Thursday, July 28, 2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy


Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!


The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

Before launching into more masturbation questions, Naughty Nurse Kimpy requests once again that you revisit her previous post on orgasms.

Another great resource is I Feel Myself, a website that shows images of women masturbating. You can get some great ideas on how other people achieve an orgasm solo. It’s graphic, of course, but also instructive and erotic.

The first part of this week’s post covers more reader questions about masturbation. The second part are tips on jilling off that my fellow Pervs were kind enough to gather up for your benefit. Relax, have a glass of wine, and enjoy.

Okay Nurse Kimpy, here's the dealio. I'm a virgin and every time I get off, I'm never fully satisfied. I got to sleep feeling I could go ages but my arm would fall off. I get off with just clit stimulation. I don't have or use a dildo or vibrator. What do you think I should do to feel satisfied. It came on all of a sudden too, and yes I get off every night. Does getting off every night have something to do with it? Thanks for your advice!

Do not ever feel like you have to fess up that you get off every night. Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t judge; honest. If she did, she’d be one heck of a hypocrite. Just saying.

As we discussed in last week’s post All About Masturbation, Part I, in general, the more frequently you masturbate, the less intense your orgasms will be. It doesn’t matter if you’re using your own hand, a dildo, or a vibrator, that concept will hold true.

If you want to experiment, try holding off for a longer period of time. Let your sexual tension build up over a day or two, then allow yourself to get off--my guess is that it will be more intense for you. Also, please take the time to read the jilling off tips listed below, or the I Feel Myself website. They should give you some great tips, too.

okay question how long should it take you to have an orgasm with clit stimulation? It seems to take me a long time and i worry that i am abnormal. I do seem to have extra skin around there making it harder for the big O to come. I know everyone is different but I am beginning to feel abnormal.

Oh, my dear reader, you *know* there’s no such thing as abnormal here at Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy; there are only varying degrees of human experiences. There is no pre-ordained time limit on orgasms, so please, please, please DO NOT time yourself. It’s only going to make it more difficult for you to get where you need to go! If it takes you a long time, so what? In the end, you get your orgasm, and that’s really what’s at stake here, isn’t it? Take all the time you need, and enjoy every second of it.

If you want to do something to heighten your arousal level before you start to masturbate, look at some porn, read some erotica, or some other activity that really gets you going. If you wait to touch yourself until you’re more aroused, that can speed up the process. However, I want to emphasize that there is no time limit on orgasms, so just go with the flow, however long that takes.

As for your extra skin around your clit, my guess is that you have a large clitoral hood. For some individuals, they use one hand to pull back on the clit, exposing more of the clitoral surface area. Simply use your index and middle finger and put them above your clit, then pull the skin upwards. Voila! Your clit is exposed, and thus, more sensitive.

OK, this makes me feel like I am admitting a dirty little secret.
I am 23 and I have never had the pleasure of a orgasm. Wow that feels good to admit.
I have had sex, and it feels good, but never good enough, it never gets me to the end. It just leaves me wanting more, feeling frustrated and eventually weird.
I have masturbated... a lot! But once again I can't reach the end I want, no NEED to.
I feel like there is something wrong with me.
I have even considered going to see my doctor, but I just can't bring myself to do it, so I am hoping you can help me.
Could it be possible that I can't actually orgasm? What's wrong with me!

I doubt that you are unable to orgasm, it’s just that you haven’t found the way to unlock that secret. Please, do me a favor, and stop believing that there is something wrong with you! As I’ve said many times, your brain is one of the most powerful pieces in your sexual responsiveness, and if you go around worrying that there is something wrong with you, you might become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

One thing you might want to consider is buying a small, inexpensive vibrator, to see if that helps you get where you need to go. They’ve started to sell these in the same area as the condoms are located in stores like Target and Walgreen’s. It might prove to be the missing link for your orgasms, and it’s worth a try. Check out the jilling off tips listed below; hopefully, they will give you some more ideas. If none of these things end up working, please let me know, and we’ll look for more information on how to get your issue resolved. I just try to keep my readers satisfied, if you KWIM. *wink*

OK. I'm your typical never-been-kissed case and never-felt-the-big-O. What does it feel like? What I'm getting at is that when I try to masturbate it's sort of painful (even when I go super light). I know it is supposed to feel good but maybe some women can't masturbate? I touch all the right places but it never seems to get me anywhere close to what a orgasm is ever described as. Am I broken?

i have trouble reaching orgasm when i masturbate. i am a virgin and have tried masturbating however each time it ends in the same result. nada. i can feel the built up and then i get to a point that it all becomes to sensitive and i cant go any further. i have tried experimenting touching different areas with varying degrees of pressure but with no result. any hints?

Why am I not satisfied every time I get off? I'll go to sleep feeling that I should have more but if I give myself more, my arm will fall off. I'm not getting off with a vibrator or dildo, and I'm not entering my fingers in me or anything, it's just purely clit stimulation. What can I do to not feel like that? I guess I should throw in there that I am a virgin. Help Nurse Kimpy.

Can a virgin masturbate? I've tried a couple times but touching my nipples and clit don't feel good to me. In fics it's supposed to feel good. Also, sticking my fingers inside doesn't exactly feel like anything either. I have no access to any 'helpful devices', so that's out. Maybe I'm doing something wrong? Or is there something wrong with me?

