Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Lemon Report 1/11/11

The Lemon Report - Fancy finding out what is on the FF bookshelves of the Pervy Girls of the PPSS? The lemon report lets you know our personal favourite updates of the week, and why you should give the fic a try.... It’s a great place to trawl for new recc’s and don’t forget to share your favourite update with us by leaving us a comment.

Bella/Jacob AU New Moon/Eclipse Complete

Chele - - This is the best Bella/Jacob fic I have read in recent memory, possibly ever. MeraNaamJoker sticks very close to canon with the characters, except that Bella has actually experienced personal growth through therapy and life experience after Edward left, instead of just sitting around clutching her chest in the agony of his loss. I find that I don’t want to stab Bella with a knife nearly as much as she navigates the choppy waters of being in love with two people when she is dealing with it as an adult, and coming to reasonable conclusions in which she takes responsibility for the consequences her actions have on others, and also, holds people accountable for their own.

It is glorious. It is also sexy. Jake is written with the depth and strength worthy of a character who is called upon to help lead soldiers into battle with mythological bloodthirsty beasts. His canon confidence is there, but MeraNaamJoker also takes the time to infuse him with the vulnerability and maturity of a young man who has been placed in a caretaking role for a father who refuses to take responsibility for his failing health.
Jake also has abs. They are hard and plentiful, and look nice on his 6’7” frame. Bella likes to touch them, and I like to live vicariously through Bella. The build in the sensuality between Bella and Jake is so intensely real it made me ache.

If you are into wolf pack fic, you are going to Love this story. I’m going to look out for the Wusspervs and say that Better Now probably isn’t for you. While Edward is never mis-treated, he is held accountable for his actions, and Bella’s decisions for her life aren’t always in his favor.

All in all, it is an amazing story, and it felt like MeraNaamJoker was writing it just for me (Hello, Transformers reference, FTMFW), but if you are even remotely open to a story which takes canon on a different path,allows Bella to act like an adult, and really brings the erotica?
It’s totally for you too.

Jen - I cannot wait to get a chance to read this.

Teal - I’m only a few chapters into this one, but after reading some other material by this author as well as hearing Chele’s rave reviews of it on the phone recently, I’m digging in. Talented author who writes amazyballs lemons? Word.

Jess Like Jen, I’m itching to start this one. I have a little love affair with the way MeraNaamJoker seems to be able to draw out the depth and emotion in her characters. I have no doubt that this fic will be no different. ::Clicking my browser open to read and *gasp* jumping into my first B/Jacob fic.::

Carlisle/Alec AU O/S

Chele - - I am so impressed with he way VampireistheNewBlack dealt with this pairing. I’ve got a soft spot for canon Alec, who I feel would probably be very limited to heavily fetishized relationships due to his physical appearance regardless of his mental and emotional age. Everyone loves a little kinky role play, but almost no one wants their lover to only want them intimately based on a physical feature.
Carlisle is appropriately angsty and canon time period repressed when dealing with his feelings for Alec, who he sees as a boy, despite his intense draw to him and the fact that Alec is nearly 1,000 years his senior. I love the way that Alec breaks down Carlisle’s boundaries, bringing the comfort and companionship Carlisle craves. Alec’s actions truly show him as the more mature man, all while retaining that mischievous nature which was frozen in his personality due to the age of his turning. The Way of Virtue is sexy, refreshing, and so incredibly well-written. Go there, read it. If it makes you think and turns you on, you can thank me later.

Jen - I definitely think that Carlisle had to have had some sexing between his change and his changing of Edward and Esme. He was a vampire for so long before he turned Edward for crying out loud. Especially considering how much time he spent in Volterra; I think it'd be hard enough to resist their diet to also put up resistance to the sexual nature of being a vamp.

VampireistheNewBlack explores the awakening of Carlisle’s desire in response to meeting Alec. Vamp Alec definitely is a blurry line when it comes to sex. Yes, he's young, but he's been 'alive' for such a long time. I’ve enjoyed everything VampireistheNewBlack has written. This may not be for everyone-- she doesn’t write any ‘easy’ stories. Her writing is gorgeous and this o/s is no exception.

Jasper/Esme AH WIP?

