Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!
I would like to offer sincere thanks to the reader who wrote in about UTIs last week. My boyfriend and I started having sex a couple of weeks ago, and it has been pretty dang fantastic. But the other day, right before I sat myself down to read a weekly does of Nurse Kimpy, I noticed some funny business (ie pain and freaky amounts of blood (sorry that's gross)) while on the porcelain throne. Disturbed, I went to my computer and BAM there was my answer right at the top of the column! I had never even heard of UTIs or peeing after sex, which is a little scary because that's some pretty important information right there.
But thanks to this column, I got a doctors appt and onto antibiotics right away. I think the kicker is how uninformative my doctor was. He never asked how I might have gotten the infection or gave me advice on prevention; he tested me and gave me a prescription, that's it. So thank goodness for the lovely readers of this column and of course you, Kimpy, for helping to spread so much wonderful advice that keeps us all safe and healthy!
The issue of elective C-sections vs. natural birth received several reader comments:
I had an emergency c-section due to a very long and difficult birth. I wasn't knocked out totally I had an epidural and as soon as it went in it was utter bliss. Saying that I was flat on my back for 12 hours after and confined to bed for a week after that, it's an option but not one not to opt for lightly. It is major surgery and involves cutting into the abdominal wall. I'm very proud of my scar by the way, I showed it to my son and explained that's where he came from!
The section took 20 mins from start to finish, I've no idea if that's usual or not. My husband tells me the surgeons talked about their golf scores during the op, I don't remember much of it. The scar runs from across the bikini line and does fade with time but doesn't go. Oh, and you bleed like a stuck pig and have weird discharges for about a week afterwards. I'll leave it at that for now before I frighten everyone to death.
*Nurse Kimpy whispers* You bleed a lot from having babies vaginally, too. A LOT.
I read your response to the lady regarding the state of her vag after natural child birth and the questions surrounding selective c-section. Now how a person chooses to give birth is a super personal choice (as it should be) It’s a decision between Mom, Dad and birth professional (OB/GYN or Midwife) I was really happy with your response but felt that I needed to add that it makes me sad that such a choice would be made out of fear. Just today I stumbled upon this video and man do I ever wish I had seen it before the births of either of my 2 kids. No one should have to make a choice because they feel there is no other safe option. (to me safe includes a perceived threat to our sexuality) I want to add my voice that vag birth does not mean you enjoy sex less. In fact I found after birth my pelvic muscles 'woke up' in a way. I found my pussy power, as it were. And now my orgasims I feel like I control more. As well they seem more encompassing.
Which when I watched the video makes sense.
Apparently the hormones you get when having sex = the ones you have while giving birth. After the birth of my 1st kid it was like my body REALLY recognized those hormones and after my 2nd even more so. Yeah after the first kid and the 3rd degree tear and 15 stitches it took 3 months from the birth to get to really enjoy sex, but it was worth it. With my second honestly I wanted sex like week 3 after the birth. When we finally got started, it was awesome, no pain etc. Anyway I recommend anyone who is interested in alternative perceptions of birth etc. to check out Birthing from Within by Pam England and look up Ina May Gaskin on Youtube. She has some really interesting stuff as well. Heres the video, enjoy :-) Ginny Phang, What’s a Doula
Yes! Yes! YES!! (No, Nurse Kimpy is not doing an impression of Sally’s faked orgasm in When Harry Met Sally.) No birthing choices made out of fear is a very good motto to have. In fact, Nurse Kimpy prefers that people make informed choices, which is why she loves including the video that you referenced. Thanks so much for sharing.
Hey Kimpy! I just wanted to say thank you so much for what you do here. It has been a great resource for me! I have a friend (no, I'm serious this is an actual friend and not me lol) who is uncomfortable with the idea of having sex before marriage. She is Catholic and has a steady boyfriend that she loves. She has come to me many times and said that she wants to have sex with him but feels guilty because "the church" says it's morally wrong to do so before marriage. I keep encouraging her to go with her gut and do what she believes is right for her and to stop focusing on what the church says. I think she wants to be free from these feelings of moral dilemma but I'm not sure what to say/do to help her. I've come to terms with how I feel about pre-marital sex a while ago but I feel bad that she is so confused about what she believes. I certainly do not want to force my beliefs on her but I don't want her to feel guilty for doing something completely natural with someone she loves. Sorry this is so long but I'm not sure how to help. Thanks!!
You know, the way you’ve summarized the issue--that you don’t want your friend to feel guilty about doing something that is completely natural--makes Naughty Nurse Kimpy proud. She’d say the same thing.
When it comes to religion and sexuality, there are so many religious teachings that, in Nurse Kimpy’s opinion, go awry and make us feel bad about typical human drives and behaviors. Your friend is conscientious and doing her best to follow what she’s been told, but she’s conflicted because she wants to consummate her relationship. It’s very hard to hold back on initiating a sexual relationship, because biologically, we’re programmed to want sex. Hormones compel us to satisfy those urges. In the circle of life, all living beings are born, they grow, they reproduce, then they die. It’s what we’re genetically designed to do. Try to help her understand that the urges she’s having are incredibly powerful, and that makes it more difficult to be rational in making a decision one way or the other.
The best thing you can tell your friend, outside of the stellar job you’ve already done, is to ask her what she can live with more easily--being true to the teachings of her church, or being true to the way she feels about her boyfriend, whom she loves. So many of life’s choices come down to what you can live with and what you cannot. Whatever she decides, however, she needs to be able to live with the consequences of her decision. You can’t undo losing your virginity.
Good luck to you. Your friend is very lucky to have you on her side.
I'm 20 years old and have infrequent periods. I've noticed though that I get really moody, lots of headaches, have trouble sleeping, and feel overall nasty and PMS-ey around the right time of the month even though I don't end up getting my period. Is it even possible to have the hormone craziness and all that if I'm not getting my period? Do I have to stop blaming PMS for my routine bitchiness? Please say no. It's such an easy excuse! Haha!
It is definitely possible to be PMS-y even when you don’t end up getting your period. Those of us who are experiencing the joys of perimenopause are faced with exactly the same thing. Even if your hormones aren’t at the proper levels to induce ovulation, they can still be strong enough to wreak havoc on your sense of calm.
Naughty Nurse Kimpy suspects that you might not be ovulating regularly, which could either be caused by, or could be the cause of, hormone irregularities. It’s a chicken-and-egg kind of situation. She suspects that if you took your temperature every morning, as some women on the Rhythm Method do, you would find that your temps are all over the place and thus, you aren’t ovulating every month.Now comes the question, Why is a 20 year old women not ovulating regularly? Kimpy’s guess is that you might be one of those women who simply aren’t regular. There are lots of reasons why you might be irregular. Rather than sit here and wax poetically about it, Nurse Kimpy recommends that you talk to your gynecologist. They may want to do some tests to see if there is anything awry.
There. you can use that as your hall pass until you see your gynecologist.
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