Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy

The Naughty Nurse is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

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DISCLAIMER:

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

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Hi, my question is prompted from [a previous] column in which you discussed virgins, and the thought that many guys will have "wow she's going to be so tight" as one of the benefits. This is mentioned a lot in fic, Bella is always so tight around Edward's cock, even if she's not portrayed as a virgin in the story. Do guys ever have sex and think "god she's so loose and this is not at all tight??? I'm a virgin myself but have used vibrators, does this mean I won't be as "tight" for a guy? And does it all depend on his size or the girl's size (as in tiny and petite or large and overweight?). Afte 20, 30, 40 years of sex are older women really really loose, or does it depend on whether they have kids or not? I realise I'm asking many questions here so feel free to edit, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for writing a very helpful and inspiring column. Thanks x

EXCELLENT question! Thank you for asking. Vaginal "tightness" isn't just a phenomenon of the virginal girl--something that goes away the minute her hymen is gone. It is a feature of younger women who haven't gone through childbirth. Thus, using vibrators, having sex frequently, having different partners--none of that is going to affect the tightness of a woman's vaginal walls.

When a woman goes through pregnancy and childbirth, part of that whole process is hormonal changes that occur to the vaginal tissue that help to prepare it to deliver and 8 pound baby through a relatively small opening. As we've discussed in this column on previous occasions, vaginal tissue may be thin, but it is also very elastic, and thus can accommodate the passage of a baby as it is born. Naturally, once that process has taken place, the vaginal tissue remains stretched out. Gradually, it shrinks back to a pre-pregnancy approximation, but it will never be exactly the same as before childbirth. As a woman carries and delivers additional children, the process makes it more difficult for the vagina to return to a tighter form. If you ask a man whose wife has borne children, he will likely explain that yes, the experience of having sex with his wife is different--not as tight, certainly. However, male and female roles tend to change over time, especially with the addition of children, and many couples find that while the feeling of sex isn't quite what it was pre-children, that doesn't make it less enjoyable; it's just different. For some people, it can even make sex better, because it can make the area where the g-spot is located easier to access.

As a woman approaches and goes through menopause, the vaginal lining and decreased level of hormones begin to change. The lining becomes thinner, and less elastic. The amount of vaginal secretion diminishes over time. These types of issues can change the way sex feels to both partners. Again, it doesn't mean that it is good or bad, simply different. Our bodies change over time, our sexual responses change over time, but "tightness" doesn't guarantee a great sexual encounter any more than a loose vagina makes a sexual encounter less satisfying.

In general, a woman's size (height and/or weight) does not indicate how tight or loose her vagina will be. Simply because you are overweight, it does not follow that you will have a loose vagina. Adipose tissue in the thighs and groin might make it a little more challenging to access the clitoris, or labial folds (lower lips), but it is not indicative of how tight or loose a woman will be. Likewise, using a vibrator as a virgin doesn't somehow stretch out the vagina. The tissue is highly elastic, and will stretch to accommodate what you put inside of it. Thus, if you play with a huge dildo one week, it doesn't mean that the following week you will suddenly feel looser to your partner during sex. If you have a sexual partner who is well endowed, your vagina will stretch to fit his penis. If your next partner has an average-sized penis, your vagina will accommodate that one, too.

One thing you can do to maintain vaginal tone is to do Kegel exercises. While your vagina will stretch over time, Kegels can help you keep your cooter toned and ready for action. (More on the specifics of Kegels are covered in the next question).

The bottom line is that, over time, your vagina will stretch and shrink in size, depending upon the different types of experiences you have. No matter what, the aging process changes vaginal tissue, and everyone's vagina will end up becoming more loose over time. Your mission will be to enjoy it while it is tight, appreciate what it can do to bring life into the world, and understand that even though vaginas become more fragile and less lubricated during menopause, you can always, always come up with great ways to enjoy what you have down below. Now, how awesome is it to be a woman? Pretty freaking awesome.

