Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!
The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.
Since our resident Nurse is off gallivanting about the globe, we're bringing back some vintage advice.... No one can have too many orgasms, right?
FEMALE ORGASMS 101
Naughty Nurse Kimpy has received so many queries about orgasms that she needed to devote an entire post just to this topic. We've timed this to post just before Valentine's Day, in case you and your partner want to put the information in this class to good use. From here on out, Naughty Nurse Kimpy has exchanged her nursing cap for a mortarboard. Professor Kimpy is now in the house. Don your glasses; sharpen your pencils; HAVE SOME FUN!!! You might even want a glass of wine handy, just in case you need a little something something to help you relax. This is going to be a HANDS ON class, ladies.
You are all about to become scientists. Professor Kimpy is going to start with the basics, because many of you never learned the basics this way before. Your research subject? YOU.
Before we even start to talk about the specifics about female orgasms, you need to know the lay of the land--otherwise known as THE VAGINA. You'd be surprised to know how many women have never even seen their own vaginas. I want you to take some time to look at yourself. Yes, that's right. LOOK AT YOURSELF. Find a good mirror, a comfortable, private place (you might even need to lock yourself in a bathroom), some long-lasting lube, and prepare to school yourself on... yourself.
Well, it can really help you to pinpoint what feels good, and what does not, if you can visualize it in your head. You need to become an expert on yourself! While it may feel awkward and embarrassing to do this exercise, try not to judge yourself on what you look like. This is designed to make you appreciate what you have, to feel more comfortable with how you look and feel, and to take ownership of exactly how to give yourself pleasure, or to give your partner a GPS locator button to turning you on. See? Professor Kimpy is all about WIN-WIN situations. Trust.
First, wash your hands. I know, I know, I'm like a broken record, but trust me. It's a good practice. Next, rub some lube all over your inner and outer lips, so that your explorations won't be uncomfortable. Putting the mirror in a comfortable position so that you can see your bits, look at the structures. The outer lips, labia majora, don't really look like lips. Run your fingers over that area, to see how it feels. The crease of skin between the lips and your thighs/hips can be very sensitive. Experiment with touch. When you feel comfortable with that, move on to your inner lips, or labia minora. These are like the gateway doors to the Garden of Eden, so they're important. They allow your vagina to stay moist by keeping it closed off. They hug a man's shaft during sexual intercourse. Take a look at how your lips happen to be shaped. Everyone's lips are different--remember, there is no right or wrong way they are supposed to look. Experiment with texture, too. Does it feel good to tug on them? To pinch them? To glide over them with lubed fingers? What does it feel like to run your fingers in between your inner and outer lips? How about on the inside of your lips, stroking up and down your slit? Figure out what works for you, and what doesn't.
Before we move to your inner bits, think about at least one attribute you appreciate when you look at yourself. Vaginas are amazing things, and we're all very hard on ourselves. Instead of directing criticism at yourself, look at yourself with wonder, because let's be honest--pussies rock.
You need to take a moment to pay homage to your clitoris, girls, because it is the source of so much pleasure. While men have a refractory period after their orgasms where they are unable to have another orgasm, women are totally different. Our clitoris is the equivalent of the Energizer Bunny. It keeps going, and going, and going, ad infinitum!
As you move down your slit, you will see a mass of skin above the opening of your vagina. That's your urethra, where your pee comes from. I don't really want you to do anything in particular with that area, just know what it is. The urethral opening can be easily irritated, and you don't want to do anything to cause a bladder infection.
Below the urethra is the opening to your vagina. It will likely be moist. There are two glands on either side of the vaginal opening called Bartholin's glands. They're partly responsible for getting you wet when you're sexually aroused, so they are your friends. While you might think that your tour is now complete, au contraire mon frere! Underneath the vaginal opening lies the perineum, sometimes called No Man's Land, and beyond that is the anus. I include these in the tour, because they are frequently overlooked when it comes to arousal. It needs to emphasized that the nerve endings in your pelvic region do not magically stop at the vaginal opening. The perineum and anus are chock full of nerve endings, they're highly sensitive, and they can add a lot to getting you sexually aroused. Run the tip of your finger along your perineum, just to prove to yourself how sensitive it really is. You will probably surprise yourself, if you don't already know how awesome it feels to be touched there. Move your attention to the anus. If you feel up to it, put some lube on the tip of your finger, and just circle it around the outside of your pucker--you don't even have to dip your finger inside. I assure you, it is a nerve ending powerhouse, and can feel really erotic. Again, you aren't going to know what feels good unless you try out the equipment first, so experiment all your want to--this is your time for self-discovery and having fun. Make the most of it.
