Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy 7/5/2012

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to asks someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER: The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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We’ve reached the season when many of us start to have cooter issues, due to: A) hot, humid summer weather, and B) baring it all in summer clothing, which means at the very least shaving the bikini line. The sultry weather can causes all types of rashes, skin irritations, and just plain discomfort. Never fear, however, Naughty Nurse Kimpy has some solutions and suggestions to keep your cooters happy and, hopefully, hairless. For the next two weeks, we’re going to focus exclusively on making happy kitties. (Not to be confused with Hello Kitties. js, js.)

Here we go. Rashes, crotch dandruff and yeast infections. I think I have this lovely trifecta. The doc keeps telling me, topical cream and keep dry. Yeah right. 7 years I have had this problem. I think its because I stupidly used Veet on my nether regions and once I felt the burning and washed off then read the box, well damn, that is not what the product was made for. I am trying to go more natural CURE, not cover ups, but using temporary fixes to deal with the scratching, the pealing and the bleeding. I saw my niece have a similar issue as an infant where the outer lips skin would breakout bleeding. Her doc said yeast infection and diaper rash. It happens to me after scratching as that seems to be the only relief. But I think I scratch myself raw because layers of skin come off under my nails. I mean A LOT. I looked for holistic/natural remedies and most I have tried except a new one of bathing/soaking in 1 cup of vinegar in the bath. This is a dilemma as I don't have a tub. So I bought a big tupperware storage bucket thing and use that (I look ridiculous, like bathing in a horse trough).

SO, any recommendations or suggestions. Other things I use that give temp relief: zinc cream, vit E oil, many versions of yeast infection creams, pills, inserts or whatever, something I got in Hawaii that is a goopy brown guck that smells and sometimes stings (depends on when I put it on, before or after outbreaks and/or scratching, sometimes works sometimes stings. I forget the name.), changed soaps to Aveeno, changed underwear to more cotton and less elastic and to boy shorts. Still nothings changed, if anything, gotten worse and spreading, the itch is mainly in the crease of the leg meeting the crotch, right where the underwear lines are and moving to the back. Hope that is enough info because man, this is embarrassing and makes me feel so stupid, like I can't take care of myself. Could be why I can't be intimate with someone for almost 4 years now. And damn, that NEEDS to change, like yesterday. THANKS. PS, Love the work you are doing for us. I needed this blog years ago, but I have it now.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy commends you for trying so hard to get to the bottom of the issues your poor kitty has been facing. You’ve clearly gone above and beyond the call of duty in trying to find a solution for your very painful condition. You probably won’t be thrilled when she recommends that it’s time to bring out the big guns and move away from natural products toward something that might help you get some much needed relief.

First of all, there’s the fact that this all started seven years ago when you used Veet. While Nurse Kimpy wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s the root cause of your problem, it is likely a contributing factor that set you up for this awful cycle of rashes, itching, and pain. So, in the future? You’re probably one of those people whose skin is so sensitive that you won’t be able to maintain a bare kitty.

Second, it sounds like you’ve been seeing either a gynecologist or general practice physician. After seven years of suffering, Nurse Kimpy highly recommends that you see a dermatologist, someone who is specially trained on treating myriad skin conditions. You can tell them all the different things you’ve tried, and how badly each one has failed to help you get rid of your rashes and itching.

Third, Nurse Kimpy suggests trying a few different things to see if they help. There is a wonderful, extremely gentle cleanser called Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser. There are a couple of different formulations, and you want the one that’s for dry skin--not the normal/oily version. You can find it at any drugstore or Target. There’s another product in the Cetaphil line called Restoraderm Body Wash that might offer you some relief, too. Give the new cleanser a good 7-14 days to see if you notice any improvements. Don’t add or subtract anything else--if you do, it could make it difficult to discern if the new product is helping or not. Of course, if you try this and it makes the problem worse, stop using it right away. Our goal is improvement, not more of the same.

Nurse Kimpy wants you to also switch your laundry detergent. Find a formulation free of perfumes and dyes, something designed for babies or people with allergies or sensitive skin. There is a website that helps you walk through the steps of finding a good sensitive skin laundry detergent.

For your intense itching, you can try an experiment with something like Benadryl Cream to see if that helps. Try a patch test first, where you put a dab of the cream in the affected area. Keep a close eye on the patch to see if the rash/itching improves.

Finally, at your next physical, ask your doctor for two things. First, a blood test can be done to see what your blood glucose levels are. Some women can have issues with recurrent infections when they are diabetic--it’s possible that you are presently in a pre-diabetic state. Second, you should investigate whether or not you might have some type of autoimmune disease. The fact that you’re having such a difficult time getting rid of your rashes could mean that your immune system isn’t working properly.

Nurse Kimpy gives you a big hug and wishes you much luck with your problem. Please follow up with her if you need any additional help.


Here is a helpful video by Laci Green about the how and why (or why not) of cleaning your lady bits.

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For those readers who are attending Comic Con 2012 next week, Naughty Nurse Kimpy *might* just show up, so keep your eyes open for her. She’ll be the one in 6-inch heels and a nursie cap. :)

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