Do Kegel exercises really have an effect of tightness down there? And how do you know if you're doing them right??

Yes, in fact, they do! Kegels are amazing in all they can help you do to maintain muscle tone in your pelvis. That helps not only with vaginal tightness, but also can help to keep incontinence at bay. The pelvic floor muscles can be weakened and/or stretched by old age, being overweight, or having gone through childbirth. Those of you who have borne a baby or two know what I mean--those little accidents that happen when you sneeze, or giggle too hard, or cough. If you don't have good pelvic tone, your urethra opens enough during the act of sneezing, coughing, or laughing to create a small amount of urine leakage. It's annoying and embarrassing, but it is very common in women who have have been through labor and delivery. As for vaginal tightness, it can help you have more satisfying sexual encounters after your vagina has been stretched from pregnancy. All in all, the after effects of Kegels are amazing, so we should all be singing the praises of Dr. Arnold Kegel, the gynecologist who identified the importance of a toned pelvic floor muscle. He also invented devices that could be used to strengthen said muscle groups.

An excellent source for details on how to do Kegel exercises can be found here: A How-To Guide For Kegel Exercises

If you've tried to do Kegels before and have been unsuccessful, don't panic! There are websites that sell Kegel exercisers which can make it easier to identify and find the pelvic floor muscles, and then finally get to work.

Bottom line? Really, all women of child-bearing age and beyond should be doing Kegels. It's never too early to get your pelvic floor muscles into shape, and then to continue doing Kegels over time to keep them that way. It will help you to remain as tight as you can possibly be as you age.

So, you have hair on your head, legs, and arms, but nipples? Seriously? Is that normal? I always feel self-conscious about my nipples because I have a few hairs on them.

Uh, I kind of hate to tell you this, but welcome to the club. Yeah, it's completely and totally normal, my dear. Seriously. So, because it is completely and totally normal, I urge you to just set that self-consciousness aside when it comes to hairs on your nipples. Nearly every woman has them. I suggest that you just pluck them when they appear, and no one will be any the wiser. It's a minor annoyance, but there you have it.

Hello,

On January 20, there was an anal sex post and I quote "and you already know you SHOULD NOT USE vaginal douches, right??"

No I don't know, I still use them, what did I miss?

OK, I promise not to rant and rave at you for using vaginal douches, but I will kindly recommend that you stop doing so. The explanation below should help to clarify the matter for you:

The bottom line, and I cannot emphasize this enough, DO. NOT. DOUCHE. Vaginas maintain a very controlled pH balance all on their own, which keeps them healthy and happy. Douching completely disrupt this natural balance, paving the way for things like yeast and bacterial infections, or worse, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. Seriously, if you want to mess with a pussy's mojo, douching is a great way to accomplish this.

Another really interesting and special thing vaginas do is vary their pH balance throughout your monthly cycle. For instance, when you are ready to have your period, your vagina's pH is at its most acidic. Hormone levels are responsible for the changes in pH. When you ovulate, your pH levels are actually designed to assist the sperm to get where they need to go. Thus, when you douche, you are really messing things up for your poor little cooter. Nature has its own best way to keep your vag in tip top shape.

Historically, advertisers convinced women that vaginas were messy, smelly things, and that if only we would douche, the mess and the smell could be eliminated. WRONG. If you bathe regularly and use good hygiene, your vagina can manage things just fine. Once upon a time, common wisdom held that vaginas were dirty, especially following your period. Giving yourself a douche after your period ended was a way to "sanitize" your lady bits. Again, the only thing that douching post-period does is upsets the vagina's natural pH balance, leaving you open to infection. It's just not a good idea, no matter how ingrained the idea may be in your mother's generation's heads.

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Be sure to join us next week for an ANNK Valentine's Day Lovers Special: THE BIG "O." Naughty Nurse Kimpy tackles the mystique and art of the female orgasm, in an attempt to spread the love!

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