulva, but in reality, most women don’t feel comfortable with using nothing. So, if you must use soap, use something extremely gentle. Dove makes a sensitive skin formula that is a great, easy-to-find, affordable option. Another cleanser that Naughty Nurse Kimpy yammers on about is Cetaphil. It’s so gentle and soothing, perfect for washing the delicate, sensitive skin of your lady bits. Just remember to use the dry skin formulation, not the one for normal/oily skin. It comes in both a liquid or bar soap option. Gentle baby cleansers are great, too, like Aveeno Baby Soothing Relief.


As far as a shave gel, again, you want to always try to find something that’s extremely gentle and will help maintain vaginal pH. Naughty Nurse Kimpy needs to emphasize that if you’re particularly bent on trying to keep your kitty happy, you would forgo shaving all together. If that’s simply not an option, go for the most gentle type of shaving cream you can find; most manufacturers have sensitive skin versions available. When you’re done shaving, you can clean everything up with the gentle soap you selected from the list above.

Hi, I want to commend you again on your fabulous site. Anyway, I hope you will be able to answer my question and its regarding shaving, down there...Like is there a 'proper' way of doing it?And not even specifically down there, I’ve wanted to shave my legs for a time now but I’m so afraid! Please help!

Hi :) So my problem is ingrown pubic hairs from shaving. I have tried switching razors, I have tried exfoliating before hand and moisturizing and I still get them really bad. They get infected and are extremely painful. What do you suggest to prevent them? And what do you suggest to treat them?

I know you have answered many questions about shaving and waxing but I have one more. When I shave it gets really itchy, is there something I can do to prevent and/or lessen the itch?

The lovely Bri did a post for us on the ins and outs of bare kitties. You can find everything you ever wanted to know about shaving, exfoliating, and ingrown hairs there. If, for some reason, you still have follow up questions, drop me a line.

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