Our Guest Reviewer this week is psymom!
Reviews: 3,615
Summary: An All Human parody of Midnight Sun. AH, AU and consequently OOC. No blood lust - just uncontrollable human lust. Smut filled fun . . .
Guest Reviewer -
psymom- I first met Twilightzoner when I was the
Twilighted Beta for her incredible AU story, “
Vicissitudes.” When she posted the final chapters of the story I went to her, this woman I hardly knew, and shamelessly said, “WTF?! You skipped the smut? PLEASE tell me there is an outtake with the smut!”
She still owes me that damn outtake, but a little thing called ‘Midnight Desire’ got in the way.
Twilightzoner said, “I’ll write the outtake, but first, I have an idea for another piece that will be nothing but smut. It should be quite filthy, actually.”
Color psymom thrilled… “Filthy it is! I’ll take it! You want me to beta? Even better!”
And so it began, Midnight Desire, Twilightzoner’s version of Midnight Sun in which she attempted to replace Edward’s blood-lust with just LUST. PURE LUST.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm….
Midnight Desire is the story of human Edward, consumed by his attraction to human Bella. But this is no ordinary attraction. This is a “most people think I’m in the closet because I never date…it’s really just that none of these brainless bitches are the least bit attractive to me…idiots, all of them…but, wait…who’s this new girl…OMG.I.HAVE.TO.FUCK.HER….NOW” kind of attraction. In reality, for me anyway, it’s what I kind of hoped was really going through Edward’s mind in Twilight all along… *smirk*
So why is Midnight Desire such a great story? Twilightzoner and I have had this discussion about Twilight on many occasions — “WHY IS TWILIGHT SO POPULAR? What is it that people love about it?” Well, I think the answer is the same for both – she has captured the essence of the whole Twilight phenomenon in this story…it’s desire. The desire to be desired, specifically. Who wouldn’t want to be the object of Edward’s desire? Nothing could be more intoxicating...to be desired by one that you desire is a most desirable predicament.
For MD Edward, or wankward as he is affectionately known to his fans, his desire mimics that of Twilight’s Edward. He wants Bella. He wants to consume her, to claim her as his own, to wipe out all those that stand in the way of making that happen. The parallels between vampiric desire and sexual desire are undeniable and Midnight Desire simply spells out that sexual tension that underlies Edward and Bella’s relationship in Twilight.
One of the greatest feats that Twilightzoner accomplished in this story is writing one of the smuttiest stories in the fandom, with no actual intercourse until the last quarter of the story. The resulting Unresolved Sexual Tension (UST) is delicious torture and once Edward moves from fantasy-driven self-service sex to “everything but” with Bella, Twilightzoner manages to maintain the level of eroticism with varied positions, locations, and every imaginable push of the boundaries Edward has imposed on their physical relationship. When they finally consummate their love it is done with realism and a sort of bleak sincerity that makes the reader both laugh and cry with the couple. As their union becomes more perfect, we are rewarded with some of the most beautiful prose in Twilight smutfic…
I buried myself inside her, reveling in the primal connection, exciting untamed
passions I had only previously suspected I possessed. And in my head, I seemed
to hear a rhythmic chorus of “mine, mine”. She was mine now – I had made it so.
My love for her knew no bounds, but at that moment delight in my possession of
her rang just as strong. To see her, so delicate, so helpless, her fragile body
writhing, trapped under mine, sent a savage thrill through me. And her
shattering vulnerability only emphasized the knowledge of my own. I was
powerless before her . . . and would be for all time.
No review of Midnight Desire would be complete without a discussion of the Monster—that character that became the undeniable star of the show, the living, breathing symbol of Edward’s baser instincts, and a comical representation of Twilight Edward’s opinion of himself. The monster has no secrets, and if he had a cock, he would wear his constant erection proudly. The monster took on a life and a fanbase of his own, and while he surely brought comic relief to Edward’s pain and suffering in his attempts to resist Bella, he will always be remembered for his most graceful and mirthless exit, when Edward and Bella were reunited after their run in with James. This scene was especially poignant because it represented the monster’s death in a sense…Edward’s desire was no longer too primal for Bella. Their commitment to each other was sealed the moment they came together in that powerful and emotionally raw encounter. There was no longer anything “monstrous” about the Edward—their love, their lust, their desire, was clearly mutual.
