Friday, April 30, 2010

The Art of Worship by GreenPuma

Green Puma




“As a Cullen you were born with certain—endowments—that dispose you to success with women. But, there is a beauty in sex which, if you grew to appreciate it—an art which, if you commited to learning it—would bring you such pleasure as mortals never know"


The Art of Worship is a story that captures the thrill of a first relationship and the ongoing thrill of a good long-term marriage. Edward and Bella are still teens, experimenting with the first thrill of sexual exploration, while Carlisle and Esme share the grand passion of a good marriage. At the start of the story Carlisle takes Edward aside to school him in the "Cullen family wisdom" - great sex.

While the conversations between father and son are initially awkward, Carlisle imparts to Edward several important rules, the first of which is:

"The first, and most important, rule is that Cullen men don't fuck. Even when we are pounding away and pulling hair and tangled in the most depraved positions, we do not surrender to the monster. Cullen men surrender only to our devotion for the woman before us."
By the time he gets to rule #3 I guarantee every woman reading will be squirming in her seat. GreenPuma has given us Carlisle as sexy beast and caring father, trying to teach his son the art of "worshiping" his partner - physically, emotionally and mentally. Not to be outdone her Esme is a confident and vibrant woman, who seeks to share wisdom with Bella as well.

There are lemons galore in this fic, from the explorations and fumbling of Edward and Bella to the passionate knowledge of Carlisle and Esme. By the time you've hit chapter 3 you'll be wishing all men had fathers like Carlisle. The wisdom he imparts to Edward is sexy in itself, but even more passionate in practice.

To start, let me state that this review is coming from someone who was never given a "sex talk". In fact, I think my dad still likes to believe I am a virgin (been married 13 yrs and have 2 kids). I can only imagine the level of mortification a kid can feel going into such a talk, but I felt as I read this, that Carlisle was very tactful, and very...descriptive. I love the cut to the chase attitude dulled by a glass of scotch.

Part of me, while reading wondered if all of our sex lives would be better with such a candid conversation between parents. Not the "abstinence is the only way" or a simple lecture on birth control to keep yourself and your partner healthy and baby free, but a conversation about the act. To be taught that when you go into a sexual relationship with selflessness on the forefront, everybody wins. That it is important to care for your partner. That gentle gradual beginnings teach you not only the secrets of yours and the other person's pleasure, but is a trust building exercise as well.

Granted most of the sexy times are between Carlisle and Esme, which are smokin' hot. Sorry, Nina, they are. I like how she is balancing the story as we watch two seasoned lovers and the pleasure you experience when you know your partner like you know yourself to the two young lovers just starting to figure things out.

Also, the latest chapter...

"Dad, I think I'm in love."
His expression was still dreamy, and I could only chuckle.
"I thought we'd already established that."
"Not just with Bella, dad. I've been reading that book you gave me. I've been practicing what it says."
He didn't even find it in him to blush.
"And, I can't stop licking her pussy."

*falls out of chair*

4 out of 5

Art of Worship has been on my radar for a while - having been selected as a possible WP rec for quite some time (that's right, WP's, this is safe for you to read!). And while I did enjoy what GreenPuma did with this fic, I will admit to suspending my reality to be able to thoroughly enjoy it. In real life, I would be uncomfortable with the level of sexual discussion (and bluntness) that went on between father and son (and Esme and Bella, for that matter), but in the suspended reality of the fic, I was able to laugh and go with the flow, enjoying the fic for what it is - a lighthearted portrayal of sex ed from the good old 'rents.

I will say that (much to Nina's dismay, I'm sure) this is one of the very few fics that Carlisle is actually sexy to me. A major reason is because he knows his shit. I mean, he's giving pointers to an awkward and fumbling Edward, but besides that, we - ahem - get to see him put some of his moves to practice with the previous Cullen woman who got to benefit from The Art of Worship.

While Edward and Bella haven't actually hit a home run in this fic as of yet, we do get a lot of steamy pre-sex activities to enjoy. And, like Emmy said, some fics don't get this hot with chapters upon chapters of full-on smut.

This is a short, fun and hot read, and if you can suspend reality for a little bit while you dig into this, I know you'll enjoy it.

4 out of 5 rules

I don't think there is anything as sexy as the Cullen men. So when GreenPuma, messes with the dynamics a wee bit, and makes Carlisle even more debonair & Edward just a little bit more awkward and unsure? Well feck me dead. Its a lethal so fricking hot I might just pass out combination. Seriously. They have not reached the physical penetration stage of lemon in this story. BUT. What the story does have so far, is hotter than many stories achieve through long chapters and explicit lemons. As the conversations and scenes in this fic, as Edward tutored by his father learns how to please his lover.