Jeanne - There is a certain way to write a story so that we feel the emotions of the character in the style of the narrative, and Anywhere I Lay My Head is prime example how this is done WELL. We follow a fragmented collection of journal entries by a lost, and emotionally wounded Jasper. He’s a musician travelling with his band, while trying to make sense of his life, and the woman he loves.

We see Esme, young, hopeful, and waiting for Jasper to return, through her letters to him. Her need, and love are projected through her words, as is the shadowy mystery of their past, and separation. Twanza is weaves a seductive spell with this story, and then cruelly leaves us hanging on, desperate to know what choice Jasper will make, and if it is the right choice. Only she knows, but it’s my hope that if I beg, like the desperate whore I am, she will gives us another chapter.

Chele - - The emotion contained in this o/s totally blew me away. Jasper’s relationship with Esme through her correspondence and his longing for her was intense, but I found what was most telling was the sense of void I felt during his sexual encounters with other women. The sex, while undeniably hot, was completely devoid of emotion except for need, and escape and release. It was hot in a way that makes you feel guilty for being satisfied, which, I think, is exactly the point.

Jen - All I can add to what Jeanne and Chele have said is this: Twanza. Dear sweet, sexy Twanza. I will ply you with Junior’s burgers for as long as you want if that’s what it takes for you to put out (twss).

Jess - When this first appeared in my inbox, my initial reaction was to click delete. I mean, Jasper and Emse? WHAT? But I can honestly say I’m so glad I didn’t. This o/s (that I am dying for Twanza to continue) is a jumble of journal entries. It’s clear to me how broken Jasper is, how pure Esme seems, and yet, something is missing. Jasper is lost in a haze of lust and partying, sleeping with anything with legs, and while technically enjoying it, he’s adrift and struggling to pull the pieces of whatever left him broken together.

Twanza, Imma need you to write some more on this one, okay? Do you hear me? Please?!


Emmy - *sigh* This is a gorgeous wee fluffy treat of office based Bella and Edward “Rusty” Masen who drives for the Swan’s... **Toot Toot!** Edward is a true gent with dirty thoughts of the pretty Bella he shyly interacts with. It takes something threatening their fumbling, wistful interactions before they realise that life is too short. A cute and lovely delight!

Kitty- Oooooooo, I like the way this sounds, be right back *scampers off for a looksee* ZOMG!! I knew my Emmers wouldn’t steer me wrong! *stupid happy dreamy sigh* This was just a little bit of heaven, I swoon hard for this little one shot <3

E/B WIP AngstyISH (but I think WP safe!) AU (non-canon but canon pairings)

Emmy - I owe Lambie a huge thanks for reccing this fic to me ages ago, one snowy and cold lunchtime in Glasgow! It took me a couple of weeks to pick it up. But I am so glad I have done. Part of this story is so warm and comforting - the beautiful bookshop where Edward has squirreled himself away in to exist and hide is a wonderful backdrop. This Edward mirrors his amazing bookshop - interesting, comforting, warm - a bit archaic. . . There is a twist to the Cullens in this tale, that takes away some of the cozy of this story. Which means we rely even more on the warmth of the bookshop to counter the changes to the Cullen story. True to canon though, Bella and Edward have to take things slow. But good lordy. They had some fun finally in the last chapter. With both Bella and Edward enjoying his inner 17 year old.....

Bella/Carlise AH O/S

Chele - - I’m going to go out on a limb and label this little vignette PWP. Just enough setup to get you in the mood, and then on with the serious hotness. Bella is a (very) dirty talking young woman just three weeks shy of heading off to college who decides to make it her mission to seduce the hot Dr. Carlisle Cullen while sunbathing poolside at the country club.

Jen - Sometimes a girl just needs a little somethin-somethin to get her going. This definitely does the trick. For a split second I thought ‘Bella would never be this forward and dirty talking’ and then I remembered that despite all of the Edward-is-Casanova fics it was Bella who pushed for a physical relationship. Add that to the stitching her arm up scene in NM, and this hotness is totally canon, yo.

E/B Novella AU

Emmy - This holds amazing promise. I love how Elusive has started this. We are only two chapters in thus far and I am dying to see where she takes it. This starts out as a period piece, set in Europe, back in the day. Bella is searching for Edward, after they have an erotic and life-changing night together. Elusive sets the scene perfectly - writing the historical setting, dialogue and characters beautifully. Apparently we will not stay in this time period, I am looking forward to see how this story translates across to different settings, I have no doubt it will be just as intriguing.

