Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy


The Naughty Nurse is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!


The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

I continue to be blown away by the incredible questions you are asking. Thank you for entrusting me with them. Because I have gotten so many great questions, we're going to start posting every week when we are able!

One of my readers, Missus Robinson, had some feedback on last week's question about anal sex. I'm including it here as a general FYI. Consider it another implement to add to your bag of... tricks.
I just wanted to add a little note to your anal sex post. I used to hate anal sex. It didn't matter how much warm up I had or how gentle my husband was, it hurt. It wasn't until I did some anal play on my own with a very great toy called the slim line that I was hooked. It managed to hit my G-spot through the anal wall and I had a mind blowing orgasm while I stroked my clit. I had my husband start inserting his fingers inside of my anus, pushing up towards my belly button and stroking my G-spot indirectly. It's very subtle but oh, so yummy. I am now addicted to anal sex and have found it extremely pleasurable. I have found anal beads to be a fun anal sex toy as well, although it doesn't hit the G-spot everytime.

Vibrators placed at the opening or inserted just at the tip help to relax the sphincter as well. I love using the Hitachi Magic Wand to loosen everything up at the anal opening.

Just thought I would throw my two cents in there to help any woman who doesn't enjoy it currently but really wishes she could. I used to only have anal sex for special occassions for my husband. Now I beg him to do it and he loves it!

Now, for this weeks inquiries:
Is is really ok to swallow cum? No side effects or something? I heard from someone I don't know if is it true that jizz is some some sort of vitamin?

As far as the side effects of swallowing cum are concerned... as long as your partner has no STDs, it really is okay to swallow. There are no other side effects you will experience.

Ejaculate, also lovingly referred to as "cum," is about 90% water. 65% of cum contains semen from the seminal vessicles, and 35% comes (literally!) from the prostate. In fact, it is semen from the prostate that give jizz it's own signature smell and taste. That leaves 5% of "other fluids," which come (again, literally) from more than seven different structures within the penis and testicles. Cum doesn't have many calories to speak of. It does, however, have a significant concentration of nutrients like potassium, zinc, fructose, and citric acid (vitamin C). Needless to say, there isn't enough there for you to use jizz in lieu of a daily multi-vitamin. There is also some protein, but its nutritional benefits are minimal.

I cannot emphasize enough, though, that you CAN get STDs from swallowing cum. There is such a thing as gonorrhea of the throat, for example. HIV is also readily transmissible via genital to oral contact. Please keep those things in mind when you ponder having oral sex. The only way to do it safely is to use a condom with a male partner, or a dental dam with a female partner.

So as women get aroused, there's arousal fluid that gets you all lubed up. But after you have an orgasm, there's a TON of fluid. What is it and why does it happen?
There are three stages in female sexual response: Unaroused, Excitement, and Orgasm. During the Excitement stage, your vagina (AKA pussy) and labia (AKA lower lips) become engorged with blood, which is pretty much the same mechanism that happens in guys to make their cock hard. It's this rush of blood to the pussy that causes a gland on either side of the vaginal opening to secrete lubrication (it's technically called Bartholin's glands. IDK what exactly Bartholin did to get a pussy gland named after him, but there you have it). In the Orgasm stage, both the uterus and anal sphincter muscles contract , which, in turn, causes the vagina to contract. It is actually the process of those contractions that causes the Bartholin's glands to excrete a TON more fluid, as you observed.

How many orgasms can a woman have in a day?

Um, how much time do you have on your hands? Because really, the answer is A LOT.

See, this is one of those things that makes the female anatomy so incredible--while men have a refractory period following orgasm where they cannot get hard again (regardless of what you read in Fanfiction, by the way), women do not. We are physiologically able to be orgasmic immediately following an orgasm. In simple terms, that means that the female body is hardwired to be able to orgasm again and again and again. While the intensity of orgasms can diminish, you can keep at it all day long if you so choose, orgasming away. As I've often said, reading Fanfiction is akin to aerobic exercise--gets your heart racing, and keeps it racing. Somehow, I think if you mention to your partner that you'd like to make orgasming your new workout routine, you won't be getting any complaints.

There is a lot of peer pressure on losing your virginity. The older you get, the harder people press you to 'have fun' and 'experiment a little'. I myself am 20 years old, and all of my friends and even my family think I'm weird. How can you tell people that you don't want to have random mindless sex without sounding like a total fool?