"You are a Cullen, and were therefore born with certain natural—endowments—that predispose you to success with women. But, there is a beauty in sex which, if you could only grow to appreciate it—an art which, if you could only commit to learning it—will bring you and the women in your life such divine fulfillment as most mortals never know. It is the art of worship, Edward, and it has very little to do with sex."

His gaze was as intense and I could barely breathe, much less process my surprise at this cache of Cullen family wisdom. Carlisle was subtle most of the time, but when he wasn't he could be quite intimidating. It didn't help that he'd hit the nail on the head about my need for some, erm…guidance. The truth was, I'd been consumed with worry about pleasing Bella.

"So, I ask you again, son. Have you and Bella been intimate with one another?"

I shook my head in sheepish truth.

"But, you plan to be."

I nodded.

"Very good…" he smiled, polishing off the rest of his glass, "…then, there's still time."
See what the feck I mean? H.O.T. As in my breaths getting deeper & my blouse getting a bit uncomfortable as my knockers swell at the thought...
Carlisle in this is Hot. Edward in this is Hot. But they are hot in different ways. Carlisle is assured, determined and controlling yet caring. Edward in contrast is a bit awkward, very eager to learn and please and a little bit skeptical. Until he see's the fruit of his labour and his fathers words of wisdom really really reap him rewards..

And with wisdom such as this from his sexy father, how could he fail?

"I won't lie—this can be difficult when you are young, when you are tempted to be with women with whom you share little but lust, when your hormones threaten to possess your entire being and care for yourself without regard to your partner."

"I am completely devoted to Bella," I said with conviction.

One day, sooner than anyone thought, I was going to ask that girl to marry me. Carlisle nodded his approval.

"Then, you're ready for the second rule: always take care of her first. Bring her all the pleasure she can stand before you go seeking yours."
*gasp* See what I mean?

This fic is a breeze to read, at only 5 chapters so far, and only another few planned, and is tremendously enjoyable.

But there is more to this story than just yummy conversations about foreplay. We get to see(well read) the rewards of this father-son tutoring. But even more than this, this story is infused with love and warmth and tenderness. Of the relationship, lovers kind but also of the familial kind too. The main theme of this story is definitely the benefit of love and communication to make all aspects of intimacy better. I think that is something we should all be signed up to.

5 out of 5 from me!

One of the fun things about fan fic, or fiction in general, is that we can remake the world in the way we wish it worked. I know that there are many women who wish that men were taken aside at a certain age and taught how to have sex. Hell, if someone could just show them where the fucking clit is, and what it that could have saved me a lot of uncomfortable experiences in my early days.

Art of Worship begins with Carlisle talking to Edward about sex, and I have to be honest I was a little weirded-out, but as the scene continued I found myself smiling. We’ve all been through these types of awkward talks when we her teenagers and I could relate to Edward a lot in the scene. The story takes a distinct turn from an awkward teen comedy into something deeper, and richer, quite quickly.

We get to see a very sensual side of Carlisle and an adorably flustered side of Edward. Learning what a woman wants or better yet, needs is not an easy task, but the Cullen men take on the task with zeal and reverence. I really enjoyed the contrast in the sexual interactions between Bella and Edward versus Carlisle and Esme. This story is a wonderful escape and a very sexy on at that.

So sit back, grab a glass of scotch and learn about the Art of Worship. Who knows you might learn a thing or two. ;)

3 out of 5 rules

I was nervous about The Art of Worship; Carlisle giving Edward sex advice, you have to confess, has the potential to be very squicky. Thankfully, there is almost nothing squick-worthy in Art of Worship. At just over 14k, AoW is a quick read. It's also happy, makes you laugh out loud, and there are some very hot scenes/references. So, pretty much, this is the ideal MsK story. I haven't cried once!

The opening scenes with Edward and Carlisle are done so well and so believable. Edward secretly idolizes his dad, even though he knows it's not really cool. Their conversation is awkward, even while lubricated with scotch. I also confess, I totally love the idea of a parent treating their child as an intelligent, thinking person. At some point, most of us are going to have sex (I hope), and wouldn't it be much better to know certain tricks or secrets? How many of us would have had much different first experiences had we known just a few things?

I don't want to repeat all the rules; that would spoil half the fun of reading, I think, just trust me... they're awesome. Love this closing line to chapter 1, though:

"In the meantime, son…practice."

And he does. He really, really does. Chapter 2:

"Please, Bella…" he beseeched, his blue-green irises hypnotic as pendulums, "I want to know what drives you mad. Show me..."

