Thursday, January 12, 2012

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy 1-11-12


Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STIs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

 The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy gets all kinds of great tips from readers via Twitter and e-mail. This week’s must read is a wonderful piece-- Fifteen Crazy Things About Vaginas. She encourages everyone to read it, because there are some very interesting facts in there. TYVM, Bonnie, for the great tip.

I really enjoy sex, and I am a bit worried that enjoyment may be diminished when I have children. I realize it'll different, not necessarily worse (and I'm fully aware that vaginal stimulation is not the main component of sexual enjoyment), but I'd still like to have my cake and eat it too. :) Would having an elective Caesarean mainly for this reason* be a reasonable choice?

* I'm not a fan of the idea of a long and possibly painful childbirth. I'm planning to make my experience as non-traumatic as at all possible by taking advantage of all the achievements of modern medicine. :)

P.S. It warmed my heart to see you mention the importance of vaccination in The Nightingale Journals. FF is a force for good!

If there’s one thing I can impress upon you before diving into an answer to your question, it’s that women have been bearing children naturally for thousands of years, and have still continued enjoy sex once they’re all healed up. Please don’t get the misconception that natural childbirth means bad sex. Or diminished enjoyment.

Now that I’ve gotten that PSA out of the way, let’s talk about the elective C-section. When I did my labor and delivery clinicals in nursing school, we had a saying about being “too Posh to push.” Meaning, Posh Spice had elective C-sections for what we assume to be that very same reason that you mention in your question--keeping her cooter a happy place for she and Becks to spend some quality time together. There are definitely women who decide to have elective C-sections, so if you decide that’s the route you want to take, you won’t be alone in making that choice.

What is Naughty Nurse Kimpy’s take on this whole idea? Well, to every situation, there are benefits and costs. When you elect to have a C-section, you might be saving your vagina from the stress of childbirth, but you’re also undergoing major abdominal surgery. Whenever you have surgery, there’s a risk of something going wrong. You’re also cutting through some very important muscle groups, and it’s very painful. Things that other new mommies can do easily, like bend over to pick up their baby, are not only uncomfortable, you have to wait a certain period of time postpartum before you can do *any* lifting. So, when you carry your little one in a car seat? No can do.

That being said, all childbirth involves pain and discomfort, regardless of the way the child is ultimately delivered. There are ways for you to have good pain control should you choose to deliver vaginally. The most important thing you can do is talk to your obstetrician about your concerns before you get pregnant. She can give you good information about pain control, elective C-sections, and the recovery time and issues for both methods. Some providers will happily do elective C-sections, while others only perform them when absolutely necessary.

For the record? Naughty Nurse Kimpy knew that when she had her spawn, there was no pretense that any relaxing during childbirth was ever going to happen. Deep breathing during a contraction? Um, no. Not even close. Some oxytocin, an epidural, and four hours later, spawn was born. No C-section, though.

P.S.--Naughty Nurse Kimpy is very good at slipping PSAs into her stories. It’s the writing equivalent of sneaking pureed carrots into pizza sauce to ensure her spawn gets enough veggies. She’s a firm believer in the importance of vaccines. :)

hey this blog is very informative and entertaining, as a guy, I'd never found this without my girlfriend's fromer[sic] interest in fan fiction, here it is, we've been together for nearly six months, both of us are on our first actual relationship, everything works out very well but there was one thing I didn't understand, in our first times it was extremely painful for her and it took us a few times to actually get in. the thing is, she hasn't seemed to have a hymen at all I wanted to know if that was even possible? Now its pretty much fine we have our sexytimes regularly but I never really understood what had happened to her hymen if she had one cause I had seen and felt others before her and they were all very-similar yet different from my girlfriend's ...

This is an Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy first--a query from a real, genuine MAN. Welcome to the neighborhood. We have a lot of silly fun here, so we’re delighted that you decided to join us!

My first question from a dude, and what’s it about? The hymen. *sigh* Not to worry, sir, you aren’t alone. My readers have a lot of questions about the hymen, and they know that I get a little crazy about all the angst that occurs over something that’s nothing more than a flap of skin.

While your girlfriend’s hymen seemed “different” from other girls, the truth of the matter is that every hymen is unique. Some are thick, some are thin, some are very elastic. Everyone’s experience with breaking the hymen is slightly different. Some women have a considerable amount of pain the first time they have sex, while for others, it might just be a little uncomfortable. Some women bleed a great deal, while others don’t bleed at all.

I’d be very surprised if your girlfriend didn’t have hymen. The fact that it was painful and difficult for you to actually complete the transaction the first few times makes me think that you were encountering her hymen. If there wasn’t a lot of blood that accompanied your first few attempts, that doesn’t mean she didn’t have a hymen--it’s more likely that hers was just more flexible or elastic, so there was some resistance, but no blood, because the skin didn’t actually tear.

If you really, truly want to find out more about the hymen, we did a special post on the subject in honor of the Breaking Dawn, Part I release. Nose around in there and see what you can find.