Not to worry, Monster, for you death is not the end. I have a feeling there’s a long line of willing imaginary companions that are dying to be your Midnight Desire.
After all, Monster is the new vampire.
Emmy- I think I was first drawn to Midnight Desire after the bombing out that was only 12 brilliant chapters of the book I am dying to read Midnight Sun.. I started Midnight Desire when it was maybe a third of the way through and was initially grabbed by the fact it deals with a lusty Edward – desperate for Bella. I love sexual tension and sexual frustration. I find it terribly erotic and so I get very excited when I find a story that does it as well as Midnight Desire does.. I also was drawn by the brilliant humour and comedy found within Midnight Desire. But as my fellow pervs are saying – there is so much more within this tale. Edward has more than just bust lust for Bella. Wankward is desperate for every inch of her: Mind, body and soul. There is such a parallel to the original story not just with Edward and the conniving interloper’s an innocent on the surface Bella, not believing her luck and not understanding her appeal, who under the surface has her own cock lust on the go. I love wankward - he is so spot on for a 17 year old boy, but also manages to contain most of what we love about the 108 year old virgin in the novel. He battles his desire wanting only the best for Bella, although he is only human and his control is nowhere near as vice like...
One of the best things about Wankward is his little friend, the little devil on his shoulder who is I suppose the physical manifestation of all of Wankward’s bottled up and out of control bust lust: the monster. So many moments of comic genius come forth from this inspirational character. The monster has his fun – he looks up Bella’s skirt whilst they are on a picnic, throws petals during the big seduction and is happiness incarnate when they find out that their girlfriend swallows..
I enjoyed this story oh so much. Not just for the laughs, incredibly sexy tom-foolery and then intense connection, the deep burning love, the hysterical cheeky chappy of the monster but for it all in combination. It’s a unique fiction that can’t be compared to any other that I have read. It’s a brilliant tale full of everything you would want. Belly laughs, emotional tenderness and *teary* connections, and fizzy tart lemonade by the gallon. I cannot fault this tale or tell you to read it enough. Please do go read it. 5 out of 5 knickers in the monsters sweaty palms from me.
Emily- I have read about half of this story. Real life got in the way and I have not been able to pick it back up. Not because I did not love the monster but because my own little monsters are keeping me way busy. I love the chapters I have read and it is defs on my list to read from start to finish as soon as I can steal some time.
Hope-This is the story that started my whole self-pleasing Edward fascination. I love it when Edward takes matters into his own hands, I just do. Viva La Wankward. This is one of the first fanfic I ever read in this fandom. It had me hooked from the very first chapter when Edward was perplexed and a little sickened to his intense, immediate and overwhelming reaction to Bella. Oh and this story is fucking hilarious, we are in Wankward's head the entire time and it is utterly delightful and makes me laugh. TZ perfectly channels the 17yo male here, or at least how I assume a 17yo male would think.
Edward's desire for Bella starts out as purely sexual, creating fantasies of taking and claiming her, pleasing her and himself in the process. The poor boy spends more time in the shower trying to get rid of his perma-erection and plotting elaborate fantasies involving Bella than anything else. But as he tries to resist Bella, his problem just gets worse and worse. The Bella Swan Resistance Plan goes into effect and morphs and changes as the story progresses. Wankward finally decides he has had enough and must have Bella for his own, but she doesn't some easy and makes him to work for it. He finally gets her and we see that she is just as enamored with him as he is with her. And also maybe feels the same desires that he has been feeling as well. I wouldn't call this a parody, maybe a parallel instead. Sure it’s fucking funny and the characters are human, but it follows Twilight in plot and events with little twists and tweaks along the way. One of the best Midnight Sun like stories I have read for sure.
Now let’s talk about the star of the story…the monster. The monster is a figment of Edward’s imagination and the manifestation of his desire and want of Bella. He’s such a cute little thing and has some of the best moments in the whole story. My cohorts have quoted him and some of his antics, so I will leave it up to them for that. But really you need to go read about him yourself in the story.