Now that just makes me sad, sweets. I understand that there is pressure out there, but the bottom line is this: You are a strong, independent woman, and the only person who truly knows what's right for you is you. You most certainly aren't weird. I sense that people put pressure on you for different reasons. Some people enjoy having random mindless sex. Others probably want you to be able to experience how amazing it can feel to have sex. But you know what? Everyone is different. No one person's decision on when to initiate having sex is the absolute perfect way to experience your first time. Think about it--does every human learn to walk at exactly the same age? No. Do all women get their first period when they are 12? Nope. Does everyone get their first kiss at age 16? Nada. You get my point.

So, what do you say to the person who encourages you to 'have fun?' "My idea of fun is waiting to have sex with the right person, and I simply don't know who that is yet. Random mindless sex isn't my way to have fun." How about the 'experiment a little' crowd? "I fully intend to do that--once I've found the right person." My point is that every individual needs to decide what is right for them, and we really have no business judging other people's decisions that they make for themselves. If you stick to your conviction--tell people that it isn't right for you, and also that it is really none of their business--you will not sound foolish. Be confident in your choice, and let people know that it is not on the table for discussion, period.


miss tejota said...

Love this!!! Thanks for sharing such valuable information.

kimpy0464 said...

*blush* Thank you so much, miss t. I'm so glad you enjoy it. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

For the 20-year-old virgin - I hung onto mine until I was almost 20, and a friend of mine was 28. It's all about feeling comfortable and finding the right guy to lose it with. I always looked at it like this: not everyone gets to fly first class. You don't want some broke ass punk to experience the good life, right? I was choosy, so I held out.

That's what vibrators and toys are for, right? It's not that you're not "sexual", the right person just hasn't come along yet. Nothing wrong with that.

TwilightMundi said...

Kimpy, you rock, as usual.

Thank you for publishing the note from the married lady about her experience with anal. It's good to hear about her experimenting by herself first to get comfortable with it. I honestly didn't know if that would be, um, satisfactory, but I'm very glad to hear that it is.

I couldn't agree with you more in your response to the 20-year-old who is feeling pressured about having sex. As another one of the "elders" around here, I wanted to hug her and make her some tea and have a talk with her. But you did a fantastic job of it and told her everything I would. Sweetheart, listen to Kimpy. She knows what she's talking about.

Now, on to the whole vaginal fluids thing. I know we're not the majority of the PPSS audience, but how about a word or two about the changes brought about in the perimenopausal (UGH! THAT WORD!) body that some of us are starting to deal with? The lubrication issue, the elusive orgasm issue, etc. No, we can't all come on command. Oh, that we could!

Thanks for this column, bb. It's a wonderful thing.


Anonymous said...

Anonymous, THANK YOU for reiterating about waiting to lose your virginity on your own terms. Hearing from other people who have made similar choices is incredibly helpful and reassuring. I appreciate so much that you would choose to share such personal information to help someone else feel more confident. Yay, you!!

Kimpy0464 said...

Oh, TM, you are so sweet to me. Thank you for your kind words. Truly. It makes me so happy to know that my answers can be helpful!

Also, honestly? The whole peri-menopausal aspect of vaginal lubrication never occurred to me. I am going to make certain that is does get added in a new post, because even if it isn't something that affects a women right now, it will affect all of us at some point in time. Thanks for bringing that up. I do appreciate it!!

Anonymous said...

Kimpy thank you so much for addressing the pressures of virginity. While I don't judge anyone who does 'have fun' and 'experiment', I myself am still a virgin at 22. It's difficult sometimes when people don't understand that just because I choose not to have sex, doesn't mean i'm a prude or asexual. Just waiting for the right guy and believe me when I find him we won't be leaving the bedroom at all during the honeymoon :-P. Thank you so much for writing about that on here. Being a virgin is all about choice, for the mean time I think i'll hang on to mine. As someone else said, that's what toys are for ;)

Kimpy0464 said...

You are most welcome, bb. It really comes down to individual choice, it's not more complicated than that. And I LOVE that you clarified that making such a choice doesn't mean you are a prude! Having sex on your own terms, when you decide it's right, that should be everyone's experience, right? Our business is not to judge or doubt, but merely to support one another in making the choice that's best for each of us.

vbfb19 said...

Being 20 and not having lost your virginty is not a bad thing. I was 27 when i lost mine to my now husband. I have only ever been with him and it defintiely makes what we have together better because we have only ever been with each other.

kimpy0464 said...

Thank you for verifying that others have made the same choice and lived perfectly happy love lives when they do begin. I appreciate your sharing this.

Anonymous said...