Before you do anything else, please be sure to wash your hands. Always remember: No ass to vag, no ass to mouth, no ass to anywhere. *Naughty Nurse steps off the pulpit and returns to the classroom*
Your tour of yourself is now complete. You've seen and explored all the major structures. Make a note of what it looks like now, because you're going to look at it again, once you're turned on. You might be surprised at the difference!
CLITORAL, VAGINAL, AND G-SPOT ORGASMS. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
Glad you asked! A lot of readers have questions about exactly what these are, and why/how they differ from each other.
Clitoral orgasms are the most common type of female orgasm. They arise from direct stimulation of the clitoris.
Vaginal orgasms originate from within the vagina, usually as a result of vaginal stimulation during sex. These are much less common than clitoral orgasms, and some women never experience them at all. There are a lot of vaginal orgasms in Fanfiction, which misleads many of you into believing something is wrong if you aren't having orgasms just through penetrative, or vaginal, sex. Not true! Some women can only orgasm during sex through direct stimulation of the clitoris, so don't feel bad if vaginal orgasms aren't happening for you.
If you stimulate your clitoris while being penetrated, you can experience a clitoral AND vaginal orgasm together, which is pretty damn powerful, because you are using slightly different muscle groups when you have an orgasm.
Finally, there is the G-Spot orgasm, also known as the Holy Grail of Orgasms. These are a little bit trickier, because the G-Spot doesn't actually show up for the party until you're already good and aroused. If you're laying down, and you slide a finger into your vagina, the G-Spot is located inside, up near your clitoris. You have to hook your finger in order to reach it, and the longer the finger, the better the access. When your G-Spot is stimulated, you will sometimes feel a slight sensation to pee--that's because it is located along the outer wall of your bladder. G-Spot vibrators are a great idea, because it is such an elusive little bugger to reach. Any vibrator, finger, or peen that you can get into direct contact with your G-Spot will lead you down the path to the G-Spot orgasm. With the right amount of attention? You will explode, and believe me, you will see god before you. Yes, G-Spot orgasms really are that amazing.
Even though I defined three types of orgasms here, please be aware that there are some scientists who believe that an orgasm is an orgasm, regardless of where it originates. The feeling and intensity might be different, but from a physiological perspective--that is, measuring the body's actual orgasmic response (i.e., muscle contractions, clitoral engorgement, and the amount of lubrication released)--they are all the same.SINGLE, MULTIPLE, AND SEQUENTIAL ORGASMS
Okay, so there may or may not be three different types of places where an orgasm originates. Now, there are three different ways orgasms occur--singly, multiples, or sequentially.
Singles are exactly what they claim to be--a nice, big ball of pleasure. Most of us mortals experience our orgasms in singles. Own it.
Multiple orgasms are basically the same physiologic response as single orgasms, except that they occur stacked on top of each other. Some women describe them as an orgasm that happens, then starts to recede just slightly before coming on strong once again. They never fully fade until they're over.
One fact I want to emphasize here is that in Fanfiction, people are having a lot of incredible orgasms, and frequently experiencing multiple orgasms. While multiple Os may be par for the course in Fanfiction, not so in real life. In his landmark research study on sex, Kinsey found that only 13% of women experience multiple orgasms. Yes, you read that correctly: 13%. That means 87% of us are not having multiple orgasms. I wanted to emphasize this, because some women are starting to feel like something is wrong with them if they don't have the same experiences as they read about in Fanfiction. And for my readers out there who are still virgins, I really don't want you guys to get the impression that when you meet your true love, you are going to have amazing, non-stop multiple orgasms. I think the most important thing to take away from this is that there is a reason it's called fiction--it's not necessarily real.