One of the things I liked most is that the characters aren't lost to the smut. The characterizations stay accurate and true, with Carlisle getting bolder in his language use, but still embarrassing Edward (on purpose or accident), each chapter. As they progress and Edward learns to trust what Carlisle is telling him, his questions get bolder.

I also really enjoyed that in chapter 2, Carlisle points out something to Edward about Bella – I love the idea of an observant parent that isn't afraid to pass on the tidbit of info.

Love that Bella a) admits to Edward that she masturbates, and b) isn't terrified to do it in front of him. It's very clear that she wants to show him, wants to share with him, and I like that. There's no trepidation or hesitation or convincing.

I confess, I giggled at Edward in chapter 3:

By the time I remembered my own arousal, what to do turned out to be moot. I'd come in my fucking pants.

Totally realistic, I thought.

Who doesn't want a partner like Carlisle in chapter 4? I think that's just about all I have to say about that. It was nice to see EsmePOV as well, and her thoughts on Carlisle and The Rules.

We just got into some great parts of the story, and with only two more chapters left, I am eager to see where else the author takes us.

4 out of 5 rules.

My rec must be prefaced with the fact that I teach sex ed to middle schoolers and senior high students at my Unitarian church. I'm also a nurse, as most of you know. With that in mind, I have to be honest and say that my interest was quite piqued by the premise of The Art of Worship. I wasn't disappointed by what Green Puma delivered.

The most intriguing aspect of this story was that the Cullen men have historically passed on their sexual skills and talents to the next generation. 17 YO Edward is getting close to having sex with Bella soon, so Carlisle pulls him aside for a man-to-man talk about all this entails. Not birds and bees stuff, but specifics on how to please a woman.

Never mind the fact that having said conversations with one's parents would be 10 shades of embarrassing, because it would. But does that mean such conversations shouldn't happen? Being the mom of a soon-to-be 16 YO boy, we've had many discussions about the mechanics of how everything works, and I can appreciate that although they are not always easy conversations to have, they are essential in my book. There are so many of us who grew up unable to even talk about sex with our parents. Too many people experience shame and guilt over being sexual creatures. Having knowledge about the finer points of sex would have been so helpful along the way.

To be sure, the first time Edward and Carlisle sit down together, it is awkward and embarrassing, especially for Edward. When they finally get past the most awkward part of the conversation, Carlisle sums it up for Edward:

But, there is a beauty in sex which, if you could only grow to appreciate it—an art which, if you could only commit to learning it—will bring you and the women in your life such divine fulfillment as most mortals never know. It is the art of worship, Edward, and it has very little to do with sex.

Now, I ask you, dear fellow perv, what woman wouldn't want a lover who understood the art of worship? Doesn't everyone deserve to experience "divine fulfillment"? I believe they do, and it is that aspect of this fic that drew me in. When Edward is able to make Bella come for the first time, Carlisle explains how significant that is to Edward in such a matter of fact way:

Son, do you know how many husbands can't make their wives come? How many women have never even had an orgasm? How many rely on toys and masturbation for whatever crumbs they can get?

Yep. Everyone should have the chance to know how to make sex fulfilling.

After their first meeting, Carlisle counsels Edward to "practice" with Bella, which I found rather endearing. Oh, and rather hot. VERY hot. We get the chance to watch their experiences from both Bella's and Edward's POVs, and it is quite rewarding to know exactly how their practice affects both of them.

After each practice session, Carlisle and Edward debrief, and Edward gets some pointers on how to improve for the next time. These situations get gradually less awkward as time goes on, and Carlisle bursts with pride at how well Edward is adopting The Rules. In the last chapter, when Edward admits he's afraid to have Bella reciprocate when they have oral sex, Carlisle advises his son with a new rule:

If the woman to whom you are committed begs to give you a blow job, for the love of God, you are to take it...

And so goes another of The Rules, son: learn to give and take.

Yeah. What he said. Give and take, AKA The Art of Worship. Sigh.

4 out of 5 Rules

I'm a fan of Carlisle. *gasp, shock, what?* I know, you're stunned. Anyhoodle. GP sets the story off right with this little disclaimer (that I do happen to be fond of myself... snicker)

A/N: They don't call Carlisle "Hot Bitch" for nothin'…

Now, I'll preface this by saying there are probably 10 total fics that I'll read that have detailed lemons involving Hot Bitch and 'shewhomustnotbenamed', this is one of the 5 that I enjoyed and didn't want to claw my eyes out. More on that in a bit.