All right, my lovely virgins, gather round. Yes, indeed, virgins of all shapes and sizes can masturbate and have orgasms, I assure you! Also, non-virgins that are still chasing that elusive solo ‘O’ should come take a look, because even women who are sexually active may not be getting everything they could out of masturbation. The Pervs have gotten together and created a list of lovely instructions for how to jack jill off--please read and enjoy!

Comfort. Find a comfortable place, both in the physical and psychological sense. Physically, you need to be relaxed so I would suggest your bed or a warm bath (if these are comfortable place for you). Privacy (at least initial) is very important. If you’re worried that your roommate or partner might walk in on you, it can make it very hard for you to relax. If your living situation is such that privacy is an issue (you still live at home, have a roommate or little kids, etc), I would suggest using a room with a lock on the door. If your bedroom doesn’t have a lock install one. Most bathrooms have locks. Go take a “long bath” and lock out the world. If you’re worried about the “sounds” you could make take a radio/cd player into the bathroom and make sure the volume is loud enough to drown out any sounds you might make.

Time. Masturbation is about treating yourself. Don’t short change yourself when it comes to taking your time to get off. You’re not going to time a soothing bubble bath are you? So why try to rush rubbing one out? For your first couple sessions give yourself a good hour to play. Even if you already know how to get off take your time, tease yourself, delay your climax for as long as you can. Part of what makes a great orgasm so explosive is the build up. Even if you can get yourself to orgasm in record time, coming too soon can often times feel anti-climactic. Get yourself close to climax and then back off a little, fondle your breasts or inner lips, stay away from your clit, then when you've calmed down a little go back in for strong stimulation on your clit. You'd be surprised by how much a little patience can pay off.

Patience. Especially if you’re new to masturbation and orgasms, it may take some practice to find what works for you. Learning your body is kind of like riding a bike, it takes some trial and error to figure things out. (At least you won’t need a helmet for this.) Be open to trying different things; Your fingers, vibrators, or even dry humping a couch cushion. Some of you may laugh, but there are some very sated dry humpers in the sexual world. Different strokes for different folks is 100% true. If you've never masturbated how do you know what's going to feel good until you try it?

Relax. Orgasms aren’t going to come if you’re stressed out. You can rub your clit like you’re trying to start a fire and all it will get it you a sore crotch and a tendinitis. Try to push everything out of your mind. This isn't the time to make shopping lists, think about your taxes or even worry about a fight you have with your partner. This is YOU time. Think about yourself and getting yourself off. Breath slowly, focus on releasing the tension from your muscles one at a time. Close your eyes. Do whatever it takes to get you to a relaxed state to enable you to get turned on.

Mood. This is probably 80% of sex, whether it’s with someone or alone. If you’re not already turned on, it’s going to be hard to get off, if not completely impossible. You need to warm up the oven before you can bake anything, and the same is true for your girl parts. You need to wine and dine yourself, metaphorically speaking. Don’t just walk in the door from work, shuck your jeans and try to get a quick orgasm in before dinner (that move is for experts, only). You need to set the mood, get into the mind set and get your juices flowing. And we do mean juices. Rubbing your fingers on a dry pussy is not only NOT going to get you off it's going to be uncomfortable, and possibly painful. Sexual arousal stimulates female lubrication which will enhance the friction of rubbing your clit. Now if you're normally dry you cold use a drop of lube, but unless you have an actual medical condition I would avoid shortcuts. Your body has a nature process it goes through when it's turned on, signals to show you that you're getting closer to an orgasm. Lubrication, hard nipples, goosebumps and accelerated heart rate are all signs that you are getting in the mood.

Inspiration. For women especially, this is the most important component to getting off. You need to know what turns you on and use it to get yourself off. This is important not just for masturbation, but to be a great sex partner as well. After all, how can you help your partner get you off if you don’t even know what turns you on? Here's the homework segment. You need to sit down and think about things that get you sexually excited: Fics, images, scenes from movies, etc. Is it the scene from a fic where Edward talks dirty to Bella or when he gives Jasper a blow job? Is it scene in a movie where the characters are stripping for each other? Is it the way a male actor casually brushes his hair from his eyes. Find whatever turns you on, bring it into your masturbation session and use it. Watch or read it before you even start to touch yourself, think about what specifically turns you on about the scene, movement, words. Close your eyes and visualize it. Try to modify it, add yourself to the scene, or imagine yourself in the place of one of the players. Use your imagination, because your brain is your largest sexual organ and it is the most effective tool to get you to an orgasm, more so than any sex toy. When you start to touch yourself (slowly, remember not to rush through the fun) play your fantasies out in your mind, watch porn or read erotica try to capture that feeling these things give to you. Try to focus on how your body feels when you’re turned on, so that when you inspire it in your own body through masturbation or even during sex with a partner you can know that you’re doing the right thing.

Masturbation is sex, it’s just sex that you have with yourself. As such, you should give it the consideration that you would give any other kind of sex. Treat it like a special occasion, get ready for it. Dress up for it, find clothes or lingerie that makes you feel sexy. Have a glass of wine, light some candles or put on some sexy music. Take yourself on a date before you put out. You’re worth it, and trust me, the orgasm is worth it too. ;)

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