The Lemon Report - Fancy finding out what is on the FF bookshelves of the Pervy Girls of the PPSS? The lemon report lets you know our personal favourite updates of the week, and why you should give the fic a try.... It’s a great place to trawl for new recc’s and don’t forget to share your favourite update with us by leaving us a comment.
In some cases, the Lemon Report may contain spoilers. Please read with caution.
In some cases, the Lemon Report may contain spoilers. Please read with caution.
AU - Alternate Universe
AH - All Human
WIP - Work in Progress
O/S - One Shot
OOC - Out of Character
WP - Wussperv
Slash/Femslash - Features homosexual characters and romance.
AH, O/S, Emmett/Rose
Chele - Oh, for the love of sweet, indulgent smut. I do so love mid-day fucking. What a tasty PWP ficlet this was.
Jess - What she said... just love it when Emmett rocks it hard against the wall.
Jen - The only thing better than those pics of Kellan is this bit of hot smut. Unf.
AU WIP Mike/Edward
Jess - Finally... they do it. Just unf!
Jeanne - Yes, FINALLY! I may or may not reread this chapter a couple of times. The sex is so fucking hot and emotional. I still don’t know how to feel about all of these boys, vamps and humans alike. This story has got me by the short hairs and it doesn’t look like it’s letting go any time soon. Not that I’m complaining.
Teal - Ummz, Jasper is next yes? UNF.
Jen - This story owns me. Honestly, I’m not sure if I love the sexytimes or Mike’s personal journey more. Beautiful and heartbreaking in equal portions.
AH WIP E/B
Jess - Um wow! That’s all I could say after I caught my breath reading this BJ. O. M. G. ::ciggie anyone?::
AH WIP B/C
Jess - One of my favorite pairings of all time is Bella/Carlisle. So, when I heard Belladonna1472 had written and was going to post one, I was ecstatic. This story already has the makings of heartache, but I love, love, love it already. The one-night stand is hot and impersonal... just like you would expect, but Carlisle is just so hot! Gah! Need more now!!
Chele - What has two thumbs and loved the fuck out of this story? This girl! The writing is beautiful and vivid without being overly flowery. I could practically feel the heat of the sun and see the purple jacaranda blossoms, though it is delivered in a perfectly masculine voice. Sensuality is woven into every word from the moment that Carlisle sets eyes on Bella. The UST is off the charts as they circle around each other, and the dialog is spot on. The smut is the plot. It’s not extra, it is everything.
When Belladonna1472 casually tossed out at the Comi-Con panel that she’d written a Bella/Carlisle story, but “who’d want to read that?” I may have yelled “MEEEEEEEEEEE.” I’m so glad that Jeanne’s powers of persuasion convinced Belladonna1472 to share this with us. I hope that she can be convinced to give us some more.
Jeanne - When Belladonna1472 mentioned (on the Twilight Comic Con panel) that she’d written a Bella/Carlisle story I nearly jumped out of my chair and said a silent prayer to the smut gods that she would repost it. Then this week, my prayers were answered when she decided to repost it for all of us C/B lovers to enjoy and I am so glad she did. If you’re familiar with her writing style you’ll not be surprised that despite the set up this is not just a quick and dirty smut shot. Carlisle’s depth and even Bella’s earnest strength come through loud and clear. The fact that this is set in Australia is another beautiful flourish that adds to sense of loneliness these two transplanted Americans feel and it helps to draw them together. I could ramble all day about how fucking flawless, spellbinding and simply beautiful this story is, but I’d rather you just go read it for yourself. You won’t regret it.
AH WIP E/B
Jess - "Mmmm?" I respond, as I look up, her nipple still in my mouth.
"I think I should warn you…I mean, if you keep doing that I'm going to come."
Need I say more?! Freakin’ A!
Jeanne - HOLY FUCKING HOT DRY HUMP! *THUD*
AH WIP Em/Rose
Jess - I am in love with this story. And sweet mercy... dirty, dirty, phone sex!
Chele - I’m so happy that Zhivago3 is continuing this story. Emmett is adorable and so very hot and Rose’s strength thrills me.
AH Complete E/Carlisle
Jess - I’m still all sorts of unsure about daddyplay, but there is no denying how hot these two are. And at Carlisle’s parents’ house, no less.
Chele - I can not get over how brave and beautiful this story is. The fuckhot vulnerable sexyness is just a bonus.
Jeanne - I think one of the things that strikes me the most about this story is how real it is. It’s sexy, and fun too, but the genuine love that Carlisle feels for Edward is captivating. Seeing them navigating the waters of meeting Carlisle’s family and watching how their relationship progress is fascinating.
Jen - I love this sweet, damaged Edward. I love how Carlisle is helping him to heal, and the addition of his family in this chapter will just make your heart burst. I know Sadtomato is calling it complete, but I am hoping that they keep whispering in her ear.
AH, O/S, Slash, Jasper/Riley
Jess - There’s nothing I love more than Sooner Football, so this little bit of hotness hit home! I love football player bodies... and just imagining these two in the hotel room... kill. me. dead.
