Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

Hey NNKimpy, you do some great work in this column - greatly appreciated! I have a couple of suggestions regarding some recent questions.

The first one was about "non-infectious" *g* porn sites. I like yuvutu. It is pretty much all amateur, people uploading their own stuff, which I prefer over staged, traditional porn. No annoying fake story lines, or fake bodies, just ordinary pervs uploading for their own fun.
My other suggestion regards birth control options. I think you've mentioned it before, but I want to once again pimp the BEST option I've ever found - the Mirena IUD. No periods (no cramping, mood swings, period-migraines), and very little to worry about! Although it is marketed to women who have already have kids, those of us who haven't had kids can still get it. Apparently it is slightly more painful to have inserted if you haven't had kids, but since it only takes all of 5 minutes, it really isn't bad at all.
The Mirena is actually *more* effective than tubal ligation (no ovulation as well as "hostile uterine environment"), and one insertion is good for 5 years! The doc checks the string at my yearly appt., and apparently even when the hormone wears off after about 5 years, it can still work like an "ordinary" IUD, but periods will come back. To hell with that - I'll get the thing replaced - no periods rocks! The only real caveat is that an IUD isn't really appropriate for someone not in a monogamous relationship, since there is a slightly higher risk of disease transmission, with the string protruding slightly through the cervix. But for those primarily worried about pregnancy, the Mirena is a godsend. And, to make those who are really paranoid happy, condoms plus the IUD is even better.
Apparently some guys can feel the string (more like a little piece of plastic) protruding from the cervix when during sex (depending on how the uterus & cervix is set inside the woman), but the doctor can easily "trim" the string with no discomfort or difficulty, and fix that problem.
If the woman later decides she wants kids, it is easily and quickly removed, and there is very little time required before everything can start up again. For those of us who don't want kids.....godsend. And some prescription plans (in the US) even cover it as a "medication" since it has the hormone component!
So, yeah, just wanted to again highlight some of the major advantages to this method, since most people don't seem to know about them, or understand how they work.
Thanks again for all you do!
Naughty Nurse Kimpy agrees, IUDs can be a girl's best friend, but as you mentioned, they're not right for everyone. If people are interested in this birth control option, talk to your GP or gynecologist about it, and they'll help you determine whether or not this is the right choice for you. They can be awesome and amazing, and highly effective.

As always, thank you so much for sharing your information for other readers.

By now, all of you are aware of Naughty Nurse Kimpy's emphasis that everyone's bits are special and unique, not weird or abnormal. My lovely fellow Perv Jen, who constantly stokes my inner SexNerd, has brought to my attention a book that I simply have to pimp to my readers. It's called I'll Show You Mine. Using 120 pictures of 60 women, it celebrates the uniqueness of lady bits. My favorite part is that it illustrates, up close and personal, just how different the vulva can look. It seems like we're all being conditioned by the media to accept only certain types of images of female genitalia--breasts that have been augmented, vulva that have been subject to plastic surgery. How refreshing to see a book come along that does its best to trump those images and show something that is both real and beautiful. For anyone who worries that they don't look quite right, I encourage you to check it out, and understand first hand that the way you look is exactly the way you are supposed to look.
Can the labia minora get larger? I feel like my inner lips have gotten larger but I really can’t remember what they looked like before. I am very insecure about it and have looked into surgery but I am very scared, any advice?

I have read:
The operation to reduce the labia minora is simple. It can be done by a gynaecologist or a plastic surgeon. There are two ways of doing it.
• The surgeon may simply trim the edges of the labia, in which case you may be left with a scar running along the edges of the labia.
• The other method is to remove a fan-shaped portion of each lip, and then stitch the cut edges together. This reduces the size of the lip without much scarring, but problems with healing are more likely.

Oh, dear. The book I recommended above? It's for you, my sweet reader. Naughty Nurse Kimpy is never going to tell you to alter your genitals, except in rare instances where they've been subject to some kind of external trauma (like a mastectomy, for instance, or vulvar cancer). I understand that you might feel insecure about your vulva, and it is indeed possible that they've gotten larger. This is especially true for women who've gone through pregnancy and delivery. That being said, insecure or no, you *should* be scared about altering your vulva. It's both painful and unnecessary. I find it sadly ironic that so many women are up in arms over the concept of female genital mutilation, yet they'll willingly go under the knife to alter their own breasts or vulvas. If you take a step back and look at it objectively, the two issues are pretty similar. The only difference is that one group has a choice in the matter, and the other does not.
Having plastic surgery on your vagina is painful and requires a period of healing. It's most painful and swollen in the first 72 hours, but can take 2-6 weeks until you fully heal. Urination afterwards can be difficult and painful when the urine comes into contact with the surface of the labia. There could be scarring, and it's an expensive, elective procedure. There are also no guarantees--you could heal improperly from the surgery, so that one labia ends up longer than the other. Not only that, but it can also be uncomfortable to wear anything that's form fitting, and sex can be very painful as you recuperate.

