Thursday, May 10, 2012

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy 5/10/12


Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to asks someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

LONG LIVE EQUALITY ”I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important... to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married.” -- President Barack Obama, 5/9/2012

As you are all aware, Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is very committed to the concept that sex should be safe, consensual, and fun. One more part of that equation is that a person should be able to choose their sexual partner, whether they’re gay, straight, bi, lesbian, transgendered or anything in between. She wasn’t sure that she’d ever hear a sitting President of the United States--especially one who is up for re-election--proclaim that gay people have a right to be married. Thank you, President Obama. Thank you. You have Nurse Kimpy’s eternal gratitude.

My fellow Perv mycrookedsmile knows how to stoke my inner sexnerd (and that’s STOKE not STROKE you naughty readers!). She’s always hooking me up with awesome references. There have been a few ANNK questions about weight and sexuality lately, and for anyone who just needs a reason to feel okay about how they look, this is the linkie for you: Fat and Fucking. Rebecca Jorden’s missive is funny, and real, and wonderful, and I encourage you all to read it, even if you’re thin. It’s about owning the body that you live in, and it’s one of the best things I’ve read in ages, which is saying a lot.

Silly, half-serious question: Have people stopped circumcising their baby boys yet? Cuz I love me some foreskin, but knowing my luck I'll probably have to go to fucking Europe or some shit to find a life-partner-in-crime with one that doesn't annoy me to death (I'm not so good with people.) When I fulfill my evolutionary role and bear mini-mes will my spawn have to do the same? It just seems cruel to cut off something so cute and sensitive…

Naughty Nurse Kimpy has very strong feelings about leaving the foreskin intact, but she was--admittedly--a little late to the parka party. The foreskin of a penis is an amazing thing that most boys/men and their partners should be able to enjoy. While she will never fault a person for circumcising their child for religious reasons, Nurse Kimpy encourages mothers of boys to think carefully about leaving their peens intact. Circumcision remains a common practice in the United States, but it is slowly starting to change--we remain the only country in the world where a majority of males are routinely circumcised at birth. You can check out several websites for more information on the foreskin. One of Nurse Kimpy’s favorites shows a penis with foreskin becoming erect--TOTALLY NSFW--the secret penis, and she also appreciates the the foreskin coverage index.

Dear Nurse Kimpy, my boyfriend and I recently started having sex (he is my first partner ever). I'm not on the pill because I never had a reason to before, but we always use a condom and he pulls out. The first time we had sex was the day after my last period ended. It has been about a month since the first time and my period is late by 2 weeks, and normally my periods are very consistent. I've had 2 negative pregnancy tests. So my question is, does having sex interfere with your cycle at all? Or is it possible that I'm pregnant but is it too early to tell? Thank you!

Nurse Kimpy commends you and your partner on being responsible. Using a condom is great, and pulling out before he ejaculates is even better. When he pulls out, however, it is best if he puts his fingers around the base of the condom first, so it minimizes the risk of slippage.

Having sex per se should not affect your cycle, but being very anxious about possibly being pregnant can. You mention that you’ve had two negative pregnancy tests. There are pregnancy tests on the market that you can use even before you know your period is late. When you buy a kit, read the fine writing to know if that’s the kind you’ve purchased. Tests are most effective when you’ve already missed your period. Nurse Kimpy suspects that this situation is more anxiety driven than it is your being pregnant. There is a great tool on the internet you can use to figure out whether or not you should be concerned about being pregnant--Am I pregnant?. It will give you additional information and resources on whether or not you might be pregnant.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy also suggests that you consider using a more reliable method of birth control, or using two different methods simultaneously (such as a condom and spermicidal lubricant) so that you don’t face this same level of angst month after month.

Hi there! I recently went on a trip and forgot my pills, so I didn't take the 2 first pills of the pack. When I got home I just started a new pack. I know that that week I wasn't covered, but that's not what I'm worried about. My boyfriend and I use condoms too. The thing is that I read that my period may not come this month because of the 2 pills I didn't take, is that true?
If you didn’t take the reminder pills from your last pack of pills, and you basically only missed two pills from the next pack, you won’t have your period again until you get to the reminder pills in the pack you’re presently taking. Below is a great chart from Planned Parenthood that helps you determine what to do when you miss one pill or more.

My boyfriend and I love to have a LOT of sex. Unfortunately, for some reason my boyfriend just can't cum with a condom on. We both know it's soo irresponsible, but we end up taking the condom off in the middle of sex a lot of the time, and he pulls out before he can cum inside me. We're not trying to get pregnant any time soon, and we know how unsafe it is. What other methods of birth control do you recommend?

Yep, it’s irresponsible and a very good way to find yourselves pregnant. And since you’re not actually planning to get “pregnant any time soon,” you, my dear, need to find an alternative method and pronto. Especially since you “love to have a lot sex.” The odds are not going to be ever in your favor much longer; you truly are playing with fire.

The very best thing Nurse Kimpy can recommend is to take the My Method quiz on the Planned Parenthood website. It’s a great tool for trying to decide what’s best for you. Please do Kimpy a favor and make an appointment to get yourself on a birth control method ASAP, so she doesn’t have to have a heart attack. TYVM.

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