For the virgins out there who wait for the right person:
When you tell the love of your life, your soulmate or whatever you believe in, that you saved your virginity for him... he'll very much appreciate that. And I believe he'll reward you for it too ;-) My hubby most definitely did during our honeymoon... Was worth the wait!

Kimpy0464 said...

See, you guys are totally killing me with your RL virgin stories, ngl. To be able to initiate sex on your own terms is really incredible, and not all of us can say that we have. Kudos to you, and I'm so glad it proved to be a rewarding experience for you to wait.

javamomma said...

I love that you are doing this column! It is SO important for people to read this. And I adored your answer to the 20 year old virgin (who, I might add, isn't that old! I guess I'm showing my age here, eh?) Baby, you have a whole life ahead of you. And the RIGHT man is so much better than the man that just happens to be right there. Kimpy, this is such a lovely responsible column for the fandom and yet another reason I'm proud of be a member of this community. Thanks for doing this! :)

Kimpy0464 said...

Thank you, my dear! I have so much fun doing this, it should be illegal--that someone else is getting something out of it just makes it even better.

I've said it before, and I will say it until I'm blue in the face--human beings are sexual creatures. My main goal is to help everyone achieve meaningful, fulfilling sexual experiences, no matter what they might be. The right sex, at the right time, with the right person, that is safe and wonderful. I'm thrilled that you feel my advice can help contribute to something positive in this community.

Anonymous said...

Even though it's been said, I'd like to reiterate the sentiments of everyone above about waiting for the right one to give you virginity to. I'm hanging onto mine and it's just because I want to share that experience with someone I truly love and care about. I've been 20 for a few years now and though I don't wear my v-card on my sleeve, when asked, I'm honest about it and why. What I get a lot is "Really?... How do you manage?" Let's just say that when the time finally comes (no pun intended), I'll be able to teach him a few things or two about me. ={D

I appreciate your column Kimpy. Keep up the great work!

EZmac said...

Thank you for fielding a question about virginity.
I'm 18, and currently a freshman in college. I made some friends here that, out of the 4 of us (We'll call her G), only one was not a virgin coming in. Then during Halloween weekend, another one (we'll call her S) lost her virginity to some guy she met at a club while drunk. There are only two virgins left, myself and my friend (we'll call her D). They all talk to me about how they want to fool around with people, and D talks about "diddling" and blowing guys, and I'm pretty much my own island in being completely virginal (I have no experience with sexual acts, though I do know what they are and the basic functions), but the way I see it, why would I want to give my virginity to some random guy I know nothing about? My friends back home always told me that I should wait for someone that I'm completely comfortable with, and I agree. I may not want to wait for marriage like my mother did, but I at least want my first time to mean something to me. I don't want to have that awkward conversation with my future daughter and say "My first time was something that I wish I could have done over later."
So, thank you for making me feel much better about being the lone virgin in my current group of friends.

Anonymous said...

To the 20yr old virgin - I don't know about you, but when I read fanfic and the main charac gets possessive and claims "Mine" - its a turn on. Who ever you 'give it up to' will always have that claim and its important to make sure he's worth it. You can't get back your consensual first (born again vcard totally works for non-consensual in my opinion!)
Even after you've lost your virginity, its not always the best to start 'experimenting' because that experiment always just adds to your number that you have to tell to 'the one' and it is so much better to have a number of 0 or 1 than 10 because that number is the number he/she has to compete with and will always feel compared to, even if its just subconsciously.
It helps to think of making sure you trust whoever gets you in that way and that you trust them to be safe with your body & your heart because sex isnt just physical, its emotional too.

Kimpy0464 said...

I'm so encouraged by all the positive comments I've seen for the reader who is feeling pressured to lose her virginity. It's great that we can be so supportive of one another and the choices we make for ourselves. It is true that once you make the leap to lose your virginity, there is no going back, and we have to take control of our sexual destiny, so to speak.

That being said, however, I would hate for readers to get the impression that it is somehow wrong to be on the other end of the spectrum, choosing to have many different partners. The bottom line here is that we each need to think carefully about what we ultimately want for ourselves. To be pressured by outside forces into choosing to remain a virgin, or to have a lot of partners, is no choice at all. It isn't my place to cast judgment on someone else's independent decision about their sexual expression. Gay or straight, virginal or sexually experienced, as long as that's the right thing for you, I support that choice.

Women have every right to be sexual--or not--in the same way as men. I believe that a woman shouldn't be judged by the number of partners she has had, any more than a guy should. The key point here is that sex should always be safe and consensual. Aside from that? It's none of my business. The bottom line is that you should never, ever be made to feel badly about what you have or have not accomplished sexually.