FloridaChickie wants to Talk About Sex...

Let's Talk About Sex

herinfiniteeyes

94

Edward and Bella are married, but their sex life leaves something to be desired. How can they turn things around? A/H, A/U, E/B, lemons, fluff, funnies!

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I was introduced to herinfiniteyes' writing style back when I co-hosted the Love for the Unloved contest last summer. I fell in love with her o/s contest submission, Begin Again, mostly because of the adorable character she created, 'Bagel Ben.' (sigh) So when seeking out a o/s to feature today, I thought I would take a closer look at some of the other fics this talented chick has brought to the fandom. I knew I wanted to feature something light and fun, and something told me she wasn't going to disappoint me.



I scrolled down the 19 stories she has written and was intrigued with the title of this o/s, Let's Talk About Sex, Baby! Of course, the lyrics of Salt-N-Pepa filled my head as I dove into reading this fic. So the story starts out with our main characters Bella and Edward, who are departing newlywed status and settling into every day life as a married couple. We learn that their sex life is LESS than ideal. When I read about this realistic aspect of their relationship, my interest in this story was immediately magnified.



Don't get me wrong, I love reading about the confident Edward whose every touch and twist of his magical, sparkly tongue makes his partners purr out his name, but there was something refreshing about reading a fic where I wasn't instantly jealous of Bella. For once, I had it way better than Bella in my RL. (Shh, don't tell my hubbie. We all know fic sexin' is rarely like every day RL!) I mean when do you ever hear typical fic Eddie say after a round of luvin':

"I'm so sorry, honey. I tried, I really did..." he mumbled sadly.

Almost never. It isn't as if these two lack chemistry. It is there, but their inexperience and lack of communication skills get in the way. But rest assured, Bella isn't ready to throw in the towel and settle for a life of missionary sex and getting off solely from reading online smut. (uh hem) She finds a couple's intimacy retreat, and surprisingly gets Edward to agree to a weekend away.



In secluded cabins, far away in the woods, we are introduced to the other couples in need of a little Sexploration 101: Emmett/Rose, Jasper/Alice, and Ben/Angela. All of them have their own 'issues' which the reader learns about in time. Fittingly, Esme and Carlisle are the instructors with their own comical flourishes. They test the couples with a variety of public exercises and homework to be taken back to the seclusion of their individual cabins.



Edward and Bella are rather believable, and in character development, this is where herinfiniteeyes shines. So much so, that at moments I found myself groaning over them with embarrassment and then moaning over them as they learn a technique or two. I enjoyed getting a peek into their sexual frustrations as a married couple.

He tossed up his hands. "I can't just bend you over on a bed and do you like some sort of animal, Bella. You're not some sexual toy to be used for my pleasure; you're so much more..." he tried to explain.

That's sweet and oh-so-respectful of you, Edward. Everything has its time and place, but c'mon boy, loosen the fuck up! Herinfiniteeyes' Edward sure takes on some rather cannon characteristics.

I sighed. "Edward, that's just it. I want you to treat me like a sexual toy to be used for your pleasure....and I want to treat you the same way. I know that I love you and you love me, and we're best friends and all of that...but when it comes to the bedroom, I just wish you would loosen up and have some fun with me, you know?" I pleaded with my eyes locked onto his.

Oh, Bella! Tell it, girl. Unlike unmarried Bella in the Twi series, you actually are getting some. But that "some some" is probably just as boring as what SM would have written had she filled in the gaps of that Isle Esme chapter!



So do Carlisle and Esme help these novices? Does this couple get to enjoy the benefits of having mirrored walls and ceiling in their cabin? Do they become the SexWard and Hornbella we are more familiar with in the typical "M" rated fandom? Well, I will let you read this lovely o/s to find out for yourselves, my pretties. But trust, if the sexin' weren't stellar, I wouldn't be pimping it out on the Shack. Even I know better than that! ;)