Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

The Naughty Nurse is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER:

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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Before we delve into this week's questions, there is something I need to iterate and clarify. In order to get access to "Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy," you have to click a button that says you're 18. As such, I'm going to assume that if you're reading this, you're at least 18. If you aren't 18, I cannot, in good conscience, answer your question. However, please know that there are always safe and confidential (and, sometimes, free of charge) places where you can seek advice and assistance--your doctor, or your clinic. If those aren't viable options for you, Planned Parenthood has a great website, and they can usually provide you with confidential assistance. Thank you.

I have noticed lately that after I have an orgasm I have thick discharge, is this normal?

Vaginas can be funny things when it comes to secretions. Depending upon where you are in your menstrual cycle, your cervical mucus can be very thin, or very thick. My guess is that the discharge might be related to that. The other possibility is, of course, that you have some kind of infection brewing. If there is any pain, itchiness, or a change in your usual odor that accompanies the thick discharge, I would suspect an infection. Naturally, whenever something like that arises, I encourage you to see your doctor as soon as possible.

You don't mention whether or not you're having your orgasms solo, or with a male partner. Sometimes, the pH combination of the vaginal secretions (acidic) versus ejaculate (basic) causes both secretions to thicken, almost becoming gel-like; that's always a possibility, too.

Unless you have a concern that you have an infection, I would keep an eye on the consistency of discharge to see if you experience changes in it during your cycle. If at any time it's really a concern to you, I would discuss it with your gynecologist. Always.

What's your take on piercing?

Personally, what you choose to do with your own body is your business, as long as you are legally able to obtain the piercing. Medically, however, my take is a little bit different.

In terms of hygiene, I'm all over minimizing risk of infection. One of the best ways to avoid an infection is to use a licensed piercing parlor and a licensed piercer. Check out the parlor before you make your appointment. Ask what process they use to make sure their instruments are sterile. How do they dispose of piercing needles? Are they one-time use only, or do they sterilize them in between? If they do neither, hightail your way out of there pronto. If they re-use their instruments, make sure they are using an autoclave, which uses extremely high heat to kill off infectious organisms. I also like to know that they clean the skin surface thoroughly before they pierce. For aftercare, I would make sure to follow the parlor's instructions to a tee, to minimize risk of infection.

In terms of where/what you decide to pierce, the only piercing that gets me really, really nervous is a tongue piercing, because of the likelihood for damage to your teeth. If you choose to pierce your genitalia, you need to take extra precautions against infection while the piercing heals. That means consistent use of condoms or dental dams with any sexual activity, even if you are monogamous. Any contact between a piercing and a partner's bodily fluids (meaning saliva, male or female ejaculate, blood, etc.) can greatly increase your risk of infection in your piercing. When your genital piercing is new, you will likely be very tender in that area. Just be careful and patient, and once it heals? Get ready to reap the benefits of your new hardware in all kinds of creative and fun ways!

When my son, who is 16, decided to get his ear pierced, I researched the local parlors to see what their policies and procedures for piercings was. I was really impressed with the parlor we chose--they were incredibly professional and, medically speaking, their policies were well conceived. For a sample of what I think is a brilliant piercing parlor, take a peek at top notch piercing practice here: http://www.saintsabrinas.com/piercing_policies.html

How do you talk about protection when pregnancy isn't a concern? (Oral sex for example.) You're implying that one of you could have an STD even though you both said you didn't. Which, while true, can be pretty touchy.

Oh, such a good question--thank you for asking it!! *dons public health cape along with nursie cap*

This is a huge issue, and frankly, it often gets lost in the debris because it is touchy and embarrassing to discuss. Let me start by saying that no matter how touchy and embarrassing this may be, it pales in comparison to the conversation you have to have if you end up getting an STD because you didn't talk about it before. I will continue to say until my last dying breath that there is nothing smarter or sexier than protecting yourself; if you do it when you have vaginal or anal sex, why wouldn't you do it when you have oral sex? It's like leaving yourself vulnerable half the time, and that isn't good for anyone.


So, in the above scenario, let's assume that you aren't letting sperm come anywhere near your lower girlie bits, thus pregnancy isn't a concern. If this isn't someone you know so well that you can trust what they're telling you, then while the subject may get touchy, just remember that your safety is paramount.

Here's what the Naughty Nurse Kimpy would say in said scenario: "You know, my policy is that I always choose to be safe unless I go along with my partner and we get tested together so that I know what the test results are. I'm very serious about not wanting to get an STD, so we either use protection to be careful, or we don't do this."

Remember, either you or your partner could have an asymptomatic STD since you were last tested and could unwittingly pass it along to one another. When you have sex--vaginal, anal, oral--with someone, you're basically having sex with everyone they've ever come into contact with. If your partner continues to balk, then that's probably not someone you want to be messing around with. Stand your ground and be safe, touchy and embarrassing though it may be.

Okay, I am completely open sexually, but I only semi talk about this with friends. I lost my virginity a while ago and it did not hurt a bit. Not one ounce of pain! (Yesss.) As long as I can recall my hymen has never been broken from anything in my life, and then, I didn't feel it break during sex. And there was no bleeding afterward, either. So, what's up with that? But no, has that happened to others? Or am I the only freak without one?

If there is one thing I wish I could accomplish, no questions asked, as Naughty Nurse Kimpy, it would be to reassure you all that you really are JUST FINE THE WAY YOU ARE. So many women feel abnormal, freaky, or weird when they absolutely don't need to. There is such diversity out there in terms of genital shape, size, function, and reactions you would be amazed. So please, do yourselves a favor, and relax. There are no freaks in the Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy show, only women of all shapes and sizes, just as it should be.

Yes, I digress... on to the Mystery Of The Unbroken/Nonexistent Hymen. If Nancy Drew were here, she would bring along her alert little terrier Togo to find just where that hymen went. First of all, I'm not sure what Nancy would say about your painless first time, but dude, I want to be first in line to shake your hand!! It's something that many women worry about, the pain and discomfort, and to know that you just bypassed the entire negative part of the experience? WHOA. Good for you.

If Nancy were to poke around at the scene of the crime, one of the things she might find that your skin happens to have more elasticity than other women. Because of that, perhaps you were able to stretch to accommodate your partner, sans pain. To that I say cool beans. She might also observe that your hymen was rather small, so small that your vagina was able to stretch enough to take on a peen single handedly without having to tear your skin. Lastly, she might just observe that yes, indeed, you never really had a hymen in the first place.

While your experience may be rather unusual and unique, the bottom line is this: You had sex, it didn't hurt, you didn't bleed, end of story. Does it really matter that you didn't have the usual experience? Not really. So please, do Naughty Nurse Kimpy a huge favor and take a deep breath. Hold it for a moment. Exhale. Now, repeat after me: I. AM. NOT. A. FREAK. I am an amazing creature who can have painless sex. Then pat yourself on the back and take a bow, because we are all in awe of you, ma'am. Truly.


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