Jeanne - JESUS JUMPED UP CHIRST!!!! Not only is this a fucking hot, earnest and very sweet story about two hot boys getting it on, it’s a damn hilarious football story. I love football, a lot. stephk0525 tosses around the terminology with such skill and finesse that I was often left in awe. It’s one thing to put slash boys into a scenario, it’s entirely another thing to write an extremely detailed, believable genre story featuring two gay men. I swear I don’t know what gave me a bigger boner Riley’s football metaphors or his hot gym fantasy about Jasper sucking him off. I hope that this sexy one shot is just the beginning.
Jen - When I read this in the FGB compilation I swooned so fucking hard. I love this so much, and I am not shy about begging for more!
AU, O/S, Alice/Edward
Jeanne - There is not enough Alice/Edward fic out there. For those of us that understand that there’s no such thing as incest among unrelated vampires, these two have a great deal of romantic as well as erotic potential. I mean, COME ON, they play chess without ever moving single piece on the board. Just imagine what the sex would be like! This one shot scratches the surface of what these two would be like together. I’d love if she’d dig deeper and go multichapter (hint hint). This is a sexy, romantic and very sweet glimpse into an alternate universe where Alice and Edward found happiness with their best friend. To be honest the most striking thing about this story to me is how genuinely happy Edward is, he makes music, takes time to enjoy the beauty of wild flowers and very deeply loves his wife. I couldn’t stop smiling as I read and revelled in the fluffy, fun. *swoon*
by Zoya Zalan
AH, WIP, (OOC)Carlisle/Bella
Jeanne - FINALLY an update for this guilty pleasure. I love this very OOC Carlisle. He’s a very naughty, rude boy, but I think we’re getting a chance to see another side of him. Bella is equally OOC, but in a very real and hilarious to see in action. Don’t get me wrong, these two are flawed and not people I’d call friends, but I cannot stop watching them fuck up their lives.
Chele -This is my Naughty Carlisle guilty pleasure fic. I’m fascinated by the way that Zoya Zalan is building my sympathies for Carlisle despite his generally despicable ways. There’s been some steamy hot smut in this fic so far, including some dirty, dirty wanking here, and I hope we are lucky enough to have some more in our future.
Jen - Ditto and ditto. It’s so very wrong that it’s right. I love stories that could potentially exists simply as PWP yet still manage to explore the human psyche in a meaningful way.
AH, WIP, SLASH, Jasper/Peter
Teal - ZOMG double wank for baby making with my favorite boys?!?! I’ll be picking up pieces of my exploded panties for days. Rawrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Jess - So freaking HAWT!!
Jen - That was a-fucking-mazing. Love how LyricalKris sexied up the sterile environment of the clinic simply through Jasper and Peter’s love and devotion for one another.
AH, WIP, E/B
Teal - How many people wish they could go back and let their true love be their first? So beautifully and sweetly written, I just adore everything about this story. It was perfect. Full of need, fear, and pure, sweet love.
Jess - Everything Teal said and more. I adore this story and the way these two have come together... so, so good!
AH, WIP, E/B
Teal - It’s hard to remember that these two have only been together a few weeks, especially when they get down with crazy, desperate, floor fucking. Carpet burns FTW!
Chele - In the history of drunken hookups, this one is salient and special. Optimus Prime and Ratchet have been friends and colleagues for millions of years, but have never allowed the line to blur into more. A bit of low-grade fuel lowers their inhibitions for a night, and it may very well change everything. Two more powerful, caring, and fuckhot sentient mechanical beings have never existed.
Now, for those of you who’ve read Keelywolfe’s other work Experiments in Human Nature I will warn you, this is a bit more intense with the sexing. There is penetration and red-hot fucking and beautiful love-making dirtyness that threatens to make me reboot. It’s all wrapped up in this beautiful heartachy/warmy plot stuff that just feels so very good. Read it, you will be as addicted as we are.
Teal - I have a friend who teases me mercilessly about my love of fanfic, but it’s all in good fun. He’s a comic book nerd; I’m a fic whore. I once mentioned having a go-to Transformers writer, and this update is a prime example of why I love Keelywolfe so much. Ratchet and Optimus embody so much of the mature, adult characterizations that are often overshadowed by 20-somethings in most fic, yet at the same time they’re still hot, heavy, and slashy goodness. You seriously need to be reading this, you dirty birds!
AH, Complete, E/B with other pairings
Jen - What a delicious epilogue. I don’t want to spoil any part of it, but I will say that good times were had by all-and I mean ALL of the participants!
AH, WIP, Em/Ro
Jen - HotMessica is lightstardusting and theheartoflife. Real Plastic Trees is a sweet high-school fic. Emmett is so much more than a goofy jock, and Rosalie is not the ice queen so many think she is. After enough UST to kill an elephant, Em & Ro finally get their hands on one another. UNF!
AH, o/s outtakes, Em/Ro
Jen - If you haven’t read The Long Way Home by theheartoflife you really, really should. In this outtake, Emmett & Rosalie play a dirty, dirty game of truth or dare that you won’t want to miss. Holy exploding panties, Batman!
AH, Complete, E/B main story; this outtake is Jasper/Gabriel
Jen - This outtake features Jasper and his partner Gabriel. Jasper and Gabriel are important characters in the main story, and it’s so great to see inside their relationship. They’re wonderful men, experiencing the challenge of finding a child to adopt. Sex between partners who’ve been together a long time is a beautiful thing.
AH, O/S, Jake/Bella
Jen - You will feel boneless after indulging in this sweet and smutty bit of Jake/Bella. Yum!