The bottom line? Naughty Nurse Kimpy feels that your time and money will be more well spent if you focus on learning to love what you already have, because there's absolutely nothing wrong with the vulva as nature intended it to look. Period.

Is it normal for the folds of your vagina to hang below the lips?

Yep, it sure is. Please refer to an older post of ANNK to see the infamous pussy cube (a collection of images of real women's vaginas and how different they all appear from one another). Learn to love your cooter just as it is. It is both beautiful and real.
When reading delicious fanfiction lemons, authors always talk about how girls go crazy when their man touches their breasts, licks their nipples, etc. I have zero nipple sensation and never have had any. I literally cannot tell if my husband is kissing on my breasts or not. Is there anything I can do so I don't miss out on this important erogenous zone?
It's true that for most women, nipple play is incredibly erotic. However, no one body is exactly the same, and something that turns me on could be the opposite from someone else. We all go through a process of discovery when we're learning what gets us off. For you, nipples aren't going to be that thing. While you may feel like you're missing out, you shouldn't. There are many other areas of your body that are highly sensitive erogenous zones. You could schedule a research session with your lover to figure out what they all are. Once you know, you can focus your energy on those areas, and you won't need to worry so much about your nipples and breasts.

For those of you who are interested in breast augmentation surgery, please be aware that one of the side effects can be a loss of nipple sensation. If you don't want to lose that, I encourage you to rethink augmentation.

I have been reading fanfiction for quite a long time and it is sometimes mentioned in stories that a girl orgasms just from having her nipples played with. Personally I'm not so sensitive there, but I understand that there are no standards and many women (as well as men) can thoroughly enjoy nipple play. Is it really possible to enjoy it so much that you can orgasm because of it alone, though?
As I discussed in the previous question, nipples can be a huge erogenous zone for many women. Along the range of normal, you will find some women who don’t get much out of nipple play, and those who love it intensely. Keeping that in mind, it is entirely possible for a woman to have an orgasm from nipple play alone. In real life, does it happen as much as in fanfiction? Not a chance.

I have had an inverted nipple since I was around 15. I was wondering, are they normal? Do other women (or even men) have inverted nipples? Can women breastfeed with an inverted nipple? More importantly, can they be fixed? What do guys think of inverted nipples? Sorry, that's a load of questions, but I had to ask!

Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t like the word normal, but she’ll use it in this instance to reassure you that inverted nipples are indeed within the range of normal. Both women and men can experience inverted nipples.

Women with inverted nipples are able to breastfeed. For some women, their inverted nipples can either temporarily or permanently become protracted during pregnancy or as a result of breastfeeding. Sometimes, using a breast pump before breastfeeding can force the nipple to protract.

Can inverted nipples be fixed? Well, yes, but that begs the question why do they need to be fixed? Small quirks and differences between one woman’s body and another’s is what makes the world an interesting place. You wouldn’t be uniquely you if your nipple wasn’t inverted. Since it’s within the range of normal, why bother to fix it at all?

If your self confidence would improve by changing your inverted nipple to a protracted one, however, there are a number of different techniques that you could use, like breast shells, the Hoffman technique, nipple piercings, nipple clamps, or plastic surgery. Breast shells and the Hoffman technique are now being discouraged, because they can actually permanently interfere with the ability to breastfeed.
In order for nipple piercing or nipple clamps to work, a woman has to be able to at least temporarily protract her nipple. While it is protracted, the piercing is done or the nipple clamp is applied. Women can safely breastfeed with pierced nipples, but the nipple hardware needs to be removed first.

The most dramatic/invasive way to get rid of inverted nipples is to have plastic surgery. While the end result of the surgery may change the appearance of the breast, it will also permanently take away the woman’s ability to breastfeed from that nipple. If this is the option you choose, and you are interested in breastfeeding at some point, be aware that you will no longer be able to do so.
What do guys think of inverted nipples? Dude, they’re boobs. All boobs are good boobs, even if they possess an inverted nipple. If you run into a partner who can’t appreciate your breasts for what they are, and the way they are, then that person really isn’t for you, in the long run.

Do you have a question for Naughty Nurse Kimpy? Click the banner below, fill out the form, and get your answer in the next installment of Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy.



Anonymous said...

OK, after reading the note from the lady who enjoys 5 years of no period now I'm confused.

I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and I'm on birth control to get a monthly period otherwise I don't get one. While I hate the way the birth control plays with my emotions I have been known to start crying out of the blue for no reason and stop just as quickly leaving me feeling foolish because I was crying for no reason its just a side affect of the birth control.

I've told my doctors about this is and they have told me that if thats my only side effect and a rare one (meaning i doesn't happen monthly) at that the benefit of getting a period far out weighs the side effect. Because otherwise my eggs will turn watery and I'll be at a risk for cancer if I let them just sit there.

Am I seeing the wrong doctors here? Could I just go on a birth control and enjoy not getting a period as well? Or is my situation different from a woman who doesn't have polycystic ovarian syndrome?