The bottom line is that even though there are separate types of orgasms, try not to get hung up on all the different kinds. The goal should really be to have an orgasm, not to be picky about which kind you're having. Just enjoy them when they arrive, because that's what it's really all about.
HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'VE HAD AN ORGASM?
There were many questions along this line:
I know a lot of people say to have an orgasm, either with or without a partner you need to relax. I have been with several partners and enjoy a healthy dose of self-loving - but still no orgasm. Could I be having very small ones and not realizing it?
well when I masturbated I do it with porn but I never get to the orgasm, I really dont know why?
I'm a virgin, but I masturbate. A lot. However, I don't think I have ever had an orgasm. In fic, an orgasm is described as this fantasmical clench and release of come-to-Jesus awesomeness; I never get that when I touch myself. Is there something I'm not doing right? How can I get the big O that everyone raves about?
First and foremost, I need to emphasize that the old adage is true: You'll definitely know if you've had an orgasm. For those of you who mention you've never made it to the Big O, do not fear... we have ways of making this work.
If you aren't having orgasms, but you've been trying to achieve them, there could be several things going on. First of all, it could just be that you need to learn specifically about how stimulate the vaginal-clitoral orgasmic response. That sounds fancy, but all it really means is that you need to teach yourself how to get off. Again, that's not saying you haven't been trying. It's probably just that you haven't been trying the right things.
The brain is probably the most important piece of the puzzle when it comes to the human sexual response. While our natural sexual responses and nerve endings certainly help us to become aroused, it's actually the brain that is your ultimate weapon. There are many factors that can conspire against our brains to dampen sexual response. Fatigue, stress, fear, anxiety--they can all make it incredibly difficult to achieve orgasm if they interfere. One of the inherent problems when you are having trouble achieving an orgasm is that you start to become anxious, then worried, then doubtful, and then you give up. When you're trying to achieve this with a partner, that can only magnify the feelings of anxiety.
If you believe that you haven't experienced an orgasm, and you are determined to do so, I recommend trying to become orgasmic alone first. There isn't any performance anxiety when you're the only one around. Before you start, I recommend using a vibrator to help you on your way to orgasm--it is a much more powerful tool than fingers or hands alone. Set it aside for the time being.
Now, you need to get yourself in the mood, aroused, and interested in having that orgasm. Choose whatever medium seems to work best for you--an erotic story, online pictures, a porno. It doesn't matter what you use, just so long as it gets you turned on. Whatever you do, don't allow yourself to venture into negative self talk during this time. There is no time limit as to how quickly you need to become aroused, or how wet you have to become. This is all about you, learning about yourself. There isn't any room for negativity in this exercise.
When you feel yourself starting to get really wound up (meaning very wet and aroused), grab your mirror once again and take a look at your vagina. You'll notice right away how different it looks when you're aroused--blood has just pooled in that area, making everything look swollen and redder. If you look at your clit, it will be swollen, and most likely peeking out from under its hood. That's just your body doing its work to be able to take on a peen of any magnitude. Take a few minutes to explore your body with your hands, before even going near your pussy. Massage your breasts. Tweak your nipples. Run your hands over your stomach. Experiment with what makes you feel good. As you work your hands over your body, recall images of sexy scenes in your head. Imagine that your hands are actually your lover's. Erotic imagination is an important part in sexual arousal, because it engages your brain. Remember, your brain is the most important part of your sexual experiences and responses. Do everything you can to keep it focused on the Big O.
Right now, I'm going to remind you that saying things like "this is taking so long! I'm never going to come!" are not going to help you reach your end goal. You need to nip those thoughts in the bud, and replace them with fuckhot images of your guiltiest pleasures.
