Saturday, April 25, 2009

Emily is Corruptible

Well hell how did it get to be my turn for a get you know you post already? I hate to write a bio on myself so I thought perhaps I would interview a few of my favorite PP girls and see what they say about me.

Wait is that such a good idea? Whatever, I can always edit their comments to make me look less deviant. But then again being deviant is FUN.

Beks- So this one time I was thinking about Em butt-ass naked...I mean...I could go on about Em, my sweet, sexy Mami, for hours, but I'll leave that to Nina, you long winded bitch. Hehehe.

I think all of the ladies of the PP can agree with me when I say that Em pretty much defies all laws of nature and reality-- when it comes to meeting people online. Is she actually smoking hot? Yes. Is she probably the nicest person I have met? I think so. You would have to force Em to say a bad word against anyone she's just so damn sweet.

Can she write her pervy ass off? Yes and thank god. It would have broken my heart if I had to tell her the chapters of Strength In Yielding she asked me to beta sucked ass. I would have told her though, then begged to be forgiven, Mami style ;). She's the reason I'm involved with all these lovely ladies and I am so glad I was smart enough to PM her about her Twi Avatar all those months ago.

She's so many things beyond an original Perv. Em's an amazing mom, a phenomenal photographer, a deliciously naughty texter (sorry Mami, I just had to brag) and most importantly a really fucking good friend. Did I mention she has a great rack?

Em -- thanks for letting me stalk you and for making me giggle-blush daily. I'm proud to be your Baby... MWAH!!!

Steph- so...what to say about em that hasn't already been said(yeah I procrastinated in true stephanie fashion and read what everyone else has written so far...i know i suck)? i'm pretty sure, if memory serves me correctly, that the first time i "met" em was on the thread for my story. she was so nice. that and she had some line about being a smut whore in her siggie so i knew we'd get along just fine. we bonded over many things: fics and BDB and ultimately started gchattin it up (the demise of any timely updates if you ask me). Since then we have shared a lot of stories and pictures (listen up, no one has seen mah tatas ok? i'm a very shy person) and just bonded.

she really is quite possibly the nicest one of the PP. that's not saying much though since so many of us sit at the bitch bench on a regular basis. i kid, i kid. but truly she's a sweetheart. even though she's busier than all hell, she still takes the time out to lend a listening ear, share ridiculous vajayjay stories from work, or send us pics to show off just how hot she is. it's rare, IMO to find a genuinely great person online (or in RL too...people are assholes generally speaking). not only is she a super hot MILF, she's also super talented. her PSing skills are responsible for many banners and she is a master behind the camera.

for some reason she was/is shy about her writing. luckily there were plenty of girls out to coax her from her hiding place and share a truly great fic: Strength in Yielding (which, btw em PLZ UPDATE SOON). you should all go and read and review. then PM her to hurry up. just kidding. like i said before, she's super busy and not just her updates suffer. we all suffer from not getting to talk with her as often as before. if only RL didn't get in the way. *sobs*

basically, i love em. you will too, i'm sure, after getting to know her a bit more!

Kas- For starters, let me say that "Kitty," (my pet name for Emily) is one of my favorite members of the PP. Not to say that the rest of the girls are any less, but instead to say that she and I connect in a manner that's a wee bit different than with the other girls (nope, not divulging details on that, *LOL*). Anywhoodle...outside of being the most pervalicious MILF (*winky-wink*) that I know, Em (as she's known in the PP) is sweet, thoughtful, supportive, & funny. Did I mention that she's a dirty girl, too? Oh, yeah. Dirrrrty - which makes her a perfect member of the Perv Pack.

Speaking of dirty, as some of you may know, Em is the author of a hot lil' fic called Strength in Yielding (GO.RUN.READ!), based on an uber sex-ay Dominant/submissive relationship between Emmett and Rosalie. You think that The Submissive was good? Well, yes, it was, but that's just fiction. Emily's Strength in Yielding is the REAL DEAL. The names may have changed to Em & Rose, but the hot sexin' (with a huge dose of UST) is 100% real. So, get thyself over to and read that little gem! And show my Kitty (Em, that is, you Pervs) some love! ;)

Nina- Nina- I met Em on Hope's TA thread and it was all downhill and up her skirt from there. You can meet people on the internet that you're friendly with, sure you can share certain traits with, hobbies etc. But how often do people come along that are an honest and genuinely nice person? Not often. That's what we found in Em. She's the complete package as a good friend, a wonderful perv, and a hot chick with latent lesbian tendencies and really what the fuck is better than that? Nothing.

So Em and the rest of us Pervs bonded, shared hideously inappropriate stories, made fun of our husbands, kids, families twatever, and most importantly I believe we've all seen each others tits at one point or another and holy ball sack batman does Em have a great fucking rack. I'm kidding (*shakes head no*)

So what can you take away from this little ditty? Probably nothing that you already didn't know. We're a group of profoundly pervy bitches and Em is one of the originals and one of the perviest, but ultimately? She is truly one of the best women I've ever been able to call a friend.

So now should I tell you the real story about me? I don’t think the real thing is as exciting as my twisted friends make me out to be. I am totally blushing at all they said about me. Damn I should do this more often, it is great for my ego. MWAH pervs!

<------This is me and yes those are my tits. When I asked what pic I should put up this is the only one that my pervs suggested. I think they just wanted to see my rack again. Pft, they have all seen much more of me than this.

