Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Kimpy wonders if you Got Wood?





Single father Carlisle moves into a new house and finds more than he bargained for in his new neighbor. Rated M for the usual adult content. Entry for Ninapolitan's DILF contest.

First of all, I have a confession to make, so bear with me. I don’t read many one-shots. Thus, when I was trying to come up with a good selection for this week’s One-Shot Wednesday rec, there was only one I wanted to feature: Wood.

Okay, make that two confessions: I also find that two men sexing it up is just…UNG…HOT. If guys can get off on the idea of two women kissing, I say it’s time for equal opportunities, right, ladies? Let me just tell you right off the bat, when Algie’s boys kiss in Wood, it is truly the best of the best.

For anyone who knows algonquinrt, her hatred of anyone with Carlisle besides Esme is legendary. In fact, her profile states,

Slash is okay in my book (since I'm not particularly fond of most Bella incarnations) but please, dear god, leave Carlisle and Esme out of it. I don't care if you are writing canon or not, those two should stay on their pedestals.

When she was coerced to write an Edward/Carlisle pairing for Ninapolitan’s DILFward contest, she made all kinds of noises about how wrong it was, how terrible, blah, blah, blah, but the result—Wood—is so incredibly hot and luscious, it remains my all-time favorite one-shot.

One of the reasons it is so good is that it portrays gay male relationships so accurately. It’s all about Mr. Right Now, and the new neighbor, Carlisle Cullen, is definitely Edward Masen’s Mr. Right Now: Fuckhot Daddy. That sums up Carlisle Cullen, wouldn’t you agree? As Edward himself puts it:

No games. No bullshit. Simply "hey, we're both queer and I think you're hot, so let's see what happens."

To top it off, you have Jasper perfectly cast as Sullen Emo Teen, complete with attitude and a professed dislike of eating “the flesh of dead animals.” One of my favorite Jasper lines:

Jesus, Dad, get a room. Quit eye-fucking the neighbor dude. He already admitted he was interested when he asked if you were seeing anyone back home. God, I hope I'm not this lame when I'm hitting on girls. I'll die a virgin if that's the case.

Edward works mainly from his home as a comic book artist. He and Bella are best friends, and he is the sperm donor for their daughter, Alice, who is six and staying with Edward for the weekend. After a fumbling flirtation over pizza, Carlisle arranges to have Edward over for dinner on Saturday night. In the interim, here is one small sample of the hotness level Fuckhot Daddy brings to the table:

I return to my drafting table to work, once she's been given a tomato sandwich on whole grain with the crust cut off because she is my princess, only to see that Carlisle is a huge fucking tease. He must know I'm watching him as I work, because it's like a soft core porno going on across the street. Jasper takes a break from mowing to bring his father a glass of water, and Daddy drinks half and pours the other half over his head. Naturally, this leaves me to wonder if it's considered safe to park a six-year-old in front of the television for 15 minutes while Daddy takes care of some business in the shower.

When Saturday finally arrives, precocious little Alice greets Carlisle at the door:

“Hi, I'm Alice,” she announces. “I'm glad Daddy finally has a boyfriend. Mommy says he's crabby when he's not getting any. I'm not sure what he's supposed to be getting, but she said he'd get some when he got a boyfriend.”

It turns out that a mishap with a furniture delivery means that Carlisle and Jasper will be dining Chez Masen on Saturday night. Carlisle spends the day flirting and teasing Edward into a frenzy. When they finally find themselves alone, the sexual tension is palpable:

Goddamnit, Edward, I've been wanting to get you alone since this morning.”
He's pressing me against the damn climbing wall and I can't fucking turn around to face him. Then again, I feel his cock against me and I can't honestly say that's a bad thing.

I choke out a laugh. “Yeah, kids are the ultimate cockblock, aren't they?”

“Fuck, Carlisle,” I grunt.

He tilts his head to look up at me.

“Not just yet, but maybe later,” he growls as he finally—finally—brings his lips to mine.

The kiss is positively feral, all tongues and lips and grunts…Either it's been way too long since the last time I got any, as Bella said, or there's something about this man I haven't experienced before.

His mouth is back at my neck as he frees me from the confines of my jeans. I hadn't bothered with underwear today, hoping something like this would happen.

“Edward?” His question is nothing more than my name as he strokes me, alternating the rhythm between fast-and-hard and slow-and-gentle until I want to scream.

“Please,” I pant. “Please... please...”

Like a huge tease, I’m going to leave it on that note. Suffice it to say, Edward does get what he’s begging for. Oh, does he get it.


The continuation of one-shot Wood was bought by Team Rich Wood for Support Stacie, and another author graciously agreed to write that continuation after Algie ran into real life issues. Email Algie through her account and she'll link you up to the author.