Now that you're feeling good and randy, it's time to explore your bits. Get out that vibrator mentioned earlier. In addition to your own wetness, put some lube on the vibrator, and spread some over your lips, so that the surface will glide easily over your skin. Turn the vibrator on, and work it over your lips. Spread your lips open, and gently glide it up and down your slit. Start at the opening of your vagina, and move up toward your clit. You can brush the vibrator lightly over your clit, but don't focus on it yet. Just give it enough stimulation to lightly tease it. Continue this pattern over working over your slit, up and down, and alternate speeds, if your vibrator can do that. Alternate pressure, from hard, to whisper soft. Figure out what works best for you, then do more of it. Imagine your naughtiest fantasy is happening as you get more aroused. When you feel your heart start to pound and your pussy is swollen and ready, move in for the kill. Yes, that's right--it's time to put that vibrator on your clit. Be aware that the direct sensation of the vibrator on your clit might be too much at first. If so, ease yourself into it, almost like getting your skin used to a hot shower, bit by bit. Experiment with what feels best. Some women like to circle the vibrator over their clit; some like to press down, without moving it at all. Others can't stand to have it directly over their clit, so they circle around the perimeter. The method doesn't matter--the response does. Do what feels right to you.
Hopefully, this line of experimentation will lead you to have a Big O. If it doesn't, DO NOT DESPAIR. It make take a few tries to figure out what exactly works for you. For example, some women find that at vibrator at a high speed numbs their clit, thus making it harder for them to have an orgasm. For them, it might be best to start at the lowest speed and work their way up. Conversely, if the lower speed does nothing for you, ramp up the volume. You will figure it out, just be patient with yourself. Sometimes, it's like learning how to ride a bike. You practice, and work at it, and then? It just happens, miraculously, and the world is never the same again.
A WORD OF CAUTION: ORGASMS AND ANTI-DEPRESSANTS (SSRIs)
Why is it so much harder to orgasm when you're on antidepressants? Is there any way to get around this? I'm still just as mentally aroused while on antidepressants, but my body won't respond.
This is a genuine problem for many women who take a specific type anti-depressants: SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors). This includes meds like Paxil, Prozac, or Celexa, to name a few. Taking these meds can result various side effects regarding sexual response; it is estimated that as many as 50-70% of individuals will experience some kind of sexual dysfunction side effect. For some individuals, sex still feels as amazing as it always has, but they simply can't achieve an orgasm, no matter how hard they try. Some people have trouble getting adequately aroused, and others experience a decrease in libido. Some people may eventually orgasm, but the response feels muted compared to their typical orgasms. If you feel you are experiencing some kind of sexual response dysfunction due to your meds, I urge you to discuss it with your physician or psychiatrist, whomever is responsible for your prescription. VERY IMPORTANT: DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR ANTI-DEPRESSANT SUDDENLY TO SEE IF YOUR RESPONSE SOMEHOW IMPROVES. TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE MAKING ANY CHANGES TO YOUR MEDICATION REGIMEN. THIS CANNOT BE STRESSED STRONGLY ENOUGH!!
There are many different kinds of anti-depressants on the market, and if you feel compelled to change what you're taking to see if it improves your sexual responsiveness, talk to your doctor about it. Please don't be embarrassed to bring it up with them. As you read earlier, up to 70% of their patients are experiencing the same type of issues as you--it's a routine question that they get all the time. Remind yourself that with time and patience, hopefully you can figure out a way to make it work for you.
For more details on SSRIs and sexual response, look here: Sexual Side Effects of SSRIs
Why does my nose itch after I orgasm? It's really amusing and strange.
Our body contains a network of nerves bundled together, designed to carry impulses from the brain to the outer reaches of the body and back. Nerve impulses are carried over nerve fibers via neurotransmitters--chemicals that act as an extension cord of sorts. My guess is that, for whatever reason, your nerve impulses go a little haywire after you come, and that causes some of the impulses to travel up to your nose in the form of an itch. It's like a few rogue neurotransmitters decided to play hooky and head for your nose instead of commuting to work like the rest of the responsible, hardworking transmitters committed to doing their job. It's unusual, but not unexpected, so I wouldn't worry about it. It's simply one of the quirks that makes you unique.This reader wants to be notified when this goes up in a post. Let me know. Thanks. -Jeanne T 1/18/11 3:15 PM
I was just wanting to know if there are woman out there that have problems having orgasms. I can only reach one when I am on top, I have been told my pelvis is a little tilted and the doctor had told me to try on top and I was able to have them. I would like to be able to have on with him on top or with him behind me while we are on our sides, I feel like a failure because he has to work so much to help me reach one and then he never knows if I actually have one or not. I also have to have foreplay beforehand to have one, the ones I have are toe curling amazing. But I just would like to be able to go at it anywhere like in the stories and have the same amazing ones in any postition. I have tried kegel exercises but it doesnt seem to help much. He still never knows when I've had one. All I read about is how Bella can clinch down on Edward, I can't do that. It makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with my body. Its very frustrating.
