Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy 3/5/2012

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to asks someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER: The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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NAUGHTY NURSE KIMPY TACKLES THE ISSUE OF SIZE
 
Apparently, there are a lot of people who worry about the size of bits. Their bits, their partner’s bits, their neighbor’s bits... today, Naughty Nurse Kimpy brings the matter of size to the forefront. Does size matter? Has the fandom perpetuated the myth that bigger is better? What does it mean for the woman who’s sporting her AA and the man who is smaller than average? As you can imagine, Nurse Kimpy is interested in one thing, and one thing only when it comes to size--make sure that all forms of sex you have, with bits of any sort of shape and size, IS FUN.

I’m curious about penis size... a friend of mine told me she slept with a guy with a large dick and she said it was painful. I dunno, maybe it was just her, but is it possible for a guy’s dick to be TOO big that you can't enjoy sex??

Love your work, ma'am! Keep up the wonderful advice! My question is actually about men, if that's okay? The guy that I'm fooling around with has what I've been told is a small penis. When I close my fist over it, the tip sticks out over my hand, but just the tip. What is about the average length for most men about 20 years old? Are my friends just lucky in their penile adventures, or am I really getting *ahem* shafted? *giggle*

Nurse Kimpy had a slight giggle when you started your question. If it becomes not okay to ask a male-related question of Naughty Nurse Kimpy, it will be a cold day in hell. Just saying.

*Naughty Nurse Kimpy steps up on her soapbox, megaphone in hand*

Okay, so here’s the thing--all her readers are aware that Nurse Kimpy is very uncomfortable with the word normal. Now, she knows that you didn’t use that word, but Nurse Kimpy wants to encourage all of us to be more accepting of the fact that sexual bits come in all shapes, sizes and colors. The wonderful thing about genitals, though, it that they’re designed to have sex and to bring sexual pleasure. When you’re enjoying a partner who is on one end of the scale or the other, certain accommodations might need to be made to maximize pleasure, but there are always ways to enjoy a penis, regardless of its size.

Throughout the fandom, we have proliferated the myth of enormous peens. Have you ever run across an Edward whose penis is even average length? It’s a rarity, to be sure. In reality, the average size is 5.88 inches, erect. Men tend to be very sensitive about penis size, and it’s a real shame, because penises are just fun and awesome no matter what their size. The fact that your partner’s penis isn’t on the long end of the scale really shouldn’t matter when it comes to sexual pleasure. Let’s look at breasts in comparison. Some A cup girls feel self conscious about their smaller breasts. When you’re in heat of the moment, however, we know that all sizes of breasts are equally responsive to stimulation. Naughty Nurse Kimpy assures you that it works the same way with penises, too.

For all the excitement that a large penis can cause (think of the titillation surrounding Michael Fassbender in Shame), penises that are on the long or wide end of the scale can actually be painful for a woman during sex. Depending upon the position you use, the long penises can be superbly good at knocking into your ovaries. The bottom line is that you fall in love with a person, not their genitals. Their bits are just an extension of that individual, and it’s the sum total of the person you love. So if you fall in love with a partner whose penis is less than, or more than, average, you simply find ways to rock it and make it work for the two of you. That’s really what it’s all about.

One last word before the soapbox is retired--the size, shape, and responsivity of your partner’s good bits are no one else’s business. It’s up for the pair of you to figure out how to enjoy them to the maximum degree. So those meanies who are telling you that you’re getting shafted? Or the girls who complain about penises that are too large? They can just shut the front door and leave you to your fun.

*Nurse Kimpy steps down from the soapbox and stores her megaphone for another day*

Hi NNK! This is not quite about sex but rather sexiness...as a college girl with all-natural DDs, I have trouble finding cute lingerie. I would love to surprise my boyfriend with something a bit...spicier, but haven't been able to find any stores/sites that aren't super expensive! Any tips?

All-natural DDs... deserve to be dressed up fancily from time to time. Nurse Kimpy loves it that you want to surprise your boyfriend (although she’s also sure that his favorite way to enjoy your tatas is au naturel). When she asked her friends on Twitter for some suggestions, she got a few great resources for you to check out:

Figleaves, Fredericks, and Goddess bras. Hope your boyfriend enjoys your special treat, both on and off.

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