Thursday, February 17, 2011

Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy


The Naughty Nurse is an advice column that addresses reader’s most burning questions on sexual health/relationships. STDs, birth control, is it real or is it fic, sexual positions--you name it. There are no stupid questions, only ones that are too embarrassing to ask someone you know. If Naughty Nurse Kimpy doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find an expert who does!

The information and advice from Ask Naughty Nurse Kimpy is for entertainment/educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as expert medical advice. It is not meant to replace the advice of your physician. All medical advice and information should be considered to be incomplete without a physical exam, which is not possible without a visit to your doctor.

Ok so I have been asking this question to some of my friends and they can't come up with a good answer. So how can I tell a guy that I am not going to have sex with him even if we date? I mean it seems kinda awkward to be on a dinner date and bring that up lmao. So can you give me any tips on how to bring that topic up and not sound like a bitch?

Naughty Nurse Kimpy is big on the "Let's Be Up Front" school of thinking. First of all, telling someone what your preferences and wishes are is not bitchy. It's honest, and it's assertive. Trust me, more problems occur because people don't feel like they can tell the truth without ramifications, so they don't. If you start dating someone who is going to think you're bitchy because your honest about yourself, then I can assure you, that isn't someone you want to get involved with, even if he looks like RPattz.

Here's how that conversation might sound:

HER: "Before we go out, there's something I want to clarify for you."
HIM: "Okay, shoot."
HER: "Even if I'm dating a guy, I don't have sex. I'm not afraid to make out or anything, but as a rule, I don't have sex, no matter how involved we get."
HIM: "Well, I respect you for telling me ahead of time. Thanks."

Okay, I took A LOT of poetic license with that, but you get the general idea. Just put it out there early, and don't beat around the bush. If you feel strongly enough about not having sex, then your date deserves to know. There's nothing wrong with being direct; it can save a lot of time and headaches, I assure you.

How you tell the gentleman caller is really your call, and that also depends upon how you've been communicating with him. If you're chatting online, throw it into the conversation when you are able. Don't be afraid to be the one who brings the subject up, either. I mean, this is your condition for dating, so take ownership of it. I'm not saying you have to be pushy, just direct. If you've been talking on the phone, tell him in one of your conversations. If it is a blind date, that whole scenario is filled with awkward, so it is hard to know how to tell him. If there is any way to talk to him about it BEFORE your date, that is best. If you have a profile on a dating website, make it part of your profile. Like I said before, this is truly something you want people to know about you ahead of time; the ones who choose to continue to pursue you will know what your rules of engagement are, and you will hopefully avoid those dreadful awkward pauses in your dinner conversation.

I think the most important part of your question is the words, "...and not sound like a bitch." I encourage you to stop assuming that choosing not to have sex is a negative, or bad. It is your choice--you don't have to make any apologies for it.

do ladies' also have hard-on?

Yep, absolutely. It follows the same physiologic response that occurs in the penis, just in a smaller area. When a female gets aroused, part of the sexual response includes a phenomenon known as vasodilation. In English, that means the blood vessels in and around your vagina expand, allowing more blood volume to flow through them. One of the side effects is that your entire vagina swells, warms, and changes color from light pink to dark pink or red. The clitoris increases in size and becomes swollen, similar to a hard-on. Once it is swollen, it is more sensitive, just like a penis. When a fetus is developing, all of them are inherently female. It takes a special zap of the right hormone at the right time to cause the female bits to grow into male bits. When a male fetus starts to form, it is the clitoral tissue that grows into the penis. So there you have it--penises can have hard-ons, and so can clitorises.

We all know the old saying, 'Everyone's is different' in regards to vaginal appearance, but the general rule is that although they may be differently shaped or sized, the parts are all the same. Well one of my parts seems to be have been left out.
I've seen the diagrams, the medical pictures—hell, I've even see the porno's!—but none of them seem to have a clitoris even remotely like mine. You see the hood at the top of the labia minora and just sort of know, "Oh, there it is", but my hood appears to be missing. (No, it wasn't chopped off in some kind of bizarre ritual. I'm certain of that much.)
My clit works—thank you God for that—but it's missing its little friend :(
Is it possible that it just never grew?

You're absolutely right, everyone is different. I'm incredibly happy for you that you do, indeed, have a clitoris--that's a very good thing. However, your clitoris arrived without her Easter bonnet, it appears. No worries, my dear, her lack of a bonnet comes under the "everyone is different" clause. Chances are, you have a clitoral hood, but it is very small. It is possible that you don't have one at all. Let's just say that your clit is loud and proud, and feels no need to hide behind a hood! The good news is that she works just fine, and that's really all you need to be concerned about. Make no apologies for her, she is unique and special, and still gets the job done just like everyone else.

When I have sex, I never know what to do with myself if I'm in a situation where the guy is well... you know, the one thrusting (especially in missionary) and I mean, I know just laying there like a fish is not attractive, I just don't know what to do :/

Oh, SUCH a good question!! There are so many things you can do to be an active participant in sex while your partner is busy thrusting away, I assure you. Here is a list of ideas to get you going, but I encourage you to modify them to meet your own needs:

- Scratch your nails up and down his back
- Suck on his neck
- Place your feet flat on the bed (floor/couch/etc), then thrust your pelvis into his, which will drive him deeper inside of you during his thrust
- Squeeze or scratch his ass
- Put your fingers in his hair and give it a gentle tug
- Whisper dirty talk into his ear
- Practice your kegels religiously on your own, then clench around him while he's inside of you and give him a nice surprise
- Modify your position to help him thrust more deeply, like if you are on all fours, doggie style, cross your ankles together to make your pussy opening feel tighter, or lean down, touching your face to the mattress
- Touch yourself while he's thrusting
- Grab a vibrator, lube it up, and run it over his backdoor entrance
- Pinch your nipples and play with your tits

Bottom line? BE CREATIVE. Don't be afraid to try new things. If you feel silly, or it doesn't feel good, try something else. Just remember that it takes two to tango and/or have sex. Have fun. Enjoy yourself. Get lost in the moment!

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Anonymous said...

I love all the good advice you give its amazing!