E/B AH WIP (non-canon pairings sorta/mentioned)

Emmy - What I love best about this fic, is how realistic and therefore how, at times, painful this fic can be. You really feel and understand what Edward and Bella are going through. Edward who has obviously harboured intense feelings for a long time and Bella, who is only just beginning to explore who she really is.

I don’t think any of the characterisations are polarised, even Jasper as Bella’s jealous ex, is shown in shades of grey - not just black and white. The simmering chemistry and developing intensity of Bella and Edward is hot as they explore just what it is they have between them is hot and sensual. Gorgeous.

Jess - I couldn’t agree with Emmy more on this one. I started reading this from chapter 1 and am in love with this story line. It got raw emotion, a semi-aloof and mysterious Edward, and a Rose with serious problems. The intensity between Bella, Edward, and Jasper (the love triangle) keeps me reading... not to mention, how freaking hot the sexy times are!

AU, Bella/Carlisle, One Shot

Jeanne - Bella has found herself in a bit of a pickle, and has to the go the handsome Dr. Cullen to get assistance. First, I have to say that this fic is NOT for the faint of heart. The premise will most likely squick most people out, but if you’re like me and love ridiculous, embarrassing real life situations like this, you’ll love it. Bella’s voice is delightfully down to earth and self deprecating. The set up is hilarious and mortifying, but even in my shock and mild horror I couldn’t stop laughing.

The lemon was unexpected, but still rather sexy. The idea of Dr. Cullen become aroused during a pelvic exam left me giggling and breathless. Yeah, I may have even blushed a little. I think that MeraNaamJoker has King Kong size balls for posting this awesome fic. Now put on your big girl pants and give it a read.

Jen - I’ve been trying to work my way through everything MeraNaamJoker has written. I was looking at her author page on ffn and realized there was a title I hadn’t noticed before, a o/s she’d just posted. I realized where this was going fairly quickly and worried that it might not be something sexy, but kept reading because it had me laughing so hard. Hell, all Jeanne had to do today was mention the title and I was doubled over with laughter again. Well color me surprised when I found that not only was it funny, but kinda sexy too. C’mon, read it, you know you want to.

Chele - I really wanted to not like this fic. In fact, the subject matter is a total turn-off, and yet.... I couldn’t look away. I read, I laughed, even while shaking my head. I said,”Oh no! Don’t go there.. well. maybe. since you’re already there....” It is SO accidentally kinky, and just... damn. I have no words.

Teal - Oh my. OH. MY. You just . . . you just have to read this to understand, but once you get to the last quarter of this o/s, you’ll be glad you did. I’ve never read anything so awkward/awesome.

AH, Slash, Ed/James, One Shot

Jeanne - I am an unapologetic James fangirl, and especially love pairing him with Edward. The contrast of their light and dark, not to mention chaos and order, is intriguing and makes for amazing UST when written well. So, when I stumbled across this delicious AH one shot featuring a student!James pitted against a stern headmaster!Edward I nearly creamed my fucking jeans.

The mild Dom/sub play involving a blind fold, was a perfect way to highlight the real life power exchange occurring between these two characters. James is a smirking, arrogant punk, and Edward is a stiff, controlling older man. Make Me illustrates what I love most about this pair, and why they are just so fucking HOT together.

Chele - There may, or may not be mouthfucking. I may have really enjoyed it.

E/B O/S AH OOC(sorta)

Emmy - Some folk might worry about this fic, its not really that realistic. I mean who leaves themself all trussed up for a stranger, in said strangers ties and in said strangers home, with them unawares and unsuspecting of your presence. I mean anything could happen right? Well exactly. That is why this is a ruddy hot fic to read. Its fantasy. Its racy and it still somehow manages to be tender and romantic. The way Cyra describes Bella’s feelings under the hands of Edward. **shivers**

Alice/Rose AU O/S

Chele - - I’ve always seen one of the downsides to the veggie vampire’s eternal life as boredom. With no need to sleep, and a healthy appetite there’s going to be a lot of sex going on in the Cullen household, and it’s probably going to get rather exploratory as time goes on.
Fleeting Image is a snapshot of one such exploration, and it’s steaming hot.
Alice has a premonition of herself and Rose together intimately, and the vision haunts her until she finds a way to make it happen. When Rosalie picks up on Alice’s attentions, she does everything she can to ramp up her desires. Alice thinks Rosalie’s a “cunning, gorgeous bitch.” She has no idea how right she is. Unf.