So I guess I should talk about the smut for a bit. Well it’s fantabulous. TZ writes it in such a way that we feel the love and desire that Edward feels for Bella and his want to pleasure her always. And ya know get himself off as well. There is always a comical lilt to the smut, but it only enhances the steaminess and sexiness of the smut, not detracting from it. TZ truly is a master at the art of smut writing.
I love this story and easily has a permanent place in my top 10 favs of all time. It’s funny, sweet, loving, witty, snarky and utterly steamy and cold shower worthy. 5 panties out of 5.
Beks- This was actually one of the first fics I started reading on Twilighted. I will say that I hate angsty fics. My fellow PPers can confirm that I am of the mind that actual life has enough drama and pain in it that I don't really like spending my free time reading about it. Thank God I got my hands on this little gem. Midnight Desire is fucking hilarious, but in all the best possible ways. This story has so many priceless one liners...
"The monster whipped out a copy of the Kama Sutra and began dog earring pages." or "our girlfriend swallows . . . our girlfriend swallows . . .” and at no point I did I find myself thinking "this author thinks they are really funny, but they aren't".
Edward is a normal, extremely horny teenage boy and its great how he fights daily against his hormones and the monster, to respect his girlfriend. Bella is sweet and funny and the way TZ worked in James was very well done. Not to mention the smut is not only right on for their age, but way delicious. Edward's endless wanking isn't have bad either. hehehe. I am looking forward to checking out other fics from Twilightzoner. 4 out of 5
Kathy- Ah, Midnight Desire has been on my list for a while; I confess, I didn't read it in the beginning, only because I didn't know it existed. Once I found it, I devoured it quickly and became part of the anxious crowd that waits for updates. What's not to love about a fic that says outright it's all about the extreme lust?
From the beginning, this parody is hysterical. I don't think I've read a chapter that didn't make me laugh AND breathe heavily. I love that Bella sort of makes him work for it; when he asks her out and then admits he has no real plan, she basically tells him, ask me again when you get a clue. We haven't even gotten to the monster yet. Oh, Monster, how do I love thee? The monster makes me laugh on the regular, especially when acting out lewd things.
Edward stick to canon in many aspects; his adoration of Bella, his protectiveness, etc. Their first kiss is smokin' hot, after several chapters of some Edward self-lovin'. Once the BSR is in place, the comedy amps up even further, imho. However, while I love Wankward, I actually prefer the later chapters when they are together and it isn't just in his mind. I'm a sap that way, I can admit it. I loved that their first time together wasn't perfect.
There is an underlying storyline with James that is compelling, mixed in with the fantastical smut. I think I actually cried when I read the last line in Chapter 25. I cannot wait for the epilogue. Absofuckinglutely 5 panties out of 5 on this one.
Miya- I had something clever in here before but I can't remember what it was... I'll settle for saying that I loved it, laughed and lusted in all the appropriate spots, and that this is a story that will go down in Twilight fanfic history as "The Monster Story." Well done! 4.5 out of 5 panties.
Nina- Initially I wanted to just read the whole of Midnight Desire again and pick out my favorite "
Monster' bits and just list them so that he felt special at the highlight of his finer moments throughout the story. Then I realized that that would take away from discussing Edward's cock, that between him and the esteemed monster are the stars of this amazing tale of lust.
Replacing the Midnight Sun Edward's blood-lust with hormonal teenage Edward's sexual lust is the basis for this hilarious, remarkably accurate story (at least in relation to the hormones of a 17 year old boy) that is in all sincerity some of the funniest, sexiest and clearly most entertaining stories I've read. It is also one of the lemoniest stories without having an actual lemon until well into the story.
The opening chapters we're educated on the canon history of the family, well the canon history TZ style. His immediate attraction to her, his um...immediate response to her etc. Chapter 4 "the van incident" is clearly the real account as Meyer intended to write it. As dear Edward cradled Bella's shaking form in his arms, she completely forgot to document his raging boner as an integral part of the scene. That's probably what actually stopped Tyler's fan. Though poor Edward is mortified that his body reacted so inappropriately with Bella that he's convinced that she's going to tarnish his reputation throughout the school.