And thank you for your visit. We promise to be gentle with you.

NNK, I recently went pretty far with a guy for the first time. We didn't have penetrative sex but there was some very hot and very naked grinding that went on. I know he's been with other girls and he said he's been tested (and was clean) but being completely new to the field of real sexual intimacy, I'm still a little freaked out about the possibility of diseases. Is there some sort of incubation period before you show signs or symptoms of a disease? I don't know what to look for and am not comfortable going to the doctor just yet. Thank you!!!!

With all sexually transmitted diseases--STDs--there is an incubation period. The length of the incubation period varies from disease to disease. A good place to find out more about that topic is the The CDC’s website.

You are appropriately concerned--even scared--about the possibility of diseases. Whenever exposed genitals come in contact with one another, there is a risk of STDs. Whenever a mouth comes into contact with genitals, there is a risk of STDs. Whenever you have sex, either vaginally or anally, there is a risk of STDs. Unless you went with your partner to the test and saw the actual results he received, there’s no way to be absolutely certain that he’s clean. Since you’re new to this level of intimacy, it’s a good idea to decide how you want to handle the issue of safe sex with a new partner before you find yourself in a situation where you’re doing some hot and heavy naked bump and grind.

One thing I do have to emphasize to you--if you aren’t “comfortable going to the doctor just yet,” then you probably aren’t at a place in life where you should be doing any naked bump and grind. If you’re having sex, or nearly having sex (you guys got about as close as one can get), you need to be able to talk to your doctor about it, so you’re getting the right screening and treatment you need. If you can’t say the words, you shouldn’t do the act. Just saying.

Do you think a guy you're just having a sexual relationship with.. could want more? Because I met this guy at work.. and I don't know how.. but we end up doing pretty much that. And I got this feeling he just wants to have sex with me.. while I want a relationship..
Do you think it's pathetic to carry on with the sex even though it doesn't do it for me? Will he ever change his mind?

I think I know the answer.. but I just need to hear it.

Oh yeah, you know what Naughty Nurse Kimpy is going to say: Not likely. If you have the feeling that he just wants to have sex with you, I’m guessing your instincts are right in this situation. What makes me sad for you is that you’re willing to engage in no-strings-attached sex with the hope that he’ll change his mind. You’re selling yourself short; don’t you think you’re worth more than that?

Trust, Naughty Nurse Kimpy isn’t judging you--it’s your prerogative to have sex with someone if that’s what you choose to do. However, if you settle for having casual sex with someone when what you really want is a relationship, you’re probably going to end up hurt and/or disappointed.

If Cute Boy From Work hasn’t said he doesn’t want a relationship one way or the other, tell him how you feel. The worst that can happen is he’ll say no, which is what you already suspect. If he says yes, however--then go, you! Over her many years on this planet, Naughty Nurse Kimpy has learned that it’s usually best to be up front with someone about your intentions. While that may end up with a few bruises to your ego along with way, you’ll suffer from less chronic pain.

Jeanne jumping to add a very relavent video. If you don’t believe us, how about hearing from a guy.

Hi Kimpy!
I was just wondering if there's a way of avoiding that noise that comes from my vajayjay which sounds like a fart...
It happened just once.. while we were doing doggy-style-- and I almost die of embarrasment! Thank you so much!

You know what? You’ve discovered the happy truth about sex--it’s messy, it can be noisy, it can be sloppy, and it can be embarrassing. The fact of the matter is, sometimes your cooter makes farty noises, and there’s really nothing that you can do about it. It’s all due to the laws of physics. You move a peen in and out of a vagina at a fast speed in doggie-style position, and the mechanics of that position are the sexual equivalent of the perfect storm for air to get trapped and make farty noises.

The bottom line is that these farty noises are going to happen, and you simply cannot get around it. Laugh it off and enjoy yourself. It happens to everyone. And should your partner take you to task for making farty noises (over which you have zero control), then that partner should either lighten up, or you might need to find a partner who doesn’t take themself[sic] so seriously in bed.

Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.



Anonymous said...

re: Elective C -section

I had an emergency c-section due to a very long and difficult birth. I wasn't knocked out totally I had an epidural and as soon as it went in it was utter bliss. Saying that I was flat on my back for 12 hours after and confined to bed for a week after that, it's an option but not one not to opt for lightly. It is major surgery and involves cutting into the abdominal wall. I'm very proud of my scar by the way, I showed it to my son and explained that's where he came from!

Anonymous said...

re: Elective C-section

forget to mention, the section took 20 mins from start to finish, I've no idea if that's usual or not. My husband tells me the surgeons talked about their golf scores during the op, I don't remember much of it. The scar runs from across the bikini line and does fade with time but doesn't go. Oh, and you bleed like a stuck pig and have weird discharges for about a week afterwards.

I'll leave it at that for now before I frighten everyone to death.

Anonymous said...

I totally saw the "he's not that into you" coming.

Still.. It's so hard to move on..
Thanks for the answer!