AU, Slash, Jasper/Seth, One Shot

Jeanne - OMFG! Where has this fic been all my life. This is Jasper, and Seth, Post BD. They are battered, and bruised by life. Seth is nursing a broken heart over Edward, and Jasper has been unceremoniously dumped by Alice. While the how and why of all of this is explained fits perfectly in the confines of canon, it’s when these two men are alone that the heart of story blossoms.

AH, Edward/Bella, WIP

Kimpy - Betty Smith posted the chapter I’ve been waiting for, and all I can say is OMG and SQUEEE! Anyone who knows me understands my love of the parka peen, and Full Disclosure features BBCward from England, so naturally, he’s got a lovely parka that he eventually shares with Bella. AND THIS IS THE CHAPTER WHERE THEY FINALLY SHARE!! Yes, that needed to be shouted, because it is a lovely lemon. Edward happens to be pretty experienced, but Bella isn’t. They’ve been snogging like no one’s business for several months now, and Bella started taking the Pill, unbeknownst to Edward. When they finally talk about doing the deed, and he finds out he doesn’t have to use a condom, well, let’s just say it increased the citric acid content of this amazing lemon substantially.

What I love the most about this lemon is that both Bella and Edward are ready and eager to share this moment. Bella is no shrinking violet, there’s no drama or angst, it’s just a beautiful experience where the girl loses her virginity in a wonderful way, with the guy she loves. She wants it every bit as much as he does. This Edward is very earnest and considerate, and he takes his time. Whenever these two get together, it’s completely about mutual pleasure, and I love that Betty Smith has chosen to emphasize that aspect of their coupling. It makes for a great dynamic. As Bella narrates it, “We were naked, physically joined, and our hearts were in it.” What more could someone ask for the first time they have sex? Nothing, in my book.

Also, now that I’ve hopefully encouraged you to read this story, I must issue this caveat: BBCward is MINE. I claimed him long ago, right when the story first started. I’m happy to let you read about him, but at the end of the day, he belongs to me. Just saying.

Emmy - I have to admit ahem *full disclosure* here - [<--- see what I did there? LOL]. I am one of Betty’s British Bitches - in that I help make Edward English and not American... But please do believe me when I say, even without that vested interest I would still be reccing this fic. As Betty writes these kids brilliantly - and oh my word. What a journey these two are going to be venturing on. This chapter though? This chapter was sweet, tender and had moments of hearticlench. Just like Bella and Edward’s activities... Trin - This is just a fantastic story. I know it's a cop out, the lovely Kimpy and Emmy have already said so many spot on things about this fic. Just know that I'm REALLY enjoying this story.

Edward/Jasper o/s

Teal - I squeal because just yesterday I was thinking about this one-shot and how much I wished the author hadn’t pulled all her stories . . . and then I was on twitter where I learned that it had been reposted! Huzzah!!! So what’s to love about this fic? Well, after being dumped, Edward drags Jasper along to sneak into Bella’s house to steal something, uhh, well, something of Bella’s. They end up trapped in the closet together while Bella proceeds to diddle herself, and Jasper gets MFing dryhumped. While standing. Rawr.

Chele - ZOMG, this is back? If you need me, you know where I’ll be....

Teal - In the closet dryhumping me?

Chele - Yes.

AU, E/C, O/S

Jen - Did I mention above that I love everything VampireistheNewBlack has written? I have a real soft spot for au yet canon Edward/Carlisle fics. There’s no way Dr.C didn’t tap that. The style of VampireistheNewBlack’s writing in this o/s suits the time period beautifully. I love the voice of this newborn Edward. He’s innocent, new to this life, learning to live with his gift. The glimpses we get of Carlisle’s tender thoughts and feelings about Edward (via E’s gift) are lovely. Edward had never given thought to being intimate with a man, yet when he finally discerns the thoughts that Carlisle has been keeping from him he realizes he wants it too. Be sure to read
The Polar Opposites of Joy and Loss which was written first but takes place later in the timeline of this Edward and Carlisle.