So I am OIP Em aka Emily. I am recently 36 and still feel like I am 18 (you know just barely legal). I am currently living in the Cullen’s home state of Washington and fuck me I have yet to find any of those boys lurking about in my backyard. I am married to a guy who rolls his eyes and makes fun of me and my Twi obsession but under it all he enables me. He works in the media and got me tickets to a sneak peak of the film and also picked up BD at midnight for me on his way home from a release party that he was covering for work. Despite that he thinks I am strange for my vamp loving ways and even stranger that I could meet a bunch of pervy girls and a bi-boy from a book series that was the ultimate cockblock.

So how did I get to this point? It is a long and twisted road but the short version is that there was this epic long thread about Twilight on a photography forum that I read and I finally checked to see what the fuss was about. Everyone was raving about Edward and since I love to read I thought what the hell I will give it a shot. I had never read any vampire books before and I did not know it was a young adult book when I first started reading. As I read the first chapters I was like WTF, this is set in high school? But I was quickly hooked –duh; that was March of last year and I read all 3 books in 5 days. I ignored my kids- yes I am a mom to two boys ages 6 and 4, ignored my house and ignored my husband.

<---Here are my boys, don’t worry they survived on pop-tarts and yogurt.

I pimped out the books to the girls at work and we all laughed about how we wanted a marble hard man like Edward. There is no such thing as TMI at my office because I work in the Pussy Palace aka OB/Gyn department. Ask the PP girls: I have scared them all with stories about things removed from lady bits. I see genitals everyday and get paid for it. I can tell you that on average women under 35 are sporting hard wood and women over 35 can be bare all the way to full 70’s bush :shudders: Envy me!

Anyway back to Twi…I wound up on SM’s website looking for movie news because it was being filmed about 10 miles from my house and I wanted the scoop, that lead me to Twilight Moms and then to FF and finally to Twilighted. I never thought I would be such a geek to read fan fic but once I saw how good some of it is I was hooked. I was too shy at first (WTF, me shy?!) to post much on the Twi threads but Hope and Izzy brought me out of my shell on the TA/PW&J thread and the rest is history. Kasey took me on as her kitty –RAWR and then my life changed when I got a PM from Beks. She needed photoshop help and we instantly connected. Who knew I would find one of my best friends on a fic forum.

My very first foray into FF was Sacrifices by Enthralled (I know, I know it was recommended by Beks last week, but really it is that good) it was recommended on Twilight Moms but when the “M” rating went away from Twilight Moms so did I.

I then went looking for something equally as engaging –and with some smut and stumbled across AH/AU. I was not sold on the idea of human Cullen’s but dove in head first.

Boycotts and Barflies by vjgm cemented my love of AH/AU fic. I mean who does not love sexy Eddie, Jasper and Emmett shaking their ass to So Hott? Now there is a body shot that I wish I could be a part of.

From there I read voraciously and left all my smut novels untouched for ff. The poor dears are getting dusty, perhaps I should rub them, er I mean the dust off.

Realize by Goo82 caught my attention because it had a very long and active thread on Twi. The UST in this fic made me tense and want to scream at Bella and Edward. How can two smart people be so ignorant to their feelings for each other?

I LOL at Cullenary Education: Forks Sex Ed by MarcyJ Sex ed(ward) is funny anyway but when you combine that with an empath vampire and one who can read thoughts you have a hilarious read. I actually passed it out to some of the girls at work and it started their own fanfic obsession. I guess you could call me the office Twi pimp.

I am not a writer at all but I was convinced to start writing a fic of my own. (the girls linked it above and really it is not as good as they say it is) I say start because I got three chapters in and have not updated in forever! I suck; but that is another story and I’ll get around to it someday when my life is not so busy. Although I think I need to write Rose’s side of Me & Mrs. McCarty for Beks first before she kicks my ass.

Maybe I should have the “best sandwich ever” fire off some dirty texts and bust out Barney for inspiration…



Ninapolitan said...

For the record even though Beks said I was the long winded one her blurb is longer so :P

Stephie (luv) said...

aw em i do love you even more. how could i forget to mention the best sandwhich ever? and i've never read cullenary education so i may have to take a look.
love you and your hot rack ;)

OIP Em said...

Thanks Steph! I love you too and hmmm sandwich.

Cullenary Education is funny, I mean who can't laugh at Emmett trying to put condoms on a banana in a race with Mike when Jasper is manipulating the emotions of the group!

Oh and Hot Bitch answering sex questions...good stuff.

Lipsmacked said...

Ha Nina... I was just as shocked as you were. You win this round, Bond.

Em... I'm so molesting you. There's nothing you can do about it. Loved it, Mami. I need to read Realize. I've heard great things about it and you know I'll take your word for it. Now you were saying something about a sandwich and dirty texts...

MsKathy said...

aw, what a sweet way to do the Getting to Know You, Em! I loved everyone's kind words about you, and it was nice to see a pic of your cutie pie boys. I bet they keep you running. Lovely to get to know more about you :)

Love=EDWARD said...

In the words of the infamous Paris Hilton, "That's Hot." Or better yet, EM'S HOT! Nicely done, BB! Love the rack pic, too! *LOL*

But your Em's cuties are the stars of that post. Seriously, those boys are just ADORABLE!

Emmy said...

- Em lovely to read more about you.. & the others honest & heartfelt words about you too...

Your boys are little delights!

& I love your fic reccs.. Realise is fabbio so I am going to investigate your others now! :)

~JO~ Cullenitis said...

I just now finally read this Ems! (I suck so bad...well...THAT's not true, but you KWIM.)

This was wonderful and I just want you to know how much I love you, bcs I haven't gotten a chance to talk to you is SOOO LONG!!!! TOOOOO LONG!!!

I love u hard bb.