Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy


Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!


The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

This week's post starts out with some reader feedback, which I'm always happy to receive. For the record? I've never heard of Britney Spears Feminism before, but I like its affirmation that owning your sexuality is a good thing. I can't agree more that nearly every one of us could benefit from being kinder to ourselves--and other women--by accepting ourselves as we are.

I just wanted to thank you for posting that link to the natural breast web site. I nursed my first babe for 14 months, I am now going into month 10 of our second. I am a strong breast feeding advocate and it breaks my freaking heart to hear how terribly women talk about their bodies "they wouldnt work" "there was something wrong" etc It nice to see a celebration, an affirmation. Its only through taking back our bodies (and yes our sexuality) and seeing our worth and power beyond that of, what I call Britney Spears Feminism (I am powerful because I am every mans wet dream, not I am every mans wet dream because I am powerful) that I think can we be equal. Its websites like that, and coloums like yours that give us the tools and exposure to real sex, real sexuality and what being a woman can be in all its different facets to face what we are force fed every day.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy recently found a GREAT short video called

Different is Normal
that covers what is normal in terms of breasts, vulvas, and penises. She highly recommends watching it for more help on being happy with the way you're made.

Could you please describe where the hymen is located, for the sake of fanfiction authors everywhere?

First, give me about five minutes to recover from my fit of giggles. Thank you, I think that's out of my system now.

Naughty Nurse Kimpy will never cease to be amazed at how wound up people get over a small flap of skin. Seriously, the number of hymen-related questions she gets is mind-boggling.

All right, so, to answer your question--and provide a much needed PSA--the hymen is a relatively thin piece of skin that partially covers the opening of the vagina. Once it has been torn, it no longer exists.

For further clarification, please note: The hymen is not half way up the vagina; it doesn't wait to magically pop! until a penis is at its deepest point inside the vagina. The tearing process begins the second you insert something larger than the hymen into the vagina. Or, as Scotty from Star Trek used to put it, "I can't deny the laws of physics, Captain!"

Are we all clear, now? *Naughty Nurse Kimpy breathes sigh of relief*

I am a 23 year old who is planning to lose my virginity to my boyfriend in the near future. I am aware that it will probably be a bit awkward and that it will be in the very least uncomfortable, if not painful. My main concern is the blood. Are there any options that are a little sexier than putting a towel under us to prevent a major mess afterwards?

This is a tricky question, because not everyone's experience is exactly the same. Just as everyone's breasts are a little bit different, so is everyone's hymen. In fact, it's nearly impossible to tell whether or not your hymen has actually been broken just by looking at it. For some women, their hymen tissue leaves a very small opening into the vagina. For others, it's so big as to almost seem non-existent. It can be stretched from using tampons or from bike riding.

The amount you bleed will depend upon the size of your hymen; some women don't even bleed at all. If you do bleed, how much will it be? More than a drop, less than a teaspoon. A pint of blood doesnt' gush out all at once; if it does, you have much bigger problems on your hands than losing your virginity, trust me. If your partner is wearing a condom, you'll most likely see some traces of blood there, too.

All that being said, what I really want to address here is your concern about blood and that using a towel isn't sexy. I realize that you haven't had sex before, so I want to tell you something very important--sex is messy, no matter how many times you've had it. There's absolutely nothing unsexy about bleeding when you have sex; that's just how the human body operates. I don't want you to have any misconceptions that once your hymen is broken, all the mess will go away. I mean, you're going to have to deal with female lubrication, sometimes artificial lubrication, there's also sweat and saliva, and then there's ejaculate, too. You and your partner need to figure out how you want to handle all that. If you're using condoms, that takes away part of the mess, but no matter what, mess is inevitable. Some couples keep wipes or kleenex at their bedside for clean up. Some use a wet washcloth. I've heard of couples who bathe/shower together afterwards. Figure out what works for you, then go for it.

If you've heard all this message and you're still hung up over towels being unsexy, the best idea I can off for you is a nice blanket. When you're done having sex, put some stain remover on the blood, then toss it in the washer, easy peasy. Please, please, please don't worry about the bleeding. It happens to nearly everyone and it's perfectly normal.

One last word of advice? PLEASE use protection when you have sex, even for the first time. If your partner has already had sex, you need to know what their STD status is. Here at Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy, we want all sex to be enjoyable, safe, and consensual. Good luck!

So my question is... Is it normal to want sex more 1 or 2 weeks before you get your get your period?

Naughty Nurse Kimpy has discussed the power of hormones in previous posts. They can be wicked powerful. Estrogen and progesterone are the culprits that regulate your cycle, and each hormone plays very specific roles in regulating that cycle. One-two weeks before your period arrives is usually the same time that you ovulate; in other words, it's prime time for successful fertilization.

Every living creature's life cycle is to be born, grow, reproduce, and die. In terms of evolution, hormones aid one of our main biological imperatives, and that is to produce offspring. One of the clever things our body does, then, is to have horndog hormones kick in right around the same time we ovulate. So, we're extra horny when we ovulate, which causes us to want to have sex, and then we have babies. Objective accomplished.

To answer your question, then--is it normal to want sex 1-2 weeks before your period? Abso-freaking-lutely. It's as normal as normal gets.

A question you've just answered about stress and periods, I have a sort of opposite question - In the last 4 months or so my periods have been occuring every 1-2 weeks when previously it was every 3-4 months! A few days ago I went to my GP about memory problems; which she put down to stress. As a nurse myself I known about the reproductive system and why sometimes periods are too heavy or not at all - but I've never heard of menstration occuring that frequently and one of my patients is going through menopause and experiences her periods every 5 days!!! at 20 yrs I'm pretty sure Im too early for menopause though.. Any Ideas?

Stress can do crazy things to a body, especially when it comes to your cycle. Can it make your periods go away? Yes, it can. Can it make you have more frequent periods? Absolutely. It's annoying and very inconvenient, but there you have it. As you've seen from your patient, your cycle can go awry during menopause, because your hormone levels are all over the place.

You mention that you're only 20 years old, and that makes me wonder if there isn't something more besides stress going on to make your periods all whacked out. Perhaps your hormone levels could be in flux. For younger women who have irregular periods, gynecologists will sometimes put you on oral contraceptives to even things out. While that is certainly an option for you (unless you have other health issues that will make the pill unsafe for you to take), it's still probably a good idea to know exactly what's going on to cause these frequent periods from happening. I recommend that you go see a gynecologist, and based upon the information you can provide for them, they should be able to determine if more testing is needed. It really would be best for you to see a gynecologist, and not a GP, since they specialize in the female reproductive system. My sense is that they will be better trained to hone in on what's happening with your body. Before you go to see your gynecologist, be sure to keep track of when your periods begin and end, so the doctor can see if there are any patterns present. It's also good to give them an idea of how heavy or light your flow is. Look at what's happening in your life before your period starts, and try to see if there is some additional stress that you've had that could be contributing to your problem.

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