Eddie boy is nervous. He's a virgin and Carlisle - the original DILF - is his 'instructor' of sorts. Sure it has oogie potential but I just get right over that by focusing on Carlisle talking about boning.

Yes, I am a piggy.

So, all the Cullen men are 'gifted' and these endowments are not only passed along to each generation but they're given the talk to make sure that they continue to be the best possible lover to their partner. The rules of worship are discussed - at length - in Carlisle's study over Scotch and uncomfortable tension but whatever. Once again, I focus on Carlisle. Shock. I know. Get over it.

He basically in a nutsack tells Edward to ask her what she wants, to listen to her and to pay attention and he'll please her no matter what because they're in love. It may not be the most erotic language but Christ it's hot. From Bella after Carlisle's first lesson...

"I like it when you bite my shoulder…"

"…and when you run your fingers down my legs…"

"Fuck...and when you lick my ankles."


You want more??? Okay.

"Tell me, love," he murmured between kisses, "I want to know what you want."
The backs of his fingertips began grazing my cheeks.
"I want to hear your fantasies," he continued, dropping tiny kisses along my jaw.
I barely heard my own soft whimper.
"I want to know how you touch yourself when you think of me."He traced his nose down the side of my neck.
"I want to memorize the look on your face and the sound of your voice when you come."
I moaned as he kissed his way back up.
"Will you let me?" he whispered once he reached my ear.

Okay so while Eddie and Bella the blushing virgins have hit a homer yet. Carlisle and 'shewhomustnotbenamed' certainly have.

I licked—just licked—inside her warmth, but with a zeal and practiced finesse that left us both panting

4.5/5 Hot Bitches from me. ;)

I have no idea how one short little fic like this can be simultaneously so hot and so adorable at the same time. No clue. And yet, it exists! For the first chapter, I couldn't tell if I was more turned on or more embarrassed for Edward. And, seriously, why is it so damn sexy for guys to tell us exactly what it is they are going to do to us right before they do it? Please tell me I'm not alone in being a complete sucker for a little dirty talk. And bonus - both Edward and Carlisle do their fare share of ... describing.

I absolutely fell in love with the premise of this story; that as Cullen men, Carlisle and Edward have been gifted a legacy, a responsibility, and rules required to properly please their women. And the time has come for Carlisle to teach young Edward the "rules." At first, Edward's embarrassment is palpable. But when Edward starts seeing results in his ... relations with Bella, well, let's just say he loosens up a bit and actually seeks out Carlisle's sage advice.

We are also gifted with multiple perspectives that give us just enough insight to help the story move forward, as well has ... increase the reading pleasure. The transitions between the perspectives is seamless and works perfectly to enhance the ... experience of reading. From Bella, we're lucky enough to imagine what it is like to have Edward learning how to please us ...

"I want to hear your fantasies," he continued, dropping tiny kisses along my jaw.

I barely heard my own soft whimper.

"I want to know how you touch yourself when you think of me."

He traced his nose down the side of my neck.

"I want to memorize the look on your face and the sound of your voice when you come."

I moaned as he kissed his way back up.

"Will you let me?" he whispered once he reached my ear.
And with Edward, we get to hear all his dirty, delicious thoughts as he learns the ins and outs of Bella's body. As per Carlisle's suggestion, Edward asks Bella to show him how she likes to be touched, and viewing the scene through his eyes is amazingly erotic. And even though this is one of the most erotic stories I've read in a long time, it is also laced with humor and reality, as this little tidbit demonstrates ...

My eyes flew to her face in time to witness the magnificence of her release, all arching backs and helpless cries, all aftershocks and bonelessness, and a final indolent sigh.

By the time I remembered my own arousal, what to do turned out to be moot. I'd come in my fucking pants.
And the conversation between Edward and Carlisle that follows is simply adorable and hilarious.

There is also a delicious chapter that gives us a glimpse of how Carlisle applies the "rules" in his own relationship with his wife, Esme. Lucky bitch. But with the arrival of Esme's character, also provides us with another perspective that adds wonderfully to the story.

The chapters are short, but you're not left wanting. This is definitely a story you'll want to come back to time and time again. It's not complete, yet, and I eagerly await each and every update that is to follow. I'll admit that I wasn't quite sure what I was getting in to at first with this fic, but I should have known better than to doubt the ladies of the PPSS. This is not a fic you'll want to ignore.

5 out of 5.

Well then...


Anonymous said...

Are you girls trying to kill this h00rette? Dayum this thing really sounds hot and I'll be damned if I don't give it a read! Right now! *runs to check it out*

Jessedholm said...

read this...its excellent. dying for an update!