The Bella Swan Resistance Plan is Edward's grand idea to resist the lusciously tempting siren that is Bella Swan, ultimately the only woman to ever get his (and subsequently Little Eddie's) attention. The plan is also put into place to try and protect himself from not only her feminine wiles but Edward's misreading of Bella being the typical catty, vapid high school girl like all the others.
But his cock's unrelenting pursuit to embarrass him at every inopportune moment causes Edward to shut Bella out hurting them both in the process. Though he's resolved to ignore her hoping that he can 'quit' her (sorry couldn't resist), the resistance plan only antagonizes his um...need to beat off at any and every opportunity.
Wankward and his fantasies are some of the most detailed wet dreams I think have ever been documented. I honestly at one point felt bad for his cock as he continued (sometimes multiple times a day) jackhammering his cock to a multiude of positions that he has dream Bella in. Doggie, reverse cowgirl (one of his favs), schoolgirl, on her knees whatever. His daily releases at one point had Esme thinking they needed a new water heater since he spent so much time beating off down the drain.
The Bella Swan Plan is the next step in dear Edward's quest to get the girl. Once he comes (hehe) to his senses, he decides that it's not just her ripe, ample bosom or her supple ass that he wants but also just her. The great thing about TZ's Edward is that underneath the screaming, humping, horndog he's a genuinely romantic, caring and hopelessly in love young man. He dreams of marrying her and protecting her, just as canon Edward did. He's mature far beyond his years as TZ modeled MD's Edward after the 108 year old character in Twilight.
The story isn't without it's dramatic turn, pitting creepy James against Edward in a trifle that paralleled that of the ballet studio except it was his lust and a couch instead of his madness and a studio. Aside from the villainous James, there are the smaller bits of drama in the form of Alice monopolizing Bella's time, Charlie and his cockblockery and the the typical trials and tribulations of being young, in love and essentially obsessed (in a non-creepy way) with your soul mate. And finally the sadness we all felt in the last chapter as the Monster bid his final adieu. I nearly shed a tear.
The "Monster"
Today the Monster will be revealed. TZ commissioned numerous artists to create her true depiction of how she envisions the Monster to look like. Okay maybe not all that but someone has created the Monster's likeness to TZ's specifications and I, like all of you, can't wait to see how it fits in relation to the wacked as fuck brain image I have of him. In my warped noggin, the Moster is a large, cartoony penis (yes, large in that way, all sorts of girthy and glorious) that walks on his testicles while flexing his biceps kissing them while he asks Bella if she wants tickets to the gun show. He also has his own 'mini monster' encased in a banana hammock.
As I'm typing this, I am thinking that the Monster lounging dramatically on Edward's leather couch, praising the mind of TZ while they sip a nice Remy Martin VSOP and share a Behike together in celebration of the epilogue and his...reveal.
5/5 for Midnight Desire and 10/5 for the Monster and I want to thank him again for last night.
Stephie- I stumbled upon MD after reading TZ's contribution in Saturday School. I had no idea the story even existed (oh what a sheltered ff life I led...). Once I found it though, I couldn't stop reading. I mean that too. From the moment of Edward's...little problem and his reluctant admittance to Carlisle (which had me cracking up btw), I was hooked.
One of the best things about Edward is that he is totally canon in my mind. Maybe that's because my mind is deep in the gutter at all times...but I always viewed the vamps as very sexual creatures. Once the blood lust is cleared away, there is only lust. And MD's Edward has all the characteristics from the books: very intellectual, isolated (of his own doing), horny...er...ok I know that's not in the books, but it should have been damn it.
He is ashamed by his reactions to Bella and feels the need to prepare himself/avoid her at all costs ("Bella Swan Resistance Plan") lest she discover the raging hard on straining in his pants: "I could just imagine explaining that to Carlisle. Well, Bella Swan noticed I had a massive erection while I was talking to her, so I’m just going to have to change schools . . ." bahaha. Too bad BSRP=lack of hot water, or just the need of a larger tank in order to supply Edward with the ability to work off his insatiable lust. His poor, poor tender cock...
