Love it? I DID...

Hey there, y’all - lil’ razzle dazzle time, huh? Gettin’ ta know The Naughty Librarian. *snort* Let’s see…what to regale you with…hmmm. Nope, that won't work. Uhh...how not to bore the shit out of our readers with random details from my life… *think*think*think* Well, I can’t promise not to do that, but let’s ‘on with the show,’ shall we?

So, I’m 35 years old, born and raised in the South, and married to Mr. Incredible. Seriously. No, he’s not perfect but I’m damn blessed and so I talk about him (and his magic peen and hands) waaaay too much. Don’t get me started. Our steamy sex has resulted in two children who rock my days & they couldn’t be cooler.

I grew up dreaming of Broadway. While I majored in music for a while in college, a musical career was not to be. Life has a funny way of morphing into something you never expected, and with those natural growing up type changes came new dreams that had nothing to do with show tunes, gay men or outrageous costumes. I have been a stay at home mom now for ten years and I wouldn’t trade it for all the apron lights in the world. Hopefully I am instilling in my children the things that matter in life: love, forgiveness, peace, hope and joy. Oh, and a ridiculous appreciation for music. ;)

Sometime last summer as I was discovering the joys of Facebook, I began to grow weary of seeing all the “Edward & Bella” flair and not knowing what it was all about, so I googled their names (I had never even heard of Twilight…). Or maybe it was “Edward & Twilight.” Anyhoo, my search led me to purchase the first book at Walsmarts a week later. Yeah, the rest was history. I have always been a voracious reader, but never have I read & reread a series like this one. To add fuel to the fire, I was/am a die-hard Harry Potter fan. When I saw that my yummy Cedric Diggory had been cast as Edward Cullen, well, the deal was sealed for me. Obsession, ON.

Somewhere in all my daily internet Rob-stalking….erm…site perusing, I stumbled upon the movie critique blog ‘the Movie Fanatic.’ They had several wonderful Twilight related posts, one of which included a segment on fan fiction. I had never had any interest whatsoever in fan fiction - not even Harry Potter fanfic. However, the piece that tMF did on Twilight fan fiction intrigued me. Why? They featured a wonderful writer who had written the ‘fade to black’ scene that Stephenie Meyer conveniently left out of Breaking Dawn. *coughcockblockercough*

Say wha’? You mean, four books worth of insane sexual tension might actually be realized?!?!

I clicked the link and have never looked back. Vixen1836’s Isle Esme drew me in with all its passion and ‘Edwardian’ lemontasticness. Soon I came to know the joys of ‘out of character’ writing, all-human stories, and even *gasp* slash fic. I’ve even been inspired to begin writing myself. The awesomely creative writers of fan fiction have provided me with laughter, tears, longing and many, many pairs of wet panties. ;)

One such amazing, creative soul is dollegirl - not only a gifted writer, but a stellar human being. If you’ve played on the forums over at Twilighted, you surely know her. Her signature all-caps type, Gerard Way avatars and snarky quips are just a few of her recognizable ‘mode d’emploi.’ Tha’s how she roll. While you get a feel for dolle’s humor and quick wit in her posts on Twilighted, those who check out her stories are consistently bowled over by her writing - I certainly was. Just go read a few pages of her reviews if you don’t believe me.

The first story I read by dollegirl was her one-shot, Art Model, which has also been featured here on the Perv Pack’s Smut Shack (I want to also note that Art Model was recently honored with an Eddie Award! Congrats!). ‘Hot and bothered’ doesn’t even begin to cover the condition this lil’ bit ‘o goodness leaves you in. It still remains one of my all-time favorite one-shots. I am truly humbled and honored to be collaborating with dollegirl on the upcoming TEAM EPIC venture, The Path to Resistance, for which dolle will be writing Emmett McCarty. I can only imagine how awesome Emmett will be in her very capable hands.

Today, however, I’d like to focus on dollegirl’s current on-going story, DID. Remember how I said dolle was snarky, funny, and had a quick wit? Well, not only can dolle write the hell out of some hot smut, she’s also able to give us amazing plot, lovable characters and funny moments that will be etched in your brain forever. I can guaran-damn-tee you’ve never read an Edward like this one…

The story opens with an awkward moment for our handsome Eddie. He’s standing in line for coffee when old family friend Tanya screeches her way in. She quickly pounces on poor Edward, who would do anything to avoid even minimal contact with her. Everything about Tanya is undesirable - her overly processed hair, face and nails, her too-small clothing, even her voice - and that's without mentioning her lumpy boobs. Bella, who has been watching Edward suffer from a distance, decides to step in, claiming to be his new girlfriend. Edward is a ‘Dude In Distress’ if she’s ever seen one.

After whisking Edward outside and away from T-Rex (God, I love that nickname…), Bella explains to gorgeous Eddykins how her much more bold and beautiful friends (Alice & Rosalie) frequently rescue men in precarious situations like the one he was just in. This, however, is Bella’s first time. Fascinated by his heroine, Edward quickly invites his new ‘girlfriend’ to be his for real. Well…sorta.

Edward would love to keep Tanya at bay for the next month while he gets ready to move to start a new veterinary practice in Chicago. He’d also love to get to know Bella more for real, so he asks Bella to be his lady for the month - no strings attached, no physical expectations. An arranged courtship of sorts. Now, Edward came off all suave and debonair at the coffee shop and on the street, but when Bella ends up at his veterinary clinic (trying to save him from a pissed, mobster-bred Rosalie), she finds out that her scrumptious new ready-made boyfriend has a secret…ahem…problem. You see, part of Edward’s initial delight in his no-strings-attached offer to be Bella’s new beau was that he wouldn’t have to try to please her physically. This Edward, you know the one I guaran-damn-teed you’d never seen? He has intimacy issues. Like, paralyzing intimacy issues. Picture Jason Biggs type poor timing/luck without the lousy hair.

Before you ask yourself ‘why would I want to read about a sexually retarded Edward when I can read all these other steamy, romantic Edwards,’ let me tell you why: because it’s fuck-funny, that’s why. And our dear, shy, clumsy Bella decides it is her responsibility, nay, her life’s mission to fix Edward Cullen, DVM. She is determined to ‘heal’ him of his woes - suffering through the kissing, fondling, groping, even sexin’ if she must. *snort* Suffering...right.

The ride we’ve been taken on so far is funny, sassy, sexy and sweet. I don’t want to say more than I have because I want you to read and enjoy it for yourselves without having too much spoiled. There are eight hilarious, enchanting chapters thus far, and I have it on good authority that another chapter is coming soon. Take a little time, grab a few tissues (for the laughs) and enjoy DID by dollegirl. I know you’ll love every hot, hilarious, awesome moment.

In the words of my dollegirl:

DEW EET. It’ll be like ‘warm towels on her heart,' and she just might kiss you 'on both yo cheeks.' ;)