To begin, please be assured that there is absolutely nothing wrong with your body!! I'm sorry you are so frustrated by your tilted pelvis. Sometimes, your internal anatomy decides to be unusual, which makes doing things the normal way more difficult. If I'm reading your question correctly, there are several issues at play here:
1. You can only have an orgasm if you are on top of your partner;
2. You want to have orgasms with him in other positions, such as spooning, or missionary position;3. You and your partner have to work hard in order to achieve an orgasm (via lots of foreplay);
4. You want things to be like fics, where you can just have a big O in any position, any time, anywhere;
5. Kegels haven't helped, because your partner can't feel your orgasms or your clenching around him.
What I'd like to do is turn this problem around and look at it a bit differently. First of all, you are able to have orgasms when you have sex with your partner, and that is a great thing. There are actually a lot of women who can't say that.
Second, so, your orgasms are limited to a certain position. If you think about it, though, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy other positions when you have sex. I mean, you can start out missionary, and then flip half way through to put you on top. You might want to consider purchasing a vibrator that slips around your partner's penis, but one that also hits your clit every time he thrusts into you. The vibration is a very pleasurable experience for both of you, plus it also helps you out with stimulating your clit. It's worth a try, no? With your partner on top of you, you also have access to your clit. Rub yourself while he thrusts, and I just bet you could achieve an orgasm that way, too.Regardless of what happens in fiction, real life is complicated and messy, and real sex just doesn't work the same way that it does in fic. The plain truth is that it isn't always easy for women to achieve an orgasm during penetrative sex. If you stimulate your clit while you're having sex, that can certainly help. But the fact of the matter is, women who come on command? Women who are ready to have sex before anyone even touches them? Women clenching around a penis so hard it feels like a fist? Those things are fantasies. If they exist at all, they are an exceedingly small minority. Please don't hold yourself to those standards, because they aren't real. Remember that there are so many different ways for you to come with your partner's assistance that aren't through penetrative sex. He can rub your clit and G-Spot. He can stimulate your clit through oral sex. You can stimulate your own clit during sex. The end result of sex doesn't have to equal an orgasm in every position. It doesn't even have to be an orgasm every time. I mean, sex feels great, it's incredibly pleasurable, and it is a way to connect to your partner on a level so intimate that it only exists for the two of you. Yes, orgasms are fun and amazing, but they're just one part of the human sexual experience. Don't lose sight of everything else simply because you are so focused on the orgasm itself.
To be honest, most men won't be able to feel you clench around their penis. Most women cannot come through penetrative sex alone. Most women need a lot of foreplay in order to orgasm during sex. The fact that you aren't able to do these things just makes you normal, and there is truly nothing wrong with normal. If it really, truly bothers you and you can't get over it, I suggest that you and your partner turn sex into play time. It's your time to experiment and figure out what works for you and what doesn't. The only rule to stick to is that whatever you do has to be fun--you can't criticize if something doesn't work. Anything goes. The only way to find your own personal brand of success is to keep on practicing, and that hardly sounds like work to me. Go knock yourself out and have a blast--whatever that means for you. Leave the coming on command to Bella and Edward in Fanficland, okay?Congratulations, you have successfully completed the Female Orgasms 101 course offered through PPSS University! More course offerings will likely be added; Professor Kimpy has already procured a guest lecturer to school you on vibrators, coming (yes, literally) in March. If there are topics you are interested in hearing about, please, leave Naughty Nurse Kimpy a suggestion in her mailbox. Remember, it's always confidential and anonymous.
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