Then the Monster makes its first appearance. Oh but do I love the Monster. I never had any sort of image in my head as to what he looked like...except for that character Wario from the Mario Bros games; all squat and chubby and mustachioed, grinning madly and leering at Bella. Ok...so maybe I did have some sort of image. Whatever. The introduction as Domo as the monster made me laugh all over again, and I even had my mini pose with the doll in order to share (she loves that version of the monster). There are so many great Monster moments:
sighing and giggling
tap dancing
swooning and pouting
theatrically wiping its brow
clasping its hands and raising its eyes to the little hearts circling around its head
wearing a flack vest in fear of Charlie, then a bowtie to impress him
twirling an imaginary mustache (see?!)
opening a trench coat to flash Bella
I could go on, because it only gets better, but I don't want to waste your time or give too many funny moments away with my adoration of the Monster. MD follows all the major points from the book: first interaction in Biology, the near fatal van of doom, meadow, trouble with James, etc etc. Only this is so much funnier and sexier and just...awesome. If you haven't read it yet, WTF ARE YOU WAITING FOR? MD is IMO a must read. And I'm so excited to see what the Monster looks like in TZ's genius mind. 5/5
I discovered Twilight early last year, deciding the books would make good vacation reading while traveling during my daughter’s spring break. That could have easily been the end of the story. However, my daughter had read HP fanfiction, so I knew of the existence of that world. After reading the first three books and wanting more, I decided to look online to see if there was any Twilight related fanfiction. Ha! Just a bit . . .
After delving into that world for about a month, I decided to try my hand. I wrote my first story, a one-shot titled Certain Revelations, and celebrated like crazy when I received four reviews. Almost immediately, Vicissitudes, my post Eclipse story, demanded to be written. And almost immediately after I started it, the concept for Midnight Desire – just a premise, really – started trying to push its way into my consciousness. I demanded that it wait patiently until I finished the prior story.
MD really began as an experiment, and I was not entirely confident in my ability to pull it off. My entire plan at the beginning was simply to substitute lust for bloodlust and see where it took me while generally following the Twilight story line. I had a very vague outline in my head of how it would be adapted. Obviously, Edward would feel extreme and unprecedented lust for Bella and he would try to resist acting on that lust, thus creating a human version of Twilight.
After the first couple of chapters, I would read the next chapter of Twilight and think about ways to adapt it. For instance, human Edward couldn’t spring onto the roof and enter Bella’s bedroom undetected, so instead, he stood in the woods by her house and imagined what it would be like to be there. Without going into details, I’d just like to add that it was incredible fun sexually tormenting Edward.
The monster was only a twinkle in Edward’s eye in Chapter 1. It was born in Chapter 4 and took on full form by Chapter 7. As the story evolved, the monster became a steady form of comic relief, and I am exceedingly grateful to the little bugger. The monster now resides with me, but is often out whoring around and visiting adoring fans. It also spends time tormenting Ksangi, the “President” of its “unofficial fan club”, making unreasonable and ridiculous demands for attention and accolades.
Today, the epilogue of MD will be posted, and the story will officially end, other than some extras to come. Throughout the story, reviewers have told me how they picture the monster, and some have graciously asked how I envision it. With some help from very talented people, the monster now has a visage, and it will be revealed tonight on the MD thread at Twilighted. The monster also wants me to tell you that t-shirts with its image will be available at Twilighted, and encourages you to buy them all to help support Twilighted. Honestly, the ego on this guy . . .
In ending, I would like to thank the Perv Pack for reviewing MD, psymom for being the world’s best beta, and everyone who has taken the trouble to review the story. I don’t have the time to acknowledge every review, but I read them all and appreciate them beyond measure, that is, when I can pull the monster away from surfing porn and googling its name on the computer. Sigh.
Title: "Exhibition"
Moving on to more “pertinent” matters.
*I love music. I don’t think I can ever not include it in some way with my writings. That is all.
Let me tell you about this little story I am currently fangirling over by the title of 
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