AH, E/J, O/S

Jen - As usual, I have no clue how I came across this. This is a smutty, sexy o/s served with a pinch of angst and a portion of suspended disbelief. And did I mention the smut? Jasper runs into Edward, the ex-boyfriend he pushed away because he was scared when he realized he was falling in love with Edward. They’re stuck at the airport, waiting for a flight delayed due to a snowstorm. Will Jasper admit he still loves Edward? Can Edward trust Jasper again? Go find out and get your happy on!

AU, Demetri/Leah, WIP

Jen - mmm wolf and vamp sex- is that ever a bad thing? The Burning of Lucius Demetrius Flavius is the Demetri POV of Leanne Golightly’s fic Red Eyes and the She Wolf. It’s not simply a retelling of Red Eyes; Leanne weaves an interesting backstory for Demetri. The last few chapters have been all about seducing Leah, and their sexual encounters are as explosive as you’d imagine. Demetri’s an arrogant vamp, but it just masks the fact that he hopes she likes him as much as he likes her. As much as I enjoyed reading about their relationship from Leah’s POV, it’s extra delicious from Demetri’s.


Samie [James Bait ] said...

Hi, I'm the author of Make Me and someone just reviewed saying they heard about my fic here. I can't believe you have chosen it as one of your 'updates of the week'. I'm genuinely honored. Thank you very much! Glad there are people who enjoy James sexin' as much as I do. ;)

Oh, and just to let you all know - it's not a one shot anymore. I caved to preasure and continued. Chapter 2 is now posted. :)

Anonymous said...

A Bella/Jacob rec? Come on girls, we aren't that desperate are we! haha I'm sure it's wonderfully written, but that is definitely a hard limit. I look forward to reading all the others though. Thanks! :)

Leanne Golightly said...

Thank you! Seeing my story mentioned on here made me scream louder than Leah during floor sex...and that's pretty loud. ;)

Chele681 said...

I am, after all, one of the equal opportunity hoors. What did you expect? ;)

I do not discriminate when it comes to good fic. <3

Jeanne said...

Samie [James Bait ],

Thanks so much for writing awesomely hot James/Edward fic. This pairing is close to my heart, and it's a delicious treat to see more of them getting down an dirty.

Keep up the good work! :)

Jeanne said...


The fandom is a large, diverse group and we do not all have the same taste, especially when it comes to pairings. PPSS strives to represent these varied tastes in smut, and that includes those readers that are not only fans of the Pack, but also of Jake. If it pushes your hard limit, feel free to gloss over it and pretend it isn't there.

It's like Jen says; "[Fan fic is] like the salad bar, take what you like and leave the rest for the people who like it."

There is never going have a shortage of Ed/Bella fic on PPSS, but there will always be room for smutty fic in every shape, size (wink) and pairing. In end we're all her for the same reason, to read sexy smutty fan fiction.

mycrookedsmile said...

@Leanne- you're so welcome. You know I do so love smirky snarky Demetri!

Maddux said...

Thanks for rec'ing my little one-shot, Rusty!

So excited that you guys liked it!


Samie [James Bait ] said...

Jeanne - no problem! I LOVE James fic's. Especially slash. If you know of anymore let me know ;) I'm a perv for James :)

Anonymous said...

I shouldn't be here, I'm on a wee break, but I had to pop in and say thank you for mentioning The Way of Virtue and Firelight! It means a truckload to me, canon and AU slash fics don't tend to be as popular as the AH ones, so big squees and kitchen dances here today!

Thanks again!


Amanda said...

Hiii, I'm such a goof, ummm, please don't hate me but I notice all the abbreviations and I have no idea what they mean, will anyone be gentle with my stupidity and tell me? Thanks :D

Jeanne said...


No worries. We are going to add a guide to future posts help out with those. Here it is:

Acronym Guide

AU - Alternate Universe

AH - All Human

WIP - Work in Progress

O/S - One Shot

OOC - Out of Character

WP - Wussperv

Slash/Femslash - Features homosexual characters and romance.

Kate said...

Aww, THANK YOU for the Masterperv Theatre rec, it's definitely PWP under that penname...sometimes you just want SMUT. :-D


Amanda said...

Yayy, thank you, Jeanne! :]